It was just two months shy of the Yule Ball (Dean's prediction being proven entirely correct) and a month after the mandatory dance classes.
Dean had proven competent enough to skip, so he finally used the one trick to his creature form he never had a chance to until now...the record prank. He put one claw on the record, and to the shock (and open amusement of the others), music began to play from his open mouth. Loki took pictures, once he was done laughing at the disbelieving expressions on the student's faces.
However a week before the ball, Dean hatched a plan that would have the girls hate him even more than they already did, or love him. Either way Loki thought it was pretty damn hilarious. The only ones being left out in the 'cold' so to speak, were the Slytherins and the Bulgarians, and that was because they didn't have a transfer student with them.
Dean was using the telepathic link between him, Sam and Castiel to give the exact same speech to each of the three houses they had ended up in.
"Alright men, this is a big event for us. Now I'm sure you're all wondering why I dragged almost every guy in our dorms to this empty classroom. To be fair, almost every guy in Hufflepuff and Ravenclaw are going to hear the same speech in another room, so don't feel left out. Men, my goal is to get each and every one of you either a date for the ball or to get laid."
The guys stared at him for point two oh three seconds before they all grinned. Some even cheered.
"Here's my guide on how to get more ass than a toilet seat, if you catch my drift. Remember, there are some girls...or guys if that's your inclination...that this won't work on. Your job is to find a target and stick with it. Now, and this is important, under no circumstances are you to stare at Fleur Delacour if you do snag a date, unless she is your date."
"Why?" asked Ron dumbly.
"Girls, by and large, hate it when their guys look at other girls. It makes them feel unattractive and is almost guaranteed to get you slapped, even if Fleur can't help it because she's a quarter-Veela," said Dean knowingly, "They also don't like it if you stare at their breasts or ass unless you're acting like you're comparing them with another woman and decide that your date is hotter. Trust me, this is almost guaranteed to get you on their good side if you think they look better than the other one."
Fred and George nodded sagely at this advice.
"Anyway, never stare at another girl if you have a date. Next, if you have a girl in particular you like, and I mean really like, then for Merlin's sake do not perform stupid stunts to get their attention. It almost never works, or if it does, it's usually the bad kind. Fred, George, you're best bet for dates are girls who like guys with a great sense of humor," said Dean, looking at the twins.
"What about those too shy to ask a girl out?" asked Neville. He fell into this category, but for some reason he felt comfortable around Dean and Sam, so he felt safe enough to ask this.
"In your case, you're probably not ready to get laid, but you could get a date with the shy girls or one of the lower years. I have it on good authority that Hannah Abbot and her best friend both think you're cute," said Dean immediately. This came from his knowledge of what happened when he was Harry. Neville married Susan Bones, but he heard that was only because she got to him before Hannah did. "Play your cards right and you might end up with girlfriends who don't mind sharing."
"What about those too nervous to ask anyone?" asked Harry.
"Do not under any circumstances date a fan girl. It never ends well and it only encourages their stalking efforts," said Dean flatly. If he could keep Harry from marrying Ginny, he would consider this mishap entirely worth it. "If need be, I can have Cas and Sam find the girls who don't have dates among the Hogwarts bunch, but you're on your own with the French."
Sam was going with Luna Lovegood, mostly because he viewed her more as a sister than anything and because she was the one female that wouldn't make Gabriel very jealous. Since Sam appeared to be 14 (Dean looked a year older, for some odd reason) he was technically too young to date Loki. So he chose the oddball Ravenclaw to bring instead.
"Now, onto another matter...I heard that Moody is going to be guarding the drinks, so we can't spike it...but I'm betting we could probably convince Loki to do it for us if we bribe him with enough sugar. Harry, I heard you're a good cook so I'll show you the kitchens later. (Harry nodded at this) Now, if we play our cards right we might be able to get the girls a little drunk, which makes things easier. I also have a list of things to not say to your date unless you want to go to bed alone for the older boys. Oh, and Ron? Do us all a favor and actually bathe and brush your teeth. Girls likes guys who care about their personal hygiene, and yours is rather poor compared to Neville, who always has dirt on him from gardening so much."
