28.
Thirteen wasn't at all what it was cut out to be, Effie decided.
She dropped her pack in the standard room they had been assigned – very small, very grey and very practical, like everything she had seen of that place until then – and turned to Haymitch.
"Do you think the children will be alright?" she asked.
They had been whisked to the medical wing as soon as their cars had been allowed in the compound. Plutarch had been greeted by a middle-aged woman named Commander Paylor – she wasn't much nicer than Coin but, at least, she seemed to not be insane which satisfied Effie – and had left them to be probed and examined by doctors who had, ultimately, declared them free of infection. Peeta and Annie had still been kept there to make sure they were both alright, the others had been dispatched to different rooms, with the grey mandatory uniforms, guided by a soldier who had enumerated in a bored voice too many rules for Effie to take in.
Thirteen was military from floor to ceiling, she wasn't sure she was completely alright with that.
Haymitch certainly wasn't but that might have had to do with the fact that their weapons had been sent to the armory. He hated being defenseless just as much as he hated being told what to do – she was already tired of all the tact she would have to show to prevent incidents in the upcoming days.
"They should be." he shrugged, looking around curiously. There wasn't much to see : bunk beds, a metallic chest of drawers and what she mistook for a cupboard but turned out to be the bathroom, a small shower cubicle, a sink, a mirror and a toilet.
"It's better than anything we had for a long time." she tried to sound cheerful. She tried. The grey was depressing and as much as she attempted to forget it, she disliked the idea of being buried so deep underground. There was something deeply wrong in a world where the dead walked the Earth while living people had to resort to crawl below ground.
"Yeah." He didn't sound enthusiastic. He tossed his backpack on the top bunk.
"Walls and a door that actually locks." she insisted.
"Walls and a door that actually locks in an underground base where we will get stuck if zombies or mutts find their way in." he muttered, reaching for the uniforms they had been given and unfolding them. They looked like square piece of grey rough cotton. "You're going to have a blast with those, sweetheart."
She wrinkled her nose at the horrid piece of clothing. She was determined not to let him damper the mood, though. "We're safe." She had to cling to that because that was all they had left. They had lost Finnick, they had lost Prim, Peeta had lost his leg, Katniss had very probably left her sanity behind… They had fought to reach Thirteen. They had fought to get there. And they had won.
It didn't taste like a victory.
"For now." He flung the fabric aside and turned to her, framing her face in his hands with a smirk. "You have a point about the door that locks though, Princess."
"Shower first." she grinned when he leaned in for a kiss. "Hot water, Haymitch. I am not even sure I remember how that feels."
"Less good than what I plan to do to you…" He captured her mouth, swallowing her giggles. They fumbled with each other's clothes for several minutes – layers were good against the cold but they were very frustrating when they got in the way – kissing and bumping into the furniture and the walls that stood in their path to the bathroom.
She didn't know what felt best : the way he trapped her against the shower wall or the water that poured over them when he turned the tap. It seemed like forever since she had both and both felt equally heavenly.
"You, me, shower sex…" he chuckled against her neck. "Feels familiar."
Her mind had to stretch to remember that first time, all those months ago.
"We never did make it to the shower, did we?" she laughed quietly.
"We did today." His fingers were doing things that should have been deemed illegal. Her head fell back against the tiled wall, her eyes shut tight… It was hard to stay focused.
"Priorities." she chided him, pushing him away enough to grab the soap they had been provided with. "We only have ten minutes of hot water each."
"I can do plenty of things in twenty minutes." His smug smirk was contagious. When he kissed her, she lost sight of the important thing again. She wrapped her arms around his neck, not caring at all about the bottle of shower gel that plummeted to the floor.
"We should get clean first…" she moaned.
