15.
"You're going to trust strangers to have your back." Haymitch shook his head at the people around him. Some, like Peeta and Katniss, wouldn't meet his eyes. Others, like Johanna and Gale only seemed happy to appear defiant.
"Look…" Finnick sighed, folding his arms over his chest. "I know you're not happy about this but we all agreed it's the best course of action. You're the only one who…"
"Then you all agreed to go to your death." he snapped, taking a look around the kitchen. Neither Coin nor Heavensbee had been invited to the meeting but that didn't make Haymitch more at ease. Johanna was sitting on the table despite Effie's regular pointed glares and the usually assertive young woman was strangely silent. It seemed they had all agreed beforehand that Finnick would speak for everyone else. "I'm telling you, they have their own agenda. They won't stop to pick you up if you fall off the wagon."
Finnick's face was apologetic and Annie looked sad as she slipped her hand in his. "We took our decision."
He looked at each person standing in that kitchen, realizing a bit too late that he had let himself become attached. His eyes stopped on Katniss who was looking so torn it made him glance at Prim: the kid was staring at him expectantly, clutching her sister's hand. Peeta was staring in the exact same way, probably waiting for him to relent and say he was going with them after all.
He found Effie's eyes, she was standing next to the boy, a hand on his shoulder the other wrapped around her midsection. She was wearing one of her ridiculously colorful top, bright pink this time, and her hair was braided in a way that told him Prim had played hairdresser that morning. They hadn't talked yet, she was long gone when he had woken up.
"I won't watch you die." he shrugged, tearing his eyes from her to look at Finnick again. "I guess it's goodbye then."
"Don't be stupid." Katniss argued. "You're coming with us."
"There will be a bunker. It will be safe." Prim added, her bright eyes full of tears. "Haymitch, you're coming, aren't you?"
He wasn't equipped to deal with kids' tears, he turned on his heels and headed straight for the bedroom. No sense in long goodbyes, no sense in wasting time. Most of his stuff was still in the truck but a bag of clothes had found its way to Effie's room at some point, a bottle of whiskey too. He had barely started throwing his dirty clothes in the bag when he felt her presence on the threshold.
"Grab your stuff and make it quick." he told her without looking up. "I want to make the most of daylight. It will be harder to drive by night now."
"Haymitch, you can't leave." she objected.
"Oh yeah we can." he snorted. "They will get themselves killed in two days and we won't be there to see it. Come on, sweetheart, get a move on, gather your stuff."
He threw one of her bags her way but she didn't move to take it, she leaned against the doorframe and watched him warily.
"They're our family." she argued softly. "You would leave Katniss and Prim? Peeta? Finnick and Annie? Johanna or Gale? You would really leave any of them behind?"
"They're big enough to make their choice." he grumbled. He emptied drawers full to the rim with her clothes and placed them on the bed in the hope she would start helping him soon. He didn't know how she managed to get so many clothes or why she had so many pairs of panties. "They're not our family. We don't have any family. We're loners, Effie, that's how we survive."
Some part of him knew already that she didn't share that point of view. Effie wasn't like him. She needed to belong.
"What good does it make to survive if you're alone?" she asked. "What is the point?"
"We're not alone, we have each other." he retorted, finally turning to look at her. "We do have each other, don't we, Princess? You got my back and I got yours. We're a team." A tear rolled down her cheek and something sour coiled in his stomach. "You're not coming with me." It wasn't even a question, he only had to look at the way she was hugging herself, the tears in her eyes, the teeth deeply sunk into her lower lip…
"I'm not leaving them behind." she whispered defensively. "I'm not leaving anyone behind ever again."
He rubbed a hand on his face. "I shouldn't have said that yesterday. That's what you want to hear? An apology? I will apologize in the car. I will apologize everyday if you want me to, sweetheart, but I need you to get your stuff. Now."
He didn't know where the urgency was coming from but he did know that if he didn't get out of the farm quickly he would never find the strength to leave.
"That has nothing to do with what you said yesterday." Her eyes were begging him to understand but he couldn't. He really couldn't. "I can't leave them."
"If you go with them, I can guarantee you will be dead in a few days." he snapped. "With those people, it's going to be survival of the fittest. They only have their governmental bullshit in mind. They won't stop for you, they won't stand for your quirks. They're military. I saw what this kind of people do, how they work. The group won't be their priority, they will protect their precious President at all costs. The others will be collateral damages. You will be collateral damage."
What would happen when they were out of ammos and it would come down to hand to hand fighting? Effie would be the first to die with Prim and Annie probably. Except Prim and Annie would have Katniss, Finnick and the other to watch other them. Who would Effie have? He could see it clear as day: eventually, they would meet a pack of zombies or some mutts and Effie would be just a bit too slow with her knife. She would die.
"Then, so be it." she replied, her cheeks flushing red in anger. "At least I won't have run away."
It sounded like an accusation and he didn't have to stand for that. He didn't owe her anything, he reminded himself, he didn't owe any of them anything. He grabbed his bag and passed her, pushing her aside not so gently when she tried to stand in his path.
