Dean stretched, and then frowned. This wasn't the crappy motel bed he fell asleep on. This was Gabriel's super plush mattress. He had crashed on it enough times to recognize it. He felt someone snoring beside him. Slowly turning he saw Lucifer...sans clothes. He suddenly realized he didn't have any on either.
"Morning sweet cheeks," said an amused Lucifer.
Dean turned several shades of red before he quickly conjured up some clothes.
Lucifer propped himself up on one hand, giving Dean a very good view of his bare chest.
"Did you have as much fun as I did cutie?" he said sweetly.
Dean silently counted to ten.
He had gone to sleep in some crappy motel, and woken up at Gabriel's pad with no knowledge of how he had gotten there. He woke up with both himself and Lucifer naked and the devil hinting that they had done more than sleep next to each other. Considering the lack of any liquids he really didn't want to think about, there was only one logical conclusion.
"Gabriel put you up to this didn't he?" he asked.
Lucifer grinned.
"I am going to castrate his ass," said Dean flatly, his heart rate going down.
"Sam will bitch if you do," Lucifer said pleasantly, eyes laughing.
Dean looked very relieved Lucifer had a pair of boxers on.
"Sam can still be the top, so he wouldn't bitch too much," said Dean. Now that he was very awake and feeling evil, he looked at Lucifer. "I'm guessing you found the porn collection?"
"Among others," admitted Lucifer. Gabriel was right...pranking Dean had been hilarious.
"Just don't bring forth the Evil Overlord of Darkness or anything like him and I won't hex you," said Dean.
He sent a quick message to Sam to give Gabriel a quick kick to the balls for him...and from the amused (and pissed reaction from Gabriel) his brother heard him loud and clear.
Lucifer actually shuddered.
"I accidentally turned to that channel. I've created monsters, but they are no where near as bad as that thing," he said.
"How much you want to bet Gabriel and Sam have a prank planned for when I apparate back?"
"Probably."
Dean suddenly grinned at an evil thought that occurred to him.
"I don't know about you, but all that lovely-dovey crap Gabriel keeps doing with Sam makes me nauseous. How about we prank them back?"
"What are you suggesting?" asked Lucifer. Prank Gabriel? Sounded like fun.
Dean told him his idea. For every time Gabriel made Dean want to hurl with all that romance crap that girls seemed to love, Lucifer would pull off a variation of the stunt he just pulled in front of Gabriel or Sam. Lucifer cackled.
"So basically you want me to hang over you like Gabriel does to Sam as you've complained about repeatedly?"
"Yup. Wonder how long it'll take them to realize we're pranking them?"
"Considering how much time you spent in hell, they'll probably think it's genuine...so this could be a long-running prank," said Lucifer grinning.
"And I know just the way to get back at him for giving you that idea earlier. Keep the link open with Gabriel for a few minutes, I have some shopping to do," grinned Dean evilly. Gabriel was all about the candy. So this was sure to rile him up.
Dean knocked before he entered the room.
"You're clear!" shouted Sam from inside. Dean grinned as he double-checked that his payback was still firmly hidden inside his jacket.
Dean walked in. And laughed at Sam's outfit.
"Fallen angel, really?" he said giggling.
Sam smirked.
"Look behind you."
Dean turned around.
"GAH!" he said, holding his heart from shock.
Gabriel was dressed in gray looking exactly like a Weeping Angel. He was also scowling and reaching out to Dean with his hands.
"Just for that you're not getting any of this," said Dean, once he got over his shock. He patted his jacket.
"More candy Dean?" said Sam.
"Not just any candy Sammy. It's a gummy bear," said Dean.
And when he pulled it out, Gabriel started drooling. He had heard rumors about these, but he had never thought to get any.
"What in god's name is that?!" said Sam staring incredulous.
"World's largest gummy bear. Cherry-flavor," said Dean smugly.
"A full pound of gummy bear all rolled into one," said Gabriel grinning. He reached for it.
"Mine," said Dean, "Consider the fact I'm not sharing payback for what you told Lucifer to do."
"Aw...come on Dean-o!" whined Gabriel.
"Here. You can have this," said Dean, handing over a candy bar.
"What the hell is a Zombie Bar?" asked Sam, reading the label.
"Open it and read what the bar says first," said Dean.
Lucifer was watching this through Dean's eyes. He cracked up upon reading the blood red letters on green-colored chocolate. So did Sam.
"Bite Me?" said Gabriel, reading it.
"It's chocolate and perfectly conveys how I feel about you," said Dean with a straight face.
"Love you too Dean-o," grinned Gabriel. Though he was still miffed Dean wasn't sharing that gummy bear.
"Coincidentally... I may or may not have switched the TV to Futurama."
"Which episode?" was Gabriel's immediate reply.
"The one where they introduce Robot Hell," Dean said with a straight face.
Gabriel chortled.
"Lucy outta get a real kick out of that one."
Ever since Sam introduce Gabriel to Looney Tunes, he had been addicted to cartoons. He had gone through the entire Futurama series while Dean was in hell, and the Robot Devil made him laugh.
"Dammit, how the hell did these idiots manage to hide the stink of demon magic from Bear?" bitched Dean.
Bear was specially attuned to demon magic, particularly after leaving hell. He could smell it out pretty fast.
"It's a big town and Loki isn't exactly helping," said Sam.
"Yeah, but Bear's used to his scent by now... Maybe it's Luc who's throwing him off?"
"I'm guessing it has more to do with the seal itself. With Samhain so close to rising and needing only one more to go, it's throwing off a lot of demon magic," said Gabriel helpfully. He was still in his Weeping Angel costume. "On the plus side, I found the other one. How about we make bets he'll try to turn me into the sacrifice because of how pissed off I made him?"
