16.

"He needs alcohol, you know that as well as I do." Effie snapped, frustrated by the whole argument. She arranged the heavy blankets around Haymitch for the third time but that didn't help his shivering. He was slumped against her, in the back seat of their truck, and his teeth had been chattering for hours now. His eyes were closed but she knew he was awake, he would never sleep if he could help it, he had stopped even trying since he had exhausted his stock of liquor.

They had been back on the road for a week and a half and it had been two days since his last mouthful of whiskey now, Coin was refusing the idea of a trip solely to find liquor and the others were all more or less on agreement with that decision which made Effie terribly mad. Of course, she would love for Haymitch to stop drinking his problems away but not like this. She was afraid he wouldn't make it, he got sicker every day.

On the front seat, Finnick and Annie exchanged a look, Effie could barely see their features in the dark. They had given up on driving during the night. The more north they went, the more treacherous the roads became – not to mention the cold. They were parked right behind Annie's truck but Gale was driving that one with the rest of the teenagers, Effie had insisted they exchanged the girls for Finnick and Annie as soon as Haymitch's headaches had kicked in. Behind them was Johanna's new car with most of the supplies and behind her, Effie could hardly make out the massive shape of the rebels SUV. She hated the idea of being trapped between two cars and she knew Johanna didn't like it one bit either, both of them would rather be on point or at the rear.

"Look…" Finnick sighed, leaning an arm on the back of the seat. "Maybe it's for the best… He will be fine in a few days, right, Annie?"

"I'm not a doctor, Finnick, I'm a marine biologist." the younger woman replied with a sympathetic glance for Haymitch. "He should be… I guess."

"He's in withdrawal." Effie argued. "I don't know the first thing about withdrawals and he is one of our best shots. We are putting ourselves in danger just because…"

"There will be doctors in Thirteen." Finnick interrupted her. "He will be fine once we get there."

"Then, we should wait to be there to sober him up." she scowled. "I don't know who that woman thinks she is but…"

"She's our new President." Haymitch mumbled from his nest of blankets. They didn't have much of those : one per person only so it wouldn't overload the cars. Effie had relinquished hers as well as her jacket to keep him warm.

"Yes, well… I didn't vote for her." Effie huffed, tightening his hold on him when he moved so he was pressed against her rather than crushing her with his whole weight. "And you shouldn't be suffering because she's being a… a… a…"

"Bitch?" Finnick suggested. She could hear the grin in his voice.

"Yes." Effie was annoyed and the more Haymitch's discomfort increased, the more she wanted to climb out of the truck, march to Coin's SUV and claw her face out with her bright blue nails – although the President had also tried to banish nail polish, insisting on reviewing their bags before they started their journey and on them getting rid of unnecessary products; needless to say, it hadn't settled well with Effie. "She hasn't even been properly elected! This is a dictatorship."

"Is it too early for the 'I told you so'?" Haymitch snorted. He pushed the blankets on her with shaky hands. She tried to protest but he said he was too hot now, his breathing was quick too. He tugged on the collar of his shirt in a desperate attempt to cool down even though it was freezing in the car. Effie's heart was aching to see him hurt like this.

"Dictatorship or not, she has what we need." Finnick shrugged. "We need the bunker."

Effie couldn't see properly but she thought his hand was on Annie's stomach.

"At the pace we're going, we won't reach it before your child in ten." It was mean and perhaps a bit low, but it made Effie feel better. They were too slow, everybody agreed on that. When they weren't trying to avoid groups of zombies or trying to escape mutts, they were stopping for the night or getting lost because they couldn't use the road they were supposed to follow. Highways were out of the question entirely and side-roads in that part of the country were more cluttered than in the south.

"I honestly think she's doing her best." Annie pointed out. "She wants to reach Thirteen as much as we do."

"Perhaps." Effie granted. "However that doesn't give her the right to lord over us and to order us about."

"You're just bitter because she threw away all your clothes." Finnick joked.

Effie's eyes narrowed in displeasure at the memory. The scene hadn't been a pretty one. When Coin had emptied her bags and allowed her a single pack only, Effie's sight had turned red. One of her soldier – lapdog, as Haymitch was calling them, since they never even tried to mingle with the group – had sorted out all her bright clothes from the black and grey and had thrown them away while she was helping Prim with her own bags. Peeta had to physically restrain her before she tried to kill the guy, she was now left with dark clothes only, her less fitting jeans and she looked ugly on a permanent basis. The only thing she had managed to salvage and sneak in Haymitch's truck was her make-up and a few bottles of nail polish.