"I'm not running away." he muttered. "I'm listening to my guts." And his guts had saved him more often than not.
"You are running away." she accused him, following so close he was sure that if he were to stop she would collide with his back.
He could see Prim and Gale peeking their head from the living-room, Peeta and Katniss stood in front of the kitchen, Finnick, Annie and Johanna were on the front porch with Coin and Plutarch. He continued walking without a second glance for anybody. He didn't like goodbyes. What was the point of goodbyes when it would only be farewells? He opened the door of the truck but Effie slammed it shut before he could even put his bag on the seat. It was a miracle his fingers didn't get caught.
"You are running away from me." she insisted. "You are running away from your feelings because you're afraid of losing me, of losing any of them." She waved at the house. Everyone was standing on the porch now, watching the argument unfold. Haymitch hated being put on the spot like that. He tried to open the door again but she crept between him and the car. "You can't live like that, Haymitch. You can't. Stop being a stubborn idiot."
"You are being the stubborn idiot." he snarled. "You're clueless, far too trusting and obsessed with stupid things. Without me you would have gotten yourself killed months ago."
He grabbed her waist and tried to push her away but she had her feet firmly rooted to the ground and it only resulted in a useless struggle that must have been really ridiculous to watch.
"I love you, you stupid man!" she shouted at some point, slamming a fist against his chest.
"Then, come with me." he growled, grabbing her wrist and finally finding the leverage he needed to get her away from the truck door. He pinned her against the car, closer to the back seat door but any thought of actually getting behind the wheel left his mind. He could feel her quick breaths on his lips and he didn't even try to resist the pull in his guts, he leaned in and kissed her. It was a dirty kiss, not something either of them would have thought of doing in front of an audience but Haymitch quite forgot about them once her body was pressed against his. Her hands stopped pushing and hitting his chest immediately, one of them locked around his neck and pulled him even closer, deepening a kiss he would have sworn couldn't be deepened. She did that thing with her tongue and he was moaning in her mouth like a teenager instead of the grown man he was. "Come with me." he whispered, when they finally gasped for breath.
"You're not leaving." she declared. "You're not."
She pulled him back into a kiss that left him dizzy but he was the one who slowed this one. It felt bitter, like a goodbye and he didn't bear it for long. It didn't feel right. His lips grazed her jaw and pressed against the side of her forehead.
"I'm sorry, sweetheart." he whispered in her ear.
Perhaps she was right and he was running away. He didn't want to face a loved-one's death and he did love all those stupid people. And he loved her more than anyone else, it was just difficult to admit.
It wasn't hard to shove her aside and finally get in the car. She immediately started hammering on the window but he started the engine anyway, pretending he couldn't hear her half-cooked threats. He almost turned the radio on so Taylor Swift's annoying break-up songs would cover the sound of his own break-up.
Of course, Effie was a very difficult woman, that's what had attracted him in the first place, so he shouldn't have been overly surprised when she stepped around the car and placed herself in front of the hood, effectively blocking the truck.
He cracked the window open.
"Don't think for one second I won't run you over." he warned her.
She narrowed her eyes at him and folded her arms over her chest, chin raised in a challenging attitude.
"Well, go ahead!" she replied. "You've been itching to do just that since we met!"
"Effie, I swear I'm going to start this car." he growled, pushing the truck forward an inch. It was enough for the metal to bump into her thighs, not that it seemed to trouble her.
"You're ridiculous." she told him. "Get out of that car before you make even more a spectacle of yourself."
"I'm ridiculous?" he scowled. "You're the one who's about to get squashed by a car. For the second time."
"You won't do it." she huffed.
"Wanna bet, Princess?" He let the car move forward again, slowly and carefully – he didn't really want to run her over after all. She was forced to take three steps back but she didn't move away even when he made the engine roar in warning. He was a bit surprised no one had tried to get her back into the farm yet, perhaps they had finally learnt not to cross Effie Trinket though… "Let me go!"
"No!" she frowned. "If you want to leave me you will have to do it over my dead body. Quite literally at that."
He turned off the engine. No point in wasting gas, she wouldn't move. He slumped against the back of the seat and her shoulders relaxed gradually. She was pouting, she was actually pouting like a child who had been denied her favorite toy.
"Are you done having your tantrum?" she had the balls to ask.
Their eyes locked.
He didn't know which one of them started first but Haymitch snorted and then he was laughing so hard his side hurt. She was laughing too, a hand pushing against the hood to keep herself upright. It was all a bit hysterical and probably desperate too but he didn't care much. It took a few seconds before he was able to get out of the car.
He side-stepped the hood quickly and then he was kissing her again and this time it felt more than right. Dirty, hot and messy like most of their kisses were. He forgot to think, he forgot to dwell about the fact that he was definitely not able to leave her behind and that it meant he was probably going to his joyful death right alongside her and the rest of the group, he forgot to breathe, he forgot everything but the feel of her mouth under his and the way her body fit so perfectly against his own. It wasn't a conscious decision to lift her up so she would be sitting on the hood of the car and it wasn't a conscious decision to nudge her legs apart so he could get closer. He was too busy kissing her to make conscious decisions.
