My Time Of Dying Chapter 2: It's Never Too Late, a sonic the hedgehog fanfic

My Time Of Dying

By Breech Loader

Breech: Most stories make it capable of seeing both people's thoughts. This story is going to be entirely from Scourge's POV, so he has no idea what Sonic is thinking, and so neither do you. He's guessing.

This time I was being inspired by Three Day's Grace's "It's Never Too Late".

Chapter Two: It's Never Too Late

So Sonic is taking me to New Knothole. I get a lot of funny looks; him too. Scared, mostly. Can't blame them; there's blood still dripping from my wrists and I must look… well, terrible. And he hands me over to Doctor Quack.

The Doctor asks me a shitton of questions. Like what the old needle marks inside my elbows are from. I just grit my teeth and say nothing. I haven't shot up in months anyway; Kintobor wouldn't give me the meds to help me sleep until I quit.

Not waking up screaming was good enough incentive for me. At the time, anyway.

Sonic's giving me one asshole of a look. I don't need to look at him to know it while Doctor Quack patches up my wrists and bitches about how withdrawal will make everything worse. Doesn't he think I've heard it all before?

He's all the way through the bandaging and halfway through his lecture when I just shove him aside and get out of there. I sit on the bench outside and stare at nothing.

I hate this. Hate how Sonic's still being the hero. I have no fucking idea why, but I just know he's gonna be the good guy even to mister ex-junkie. He's gonna secretly despise and pity me. I disgust him. And worst of all, he's gonna be nice about it.

I can hear him coming up, and then he sits next to me, and I just know he's smiling kindly and pityingly. I don't look at him.

"Scourge, ya don't wanna do-"

"Shit, are you gonna go on about that too?" I stare at my bandaged wrists, "I tried, okay? And I tried and tried… Now I'm sitting in your dimension, cutting up my arms instead. Is that better?"

I'm ready to pull of the bandages and try to open up the cuts again when he grabs my wrists and pretty much makes me look at him before I can give it another go.

"And what the fuck do you know about shooting up, anyway? You're the hero. You probably don't even drink! Goddammit, I bet that ass-bandit Shadow has done more with his life!" I'm getting pissed again, "I should never have started; I get it already! And I'm not gonna let some Judas ruin my life when I got you to do the job! You don't know a goddamn thing about me…"

Ah shit, I'm getting the sweats again. And I'm starting to shake too. Still comes up even now. Sonic's not stupid, except when it comes to all that honour bullshit. I bet he can see it. But he's still being nice.

"Y'know what? You're right. I never did any of that stuff. Not once. Ever," he looks at my arms. Not just at the old scabs though. His fingers trace over some of the older cuts higher up my arms. It's not like this is the first time I cut myself up. I just wanted to feel something… "Sure, it can't have been easy, but you still quit. So how about you concentrate on the important stuff. You said you wanna be a hero."

"No. I just wanna quit being the bad guy all the time…"

He starts going on in that way that inspires everybody else and just makes me wonder what garbage cans he's been eating from lately. I pull away again, not listening. He doesn't get it. One of us has to be the hero, one of us has to be the villain, and he got there first. I don't know how to make it any other way.

"You're not listening to me, are you?"

"Yes…"

"Because I just said that your dad is the owner of a small casino and your mother is a large banana," he sighs, "What do you really want, Scourge?" he pulls me to look at him again, "How hard can it be, to be a nice guy?"

How can somebody who's so like me, be so goddamn stupid? He's Sonic the Hero-hog. If he does good things, it's because he's a hero, and it makes him more of a hero. I'm Scourge, the total asshole. If I do something good, it's because I'm obviously hiking up to do something awful later. Now I'm not saying some people aren't so stupid that they practically deserve to be backstabbed, but because I'm from Moebius, it doesn't matter what I do any more.

It's not just me. It's where I'm from. And I don't know how to change that any more.

I look around me.

"Everybody's staring, you moron!" I tell him. Why shouldn't they? I tried to wipe this place out more than once.

"Huh…" he looks around, "Nicole? Could we have some privacy? A little shade?"

A mega-hot Lynx turns up out of nowhere, "Absolutely, Sonic."

"Who the hell is that babe?"

"She's Nicole. A computer. She built Knothole and pretty much runs it."

As I watch, a couple of nanite trees form, giving us shade and privacy to talk, not that I feel much better, "And it doesn't fuck with your head that she sees everything and could crush us all on a whim?"

"She's one of the good guys, Scourge. And a computer."