"And you were not bitter when she declared that your harpoon wasn't a suitable weapon?" she retorted, glancing at her feet where Finnick's faithful harpoon was lying in wait of being used. She hadn't been the only one doing some sneaking around.

"Is it bad that I don't even listen anymore when she does one of her speeches?" Annie asked, out of the blue, her voice laced with amusement. "She does love those, doesn't she?"

She absolutely did. Effie wouldn't have been able to count the number of "inspirational" speeches Coin had given since they had decided to follow the rebels. She seemed to love the sound of her own voice just as much as she loved giving out orders.

"Politicians." Haymitch grumbled.

"My favorite was the one about proper behavior." Finnick grinned. "About that 'no-sex on the road' rule…"

"Yeah, we know you broke that one a few times." Haymitch replied, pressing his forehead against the window to cool down.

"Like you didn't." Finnick laughed.

"Unfortunately not as much I wanted to." he chuckled.

"Haymitch!" Effie could feel the blush burning her cheeks. "That is not a proper topic."

Annie was chiding Finnick as well but with much more amusement than Effie.

"Sorry, sweetheart." he smirked but it didn't look as smug as it usually did. Even in the darkness, she could see the exhaustion on his face, the dejection. She didn't resist the impulse to brush her fingers against his cheek, he leaned in the contact, dropping a kiss on her wrist. "Stop worrying." he told her low enough that their friends could pretend not to have heard.

"I can't." She didn't even try to make up a lie. She was too afraid he would give up and die. She settled against him to sleep, knowing it was useless to try and convince him to do the same.

On the contrary of what Finnick had promised, he didn't get better after a few days.

The tremors in his hands became so bad he couldn't pick up anything. He felt so humiliated when he dropped his fork for the fourth time one night that he simply refused to eat after that. Effie didn't make the mistake of trying to spoon-feed him, he made enough of a fuss each time she brought a bottle of water to his lips. He stopped eating and he was so weak already… He was fading and Effie couldn't bear it. It took her two days and an especially ugly round of crying before he surrendered and ate a few crackers that did nothing for his ever-present nausea.

Coin still refused to try and find alcohol, arguing that he would snap out of it eventually and that it would be better for everyone involved.

Effie had stopped arguing – she had stopped getting close to the woman entirely because the temptation to draw out her gun and put an end to this dictatorship was simply overwhelming and it frightened her – but she kept an eye open for any sign of a shop. People weren't fighting to ride with them either. Haymitch was slipping in and out of consciousness now, his nightmares vivid and so violent he woke up screaming more often than not. Even the screams were muffled, however, he was too weak to be of any danger.

There was always someone with her in the car, she suspected that, despite what they claimed, the others weren't sure Haymitch would make it and didn't want her to be alone in case something dire happened. Effie refused to think about that.

"You are not very talkative today." Peeta commented and she startled back to the present moment. She had been driving mostly on autopilot, following Annie's truck. Johanna was driving which meant they were going fast, too fast for Katniss' tastes if Effie interpreted the distance she had left between her car and the back of their truck correctly. The rebels were far behind, she almost couldn't glimpse their black car in the rear-view mirror.

"Sorry, dear." she offered quietly. "I have a lot on my mind."

Peeta's eyes softened. "He's going to be okay, Effie, you'll see."

She glanced in the mirror, checking on the back seat. Haymitch was passed out against one of the door and Gale was looking out the window, lost in his own thoughts.

"Of course, he will." She attempted to put some cheerfulness in her voice but it fell flat. She didn't even convince herself.

As if on cue, Haymitch jumped awake, startling them all. Effie almost hit Johanna who sped up, before passing her arm through the window to flip her off – not that Effie noticed. Haymitch's grey eyes darted from left to right, he looked panicked, crazy, and when Gale placed a hand on his shoulder, she just knew it would end badly. The second Gale made contact, Haymitch was on him with a desperate cry.

Peeta unbuckled his seatbelt and almost went over the back of the seat to try and get Haymitch off Gale but Haymitch was dead set on strangling Gale. The teenager was already purple by the time Effie threw the car on the side of the road. Katniss had to steer violently to avoid hitting it but Effie was already out of the truck. She opened the backdoor and grabbed Haymitch's arm.

"Stop!" she ordered. "Haymitch, stop!"

