I would have updated this yesterday, on a Saturday, as usual but I got distracted by something else. Sorry! Anyway, it's here now, so I hope you like it.

Chapter Sixty-Four

The tension in the room was palpable and the quiet that followed was deafening.

"You know what this is, don't you?" she asked. "You recognised it."

"I – Maybe we should go," Katniss mumbled. "I'll take the children back. They can stay the night until you both have …"

Katniss cleared her throat uncomfortably but Haymitch barely even heard her. His attention was fixed on the file in Effie's hand.

"Thank you," Effie said quietly, nodding gratefully at Katniss.

Peeta took an uncertain step away from the stove towards Katniss. His eyes darted between Haymitch and Effie worriedly, and then at the file.

"Come on then, we're going out!" Katniss announced suddenly, gesturing towards the door.

Ethan shot to his feet and was first out of the door without even a backward glance to his parents. He bounced excitedly on his feet, his shirt still soaked with the pancake batter. His brother was less enthusiastic and more hesitant about being separated. He inched closer to Haymitch with a bottle in his hand while the other shot out to clutch on to his father's pants.

Haymitch lifted the boy up and looked him in the eyes.

"You go with Uncle Peeta, okay? Your mother and I are going to have a talk," he explained hoping that somehow the boy would understand despite his age. Tristan blinked at him with his big grey eyes and something tugged at Haymitch's heart. "I'll get you and your brother soon," he promised, pressing a kiss on the boy's head before handing him over to Peeta.

Once the door closed and their footsteps faded away, Haymitch took a deep breath and faced Effie. Her arms were folded protectively across her chest as she stood rigid with her back against the wall. The file was on the kitchen counter.

"Sweetheart - "

"I trusted you," she whispered, cutting him off. "I trusted you to keep me safe and I don't feel safe when…," she gestured helplessly at the file.

"Effie, please," he took a step forward. "There's a reason I have the file."

"To dig what's already buried in the past."

Haymitch shook his head. "To help you," he said. "But I can't do that if I don't know what happened to you."

"You could have asked me."

"And look how far that got me. Nowhere 'cause you won't talk."

"That still doesn't give you the right to –"

"You're right, I don't," Haymitch hung his head. "I know you're angry but just let me -"

"I'm not angry."

Her voice was calm, tinged with disappointment but there was no anger there, just as she said. Haymitch exhaled loudly and rubbed his hand over his face. The rage in her eyes had quelled but it was shining with betrayal. This was inherently worse than if she had been angry.

Effie was hurting but she was holding her ground, and that was a good sign, he thought. It meant she was fighting, however small, when she could have just given up.

"What were you doing in the study?" he asked, careful to keep the tone of accusation from his voice.

"Am I not allowed in there anymore?"

"That's not what I meant," he sighed. "I don't want to fight, sweetheart."

Effie bit her lower lip, nibbling on it thoughtfully. Haymitch took another step towards her, standing right in front of her. Gently, Haymitch released her lip from her teeth, stopping her from abusing it any further and brushed his thumb gently over it.

"I wanted to replace Tristan's book," she answered. "I wanted to get a new book for him and I saw it on the study table. It was just there. You didn't even bother to hide it; amateur mistake for someone who wanted to keep things from his wife."

He must have left it out after he called her doctor because he recalled keeping it in the drawer after he was done reading it the first time.

"I – I can picture you in that study in the middle of the night, reading about what they've done to me and I see it now when I look at you. And you know what hurt most, Haymitch?" she asked. "Knowing that all these time, you've looked at me in the eye and pretended that nothing had changed, pretended as if you have not just deceived me. I don't know how you do it without feeling guilty. You're a liar," she spat.

His hand that was pressed against her cheek dropped heavily to his side and Haymitch reeled back. Years ago, Katniss had said the same to him, thrown the words in his face, screaming about how he had betrayed her and Peeta.

Was that how he loved? By lying and deceiving those he cared about even though all he had meant to do was to protect them as best as he could? Hadn't his mother done the same - told him that she had eaten when she hadn't for days because she didn't want him to worry?

Something coiled in his stomach. She had trusted him, believed in him and she alone had loved him. Effie had always seen the good in him and had told him on more than one occasion that he was a good man even when he can't see it for himself.

She would finally realize how wrong she was all these while.

"I'm not a good man, am I?" he smiled grimly.

