So, these scenes are inspired by Matthew's comment to Mary in the CS "we know where we stand" which made me wonder whether something like this might have happened. I know it doesn't really fit with Matthew's saying "I don't think so" after his mother says that Mary is still in love with him (after scattering Reggie Swire's ashes) but I'm choosing to interpret that as just part of his general reluctance to explain the situation to his mother.

Chapter 13

Matthew August 1919

Matthew was loitering. He'd been loitering for a significant amount of time but, having made the decision to talk to Mary, he wasn't going to give up until it got dark. He knew he could go up to the house and ask to see her formally but he wanted some privacy, and he seemed to remember that Mary often took a walk around this time of day. Before he'd come out he'd found the stuffed dog Mary had given him during the war and he played with it absent-mindedly as he waited.

Finally, as he was almost ready to give up, he saw her coming down the path bathed in the late summer sunshine. She looked stunning, as ever, and his heart did a nervous somersault. No going back now, he thought as he raised his hand in greeting.

"Matthew!" Mary said looking quizzically at him.

"What are you doing here? Are you wanting to see Papa?"

"No" he replied, "I was actually hoping to see you. I've been hovering in the hope you would walk this way."

"How intriguing!" Mary answered raising her eyebrows at him.

"Shall we sit then?" she said gesturing towards the bench.

On our bench he thought to himself. Fitting. He took a final squeeze of the stuffed dog for luck and sat down next to her.

"A while ago you said we needed to talk and you were right" he began. The words he'd practised in his head sounded strange now he was actually speaking them out loud. He ploughed on with his speech.

"I'm sorry it's taken me so long but I've had a lot to think about and I'm grateful for you allowing me the time to do so. There are some things I need to say to you, and I would like it if you would let me say them all before answering. Can you do that for me?"

He looked at her. She smiled and nodded, but said nothing. He took a deep breath.

"I love you, Mary Crawley. I have loved you ever since I first laid eyes on you, and I imagine I will love you until the last breath leaves my body. I wish, more than anything in the world, that I had not been such a proud and immature fool before the war and that I had not involved Lavinia in my folly. But I was, and I did. I not only involved her, but I betrayed her and I broke her heart."

He paused for a moment. Mary's face was unreadable.

"I have thought a great deal over the months since Lavinia's death, and I think that it is important that I honour her memory; that I am faithful to her in death in a way I wasn't when she was alive. I owe that to her. That dance, those words, that kiss, they were wrong and they took away her will to live.

You once said to me that we all have to live with the consequences of the choices we make and so I must live with the consequences of betraying Lavinia. And that means that, though I love you, it would be wrong of me to offer you anything other than my friendship. If I were allowed to marry you it would be like I'd benefitted from my betrayal."

He paused again, looking up at Mary. Her eyes were shining with tears but she smiled at him. It broke his heart. He took her hand and brought it up to his lips. He felt the tears escaping from his own eyes.

"You must say something my darling" he said, his voice thick, "Even if it's only goodbye."

It seemed an age until she spoke.

"I love you too Matthew"

Mary August 1919

As Mary made her way back to the house the tears began to flow freely. She'd never told a man that she loved him before, and now she was walking away from him. She understood Matthew's reasons, but it still seemed inconceivable that they should admit to each other how they felt, how they had always felt, and still be apart.

As she approached the house she saw Richard and before she could duck behind a tree and avoid him, he saw her and started out towards her. She was suddenly aware of her tear-stained face and hastily tried to wipe it with her handkerchief. She couldn't have Richard asking too many questions, not today.

"Mary!" he said as he neared her, a frustrated edge to his voice.

"Where have you been? I've been looking all over for you."

Clearly he hadn't noticed her distress, which she supposed was a good thing.

"I've been walking, like I often do before dinner. It's not late, what's the problem?"

Her tone was more combative than she wanted, and she could see Richard bridle.

"I do not expect to have to chase across the countryside to find you. I wanted to go over to Haxby before dinner, but it's too late now."

"I was not in the countryside as you put it. I was walking in the grounds of my home. I'm sorry if I have prevented you from visiting Haxby but I wasn't aware you wished me to accompany you."

"You have embarrassed me, Mary. You will never again put me in the position of not knowing where you are."

"Oh really, Richard, don't be so melodramatic. I'm not sure anyone here cares where I was and who I was with."

Richard's face hardened.

"Who were you with?" he asked.

Mary rolled her eyes in what she hoped was a convincing manner.

"For God's sake, I was walking on my own!"

Richard grabbed her by both shoulders suddenly, his face contorted with anger. For just a moment Mary wondered if she had pushed him too far. She could feel his fingers pressing bruise marks into her upper arms.

When he spoke it was quietly and menacingly.

"Do not think you can play me for a fool, Mary. If you cross me you will regret it."

He released her and stalked off back into the house leaving her alone with her tears.