Neville blushed, but even he would admit he was better than Ron when it came to stuff like that. Ron looked offended, but his brothers were nodding in agreement.
Dean then brought out a chalkboard he had Loki snap up. He began with a simple list of "Do's" and "Don'ts".
Mainly things you were allowed (or encouraged) to say to a girl under twenty, and things that were forbidden areas.
The forbidden areas included comments on bust, ass, weight, height, other girls (unless you were comparing them to said girl and considered your date better in some way), comments on whether a threesome was optional (except for those with an already standing relationship), chatting and/or flirting with other girls within earshot unless your date was okay with this, opinions on 'blood purity', politics (unless you were mocking someone like Fudge as a way to break the ice), homework or guy related topics.
Dean was amused to see that nearly every guy there was taking notes.
Acceptable topics for your date were: appearances (compliments were a must, especially for hair, nails, outfit or general looks), their dancing skills, favorite Quidditch team, subjects, music, books, pranks...least favorite teachers, detentions, subjects.
Dean shared a vast list of things to break the ice with that wouldn't get the boy in question slapped. He also had a picture of a girl on there, and pointed out trouble areas.
"Girls don't mind you looking every once in a while at their ass or their bust, but they prefer it if their date keeps their eyes on their own while talking. Failure to keep eyes above neck level decreases your chances of getting a second date, or if you've already got a girlfriend, laid. Remember, when laying on compliments you want to make them sound as sincere as possible, but for magic's sake do not lay it on thick! Otherwise they'll know you're lying your ass off!"
"Any questions?"
"I have one. Who's your date, Professor Ladies man?" catcalled Fred.
"Cas."
That got a rather shocked blink from the guys.
"Cas, as in the Hufflepuff who's always hanging around you? That Cas?" asked George.
"He needed a date, and there's no way in hell I'm going to let some poor girl suffer through him being their date. He has a weird inability to make small talk, and this way I didn't have to go searching for one," shrugged Dean.
"And the fact the champions have to open up the dance?" asked Harry openly amused. He could see McGonagall's face now.
"Hey, if they have a problem with it, he has none with taking a temporary gender-switching potion," said Dean flatly.
Cas had been very happy to be asked to be Dean's date, while Loki was a mite jealous that as a 'teacher' he was too old for Sam. There were times his Dad sucked, and this was just one of them.
"The weird thing is that I can see it," said George.
"Same here," said Fred.
It was pretty damn obvious to anyone that stayed in the same room with the two that Cas had a thing for Dean, and while Dean was clearly aware of it, he was reluctant to take it to the next level for some reason. Either way that staring contest the two got into was considered extremely weird.
"Hey, I still got more tail than any of you clowns, just ask Sam."
"Oh, we will," said the twins. Imagine their shock that Dean used to be a real lady killer, at least until he met Cas anyway.
"I don't believe it," said Fred after the ball.
"His advice actually worked," said George in awe.
To the shock of the males fifth year and above, following Dean's advice (and the speech transmitted to Sam and Cas who relayed it to the other houses) actually got them laid that night. For some it even got them girlfriends with females who originally wouldn't give them the time of day!
"That guy is a god..." they whispered in unison.
He outpranked Loki, he was able to get past the wards around the girl's dorms, he brought real liquor to their parties, and he knew how to get girls without fail.
It was official, the twins had a new hero to worship. And his name was Dean Harvelle.
Sam was trying very hard not to laugh...but he didn't try that hard. He wasn't the only one either. Dean had gone from popular to near deity level with every single guy in the school barring the Slytherin house, who didn't get the benefit of his speech and the warnings he gave out. Nearly every male from the snake house had gotten slapped and lost their dates when the other three used the advice Dean had given them with their dates, and more than one guy was lucky enough to score a threesome. (Neville was among this group, funnily enough.)
Harry went on a date with a rather nice, if often overlooked, muggleborn girl named Mandy Brocklehurst from Ravenclaw. Dean had asked around (via Sam and Cas) and found she still didn't have a date. Parvati was a nice girl, but she fell firmly under the fan girl category that Dean warned him to avoid like the plague. Mandy, however, did not.