Effie let the question slide, refusing to dignify it with an answer. As she inched towards the door, she kept her back against the wall. Her body language said it all. Effie didn't trust him anymore. She didn't trust him not to stab her in the back once she turned around with her back exposed to him.

He gave a bitter snort and clenched his jaw as he watched her walk away.

XxX

Haymitch grew increasingly worried as he paced the living room. It troubled him greatly if this would send Effie over the edge again. He didn't think he could take days of her locked in their bedroom, cutting herself off from him and the children like she once had.

After what just happened, Haymitch wanted to give her room to breathe without crowding her but if it meant retreating into herself than that was not something he was willing to do. He trudged up the stairs into their room to find her on the bed, staring at the photo of the twins when they turned 6 months old. The memory of the day the photo was taken resurfaced in his mind.

The bed dipped as Haymitch climbed in next to her. She turned to her sides and studiously ignored him.

"Shout at me," he laid his head on the pillow. "Let it out. Tell me how much I've wronged you."

Her voice was muffled when she said, "you already know you're wrong if you're telling me that. What's the point in shouting and screaming? I'm tired and I don't want to do that. It won't change the fact that you felt entitled to that information so you went ahead and took the file."

"I – It wasn't about entitlement, Effs," he turned sideways and rested his hand on her hip. "I was desperate."

"So you think your desperation gave you the right to it?"

"That's not true. It's not like that at all," Haymitch growled low in his throat. The conversation was going in circles. He couldn't make her understand him and she didn't think he understood her position at all. In the end, Haymitch gave in and compromised.

"I should have been patient with you," he murmured. "I should have asked you about it but … Effie, you were lost to me and I wanted you back."

She stiffened suddenly.

"We needed you to come back to us and I took the easiest and the fastest way which isn't necessarily right. I know that now."

His hand on her waist travelled up to her arm and gave her a tentative squeeze. When he heard her sob, Haymitch pressed a kiss on her shoulder.

"And yet," she heaved a breath, "I still don't hear an apology."

Tugging on her shoulder gently, Haymitch turned her around. Her honey blonde hair spread like a halo on the red pillow as she looked up at him with her blue eyes that were brimming with tears. He framed her face, his thumbs brushing away the fallen tears.

"I know what I did was wrong," he spoke quietly. "But I couldn't just watch while you slipped away from us. I'm not that helpless sixteen year old boy anymore. There was something I could do and I wasn't going to -"

Haymitch stopped abruptly when her hands came up to grip his wrists.

"What you did, it hurts me."

"I know, sweetheart. I'm sorry."

Effie squeezed her eyes shut, flushing the tears out as she heaved, trying to get herself under control.

"Easy," he murmured, patting her hair absent-mindedly. "Breathe in through the nose, out through the mouth."

It took her a few minutes but when she opened her eyes, she was much calmer.

"I understand… why you did it," she nodded. "It is by no means okay. I – I feel betrayed and lied to but I understand."

She drew a shaky breath.

"I know you've been trying - you've asked me again and again about what I went through - and you're right on one thing. It got you nowhere. I'm sorry, too, Haymitch, for putting you in that position. If I had talk, you wouldn't have had to –"

"Just – "Haymitch shook his head, "Just stop right there, Effs."

"I can't promise… I don't even know if I would ever have the courage to tell you what happened to me if you had asked again. It still scares me just to think about it. I didn't want to go back."

Haymitch listened to her, nodding his head at the end of it. They had never talked things through. Since the day they worked together, each time they had a disagreement, it always ended in an argument filled with insults. There was never a discussion or an attempt to understand each other's motive and to come to any form of conciliation.

"I'm sorry, sweetheart," he said again.

"You can kiss me, you know," she informed her quietly. "It's another form of an apology.

Haymitch snickered, resting his forehead on hers in relief. "I would have kissed you earlier if I wasn't so sure you would kick me where it hurts."

Her mouth opened into a soft laugh and Haymitch captured her lips. The grip she had on his wrists tightened instinctively as she returned his kisses. Her eyelashes brushed against his cheek, painting it wet with the tears that still clung to it.

"I wasn't expecting this," he admitted breathlessly as he pulled back. Haymitch rested his weight on his elbows as he gazed down fondly at her. "I expected to be slapped. You like that don't you, slapping me? I thought you would have shouted and screamed. I wanted you to put up a mean fight, to show me that you still have that fire in you."