He sighed loudly against her neck and then bent down to retrieve the soap. She was grateful for the hand that never left her waist because her legs felt like jelly and she wasn't sure she would have been able to stand on her own. Of course, she mused, when he looked at her with that devilish glint in his grey eyes, she should have known he would find some other way to torture her. He covered her in soap very thoroughly from head to toes, making sure to caress every part of her body until she was almost quivering in need.
She would have returned the favor but the water was already getting lukewarm. She had to resort to other methods… Wrapping her body around his seemed like a perfect way to share the soap.
They weren't kidding with the ten minutes of hot water limit. They barely had time to rinse out the soap before the stream of water completely stopped in a whining and gushing pipe noise. Effie looked at the remaining drops in dismay, she wouldn't have minded a longer shower – or an actual bath for that matter.
She was so focused on mourning the loss of water she actually startled when Haymitch wrapped a towel around her. It didn't stay on for long.
The trip from the bathroom to the bunk bed was a blur. He had had his fun and Effie was determined to have hers, she kissed him all the way there, forcing him to step back and pushing him on the mattress when they were near the beds.
Of course, she had to miscalculate and knock the back of his head on the metallic edge of the top bunk. He groaned in pain.
"Oh, my! I'm so sorry!" she gasped.
He rubbed it a few times with an annoyed expression before flopping down on his back. "If you're trying to kill me, there are better ways, sweetheart."
She didn't take the bait, crawling next to him – the top bunk was rather low, she couldn't even sit without bending her head – to inspect the wound. She cradled his head into her hands and felt around for a bump but found none. She wasn't expecting to find one : if he had truly been hurt, he wouldn't have let her check.
"I'm sorry." she repeated anyway, dropping a soft kiss on his lips.
"You bashed my head against a metallic bar, a kiss isn't going to cut it." he taunted, running his hand from her hips to her back. He pulled her on him. "You will have to do better."
"Yes?" She kissed him again, slow and lazy. It was nice to be able to take their time, she thought, it had been too long since sex had been anything else than a hurried affair on the side of the road that always left them frustrated. It was also nice to be completely naked and to feel skin on skin instead of sweaty, bloody clothes that reeked of days of traveling. And, the icing on the cake: they didn't have to worry that someone – zombies or annoying teenagers who didn't grasp the insinuation behind needing some fresh air – would barge on them. She was practically purring in contentment at finally being able to do whatever she wanted. "I miss you."
The words left her lips almost against her will. They had been distant lately and it wasn't just because of the lack of privacy on the road. They had never talked about his acknowledgment of his feelings for her, they had never talked about Prim and they had certainly never talked about Coin's murder.
"I'm right here." he grumbled but it was faint. He must have been as aware as she was that things looked fragile between them. "I'm right here." he said again, firmer, it sounded like a promise. He tightened his grip on her hair a little to bring her mouth back to his. "You're always talking too much." The kissing turned from something almost innocent to heated in no time at all. He rolled them around – or tried to, because the bed was so small he almost made them both fall on the floor – to get a better access to her throat and…
The lights went out.
They both froze, limbs still tangled, pricking their ears for any sign of struggles, zombies moans or more general undead invasion. There was nothing to hear but silence.
"I think it's automatic." Effie whispered. "They said something about curfews to relieve the generators…"
"Or we're so good we make the lights blow out." he joked, going back to kissing his way down her throat. "I can already tell I'm going to hate this place."
Effie wished he could have been wrong.
Adjusting to sedentary life, a military life in a large community, was complicated and it took its toll on every one of them.
Everyone in Thirteen must have a purpose, that was the rule. It was understandable but Effie just wished she could have chosen the area in which she had to work. She wasn't cut out to wash dishes all day. She had tried to apply for a secretary job but there was no opening so she remained in the kitchen, washing dishes. Her silver lining was that she wasn't alone, Peeta had been assigned to the kitchen too, as an undercook. He would have enjoyed it more if there was any cooking involved but they were so meticulous about rations that the cooking job mostly consisted in checking how much calories a person was allowed and making sure they didn't get more on their tray.