Dean was highly amused when, after Viktor Krum learned why most of the Hogwarts male had gotten dates so easily, he was roped into giving the same speech to the Bulgarian guys (thought it was slightly edited for Valentine's day). They would later send heartfelt thank you letters to Dean when they took his advice and all got girlfriends (and later wives) because of it.
Loki found it hilarious that Dean's former man-whore ways were putting him on the same pedestal as Merlin and well above Dumbledore in the eyes of the teenaged boys. He was practically a god to them!
And as for Harry...he was just glad that a good chunk of the school was paying more attention to Dean than they were him for once.
"Who or what is 'Baby'?" asked Albus. They were drawing the names of those missed most to the Champions, and Dean's had come up with two names. One was Sam, the other was someone called 'Baby'.
Deciding to use two wands from the same hand, Albus asked Sam while he got the boy's permission.
"Wait, Dean actually had Baby come up as a name?" he said incredulous. Albus nodded.
Sam burst out laughing.
"He is so getting mocked for that."
"Who is this 'Baby'?"
"A 1967 black Impala. It's like his pride and joy. I swear that thing is practically sentient with how much he loves it," explained Sam, still snickering. Inside his head, Gabriel was cracking up too as he relayed the info to an amused Cas.
"So it is an object?"
"A car, to be exact. It's actually a shame we had to leave it behind. Dean would have been thrilled to take it with us, but we didn't have the room," said Sam.
Dean's reaction to that news?
"I miss Baby! Damn that Chuck for making us teenagers again!" he wailed. Sam laughed.
Dean took one look at the lake, hit himself with a warming charm, and prepared to do a running leap into the freezing cold water. Once the shot went off, he took a few steps back before he yelled "CANNONBALL!"
Because he was transforming into Godzilla while he fell, the splash hit almost everyone near the lake. Loki cracked up, and wished they had seen what he was turning into. Cas, already well aware of Dean's sense of humor, had avoided most of the water, to the annoyance of others.
Inside the lake, the creatures that lived there year-round had the uncomfortable sensation of a large creature they could only sense being in the water with them. It made the merfolk nervous for good reason.
The most the judges saw were the spikes and the waves as Dean's body glided through the water. The moment his big-brother radar found Sam, his long neck snaked and reached for his baby brother.
He bit through the ropes like they weren't even there, and promptly pulled Sam upwards through the water. Once his brother was able to float on his own, Dean switched back.
"Dear Loki, it's freezing!" yelped Sam once he woke up. The spell only lasted until he breached water, then he was on his own. Dean snorted, before he hit his brother with a warming charm. The two promptly swam to shore.
The judges stared, primarily because it had taken Dean only two minutes to locate and retrieve his hostage...and they had no idea how he did it outside of the long waves he left in his wake. On the plus side, thanks to the prank most of the worst denizens had vanished, leaving the path free and clear for Krum and Delacour. Fleur was especially grateful when she discovered a recently abandoned Grindylow nest that had her tangled for at least ten minutes...had the pests still been there she would have been out for the count. Considering her hostage was her little sister, Dean could relate. He did tease Hermione about Krum though...but not before snagging a certain bug out of her hair before Krum noticed.
He had already dealt with the aftermath of Hagrid's ancestry with the students...and poor Hagrid himself. Thanks to his popularity and the fact he had become the de-facto leader of the school (a position Harry happily handed over) they were willing to give him a benefit of a doubt.
After a week they moved on.
Like Dean pointed out...it was almost impossible to see 'evil giant' when one looked at Hagrid. The man was a bit dense when it came to animals, but outside of that he was one of the friendliest people you would meet. He didn't care what house you were in, he always was happy to help if he could. Even some of the Slytherins liked him.
Dumbledore still wanted to know how Dean retrieved his brother so fast...and terrified the merfolk in the lake to the point they kept their traps shut.
"Dude, no one wants to piss off Godzilla...unless you have a death wish or something," said Dean flippantly. Loki nodded in total agreement.