"Don't you worry," she patted his chest. "I still have that fire, and me shouting at you would have put us on a familiar ground, wouldn't it. You can deal with that. You've dealt with that for years. But this is new, isn't it? You can't take the guilt as it was just now."

Haymitch frowned and dropped his gaze.

"I don't like how well you seem to know me."

"You need to learn that people can react in something else other than anger," she said, stroking his cheek.

"Is that it? You were teaching me a lesson?" he murmured, pressing a kiss on the corner of her mouth.

"Not intentionally but if it kills two birds with one stone…" she grinned slightly. "And that's part of what marriage is all about. You teach and learn, and grow together," she said, turning her head away slightly just so he would have to chase her mouth.

XxX

"Ah no, don't put that in your mouth, tiger," Haymitch swatted Ethan's hand away as he crossed the yard towards the swing where Effie sat watching her children.

They sat quietly next to each other with Effie's head against his shoulder.

"Did you read everything?" she asked suddenly.

"Effie..."

"The truth, Haymitch, just this once."

"Yes."

"Those pictures..." her brows crinkled. "When I saw it, I remember everything. It came back to me so vividly. I can feel the blood on my skin and the coldness of the room. I remember being blind for days. I remember how white it all was. But it's so... When I saw those pictures, it's funny how detached I feel. I find it difficult to believe that that woman was me."

Haymitch reached out for her hand and laced their fingers together.

"You've done a good thing with your life," he told her, gathering her close so he could rest his chin on her head. "You came out of that ordeal scarred and broken but you had never let it define you."

All Effie had to say to that was to snuggle closer to him. "Are you hiding anything else from me?" she asked after a stretch of silence.

"No," Haymitch shook his head. "You said yesterday that you trusted me to keep you safe. That was what I was trying to do, sweetheart, to keep you and our family safe. Believe me, that's all there was."

"That's the problem now, isn't it, Haymitch? I don't know if I can trust you," she said, looking up at him. He sighed. "I'm always going to second guess if there's something you're not telling me."

"We can…" he trailed off before trying again. "We can promise not to hide things from each other again."

She smiled faintly.

"But you broke the trust and even if we fixed it, it's never going to be the same," she explained. "And if we're on the topic of being honest, let me be plain with you. If you ever lied to me or betray me like that again, I will leave, Haymitch. I will take the children and I will leave."

A muscle in his jaw ticked. He didn't doubt Effie's threat. Something bubbled inside him but he forced it down. He couldn't fault Effie for that.

With his eyes fixed on the dirt road leading up to Victor's Village, Haymitch gave a curt nod and extricated himself from her.

"That must be your therapist," he jerked his head towards the lanky figure that had just rounded the corner.

XxX

Haymitch retreated back into the house, bringing the children with him.

Seeing as how Effie was already outside when he arrived, Exton suggested that they talk at their front porch. Haymitch had an inkling of what he was trying achieve since he had been the on to inform Exton how Effie had cooped herself up in the house all these while.

With the children taking their afternoon nap, there was nothing much for Haymitch to do. He found himself standing by their bedroom window, watching Effie and her therapist. She was speaking quietly, her head bowed in front of her as she fidgeted with the bracelet around her wrist.

Exton must have noticed her preoccupation with it because at one point, he tapped her bracelet curiously and Effie smiled. Her eyes strayed up towards their bedroom window and pointed at him, informing her therapist that he had gifted it to her.

That startled him and he tried to step back, away from the window but it was useless because they were both looking up at him.

"Stop spying on me," she spoke up, smiling at him in amusement.

He rolled his eyes. "Just checking," he shouted back. "Wasn't spying. It's not as if I can hear what you're discussing from up here."

Exton watched their interaction with a marked interest.

"Go away," Effie waved her hands at him, "do something else."

"You giving me permission to get drunk, sweetheart?" he teased.

"Don't you dare!"

He laughed loudly as he shut the window and drew the curtains close.

I know the way things go they probably would have had a huge fight but I didn't want that. I wanted Effie to react in a way that he did not expect, for Haymitch to question how he treat people who are close to him and to show them working through their conflict/problem even if it's something as huge as Haymitch doing something behind her back. They are different people now then they were in Chapter 1 and the Hayffie in then would have had a huge fight. but i'm still apprehensive that Haymitch might be a bit soft? I hope not but that's what I'm worried about.

Anyway, please do leave a review. I'd be really happy to hear your thoughts!