To clarify: Jade is a freshman, Liam a junior, Jacob in first grade, and Grace in pre-school. If I made a mistake in an earlier chapter, I will fix it.

RyderPOV-

It's one month after Valentine's day, and we've yet to tell my mom about the engagement. Kurt and Blaine congratulated us, promising to help with the money. My dad, of course, was ecstatic.

My mom and dad are two different people. I just hope that she reacts well to this.

Because, as much as I love her, I'm ready to do this with Blair.

''Ryder!,''she hugs me as soon as we get to the table, a warm smile on her face, ''And there's my handsome grandson.''

The conversation is polite enough, my mom making small talk with both Blair and me.

Then I bring up the conversation, urging my mother into silence, prompting Blair to excuse herself to change Noah's training pants..

''Mom, can you please say something?''

Please let it be positive. Blair's the only one who hasn't made me choose in this.

''What do you want me to say, Ryder? You're not even twenty-five, and you're getting married.''

''Mom, with all due respect, you and dad got married way before that age, and-''

''And look how well that turned out,'' she snaps, ''Do you want to end up like that? Wait a few years, Ryder. I haven't always protected you, but I will keep you from getting hurt if I can.''

Oh. So that's what this is about.

''Mom, you have done everything you could for me. You are a great mom-'', I begin, continuing even when she tries to cut me off, ''You are. You've done a lot for me. I… I understand you wanting to protect me. But you can't do that forever, mom.''

She drums her fingernails on the table, looking out of the window behind me.

''Why are you still together? Don't you argue a lot?''

There is that…

''We did. We do still argue. When we fight, it's loud and hurtful and can go on for hours. Honestly, she is so infuriating sometimes,'' I admit, ''But she's also really loving. She accepts me as I am. Something Jordan never really did. I have told her every single thing about me, and I know everything about her, and we know all of the downright horrible things. We still want to be together. Not because we've become too comfortable with each other, but because we know we are it for each other.''

My mom runs a hand through her hair, letting out a sigh, ''I know you don't need my permission to get married. So, if you're ready for this type of commitment, then I'm ready to support you.''

My mom might not fully accept Blair, and she may never. Still, she is trying. And that's all I can really ask for.

''Thank you, mom,'' I grin, ''You have no idea how much that'll mean to her. Or how much it already means to me.''

I really just want two of the most important women in my life to get along. If not for my sake, then for the sake of their health.

''Noah's asleep, the laundry is put away, you cleaned the living room and kitchen, and we can take a break. I'm glad your mom agreed with us getting married. We can save our money, put a down payment on a house… what are you doing,'' Blair wraps her arms around me as I lay across the bed.

''I need you to listen to me,'' I put an arm around her, ''And please don't interrupt me.''

Blair nods, staring up at me with hazel green eyes, hand resting on my chest.

''I didn't love you for the first few years that we got together. And you didn't love me,'' I begin, cutting her off before she can interrupt me,'' At least not enough that we didn't willingly hurt each other. We both cheated. We both said things to deliberately hurt each other. One of us more than the other. I can't promise not to say something stupid, especially in the middle of a fight. I know you'd never cheat on me again, and I can at least promise you the same.''

If I lose you, it's not going to be because I was with someone else after you and I fought so hard to make this work.

''And I know you're worried about the way you look. I know you're just learning to love your body, and yourself period. I don't understand what a beautiful girl like you has to be concerned about. I do, however, get feeling insecure. Because sometimes I just feel so stupid. And like… I know I'm not the most talented guy, or the most handsome. So the fact that a woman as talented and loving and beautiful as you even looked my way is just...''

''Stop,'' she rolls so she's straddling me, ''Ryder Lynn, you are smart. Don't say you're not again. Please. And you are so, so handsome. Sexy, really.''

''And that's another thing I love about you. You don't let other people get down about their weak points. I guess what I am getting at is that…. are you really sure that you are ready for this? Because I'm more than sure.''

I have been for a long time.

''I'm ready to marry you, yes,'' she takes my hand ,''We always come full circle, don't we? Break up, make up. Why not make this permanent? I could get used to this.''

So could I. I don't know how to, though. The things I get used to never last.

''I need you to promise that one day when you're famous, or for any other reason, that you decide you can't do this anymore, that you'll talk to me instead of doing something to damage us.''

Blair is silent for a while, before letting out a deep groan.

''Have you ever heard Colorblind by Mercedes Jones? Because that is exactly how I felt the entire time you were away at college. All I could think of were these beautiful, smart, experienced girls who were close enough to give you what I couldn't being so far away. Then I'd consider how much you'd resent me, like I was just some… weight, dragging you down when you could have been having the time of your life, enjoying yourself. I didn't break up with you because I am so incredibly selfish. Remember the first time we tried to go all the way, and I got uncomfortable? You helped me through it. We made it through that, we're making it through everything that is coming our way. So I am positive when I say that I want to marry you.''

Thank goodness.