Katniss and Gale had offered to hunt but that had been shut down, they had both been whisked away to the soldiers squads that patrolled the surroundings of the bunker daily, went on supplies runs and were generally tasked with zombies and mutts killing.
Gale, from the little Effie had seen of him, seemed to be having a blast. Katniss, on the other hand, spent all her free times curled up in her room, humming depressing songs to herself. Peeta was the only one she was really talking to, she avoided the rest of the group.
Annie, too, seemed to be happy with their new lodgings. She helped around the hospital but they didn't force pregnant women to work. She was thriving.
No, Effie mused, after a week of washing dishes, there were two real problems : Haymitch and Johanna.
Haymitch and Johanna had both applied to the squads and had both been shot down. Haymitch's aim with a gun was inaccurate, they said, and his physical condition wasn't good enough – that had infuriated him to the point that he had almost turned their entire bedroom upside down. As for Johanna, she was too hot-tempered – although how they could accept Katniss and reject Johanna, Effie didn't know. She felt dearly for the people who had to bear Haymitch's and Johanna's presence all day long. They had both been assigned to the armory where they were supposed to clean weapons.
"I hate this place." Haymitch grumbled into her neck every night before he fell asleep and he repeated it every morning when the sharp electronic alarm bell called the whole compound to rise and shine for a new work day.
Some days, Effie thought it was like living in an anthill.
They had to follow schedules and obey the rules : there were punishments for every type of offense… They were granted a free day a week but since Effie's never matched Haymitch's, it wasn't of much use. Going to the surface was unadvised if not forbidden. There were regular safety drills to make sure everyone knew how to reach the shelters if there ever was a zombie attack.
They all agreed that gathering the entire population of the compound in a big shelter, without any weapons, and trusting the soldiers to defend them was calling for a massacre but they seemed to be the only ones to think so, the other inhabitants were happy to leave the defending to somebody else.
If Haymitch thought Effie didn't know about the knife he had sneaked out of the armory the day after the first drill, he was dead wrong – she held her tongue about it because she could guess the punishment for stealing a weapon would be a dire one and she didn't want to draw attention to that. Besides, she was sure Johanna had a nice collection of stolen blades in her own room.
On the bright side, they were all safe, clean, fed and comfortably settled. Effie relished the facts that she didn't have to worry about a zombie popping in if she was taking a shower, and that she could sleep soundly without being either cold or certain that something would take a bite of her before she woke. Of course, Haymitch occasionally did take a bite while she was asleep but those were usually meant to wake her up playfully and were actually welcome.
Nevertheless, it wasn't as good as the farm.
The worst thing was watching Haymitch getting more and more frustrated with military proceedings until he completely stopped snapping at everyone to fall into an apathetic grudging silence even she couldn't break. Sometimes, she spent the entire lunch break trying to add some cheers to a table where Katniss and Haymitch were brooding, Johanna was sulking, Annie was humming and Peeta was staring at her with sympathy. The boy usually tried to make an effort but the gloomy mood always got to him in the end. As for Gale, he was always too busy doing important things and never had time to sit with them. The more Peeta and Katniss grew together, the more Gale distanced himself from the group.
They were falling apart, Effie didn't need anyone to tell her that.
After a month in Thirteen, she wasn't sure how the others were doing. Peeta was closed-mouth about Katniss, simply stating that she was coping. The boy had grown even more protective of her and Katniss was just the same way, Effie pitied anyone who would try to come between them. Johanna was restless and getting in trouble more and more frequently for starting brawls. Gale barely said hello. Annie was getting ready to give birth…
And Effie was struggling to keep everyone together because she had her own set of worries.
Haymitch wasn't adjusting to life in Thirteen at all.