"Man, then I'm glad we don't have anything like her on Moebius." I grimace, working myself up again, "What the hell do you want, anyway? An easier life? One less asshole to fight? That'd happen if I kill myself! I don't need to hear this kind of… of…" I swallow, "I don't… I…" Oh shit, I'm gonna cry like a pussy again, "Get the hell away from me! You're giving me the same crap your old man did!"

"You met my dad?"

"Yeah, and?" I twist away. I don't want him seeing me when I'm this weak, "He's just as full of bullshit as you are. I-"

"Scourge, I really do care about what you're going through."

"Because you're Sonic! You have to be the good guy!"

"It's not that simple, and if I have to, I'll prove it."

"How can you possibly-" And he grabs me again and pulls me to sit down. He's holding on and with the blood loss he's just as strong as me, maybe stronger, and… well, I have to admit that it feels fucked up when he takes me and puts my head on his shoulder again. I'm not reaching around him. I was never good with people.

"See? Being from Mobius has nothing to do with whether you're good or bad, or how I'm supposed to treat you… I mean, look at Fiona. She's from Mobius but she dumps us, goes bad, and then sticks with you. Does she even know you're like-"

He stops, because now I am crying. Not loud, but it's wetness dripping on his shoulders.

"Did she…"

"We split, okay? She got sick of keeping me from throwing up after dinner. Who the hell needs a depressed king for a boyfriend anyway?" No. We didn't split. She kicked me out. Kicked me out of my own goddamn palace to be the Queen. She didn't even need to beat me out of the place. I just couldn't stay when she wanted me to go like that. She's the only chick I've ever given a semi-shit about.

So now… well, now I'm not a king any more.

As if I'm gonna tell the Blue Bastard that.

He holds onto me and rocks me gently. God, I hate him so much. Why is he doing this? He whispers into my ear a load of crap that I'm not listening to, because… well, because he keep rocking me in his arms. And it does make me feel better. A little. I don't know why he's doing it. I wouldn't help him out, and I bet he knows it.

That's part of the problem, I guess.

"I just wanna be… me… Even if that's not a nice guy… I wanna be me because that would be who I am, not because I'm Evil Sonic… But I don't know how that works…"

"Yeah, you've said that… Scourge, look at me!" he sits me up to look into his green eyes, "Listen to me, okay? I know guys who went through what you are going through right now. I know you have a choice. Just trust me for a bit on that…"

And then it gets kind of weird again, because I'm still hating him and crying, and he starts wiping all those tears off my cheeks and our eyes meet. So I press my face to his chest again. Looking at him hurts, y'know? But he just keeps stroking my back and being all big brother or something. It's like he's filling in for something I never had. And I can't stop crying because how the hell am I supposed to compete with that? Or is it something else?

"Why are you even doing any of this?"

He keeps patting me. And yet there's a tremor to it for a moment; a hesitation, "I don't really know. But do I need a reason?"

Maybe. When it's an asshole like me. I can't bring myself to return any of it. Faking with hot chicks is one thing but I never was good at getting close to people on a truly personal level, even Fiona.

But his arms wrap around my body strongly, and they don't let go. I keep hiding my face so that he can't see the tears. I hate me for being like this, and I hate him for seeing me like this. It hurts, and I clutch at the bandages on my wrists again to rip them off, and all he does is hold me tighter.

"Relax. It's okay now."

"It's not, it's not…" I can't stop sobbing, "If I tried to do any of this, you'd… just think I was up to something."

"Do you want to?"

I hesitate, "I… don't really know…"

"I'll take that as a no."

"You must think I'm so fucking pathetic," there's a pause, "See? You hesitated."

"I don't think you're pathetic. Well, not like that," I look up at him, feeling confused, "I mean, it's kind of pathetic that you're sitting here blaming me for you being an asshole," he grins awkwardly, "But you're sitting here crying into my chest and trying to pull open your scabs. Of course you're not gonna look your best."

I sit there for a moment, not entirely sure of what to say.

He groans, "Dammit, I am such a dumbass sometimes. Y'see Scourge, my problem is that I do this thing where I open my mouth and words come out. I really gotta quit doing that…" he gets me to look up, "Listen, if you really want, you can stay on Mobius for a bit. You know, political prisoner or something."

"You're serious?" I think about it. I guess it makes me feel a bit better. Not much though. Blue is going on about something like how he'll talk to that bitchy princess of his. I don't want to go back to Moebius. Everybody hates me there. And everybody hates me here, but at least Fiona's not here.

I'm not really listening to him anyway. I push him away and get up from the bench and wander off. He starts following me, because Sonic the Hedgehog is such a fucking nosey-parker heroic dickwad that he has to make sure I don't try and kill myself.

"Just… fuck off, okay Blue?"

