A/N- Wow! Thanks guys so much for all the reviews. You're all awesome :o)

Realizing he couldn't stay standing with his back to her forever, he tried to wipe the grimace from his face, as he slowly turned around to see the damage. She was still stood frozen by the door, unconsciously blocking his only escape. Her face was giving nothing away. He swallowed nervously.

"Uh…hi," he eventually said somewhat clumsily, desperate to break the tense silence between them, "how long have you been standing there?"

Maybe there was a slight chance the Gods were smiling down on him.

"When did you have a thing for me?"

Or maybe not. She wasn't going to let this go; he could tell and he couldn't really blame her.

He sighed as he studied her a moment longer, wetting his lips as he tried to decide just how truthful to be. Should he go with his initial instinct to lie and try to protect himself? Was it too late for that? Should he tell her the truth and finally have it out in the open? They said the truth was supposed to set you free…there was a good chance he was going to find that out.

"Chandler?" She pressed, stepping closer to him.

"I, uh…" he swallowed, breaking eye contact and walked a few steps away; needing space to think. Scrubbing a hand furiously through his hair, he tried to consider his options.

"Chandler," she wasn't giving him time to think of any excuses, wasn't giving him any time at all.

"I…" what the hell could he say to her? He was never very good at lying to her; not convincingly anyhow and especially not over something as important as this. Yet, if he told her the whole truth he had a lot to lose. She was a lot to lose.

"Chandler," she was getting frustrated by his silence and he was getting frustrated at the lack of it. Hell, he was just frustrated period. Frustrated by this situation, frustrated by everything he'd suffered through the last several months; the longing, the want, the pain and anguish. Maybe this was a chance to draw the line under it all.

Besides, none of this was her fault; she deserved the truth at the very least.

"I had a thing for you," he confessed, in a tone comprised of anger and resignation.

There he'd said it. It was out. Although, it was only partly true; he'd used past tense, but at least it was a start. It was more than he'd ever admitted before.

"A serious thing?" she asked almost gently, her frustration having diminished somewhat, just grateful that he was talking to her.

"Yeah," he swallowed, still not looking at her. It was slightly easier this way.

"Why didn't you tell me?" He shook his head and scoffed unimpressed; surely she could work that one out, "but I thought you were in love with Kathy?"

He could hear the confusion in her voice and winced. He couldn't blame her for that.

"It's complicated," he finally muttered.

"How so?" she wanted answers and his short responses weren't helping any, "Come on, talk to me, please?"

He closed his eyes collecting himself. So many times he'd dreamt of this moment, of telling her his feelings, but never had it been like this. Being unprepared, frustrated and being forced into a corner, but he had to play the hand he'd been dealt. He needed to calm himself down and talk to her seriously, as this was his one chance. He expected it to go very badly but at least when he looked back at this moment, which he knew he would throughout his life, he'd know that he'd given it his best shot, despite the circumstances.

With a reluctant nod he walked over to the couch, feeling like a condemned man. He closed his eyes, trying to work out what he was going to say. He'd decided he was going to be as truthful as possible and then deal with the consequences after. It wouldn't be easy but at least then they'd be no more hiding. Their friendship was strong, they could survive this…he hoped.

A moment later he felt the couch dip as she joined him. They sat in silence a moment. She was waiting for him, giving him time and he took a deep breath. He couldn't put this off forever.

"I fell in love with you long before Kathy," Chandler confessed honestly, "but I knew you didn't feel the same and I couldn't stand the thought of things being weird between us, so I didn't tell you…or anyone, actually. It was hard, really hard and it got to a real low point recently," he admitted, squeezing his eyes closed and pinching the bridge of his nose, trying to keep at bay the painful memories that were still so fresh.

Monica nodded remaining silent. She didn't like seeing him in pain but knew he had to get this out.

"I finally realized I had to get over you somehow before I went insane," he continued his confession softly, "but it was hard. I mean you're my best friend and I see you every day. It's not like I could just stop seeing you...so, I had to do something else…I had to try and replace you."

"Replace me?" she asked with a frown.

"Yeah," he swallowed, "I told myself I needed something, someone to replace all the thoughts of you. Someone I could put all my energy into chasing and fill my head with…I figured that way, there'd be no room left for you; try and phase you out kinda thing. I'd been trying to find someone for a few weeks when I first saw Kathy. She was the first woman that I could actually imagine taking your place. I liked her and I could sense she liked me so I threw everything at it.

"It may be a bit obsessive and sudden," he shrugged, "and I know I risk hurting Joey in the process but so much of me was convinced that she was the only way I could move on from you that I had to go for it. I couldn't risk waiting for another opportunity and I couldn't continue like I had been. I know it makes me a bad person, I know that, but being in love with you well...it really sucks," he offered her a slight sad smile, softening the statement.

"Wow," Monica swallowed, somewhat stunned by everything. She hadn't expected this when she'd came home; it was so out of the blue. "I don't know what to say."

"Just say you don't hate me," Chandler begged softly. That was the important thing. Anything else they could get passed.

"Of course I don't hate you!" Monica answered surprised. "Why would you even think that?"

He let out a relieved breath, "let's see, for falling in love with you, for trying to get over you by using my roommate's girlfriend, for risking hurting Joey...I don't think you need any more reasons."

She looked over at him but he couldn't decipher the look on her face. He waited.

"Are you over me?" she asked quietly.

He swallowed, looking down at the coffee table. He didn't want to lie any more, especially after coming this far, but at the same time he was wary of making things anymore awkward or strained between them.

"No," he finally admitted, going with the truth, "but I'll get there, eventually. Just give me time."