The nightmares came back after a few weeks. They had grown too confident about his night terrors, he was having less of those ever since they had left the farm but now they were back full blast with the addition of new horrors like Finnick's and Prim's death. One night Effie had failed to get away early enough and he had back-slapped her across the face in his sleep. It was an accident, she knew it was an accident, she told him so repeatedly, but there was no convincing him that sleeping in the same bed was safe.
He moved to the top bunk.
He wasn't sleeping.
She knew because she couldn't sleep either, she had grown too accustomed to sharing space with him at night, so she listened to him tossing and turning above her every night without fault. If there had been any way to get alcohol in Thirteen, he would have found it.
She was afraid he would.
He constantly snapped at her when she tried to have a serious talk, he barely touched her or kissed her anymore, she was the one starting things most of the time and even then it looked as if he wasn't truly there. She was so desperate she asked Johanna to talk to him but Johanna barked back at her to mind her own business.
Effie had hoped Thirteen would be their salvation.
She cried in the shower every day – not that Haymitch would notice because they didn't share showers anymore, they didn't share anything. Sometimes, she wondered if he would notice her absence if she took her backpack and left. She could do that she supposed : ask to be reassigned to another room, do just as Gale had done and find new friends.
Except they had been through so much together, she couldn't give them up. Thirteen was supposed to be their happy ending – or as happy as they would ever get.
The only one for whom it was happy was Annie. She gave birth to a little boy she named Finn and he was the sweetest angel. Effie was truly thrilled for her friend. The hour they all spent together around Annie's hospital bed was the best moment since they had arrived in Thirteen. The only one missing was Gale, even Plutarch popped in to offer his congratulations.
Effie suspected she would have continued on smiling like an idiot if Haymitch hadn't gone back to his grim attitude as soon as they were out of the hospital room. The walk to their room was spent in a tensed silence, the same silence that had crept between them during the last months.
She didn't know why that night was the last straw. She didn't know what was different : if it had been watching Annie and her newborn or the fact that they had all been having a good time together for the first time in weeks… It wasn't any conscious decision on her part to slam the door shut behind her.
Yet she knew when he turned to face her with a startled expression that it would be it : the fight that would make or break them.
They had had their share of fights since they met and even more since their first kiss but that one would be huge. She felt it in her bones.
"Do you even love me anymore?" was the first thing that came out of her mouth. It was a poor choice. His feelings were never to be discussed or analyzed, he was too afraid of them.
He studied her for a few seconds and then turned his back on her with a huff. "Don't be stupid."
His favorite insult. It cut deep every time. She had been reduced so many times to the blonde stereotype, diminished because she liked clothes and girly things, assumed dumb because she was pretty… She wasn't a genius by any means, but Effie wasn't stupid either. She never had been and she never would pretend to be for any man's ego.
"I must be very stupid indeed to think you care at all." she snapped, watching as he peeled the clothes from his body layer by layer, obviously getting ready for bed. He was ignoring her like he so often did lately, acting like he couldn't even hear her. She was done with that. "Because when you care for someone, you don't treat them like crap, Haymitch."
He paused long enough to toss his shirt and undershirt on the top bunk. He didn't face her, leaving her to trace the familiar lines of his back with her eyes. His shoulder blades were jutting out, she thought he had been eating more when they were still on the road than now that he had access to food. His rations were usually mostly divided between her tray and Katniss' or Peeta's, he would never let them refuse. She went with it because she figured it was his way of still feeling useful.
"What do you want, Effie?" he growled. "I'm too tired to fight."
"Tired of doing nothing all day?" she hissed. It wasn't true, he worked just as much as she did but she sensed she needed to provoke him until he finally exploded if she wanted to get something out of him. She needed to push him over the edge. Maybe, then, they could actually go somewhere. "Or are you finally tired of being a jerk?"
"You're the one acting like a bitch and I'm the jerk." he snorted. "How's the weather in your pink bloody kingdom of nonsense, sweetheart?"
She hated the patronizing way he was treating her. She narrowed her eyes at his back. "Don't talk to me like that, I am not a child for you to lecture. And the least you could is look at me when we have a conversation, it's the proper thing to do."
