"Mr. Harvelle, why did your name come out twice?" demanded Dumbledore the next morning.
"Because some asshole tried to enter Harry in this death trap. Loki set it so that the slip would automatically go to the oldest living member of the Potter family."
"Mr. Potter is an orphan and the last of the Potter family," said McGonagall frowning.
"Not anymore he isn't. Check with the goblins," said Dean grinning unrepentantly.
A few hours later and the teachers were beyond shocked to learn that Harry was no longer the last living Potter...there were two new names in the family registry.
Sam and Dean Harvelle.
"How is this possible?"
"Ever hear of the multiverse theory?" said Dean cheekily. McGonagall would later ask Hermione what that was. "In any case, Hogwarts still has only one champion."
Dean vanished without warning, only to reappear near the doors.
"We done here?" he called back in open amusement at their shock.
Apparition was impossible in Hogwarts while the wards were up. Stopping time, while extremely difficult, was still doable for short periods of time. Being in Death's service had it's perks, and that was one of them.
"You're a Potter?!" said Hermione in shock.
She wasn't the only one in absolute disbelief.
"The oldest living one anyway. Only reason I didn't say anything was because we've never gone by that name. It had too many bad memories attached to it," said Dean.
All the memories of Harry Potter were rather depressing, since he had very little good happen to him. Hence why he chose to forget about that part of his life.
"So what are you, a cousin or something?" asked Ron.
"That's actually a bit tricky. Harry's still the Potter heir, that much hasn't changed, the only difference is that he has family he can stay with once the school year ends."
And boy, was the kid thrilled with that fact. Because Dean, Sam and Cas were all 'wards' of Loki, there was little Dumbledore could do to change that. Harry no longer had to stay with the Dursleys for the summer, and he was pretty much over the moon with the knowledge he wouldn't have to suffer his own private hell another year.
"So how are you related to Harry?" Ron pressed. Dumbledore wanted that answered, now.
"None of your damn business, but last I checked he did have a great uncle that spent some time in America that didn't have all the time slots filled out."
Dean knew for a fact, from his time spent in the family archives when he was still Harry, that he had a great uncle his father was named after. An uncle who spent an inordinate amount of time in America. There was always a possibility of a cousin, but further investigation turned up nothing. Not even a bastard child.
That seemed to satisfy most of the pure bloods. Added to the fact it was a mis-spelled portkey that landed them in Hogwarts and they couldn't get in contact with their adopted parents (or in the case of Cas, Loki was his guardian), it seemed pretty straightforward to the other students.
Dean knew exactly how to play off the fact most magicals never bothered to look underneath the underneath, and preferred to consider the easiest explanation as truth. Something he fully planned to show Harry how to exploit later.
"And you're okay with this?" said Hermione to Harry incredulous.
"Dean's infinitely better than the Durselys, and if I were to pass up a summer of living with Loki, the Marauders are likely to disown me out of shock," said Harry flatly. Dean ruffled the kid's hair affectionately.
"Speaking of the Marauders, why haven't they come to address the fact Loki's at Hogwarts? Seems like something they would kill themselves to witness," asked Hermione.
"Sent Loki their way with instructions on how to make Lucius Malfoy's life a living hell, along with enough pranks and the ability to give Remus an alibi," said Dean. And boy, had Sirius jumped on that bandwagon.
Quite a few Death Eaters would be cursing the fact Dean had sent Loki to Padfoot and Moony with enough pranks and a pair of time turners to make them miserable. He would wait before he told them who he actually was and why he was there.
Why, oh why did Chuck have to dump them in fourth year in fourteen-year-old bodies? Micheal totally deserved everything he got dammit!
"So how exactly did you manage to trap the girl's dorms again?" asked Harry, changing the subject.
"Creature form. An obscure, not really used version of the animagi transformation. Mine just happens to be able to walk on walls, among other things, and is completely fireproof."
And magic-proof, but he wasn't telling them that.
"Creature form?" said Hermione dumbly.
"Remember the Bugs Bunny thing Sam did in the Great Hall? That's creature form. You have a bit more control over what you turn into, but it's still a branch of Transfiguration. Only thing is that most magicals think becoming an animal is beneath them, so they don't bother with it. Idiots."
"So what does it look like?" asked Harry, more than a little curious.
Dean grinned. This was going to be hilarious.
"Why would I tell you guys when it would open up a world of hurt from the girls once they recognize it?"
Hermione's eyes narrowed.
"That odd blue doll that keeps appearing in the dorms. That's you isn't it?"
"Ah, ah, ah Hermione. A trickster admits nothing, denies nothing, and makes counter accusations. As any true prankster will tell you, there is a time and place for the truth."
"That time is never, and the place does not exist," intoned the twins with eerily synchronicity. Dean gave them a thumbs up. They grinned back at him.
Bear barked, and when she turned to face the dog, Dean had vanished.
Instead was an odd blue doll that looked like some sort of bizarre koala bear, which Bear promptly walked over and started carrying around like a puppy.
"Has anyone seen...ah. I see Dean broke out the Stitch doll again," said Sam.
"Stitch?"
"That blue thing is called Stitch. It's one of the main characters to this Disney movie Dean's obsessed with...and it's something Bear tends to treat like his puppy."
"It was in our dorms, twice," said Hermione twitching.
"Dean found a charm to animate it. It can go up a few floors before the enchantment wears off," said Sam smoothly.
Hermione looked ready to destroy it.
"That thing has been in our dorms, Harvelle."