''Good,'' I run my finger over her ring, ''This is going to work.''

Even though I'm sure there are going to be more horrible fights and insults and temptations, I'm sure even more sure that we can make this work. If we're both willing to work for it, at least. I know I am.

Now I just hope that she is, too.

SugarPOV-

I've never felt so… numb. Inside and out. As sick as it may sound, I just want to feel a little pain from this. Just to know that I'm still alive. Still human.

Just to know that I do have a heart.

The water turns cold, so I shut it off, still staring at the white tiles of the shower wall.

The lump in my throat is so thick. It feels like I'm trying to swallow a pill without any water.

Well. At least I feel something.

There's a knock on the door as I am wrapping my towel around me.

''Come in.''

''Hey, Sugar,'' Rory peeks his head in, ''I got your call, babe. The kids are asleep… how long have you been in here?''

''I don't know. Don't worry. I checked on the kids,'' I reassure my husband as he sits on the toilet seat after closing the lid.

''But who's checked on you?,'' he questions, running a hand through messy brown hair, ''I've had work, and school. You had work, and you picked up the kids. They're too young to know what's happening. And your message was vague. So talk to me.''

I don't think I can.

''I don't want to feel weak,'' I admit, watching his bright blue eyes soften.

''You could never. I know how strong you are. Leaning on someone else does not make you weak, honey.''

I don't know…

''Don't make me sing songs about it, Sugar. You know I will.''

I crack a smile. A tiny one.

''My… my dad had a heart attack.''

As soon as I say the words, as soon as I admit them out loud, tears flood my eyes, like dams have broken.

''Oh, damn. Is he… is he okay,'' Rory tries to comfort me, pulling me into his lap.

''I don't k-know… his girlfriend said he's going to be fine. She does not want me to come, though.''

And she wonders why I am not particularly fond of her.

''Shh,'' Rory soothes as my cries turn into sobs, my body shaking violently, ''Shhh. You're okay. He's okay. Everything is just okay.''

He doesn't know that. I don't know that.

For now, though, that's all I have to hold onto. Well, that and Rory. He's always there for me.

''I promise you we will get through this. You would be there for me if the situations were reversed,'' Rory rests his forehead on my shoulder ,''We will go visit your dad tomorrow. You have the right to see him. You are his daughter.''

That doesn't mean shit to his girlfriend.

But you're helpful. And loving. And here right now.

That is what matters, I guess.

''You will come with me,'' I whimper, wrapping an arm around Rory as he holds me closer.

''Of course,'' he whispers, hot breath washing over the skin of my arm as he speaks ,''You're never alone with me. I promise.''

I'm strong. I don't absolutely need Rory.

Still, it is nice to have someone to lean on, the way he was supported by me when the whole Ryan situation came to light.

''Thank you. I need this,'' I quietly speak, letting the tears fall.

After all, even the bravest people cry. Sometimes, after keeping emotions bottled up for too long, that's the only way to healthily release everything.

Besides, there is only so much that anyone can take before they become essentially unrepairable.

And I might be too close to that point.

KPOV-

''Jade Anderson-Hummel, what did you do to your beautiful, beautiful hair?''

She beams, running a hand through wet, dyed tresses, ''I've always wanted red hair. You like it?''

It's a gorgeous color. A deep red, and she did a good job.

Still…

''You really should have asked,'' I remind her, ''Don't you agree, Blaine?''

He shrugs, ''I like it.''

Damn it. These are the moments when I hate how we sometimes have differences in parenting.

''Jade, it is a good color. But do you know how much work you'll have to do to maintain it? You're responsible now,'' I warn her, ''That being said, I do like it. You did a fantastic job?''

''Thank you,'' she grins, ''I am going to go dry it. I'll be back.''

Jade practically skips out of the room, and I wait until I hear the bathroom door close before turning to Blaine.

''What,'' he looks shocked, ''Why are you glaring at me?''

''Did you not see the route I was going there? That there are some things that our children shouldn't do without our permission.''

Blaine sighs, leaning back against the bed frame in frustration, ''We grounded Liam for sneaking in past curfew, and separated two arguments between Grace and Jacob, even after the first time out. Our daughter dying her hair kind of pales in comparison doesn't it? Let's face it: Jade was the most well-behaved today.''

True. I may be overreacting.

''Sorry,'' I groan, ''I overreacted. I just want to be careful. I know we both know what it's like to try to work through deadly insecurities. We know what it is like to try to help our children through theirs. We should still make sure Jade is making changes because she wants to, not for anyone else. Blaine, I… I don't want her to end up in a bad place like Blair and Rory were.''

Especially since they were both so close to a point of self-destruction and fear.

''We'll watch her,'' Blaine reassures me, taking my hand with a fond smile, ''You're a good dad, you know that?''

''I try my best.''

I do. I may never be as great as my dad, but I look up to him. If I can make my kids feel as safe, as loved, as he made me feel… well, then I am doing a pretty damn good job.