"We aren't having a conversation, you're looking for an excuse to nag me until I fall asleep from boredom." His tone left no room for argument and he sat down heavily on the lower bunk to unlace his boots. "And you can shove propriety up your ass for all I care."
She stepped back as if he had slapped her.
"Apologize." she demanded.
His only answer was to laugh, a low and mocking rumble of a laugh. He didn't even glance up, he was focused on the recalcitrant knot of his shoelaces.
It was so obvious he didn't care in the slightest…
Maybe she was stupid. Stupid to love him despite everything, stupid to insist he kept on fighting when all he wanted to do was give up, stupid for trying to built something in a world that had no stable foundations anymore…
She needed space.
She felt as if she was suffocating and the knowledge that they were so deep underground didn't help at all.
She needed air. Fresh air.
And she also needed another place to stay, she couldn't remain in that room with him any longer. She couldn't watch what they shared wither and die. She couldn't. It was too raw, too beautiful… She loved him too much, it would destroy her.
He kicked the first boot in the corner of the room, it connected with the wall before flipping back down. The loud noise made her flinch, it also brought her back to the present. She grabbed her backpack, placed it on the metallic chest of drawers and started shoving all her belongings in it, regardless of proper folding. Her sight was blurred by hot tears. She tried to blink them away but some rolled down her cheeks all the same.
The second boot hit the wall before she was done.
"What are you doing now?" he sighed as if she was being insufferable. She was getting on his nerves, that much was clear.
"Giving you what you want." she replied quietly. She forced the rest of her clothes in the backpack and struggled to close it. She heard him standing up and walking closer so she hastily brushed the tears away with her sleeves, hoping her make-up hadn't made too much of a mess of her face.
"You're packing." he mumbled as if he was talking to himself. She didn't nod or even acknowledge his words. She had been wrong before, she shouldn't have pushed him. There was no coming back from that, she knew it. She would pass that door and she would never come back because whatever was happening with him, he wouldn't let her in. He was shutting her out and that wouldn't work. She tried to lift the bag but it was heavy and she almost dropped it. Her hands were shaking so it was no surprise that she wasn't able to hold on to it when he tore it away from her and flung it at the opposite side of the room.
It was ridiculous of course, the room was so small it was only a few feet away.
It was more of a statement, she supposed.
"You're not leaving." he growled.
She lifted her arms and let them fall helplessly. "Isn't it what you want? Because you certainly don't want me, Haymitch. When was the last time you even kissed me? Do you remember? Because I don't. I'm invisible to you."
She shook her head dejectedly and moved to get the backpack but he stepped in her way.
"I hate this place." he spat.
"And you think I don't?" she riposted. "That's not an excuse. I can bear your emotional constipation, I can bear your rudeness, I can even bear your drinking issues but I can't bear to be a toy you take off the shelf when the whim strikes you. Either we are together or we aren't."
"You're such a fucking saint to bear me, sweetheart…" he sneered. "What about me? Don't I get credits for bearing your endless chatter, your complaining about clothes and your obsession for politeness?"
"Since I'm so horrible, I wonder what you saw in me." She tried to sidestep him but he kicked the backpack further away.
"I saw you." he replied and for a second, the world froze. He took a quivering breath. "Don't leave. I can't…" He reached for her face warily, as if he was afraid she would run away. His grey eyes found hers and begged her to understand. "Don't leave, Princess."
Coming from him, it was almost a love declaration. She wanted to give in to him but…
"I can't live like this anymore." she whispered. "You're… You're slipping away. It doesn't matter what I do, you are slipping away and I can't stand by and watch you do that."
A flicker of annoyance flashed in his eyes. His hand fell back at his side. "I'm here, I'm trying. What more do you want from me?"
"Are you?" Her sarcasms flew high above his head.