"I should warn you it's been charmed so thoroughly that it's damn near impossible to destroy it. Dean had to have it specially enchanted when he realized how much Bear likes to play fetch with it," warned Sam.
Hermione growled.
"That doll had better not have any recording equipment in it."
"Hermione, Dean has said repeatedly he prefers older women. Why would he be interested in the girl's dorm?"
"Outside of mass pranking it, that is," Harry felt he had to add. Dean took great pleasure in the fact he was the only male who could prank the hell out of the girls in their sanctuary when even the twins couldn't. The thing was that they still had no idea how the hell he did it!
"If he brings frogs into the dorms again, I swear to Merlin I'll castrate him," snarled Hermione.
"And I'll hold him down," said Sam.
"Why?"
"There were a few yaoi enthusiasts that Dean happened to share a certain...recording...with," was all Sam would say of the matter. Most had figured out it was an adult Sam and Loki going at it.
Sam had not been pleased when he finally found out why some of the Gryffindor boys had been staring at his ass. Gabriel, of course, found it hilarious, but only after marking Sam as 'his' with a very visible hickey, to his annoyance. He hexed his boyfriend, but the damage was done.
All he could say of it was 'thank Loki for aging potions'.
The first task. The only one who wasn't worried was Dean, and that was because his dragon form outclassed the inbred ones they brought in. Even if Hagrid warned him ahead of time.
One by one, they all went out to face their beast.
One by one, the Bulgarian and French champions got their egg. It was Dean's turn. He went out, dodged the first blast of flame...and while doing a tuck and roll deeper into the rocks, turned into Stitch. No reason to show off his best trick just yet.
"Aloha!"
He could hear Sam smack his face and Loki cackle in amusement. Which only grew louder as Dean wandlessly transfigured a blue Volkswagon to slam into the dragon.
"Blue punch-buggy! No punch back!"
Loki was holding his sides from laughing so hard. Even Cas was snickering.
The dragon tried to flame the blue ball of chaos (as Dean affectionately called his Stitch form), but Stitch had been flame tested in hell. He was fireproof against dragonfire.
Dean didn't bother to dodge the fire, but he did avoid the tail and claws. When he finally did get the egg, he avoided being skewered as he managed to get into the tent.
Dean thought about turning back, but decided not to.
"I love creature form," he grinned.
Hermione was pissed.
"I KNEW IT! I KNEW YOU WERE THE DOLL IN THE DORMS!"
"Technically I'm an illegal alien experiment," said Dean cheekily. Hermione's wand sparked in warning.
"Hermione chill out, Dean has no interest in you or the other girls."
"Yeah, I'm more likely to take Cas to the Yule Ball than someone else," Dean piped up.
"Yule Ball?"
"Every Tri-Wizard tournament always has a ball around Yule time. Always. And it's traditional for the champions to open it. The only issue is that you have to chose between going home for Christmas or staying for the ball."
Hearing that, every girl there realized they would need a date. And every guy realized they would have to get one of their own.
At least they were forewarned about the ball.
"But how were you able to stay alive when that dragon blasted you?" asked Harry.
"Stitch is fireproof, bulletproof and hell hound proof. He has super strength, super hearing, smell, sight and has this weird trick with a record player I've been wanting to do for ages. He does have one weakness, but I can usually negate that with careful planning."
He fully planned to dive into the water and transform into Godzilla while out of sight of the people above. Should be fun to see their expressions.
"So are you going to open up that egg or not?" asked Fred.
Dean shrugged, before pulling out a pair of ear plugs. They quickly figured out why when the thing started screaming like the damned before someone had the sense to close the bloody thing.
"What in Merlin's name was that?"
"Mermish," said Dean.
"Mermish?" said Harry, trying to regain his hearing.
"Mermaid tongue above land. Outside of water it sounds like shrieking, but underwater it sounds like singing," explained Dean, "Hence why I wore ear plugs."
"How did you know it would do that?"
"What, you thought I came straight here? I heard Fleur open hers before I came up," said Dean. Then he grinned. "Now lets get this party really started!"
Gabriel had brought him some hard liquor, and unlike the kiddies he was used to massive hangovers and drinking the good stuff. Hell, even Bobby's definition of alcohol was better than that fire whiskey crap!
"Oh god...what the hell did I do last night?" asked Harry the next morning.
"You mistook one of my bottles for that fire whiskey crap. I drink the real stuff, not that pansy shit," said Dean without hesitation. He had thankfully closed the curtains and put sound dampening charms on the room. And to top it all off, he had made sure Hermione and the other girls couldn't take advantage of their current hangovers by hexing the staircase with the same charms used to keep horny boys out of the girl's dorms.
Something every boy would thank him for later.
"Where'd you get the muggle whiskey?" asked Dean Thomas in a low voice. Harry wasn't the only one with a killer hangover.
"Loki, who else? Not like the twins know what good booze is, being pure bloods and all," said Dean without hesitation.
"Here, here!" said Dean Thomas.
By the time Dean had doled out the hangover remedy (he always kept a large stash of the potion) the boys were ready to face the wrath of McGonagall. She was not amused.
"Who exactly spelled the stairs?"
"I did before we went to bed. No way in Death's eventual embrace am I about to deal with a damn harpy when I know for a fact I'm going to have a hangover in the morning," said Dean flatly, looking at Hermione who bristled.
Dean already had a plan for the last task. It involved two words: Molotov Cocktail.
He already had a plan for why he was buying so much liquor too. Gabriel had already laughed when he heard Dean's excuse for buying several cases of cheap liquor.