"Oh, fuck. Get a fucking room!" Johanna's voice rang out. "The kid is too young for porn!"
Haymitch turned his head long enough to see the rest of the group standing there, most of them gaping like stupid fishes. Peeta had placed a hand over Prim's eyes while Katniss tried and failed to drag the girl inside. It occurred to Haymitch that his hand was indeed under Effie's top – and in her bra, but he didn't think they could tell that much from afar – that Effie's fingers had been quite actively tugging at his belt and that it wasn't a show for a twelve years old.
Effie was crimson. She buried her face in his shoulder when he slowly took his hand away, soothing her top so she didn't look like someone had been molesting her against a car in public. Was it his fault if she made him crazy?
"How improper of you, Princess…" he teased.
She whacked his arm but refused to look at him, obviously mortified. "Are they gone?"
He glanced up to the porch. Katniss, Annie, Peeta and Prim had disappeared but the others were still there. Finnick was grinning in amusement, Johanna was scowling, Gale was fed up with the drama, Heavensbee had averted his eyes but looked like he was fighting a smile and Coin was glaring although to be fair she had done little else since her arrival.
"They're judging." he whispered in her ear, pressing a kiss against her blushing neck. "Or maybe they're jealous."
"You make a mushy mess of my brain. It's all your fault." She pushed him away weakly. "Stop it."
"I don't think so, no." he chuckled. She wasn't expecting him to throw her over his shoulder; she squealed and then struggled, hitting him with her fists and feet but he only patted her two millions insured ass. "They can deal with it." he promised her even when Coin hissed that this kind of behavior wouldn't be acceptable from now on. He carried her past their audience without a glance and straight to their bedroom, kicking the door shut. By the time he dropped her on the bed covered with the clothes he had taken out of the drawers, she was giggling.
She shook her head. "You're completely mad."
"Completely." he agreed, tugging her boots off one after the other. Her jeans were next.
"I will never be able to face them again." she sighed. He couldn't help but notice that for all her complaining she didn't try to stop him when he quickly disposed of the rest of her clothes. He was satisfied only when she was lying on the bed in all the glory of her naked body. She hooked two fingers in one of the belt loops of his jeans and tugged with a cheeky grin. "You're overdressed." She pulled him forward until he was kneeling over her on the bed and she could kiss him again. He couldn't tell when she managed to get rid of the unnecessary shirt, pants and underwear he was wearing, he was too focused on sucking on her neck and letting his hands explore all those places that made her gasp.
He was sure she would pitch a fit once she realized they were having sex over the entire content of her wardrobe but he couldn't care less. It had been too long since the last time she had let him touch her. He didn't quite understand how he could feel so desperate for her body after only a few days when he had gone years without having sex with a woman… He figured Effie was like a drug. He craved her just like he craved alcohol.
"I love you." she whimpered when he buried himself inside her. "I love you. I love you…"
He wasn't sure she was aware of what she was saying, she was too far gone in her own bliss to notice.
"I want you." he replied softly, biting her shoulder. It was the best he could come up with, the only thing he was comfortable saying aloud. If the way her fingers tangled in his hair to urge him faster was any indication, it was enough.
It didn't take much for her to go over the edge and he didn't last long before joining her.
Once he got his breath back, he rolled them over so she wouldn't be crushed under his dead weight. She, on the other hand, had no problem laying on top of his chest. Perhaps it was a way to ensure he wouldn't get up and leave while she wasn't looking.
"Don't go." she pleaded in a small voice.
Her braid was a mess. He tugged on the hair tie and then toyed with her hair until it came undone. He combed through the curls, a bit too aware he was trying to gain time before giving an answer. "Sweetheart…"
"I don't want to leave them." she cut him off, her voice broke slightly and he was suddenly afraid she would start crying again like she had done a few days ago. "Please, don't make me choose."
"Would you choose me?" he asked, running his fingers up and down her bare back.
Effie's hand clenched his shoulder in an unconscious attempt to keep him right there. "Yes." she finally sighed. "Yes… Would you?"
Would he stay with the group instead of leaving on his own? Would he stay even though they were probably running to their death when he could try to survive on his own? Would he stay for her?
"Yeah." he whispered, barely loud enough to be heard. "This is a bloody mistake but yeah."
She lifted her head to look at him properly, her eyes searched his but he wasn't sure what she was looking for. She must have found it though because her fingers brushed against his jaw softly, her nail scraping his stubble, and then she was kissing him, slow and tender like they rarely did. "Thank you."
"I'm not sure you will be thanking me in a week, sweetheart." he lamented before tucking a wayward strand behind her ear.
He was sure Coin was bad news.
And as it turned out, he wasn't wrong.