His eyes darted to her but he obviously didn't consider her a threat because they went back to Gale quickly. He wasn't totally awake, she could tell, or maybe he was hallucinating. She pulled on his arm, Peeta had grabbed him around the waist and was tugging too.

"Haymitch!" She was so desperate she slammed her fist against his shoulder.

It was a mistake.

He flung her off so hard she collapsed on the road but at least he stopped throttling Gale who coughed in a desperate attempt to get oxygen into his lungs. She cried out when she hit the road.

"Effie!" Katniss was crouching next to her suddenly. "What happened?" the girl asked. "You're bleeding."

Was it her crying out in pain or Katniss' words that finally passed the fog surrounding Haymitch's brain? The next thing she knew, Haymitch was out of the car and kneeling next to her, cradling her bleeding hand in his.

"I'm sorry. I'm sorry, sweetheart, I'm sorry." he mumbled over and over again. She wasn't sure he was totally there.

"It's alright, it's just a scratch." She nodded to Katniss in reassurance because the girl didn't look really sure. "I'm alright."

"I'm not if anyone cares." Gale coughed, he stumbled out of the car and bent over, a hand covering his already bruising throat. Katniss hurried over.

"I'm sorry." Haymitch repeated. He pressed his forehead against her shoulder. "I thought I was back there, I'm sorry. I forgot."

Back where?, she wanted to ask but she refrained. His past wasn't a pretty place to be.

"It's alright." she told him, ignoring the stares. Everyone had gotten out of their car by now and Coin's glare was heavy. Effie glared right back, glad Haymitch hadn't noticed. "Let's get you back to the car. Peeta, could you drive, dear?"

Peeta agreed quickly and it wasn't long before they were back on the road except this time she was the one sitting with Haymitch and Peeta was the one driving in silence. Haymitch was awake but refused to talk or banter even when she tried her best to babble him into annoyance.

It only got worse after that, it happened again although no one got hurt this time but he refused to let anyone sit in the back seat with him.

By the time they finally reached a store three days later, Effie was at the end of her rope. It had been decided that they needed more winter clothes so they stopped to Effie's relief, she volunteered to go and get the clothes with Peeta and Johanna while Katniss and Finnick went for food. Haymitch was so out of it, he didn't even protest when she grabbed a cutlass and followed Johanna into the building.

There were zombies inside, four attacked before they were even in the store but Johanna swung her axe and Finnick harpooned around until they had cleared a safe passage. Katniss' bow did the rest. The zombies had obviously been dead for a while because they were slow and quite easy to dispose of.

The store had been thoroughly ransacked that much was clear but there were still some useful things to grab. Neither Finnick nor Katniss seemed optimistic about food however but they still went to have a look. Johanna took watch duty, Peeta grabbed coats and sweaters without pausing to check sizes. Effie reluctantly did the same but took great pleasure in taking the most colorful clothes she could find : beggars couldn't be choosers after all and Coin would just have to deal with that.

"I will take this to the car." she said innocently enough, nodding to her bags full to the brim.

"No one goes alone." Johanna argued.

"I'm almost done." Peeta added, shredding his jacket for a warmer one.

Try as she might, she didn't manage to convince them to let her wander on her own. She had to carry the bags and an armful of clothes back to Johanna's car for later repartition. Gale and the soldiers were busy siphoning the cars abandoned in the parking lot under Coin and Plutarch's watchful eyes but there wasn't much left there either.

Effie watched the truck where she had left Haymitch with Annie and Prim and sighed. "We need more blankets. I will go, you don't have to come, it's safe enough in there."

Peeta frowned and Johanna scowled.

"You're not even convincing, you know." Johanna huffed before turning to Peeta. "I will go with her, distract Coin."

"Thank you." she whispered, as soon as they were back in the store.

"Whatever." Johanna grumbled. "I wouldn't mind a bottle of tequila myself."

They crept around aisles, stepping over fallen shelves and avoiding crawling zombies as much as they could. They could hear Finnick and Katniss arguing in hushed whispers about what type of food to take and by mutual tacit agreement, they walked around that aisle. When they finally found the liquor section, Effie almost sat down and cried.

The shelves had been pushed over, it was all a mess of broken glass and dark sticky puddles on the floor.

"Not your boyfriend's lucky day." Johanna sighed, kicking a fragment of bottle away.