"What kind of bet?"
"I win, I get that gummy bear. You win, you get a week free of pranks from me," said Gabriel.
"Deal. What the hell? Who put this gum in the damn lock?!" said Dean.
Their hotel room locked was jammed with gum. From how fresh it was, Dean was betting it was that brat who egged his car earlier.
"Little asshole..." said Dean.
"Should we spell it out or just steal an empty room?" asked Sam. They always packed everything in expanded bags before leaving their room. It made getting a new one less awkward and didn't give the cops anything if they broke in.
Dean looked to find an empty room. The one next to him was pretty empty.
He hit the lock with his magic, opening the door.
A few minutes after they essentially stole the room, two angels suddenly appeared. Gabriel swore louder than Dean did, and was really glad that Sam's magic was coating him, because it disguised his true nature.
"Would it kill you to knock?!" said Dean, holding his chest. One of the angels happened to be Castiel.
Castiel looked at Dean oddly.
"Why did you not go into your room?" he asked curious.
"Some brat jammed the lock with bubblegum. Easier to find an empty one than try to undo that mess. Besides, I have no idea which bed these to morons used last night. Wait, why were you in our room?" said Dean.
"We came to warn you. You need to leave town immediately."
"Fuck off. We're not letting you smite the town just to kill two witches. Just because Bear can't smell them out with all the demon magic stinking up the air doesn't mean we can't scry for them."
Castiel and the unknown angel stared.
"How did you know there were two of them?"
"You're not the first angels we've come across, and one stopped by last night to warn us about the fact there are two of them. He apparently didn't like the idea of seeing Micheal or Lucifer going at it any more than we do," said Sam.
"That's impossible. We've had angels watching you for the past three weeks and you've never made contact with one," snapped the taller one.
Sam gave him an unamused look.
"Not our fault if your information is outdated and completely useless. Why in Loki's name (he ignored the snort his boyfriend gave off) would you think I was with Ruby? We only get along with one demon and that's because we know better than to trust him," said Sam flatly.
Where Dean swore by Death, Sam went with Loki. It wasn't like either of them took offense to the fact, and it just seemed wrong to use God's name when he wasn't even in heaven or listening to them. Strangely though, Sam still prayed every night.
"We received word that Ruby had ensnared you into her claws and was feeding you demons blood to amplify your psychic ability," said Castiel dully.
Since finding out Dean no longer considered himself a Winchester, Castiel had done more digging that his superiors had. He even went so far as to view the past without permission. Zachariah had lit into him about it, saying he was messing up the airwaves according to the Grigori who were watching the Winchesters.
After Dean told him Sam was dating the pagan Trickster Loki, Castiel was now completely sure that either the Grigori were hiding the truth about the brothers or he was deliberately being lied to.
And it was starting to annoy him greatly.
Dean gave the unfamiliar angel a look. It read volumes about how he felt about their current orders to smite the town and the witches with it.
"I feel either of you building up power to smite this place, I swear to Death I will go Godzilla on both your asses," he warned.
Castiel winced. Unlike Uriel, he had seen Dean's full animagus form. The sheer power he had felt even through that distorted image...it could do some serious damage. And that was before the acid or fire hit them.
Even feeling a tiny fraction of the power Dean potentially could unleash had sent massive disruptions on the heavenly air waves...it was why Zachariah had known about Castiel's interest in Dean's actual past rather than what he had been told of it. It had taken a full week for it to return to normal.
"Not to mention what I'll do to both of you for harming all those innocents out there," said Gabriel warningly.
"Be silent pagan. You do not matter here," sneered the other angel.
Gabriel made a strangling motion with his hands. Oh how he wanted to flare his grace and give Uriel a nasty shock. Sam put his hand firmly on Gabriel's shoulder.
"If he's still pissing you off, you can do it later. Obliviate works on angels right?"
"With what I want to do with him, memory will be the least of his problems," snarled Gabriel.
Castiel discreetly distanced himself from Uriel. While he had been viewing Dean, he had caught a hint of Loki's true nature. Whichever angel he was, he was powerful enough for his grace to still slip through Dean's aura. He was not going to be caught in any payback for Uriel's disrespect.
"Channel your anger at him towards the witches if they're stupid enough to grab you first," said Dean.
He wondered how bad they were gonna get it if they did take Gabriel. He would not be quick about their deaths, that much he knew.
Dean then turned to the angels.
"Leave. We are not letting you smite the town and there's no way in magic I am listening to anyone who can't even get their information right," he said, glaring at Uriel.
"We'll return later, Winchester," snarled Uriel.
The second angel left before Castiel, but he still managed to evade Dean's attempts to strangle him barehanded.
"I'm gonna kill that fucker," growled Dean.
"Not if I beat you to him first!" snarled Gabriel.
Heaven was about to be down an angel with how badly Uriel had pissed them both off.
Gabriel was both amused and angry. Amused because he had been 'chosen' as the sacrifice for the demon, and angry because of the way Uriel had been acting earlier.
Either way he was pleased that Dean would be forking over that oversized goody.
Gabriel snapped his fingers, grinning at the shocked faces of the witches.
"Now kiddies, I think it's time you two learned to respect your betters...and why it's never a good idea to hex candy..." said Gabriel coldly, his eyes glowing from an unholy light.
He killed them well after morning on the fourth day, ruining the ritual they had been attempting to break the seal. It was highly unlikely for anyone to bring Samhain out when no one knew that the witches had pissed off the wrong person who knew about the seal.
Either way, Lilith was pissed that the seal wasn't broken.