Monica stayed silent for another moment, still studying him, "Can I ask you a question?"

"Sure," he shrugged.

He owed her that much. He'd promised himself he would be as honest as possible with her. He had to be if their friendship was going to survive this and stay as strong as it currently was.

"If you had the choice between me or Kathy, who would you choose?"

He jerked in surprise, blinking at her. He hadn't expected that question.

"You," he answered quickly, it was an easy answer, "it's always gonna be you Mon, I've been in love with you for so long, I barely know Kathy. Just give me time though…I'll get over you eventually, I promise."

He'd try his best anyhow, he could promise that much.

"What if I don't want you to?"

Her question was asked so softly, so hesitantly and it confused him. He glanced at her but she was avoiding his gaze, seemingly fascinated by her hands.

"What do you mean?" he queried gently.

She let out a deep breath, still not looking at him, "this is big news and it's just been dropped on me," she sounded nervous but determined. "Before you 'get over' me can you give me a few days to think this over, just in case…in case I…"

"In case what?" he suddenly couldn't breathe.

"In case I want to be with you too," she swallowed before rushing on. "I'm not promising anything and I don't want to get your hopes up or hurt you or anything like that...I really don't. It's just, every now and again I've wondered what a relationship between us would be like. I never really thought hard about it though, you know, it was just random thoughts here or there over the years. I just want some time to think it over, properly before you move on. Our friendship is too important to me to do anything on impulse and I really don't want to hurt you." She looked up and met his gaze, open and honest. "Can you give me a few days?"

Wow.

He smiled and nodded, somewhat stunned, "Monica, if I thought there was the slightest chance you might even consider a relationship with me, I'd wait weeks, months, years…I know that makes me sound desperate but I guess I am."

She nodded, offering him a weak smile, "thanks, I just don't want to rush into anything. This is big."

"I understand," he promised, his hand reaching out and clasping hers lightly, pleased she allowed him to, "I know it's a bit of a bombshell, well a huge bombshell. Take as long as you need. If I can help in any way just talk to me, I've been thinking about this for a long time so I can help with pros and cons and that kinda stuff."

"You've thought about cons?" she was somewhat surprised. "I thought you were in love with me? You wanted a relationship?"

"Oh I do, and I am, completely and utterly but I've thought the idea of 'us' over like a billion times."

"So, what cons have you thought of?" she asked curious.

"The biggest by far is risking our friendship. You're my best friend and I can't imagine not having you in my life. If we got into a relationship and I screwed up and you ended up hating me…I don't know what I'd do," he confessed earnestly.

She nodded, "ditto for me screwing up."

"You're Monica, you never screw up," he joked, squeezing her hand.

She scoffed wishing that were true, "any others?" she asked curious. She could easily list many of her unique compulsions and habits which would definitely be considered cons.

"Breaking up is always the biggest fear," he confessed. "I could never come up with many other cons, I know everything about you and all your little quirks are just part of you; they make you who you are. I couldn't consider any of those reasons to not be with you."

"Thanks," she smiled slightly. Chandler always had a way of making her feel good about herself in a way that no one else could.

They sat in silence for a moment, still holding hands, both lost in their own thoughts.

"I should probably go," Chandler sighed standing up, "It's getting late and I've dumped a lot of crap on you tonight."

"You didn't do it by choice," she pointed out letting him pull her to her feet with their joint hands. "I just need to do a lot of thinking."

"Be careful," he joked lamely.

It was scary to know she was going to be doing thinking that could change both their lives. Would change both their lives, regardless of the outcome.

"I will," she promised, looking up to meet his eyes.

He held her gaze, delighting in the fact that for the first time he was allowed to stare into those blue pools and not feel guilty or have to hide anything. She was staring too, intently searching his eyes, for what he wasn't sure but he let her. He'd offer her anything if he thought it would help.

She was the first to break eye contact and released his hand at the same time. Slightly embarrassed, she took a step back from him, her arms coming to wrap across her waist in a self-hug, before she brought a hand up to chew at a thumb nail.

"I'll see you tomorrow," he promised.

"Sure," she agreed.

He offered her one last boyish smile before he let himself out of the apartment. Pulling her door closed, he shut his eyes and leant back against the cool surface. He started to tremble slightly and he tried to control his breathing. He'd done it; he'd actually done it. He couldn't believe he'd had the conversation with Monica. Not only had he had it, she hadn't instantly turned him down. She was gonna think about it. He actually had a possible shot with her. It was crazy.

Now, he just had to wait, something he wasn't the best at.

With a heavy sigh, he peeled himself away from her door and approached his own. Turning the handle he was met with the sight of Joey and Kathy heavily making out in the canoe. He blinked in surprise, not at the sight, but at the lack of emotion that ran through him. He expected to feel something, but he didn't.

A couple of hours ago walking in on this would have brutally hurt and scarred him. He would have retreated back into the girls' apartment in search of a shoulder to cry on, whilst desperately trying to scrub the image from his mind. Now though, he didn't care. Monica was thinking about him. Monica was considering a them.

Joey and Kathy could do what they liked.

"Careful not to capsize," he advised with a smile as he walked around them. The smile stayed on his face and he practically skipped to his bedroom, closing the door.

This morning he'd been miserable, trying to convince himself that Kathy was the answer. She wasn't; he could admit that now.

Tonight, he had a small glimmer of hope. Something he'd wanted for so long…now he had a chance. He actually might have a chance to be with Monica.

It was going to be an interesting few days.

TBC...

A/N – this next bit was originally part of the first chapter but it just get way too long so I moved it out. Hated leaving on such a cliff hanger though, so wanted to post this bit up too. Next updates won't be as quick as this lol.