"I could be miles away from this fucking place !" he yelled suddenly, obviously at a loss for patience. "The kids and Jo have been nagging me to take off for weeks! But I stayed. For you. Because, here, you're safe. And because you love your bloody hot showers and I didn't want to be the guy who ask you to give it up to head out to a certain death. I am here. I stayed. You don't get to lecture me about how much I don't care for you, Effie, because I gave up freedom for you."
It left him breathless.
As for Effie, she was speechless.
She frowned, utterly lost. "What are you talking about?"
He opened and closed his mouth without a sound and then he ran a hand in his dirty tangled hair. "The kids and Jo are talking of heading north, find a place like the farm… Settling somewhere that isn't a bloody prison." He shrugged. "They were waiting for Annie's baby to be born. She doesn't want to come. Gale doesn't want to either."
She must have been gaping because it almost hurt when she snapped her jaw shut. She blinked a few times processing that new information and then she started laughing. She laughed until she gasped for air. She laughed so hard that tears rolled down her cheeks again.
And Haymitch watched, obviously confused.
"You are all leaving and nobody told me." she heaved finally between two chuckles and then she laughed some more, to the point her side actually started to hurt. She didn't know why she was laughing. Perhaps because it was easier than crying.
"I told you I'm not going anywhere." he grumbled defensively. "You're staying so I'm staying."
"Why didn't anybody tell me?" She was still chuckling, a little out of breath, and yet she was so far from being amused… She sat down on the lower bunk, staring at him.
"I told them not to until they were actually leaving." he shrugged. "I didn't want you to get upset before you had to."
"So you took the decision out of my hands. Didn't we have a discussion about this? The night before we moved to the Capitol building?" She could recall it clearly. "Didn't we agree you are my partner and not my keeper?"
To his credit, he did wince guiltily.
She was angry now but, oddly, the tension was gone. It was hard to be angry at him when he was standing bare-feet and bare-chested in nothing more than his grey pants soiled at the knee.
"I knew you wouldn't want to go. I didn't want you to feel conflicted about it." he sighed. "Look, sweetheart…"
"Who says I don't want to go?" she cut him off with a snort. "Ah, yes… You. Perhaps you should have asked me first, don't you think?"
"Okay." he mocked, annoyed. "Do you want to go back to living on the road again, Princess? Do you want to say goodbye to your three meals a day, your daily shower and your nice comfy bed?"
"Yes." she said simply.
It was his turn to be speechless.
It didn't last though, he rolled his eyes. "See? That's why I didn't want them to tell you. You shouldn't have to leave all that behind because…"
"Would you stop telling me what I want and don't want?" she hissed. "It might have escaped your notice with all your brooding and self-pitying but I hate this place too, Haymitch. I wash dishes. All day long. And you are unhappy here, so unhappy you don't sleep, you don't eat and you don't speak to me anymore. Do I love being safe behind concrete walls? Yes. Would I keep that over you or the children? No." She let out a long suffered sigh. "I'm not happy here either. Life outside is difficult but at least we are living. What is it you told me when we met? Try to enjoy the ride? This isn't enjoying the ride, Haymitch. This isn't a ride at all. This is pointless waiting. If the children are leaving, I am leaving with them."
She had made her point, she thought. So she lied down on her bed and turned her back on the room, facing the wall, hoping it wasn't too far from lights out because she didn't want to see him anymore. She was so furious…
"Scoot over." he asked, tapping her shoulder gently.
She didn't move, except to bend her right leg in front of her so she would be taking even more space on the bed.
"Okay." he snorted. "You better remember later you wanted to make it difficult."
She was expecting him to tug her out of the bed. She wasn't expecting him to crawl on top of her when she was lying on her side and the lack of space was critical. She was sure her hip dug in his stomach and he was very much crushing her but no matter how much she complained, he wriggled until he was in the few inches between her and the wall. It couldn't have been comfortable.