Everybody's still staring as I flip my shades back down to hide my eyes. Any moment now I'm gonna get stoned outta town or some shit, but it doesn't really matter, because that's where I'm headed. Back to that Chao Garden. At least it's quiet there, and nobody is hating everybody else.

Yeah, we totally wouldn't have these cute little bastards over on Moebius.

I put my back to a tree and try to think. Or not think. Eventually I just settle for looking at the bandages on my wrists. Slitting my wrists was a shitty way to kill myself anyway. That Chao is sniffing at me again, and this time I pat it on the head.

"So, you're the little bastard who ran and fetched the Blue Buckethead, huh?"

"Chao!"

"Waste of time, if you ask me. Y'know, I don't even properly deserve to be alive…" I stare across the garden, at the little bubble things. Again I think about how Mobians get the nice things. And again I'm thinking about how Fiona kicked me out of the castle. Out of the fucking dimension. And they're better off without me.

"Chao?"

"Nobody needs me," I sink my face into my hands and… oh god, my wrists are itching and all of the nothing is crowding in on me. And feeling nothing is the worst thing of all. Hike up the despair just so that there's something in there. I kinda wish I hadn't walked off from Sonic now. Sure, I was feeling miserable, but it was better than feeling nothing at all.

Nowadays, if I'm not miserable I'm angry, and if I'm not either it's a blank space.

"Got to feel something…"

Maybe I shouldn't have quit shooting up. I never felt this blank when I was high. Damn… getting the shakes again. And it's not like I brought anything. You know… what with the 'going to be dead' thing. I reach for the bandages on my wrists.

"I knew it was a bad idea to let you walk off like that," Sonic grabs my shoulder. I shrug it off, just to feel him put his hand back on, "Figured you might come back here. Scourge, listen-"

"Come to kiss me goodbye before you throw me back through the Star Posts?"

"Actually, I spoke to Sally real fast," he sits next to me, "She says you can stay for a bit. But you're kinda gonna be my responsibility."

I raise my shades, "Yeah. 'Cause I'm the bad guy."

"Well, kinda. That, and you're digging at your wrists again," he wraps one arm around my shoulder, and takes one of my wrists, pulling me to him. And once again he's warm… "Scourge… come on. I'm not gonna leave you alone like this."

He wraps his arms around me and I hide my face in his peach chest again, both soft and hard at once. I'm not worth this. Any of this. And here we are, and I can barely stand it. He's stroking my back and I'm just limp and yet I'm shaking so hard, "I… I can't do this… Some days I wake up and I feel dead already…"

"Yeah… well… come on. I wouldn't be here if I didn't care. You don't have to be a hero to care, y'know?"

"Not really." But he's rocking me really gently, pushing his hands through my quills and it makes me feel so safe… safer than in years. I realise I'm crying again. One moment I'm a blank space and the next it's like I'm being wrenched apart. I try to stop, and then I can't, because part of me wants to be screaming too.

It gets louder and god, it hurts so bad, and I must sound so pathetic as I kneel against him sobbing, but he's still holding on, keeping me close and wiping the tears off my face, "It'll be alright."

"I just want it… to end…"

"No. I won't let that happen. I won't," he holds me tighter, and then makes me look at him, "I promise, S-Man. You don't have to be bad if that's not what you want. We can turn it all around," he wipes away my tears away again, "It's not too late. It's never too late."

And I look in his green eyes, and there's no mockery, or hate, or deceit. We're just sitting here and he's holding me all over again, yeah, just sitting here and holding me. And for once somebody isn't kicking me out or tossing me aside or ignoring me, "You think… you think?"

And he nods with such conviction. He's the hero, and he'll get the job done. And then I press to him again, because that way I can feel something. And his fingers brush through my quills, and I curl up a little. And he repeats the words over and over like a mantra, until I can believe him.

"It's not too late. It's never too late…"

This world will never be what I expected,
And if I don't belong, who would have guessed it?
I will not leave alone
Everything that I own
To make you feel like it's not too late,
It's never too late

Even if I say, "It'll be alright,"
Still I hear you say you want to end your life
Now and again we try to just stay alive
Maybe we'll turn it all around
'Cause it's not too late,
It's never too late,

No one will ever see this side reflected,
And if there's something wrong, who would have guessed it?
And I have left alone
Everything that I own
To make you feel like it's not too late,
It's never too late

Breech: Sorry if this chapter feels too much like the first, but I couldn't run into the crazy stuff right off the bat. Scourge is hardly going perk up twenty minutes after a suicide attempt. Still, I hope it touched you! Its continuation is still kinda dependant on its popularity.

As for what Sonic is thinking… that's something you'll have to guess just as much as Scourge is.