''So,'' I lean my head on his shoulder, ''We are honestly considering raising another child.''

Despite the fact that we have several mouths to feed already.

''Why not? We both know money is not an issue. While they are a baby, they can sleep in here. When they are older, and Liam moves out, we will have another bedroom. Liam is a junior after all. He is doing so much better in school, even after a few setbacks as far as his grades are concerned that will be taken care of, and is on track to graduate on time. Jade is a freshman, so not long after him, she will be moving out. I really am ready to raise another child. But you are my husband, and you have just as much say in this as I do,'' he stands, taking off his shirt, distracting me with his muscles,'' Quit looking at me and answer.''

His playful tone brings me back to the topic at hand, a light blush coloring my face as he smirks, ''Okay, smart ass. I love you. I love all of those kids. They mean everything to me, and I'd do anything for them. The moments when we thought we were going to lose them where the worst moments of my life. Even worse than when I was being bullied in high school.''

The only other times my heart has stopped like that and my veins felt like they had ice coursing through them was when my dad had his heart attack years ago. I never want to live that feeling again, even if the wonder of raising kids overshadows everything for me.

''If we do this,'' I continue, ''If we have another child, we have more budgeting to do. And we have to make the kids take some responsibility as well.''

Not to mention the cost of diapers, and other baby essentials, school, food…

''We can always use hand-me-downs, too,'' Blaine suggests, ''I think I got some of Cooper's stuff. When I first started raising Blair, she got some clothes from my neighbor's daughter until we started looking at thrift stores. It helps with her style because she said she finds the best vintage clothes there, and it is cheaper.''

''True, there is that option. And, too be honest, I would love having a child biologically related to one of us. Of course I will love them all the same,'' I add quickly.

''As would I,'' Blaine nods, ''I do miss the pitter patter of tiny feet, Kurt. I know that may sound cheesy, but I really would love one more child. I love having this big family. If we don't go through with the surrogacy, there is always adoption. You and I could give a child a home when they really need it.''

His compassion for others never fails to amaze me. Even in the middle of a fight, he is the one offering to remedy the situation as quickly as possible.

''With everything going on lately- Blair getting married, Rory being so close to finishing his college years, Sugar's dad in the hospital- I realize that life is so , there are times when you should jump without worrying about what is at the bottom. However, there are also times when you have to consider the pros and cons of situations. That is what we are doing here: considering every reason to do this. Or… or not to do this, too, I guess.''

Blaine must sense my hesitance, because he moves closer to me, resting his chin on my knee, deep hazel eyes seeming to stare into me, straight to my innermost thoughts as if Blaine can read my mind.

''Stop thinking so hard. Talk to me.''

Damn it.

''I just want to know how this is going to affect our marriage if my answer isn't the same as yours.''

We have been through too damn much to quit now.

''I understand your reservations. Raising a child is a promise. A commitment. Whatever you decide you want, Kurt… I am in this marriage for the long run. I promise.''

How can I say no to that?

''This is not case closed, because we will definitely have to have more conversations on the subject. But, for now… I agree with you, Blaine. I want to find a surrogate.''

He takes my face in his hands, kissing me square on the lips, ''I freakin' love you. Thank you.''

''Yeah, yeah, yeah,'' I wave him off, humor evident, ''Blaine, what are you… oh, you do know the kids are probably still up, right?''

Not that I'm not completely loving you attacking my neck like that.

''We're not even really doing anything. We never do when they are home'' he mumbles, pressing another kiss to my pale skin, ''Besides, the door is closed.''

''We will be interrupted either way. We have four kids. There really is no such thing as privacy,'' I joke, biting my lip when his hand slips to the bottom of my shirt, ''Blaine.''

He pulls back then, an innocent look on his face, ''What's wrong?''

''You are such a teenager, '' I laugh, hitting him with the pillow ,''But I really do love you. I'm glad that I get to do this- raise a family, build a home, the married life- with you.''

There is no way that Andrew would be as good to me as you are. He'd run my dry, and I'd let him, thinking it could be called love. If only I knew then what I know now...

Thank goodness I know the difference between that and real love. Thank goodness Blaine- with his loving attitude and intelligence and so much more- came along and saved me from…. well, myself. From the self-hatred that had become so routine.

I really did marry a beautiful, good-hearted man

''So,'' Blaine breaks me from my thoughts, ''We can talk about it some more when I get in from work tomorrow, after dinner. We shouldn't give the kids any information until we know for sure.''

''Right. That's good thinking.''

You're so good at that.

Wow. I still got it bad. But Blaine's too good for me not to be this deeply in love.

''Night, love,'' Blaine presses a kiss to my shoulder before settling under the covers with me.

''Good night.''

Yup: I've got something good here.

Next chapter- Sugar and her dad, wedding dress shopping, and Kurt and Blaine reach a decision on the surrogacy. Opinions on the surrogacy appreciated!

Disclaimer- glee belongs to Fox, Ryan Murphy, Ian Brennan, and Brad Falchuck