Zoe lay, her head resting in that same nook where it just fitted snugly, her cheek against his collar bone.
"I didn't realise you were so talented with your left hand."
She spoke lazily, listening to the thump-thump of his heartbeat through his chest, satisfied knowing she had been the one to make it race.
"Ambidextrous, me."
He cleared his throat, which led to a cough, turning his face away from her as he did.
"You smell nice."
He whispered, his voice hoarse as he turned back, absently rubbing his chin back and forth across the top of her head, she could faintly feel his stubble against her scalp.
"What do I smell of?"
She asked, closing her eyes, still listening to the beat of his heart, her fingers gently stroking the slight trail of hairs that led from his belly button downwards.
He took an exaggerated breath in, burying his nose in her hair.
"You smell like...perfume, wine and...sex."
He concluded, smelling her again before placing his chin back against the top of her head.
"There should be a word for it."
He breathed, thoughtfully, watching the shadow of a cloud pass across the moon.
"Cassolette..?"
She whispered, curling a particularly long hair and pulling at it. He slapped her hand away.
"Ow. And what?"
He asked, crossing his legs at his ankles, moving his feet about under the duvet.
"Cassolette..."
She repeated, moving her head to look up at him.
"Is that a bit like a stew?"
He asked, watching her smile. She shook her head.
"The odours emanating from a woman are known as her cassolette."
She replied, watching him with eyes heavy with sleep yet to come.
"What...?"
He glanced toward her lips, smiling at how plump they were, still swollen from his kisses.
"The smell of a woman's perfume mingling with her skin, her bodily fluids, her shampoo... which all come together to make..."
"A dirty, minging woman. Trust the bloody French to make it sound romantic."
He interrupted, smiling widely against her pursed lips and amused frown.
They lay for several minutes in silence, Max still with his chin resting against her hair, his eyes open despite the exhaustion that he could feel creeping into every joint of his body.
Zoe's eyes were closed, her breathing slow and laboured as she drifted in and out of sleep, waking every so often to stop herself from dribbling onto him.
"Zoe...?"
He whispered eventually as he felt her stir again. She licked her lips and raised a hand to wipe the corner of her mouth.
"Mmm?"
She yawned against him, he felt her mouth open and the skin of her cheek grow tight.
"I want to ask you something."
He shifted position as he spoke, yawning himself now.
"What about?"
She asked, itching the side of her nose before letting her hand move softly across his chest until it found a spot to rest, her fingers tracing the outline of the muscles in his abdomen.
He yawned again before answering.
"I wanted to ask how you are. I wanted to talk to you properly about the..."
"Miscarriage?"
She asked as he paused awkwardly.
"miscarriage."
He repeated quietly, the word feeling cold and alien in his mouth.
"I just wanted to talk about it without one of us crying."
He waited for her response but she remained silent, even her breathing seemed to pause.
"Don't you think we should talk about it...if we're going to do this properly?"
He added, feeling the throbbing in his fingers begin again.
"I don't really know what to say."
She answered softly, staring at the soft curve of his chest, his skin faintly illuminated by the light from the bathroom.
"I thought we'd talked about it...you said we could try again, if we wanted to...in the future."
She spoke again, louder this time, daring to look up at him.
He rubbed at the skin of her shoulder as she spoke, and chewed on the skin just inside of his bottom lip.
"I just keep thinking about it."
He said at last, looking again to the window where the moon hung, swollen and silver in the sky, decorated with a spiderweb of stars surrounding it.
"I keep seeing it..."
He spoke to the moon but Zoe turned her face to his, her hand just touching the side of his face, her fingers against his lips.
"It's just one of those things."
She whispered. He looked back at her, meeting her gaze as she let her fingers fall from his lips.
"You don't mean that..."
He watched as she shook her head slowly.
"No. But it's what I keep telling myself."
She answered, attempting a smile.
"It was our baby..."
He seemed to be speaking the words as the thoughts were forming, and as they paused, he paused.
"ours I mean...a bit you and a bit me..."
She leant toward him, resting her forehead against his jaw.
"I know."
She whispered, letting her eyes close again.
"I know it's too soon, and this is a rubbish time to be deciding anything. But I would like to try..."
She moved her thumb to push against the ring he had placed on her ring finger, pushing it back and forth on her finger.
"Try for a baby?"
She asked, feeling that familiar sense of dread begin to reawaken, the suffocating anaesthetic of panic that had arisen inside her when she and Nick had been trying to conceive. Somehow she knew it would be the same, that it would never happen.
He shrugged, still silent. She heard the soft knock of his head against the wall as he let it fall back, his eyes looking up at the ceiling.
"The middle of the night is never a good time to decide anything."
He murmured, his voice sounding strange, half-strangled with his head so far back.
"Max..."
She moved so that she could see him, her body flat against his own, her face inches from his neck, waiting for him to look back down towards her.
"You know it probably won't work don't you."
He inhaled slowly, she felt her own body rise with the gradual inflating of his chest beneath her.
"Max?"
She bent to kiss the angular rise of his adams apple that bobbed in his throat as he swallowed, finally moving to look down at her.
"It probably won't work."
She said again, forcing herself to maintain eye contact as she spoke.
"It might..."
The expression in her eyes stopped him. She suddenly looked so scared.
"I've tried the drugs...I've tried the strange voodoo medicines that my mum makes up. I've tried, Max."
He nodded, biting his lip as she spoke, he glanced again at the moon.
"Well..."
He paused, watching the trees on the opposite side of the road rustle and sway in the wind before letting his eyes slip back to hers, a smile on his lips.
"I guess I'll just have to put up with having you all to myself then."
Not as long as i'd hoped but I have been up since 4am and and I've caught a cold so not feeling brilliant. More tomorrow! Sorry, again xxx