"You are ridiculous." she huffed, trying to turn away from him again. He grabbed her shoulder before she could do that which only prompted her to purse her lips even more in disapproval. "In case it escaped your notice, I am angry, Haymitch."
And he was annoyed, it was plain on his face.
"I fucked up." he said.
"Accurate." She didn't meet his eyes. She didn't want to. "You don't take decisions for me."
"I was trying to protect you." He squeezed her shoulder briefly. "I thought… I thought you wouldn't want to go but you would feel forced to and I didn't want you to be unhappy."
"Well, you thought wrong." she sighed. "I am unhappy. If you had stopped playing martyrs for one second you might have seen that."
"I hate this place." he shrugged. "It makes me… All I can think about is drinking. All day."
"Then we are leaving." she replied. "It will be difficult but we will find another place eventually…"
Somewhere cold – she hated the cold but the zombies hated it even more. They could find a natural reserve perhaps, somewhere with cabins and game to hunt for Katniss… Thirteen was the safest place left on Earth but it wasn't for them. Effie had known that the second she had walked in.
"Why didn't you trust me?" she asked. Because that was the real question in all of this. Why didn't he trust her to make the right choice? "You think I'm selfish to the point of forcing you to live the rest of your life safe but miserable?"
His grey eyes roamed on her face, guarded. "I was afraid you would tell me to go even if you chose to stay behind."
The confession was mumbled and awkward and she huffed again at how ridiculous that man was.
"You were stupid then." she shook her head. "You are stuck with me for the rest of your life, haven't you understood that yet? What were the chances of you and I ever meeting? It's fate, Haymitch." She finally moved back a little so he could have more space.
"I don't believe in fate." he replied. He followed her body instead of settling more comfortably, unbuttoning the grey shirt in a matter of seconds.
"What do you think you are doing?" She lifted an eyebrow, because if he thought…
"Apologizing, sweetheart." A tentative smirk danced on his lips, his fingers ghosted over her thigh and she rolled her eyes, giving up with a sigh. Damned him and damned herself for being so weak. He seemed pleased by her wordless agreement. He slipped the shirt off her shoulder carefully, and started rolling up the undershirt, chasing the fabric with his lips. She couldn't help her intake of breath under the trail of hot kisses he dropped on her stomach. His mouth stopped on her breasts and she arched her back so he could unclasp her bra. He didn't and she froze with a frown.
"What's wrong?" she asked.
For a second he didn't answer, then he propped himself on his elbows on either side of her head and looked down at her.
"Before I met you…" His voice was rough and uncertain, as if he couldn't even believe what he was saying. "My life wasn't good – zombie apocalypse aside."
"I know." she whispered, reaching up to steal a kiss. He didn't deepen it.
"You made it better. I never thought I could have that again." He winced at his own awkwardness. "You get what I'm saying, yeah?"
It was a huge admission coming from him. A better one than the speech he had made months ago about how his actions should tell her exactly how he felt about her.
"If you are saying that you are madly in love with me, then yes I get the picture." she teased.
He brushed a hand against her cheek, her hair… He was trying to say the words, she knew it because he looked torn and frustrated. She kissed it away, not leaving him enough time to breathe or think.
"I know." she murmured in his ear when he finally unclasped her bra.
Any restraint was off after that.
Their remaining clothes were almost torn off their bodies. He tried to stop her when she undid his belt, tried to make it all about her but that wasn't what she wanted. She wanted him. She wanted them.
It started rough, so rough she was sure she would have bruises and scratches all over her body the next day but that was alright with her because he would have them too – she bit his jaw so hard the mark would last for days. It started rough but it ended slow. They had to make that one last because safety was a rare thing in that world and they were about to forsake it.
She didn't even realize it when time for lights out rolled around and they were plunged in the dark.
Just a chapter left, to be honest it's more of an epilogue than a real full-length chapter but I hope you will like it all the same. Tell me what you thought of this one!