Effie didn't reply. She leaned against the closest still standing shelf and hid her face behind her hands, focusing on keeping her breathing even.

"Hey, don't start weeping on me again." the younger woman warned, obviously ill-at-ease. "He will have to pull through on his own, that's all."

"He doesn't eat, he barely drinks and it's getting colder every day." Effie snapped. "How exactly do you expect him to pull through?"

Johanna had the decency not to answer that. She was often blunt to the point of cruelty but she never lied. She suggested they find some soup because it might be easier for him to stomach and Effie agreed but her heart wasn't in it.

She refused when Johanna offered to drive the truck, tired of the others' attempts to help. She drove for hours in silence with Haymitch's raspy breathing on the back seat for sole companionship. When they finally stopped for the night, she didn't linger by the small fire. Dodging questions and concerned gazes alike, she climbed back into the truck and made it clear no one was welcome.

She tried to feed him some of the broth she and Johanna had found but he refused to eat. He moved his head each time she brought the spoon to his lips. He was delirious again, feverish, but it wasn't quite as bad as it had been some of the previous nights.

She let her mind wander for a while, allowing herself to imagine a better world where zombies or mutts weren't roaming in the night. They probably wouldn't have met before the world ended. Never. How would it have been possible?

And yet… It was easy to imagine meeting him by chance. He could have almost run over somewhere else, she would have insisted on him buying her coffee as an apology and they would have argued the whole time before deciding to meet up again. He would have hated her world though, probably as much as she hated this apocalyptic one. It was hard to imagine them being totally happy anywhere.

She tried again but he batted the spoon away and the back seat was so crammed with both of them, most of the broth spilled on her lap. She couldn't even begin to care about her clothes, they were already stained with zombie blood and sweat. She was hideous and she didn't even care. She dropped the spoon back in the bowl and it clattered loudly in the silence.

"You are giving up." she said, looking at the bowl rather than at him. "You are giving up on me, you are slipping away. You are not allowed to do that. You will fight for me or I swear to God, Haymitch, I will bring you back to kill you myself." She glanced at him, relieved to find his grey eyes riveted on her. She wasn't sure he understood what she was talking about but at least she had his attention. "We need you. I need you. Fight for me."

They stared at each other for a few minutes and just when she was starting to hope again, he closed his eyes and let his head roll against the back of the seat. She closed her eyes too, fighting the urge to simply throw the bowl just to have the satisfaction of hearing something smash. But then, as she was about to climb out and offer the rest of the broth to Prim or Annie, he placed his hand on her wrist. She looked up to find him staring at her.

"Do you want to try again?" she asked quietly, almost afraid of his answer.

He didn't nod or offer any kind of response but when she brought the spoon to his lips, he opened his mouth this time. She hastily wiped away the tears that had started to fall and gave him the rest of the broth before curling up against him to sleep. He tried to protest that, conscious enough to know he could hurt her during a nightmare, but she ignored him.

He didn't hurt her and she stubbornly stayed on the back seat with him the next day, leaving the wheel to Gale. Over the next few days, he forced himself to eat despite the nausea and he regained enough strength to sit up and even walk around on his own. He was still terribly grumpy and barked at everyone who tried to help but Effie didn't feel bad when she snapped right back. A grumpy, snappish Haymitch, she could handle a lot better than a passive one.

"You look like bigfoot, Haymitch." Katniss snorted, over the loud music.

Beyonce had replaced Taylor Swift and Haymitch wasn't enjoying it much more but Effie was so fed-up by his general behavior that day that she couldn't find it in her to ask the teenagers to turn the volume down. From the passenger side, Johanna snorted. "She's right, you need a shave."

Prim was with Gale and Peeta, in the car right behind them. The sisters had a fight during breakfast and Coin had ordered them in separate cars – which had given way to another kind of fight entirely but Effie had stayed out of it.

Effie glanced at Haymitch but didn't offer any comment. They had an argument on their own earlier. He had reproached her to baby him and she had retorted that she wouldn't have needed to baby him if he just grew up and took care of himself. Admittedly, she had been a bit unfair, he was still struggling but he was doing better and he would keep improving if he only stopped wallowing in self-pity.

"I will shave if you stop that bloody music." he grumbled.

"Deal." Johanna sneered, turning the music off. "I can't look at the dead thing on your face any longer."

Effie chuckled which prompted Haymitch to glare at her but, to be honest, she couldn't even call that a beard now. It was unshaped, unkempt and unstyled.

"When Jo and Effie agree on something, you know they're right." Katniss joked.

Haymitch mumbled something she didn't quite catch. Perhaps it was better that way. Nobody could hold a grudge like Haymitch could except Effie so it was of no surprise to her that they didn't talk again that day. But when she noticed his absence around the fire during that night dinner, she still searched for him. It wasn't hard, she only had to follow the string of curses to his truck.

"What are you doing?" she frowned.

He turned around from where he had obviously been staring at his reflection in the wing mirror, his face was covered with shaving foam. He held his knife in his right hand and there was already a cut on his cheek. The tremors were particularly bad that day.

"Trying to get a few new scars, obviously." he retorted. "It's been awhile since the last." She rolled her eyes but stepped closer, outstretching her hand for the knife. He gave in after a few seconds of hesitation and opened the door to sit down so it would be easier for her. "Another thing I can't do on my own."

"You're still recovering." she replied, stepping between his legs and tilting his head up. "Be patient."

He dropped his gaze to stare at her boots. "You and I both know I will never totally recover, sweetheart, cut the crap. I can't shoot."

"And I can't use a knife." she shrugged, carefully getting rid of that atrocious beard. She would have given the world for a razor and almost went back to search for the one she kept in the trunk if she hadn't been sure he would change his mind and walk away while she was gone.

"Really reassuring since you have one on my throat right now." he snorted.

She glared. "Well, if you don't stop talking…" He did stop talking but the smirk remained in place and he placed his hands on the back of her thighs. "There." She wasn't totally satisfied but it was the best she could do with a knife. He grabbed the dirty shirt he had left on the seat earlier to wipe the rest of the foam off despite her obvious disapproval. Or maybe because of it.

She sighed but brushed a hand against his cheek. It was smooth in places and rugged in others, she wasn't a very good barber. "I miss you." She didn't know where that came from although she couldn't bring herself to regret the words. She truly missed him. She missed their life on the farm too. She missed their bed. She missed waking up in his arms. She missed having a room to themselves when they felt like it. She missed his occasional laughs and their usual banter.

He pressed on her thighs until she stepped closer enough to straddle him. It wasn't practical at all, she had to grip the wheel to prevent a fall. "I'm better now." he hesitated, pressing a soft kiss against her neck before wrinkling his nose. "You need a shower, Princess."

She pushed him back, vexed, he wasn't expecting it and fell on his back which was actually good. She could work with him stretched out under her on the seat.

"So do you, if you must know." she replied. "Only, I'm too polite to comment on it."

His hands ran from her thighs to her waist, sneaking under her sweater to feel the warm skin underneath. His unsteady fingers roamed over her ribcage and she could feel her breathing starting to quicken. It had been so long since the last time…

His smirk was already promising a thousand sweet tortures. "You…"

The knocking on the back seat window made her jump so hard she almost knocked herself out on the roof. She glanced over her shoulder to glare at Finnick who was sporting a wolfish grin.

"I'm so sorry to interrupt the show but : one, everybody can see you – again, I have to point out – two, our dear President wants me to remind you we're not allowed to do that before we reach Thirteen. Military policy and all that jazz." the young man said, his eyes twinkling with amusement.

"Are we going to reach Thirteen while we're alive?" Haymitch shot, grabbing the wheel to haul himself up. Effie quickly got off him, trying her hardest to pretend she wasn't embarrassed. "'Cause the rate we're going, I'm beginning to think Thirteen exists in her head only."

"Don't shoot the messenger." Finnick shrugged. "Ah yeah… Coin says you and Effie should sleep in different cars to avoid temptation."

"Like hell." Haymitch snorted.

"Yeah, that's what I said too." Finnick laughed. "But we do have Johanna to chaperone us. They're drawing straws to see who gets to spend the night with you. Apparently, nobody trusts you to keep it in your pants, Haymitch."

"Once." Effie whined, her cheek flushed. "It happened once." And it was all Haymitch's fault. If he hadn't started kissing her like that in front of that farm, she would never have forgotten where they were and who was watching.

"Well, twice with tonight to be fair." Haymitch pointed out, still sporting his smirk. "You're a minx."

"Perhaps I should sleep in another car after all." she snapped.

"Nope." he denied, making the p pop in the most ridiculous fashion. He grabbed her wrist and pulled her over him again like a giant blanket. "You're all mine, sweetheart."

Finnick's joyful laughter boomed into the night.