"Okay, I think we've been patient enough. How the hell did you get Sam in less than five minutes? And how did you scare the merfolk and the squid when you did it?" asked Harry.
"Think anyone's guarding the Chamber of Secrets?" asked Dean.
"Outside of Myrtle? Doubtful," said Harry.
Dean concentrated, and sent a quick message to Sam, Cas and Gabriel.
"Meet me there in five minutes, and you'll be the first to see my animagus form. Sam said he'll let his out too if you're interested."
"Sam's an animagus?"
"All of us are, it's just we prefer creature form."
"SWEET MOTHER OF MERLIN!" yelped Harry when they were in the Chamber.
Dean had just let out Godzilla, and was openly snickering at Harry's shocked expression.
"See why the merfolk knew to keep their mouths shut about what I did?"
"What about..." started Harry, before he came face to face with a six-foot-tall black unicorn with Sam's eyes.
"You have got to be kidding. Both of you are magical creatures?"
Pretty much. If you want, we can teach you telepathy so you can help Dean in his pranks, offered Sam.
Harry perked up at the offer.
"Can you show me how you became animagi?"
Dean shifted back. His grin would not be comforting for poor McGonagall.
"Kid, when we're done with you the Dursleys will be a distant memory. Best of all, the English don't bother to track anything that is cast without a wand, so if you're somehow stuck back there you can make their lives hell," said Dean evilly.
It was the only reason Sirius had managed to stay hidden for so long. Because the transformation didn't rely on wands, the only way for the Ministry to track it was if the person was registered.
Harry's answering grin was equally evil. Sam sighed.
"Speaking of distant memories, seems Henry and the others decided to bring ol' Mikey into a new form of torture..." said Loki, clapping his hands eagerly.
"Details!"
"Let me put it this way...if Mikey were in the show, he would be delegated to the role of Daphne Blake."
Dean blinked...before he started howling with laughter.
"Please tell me they've even got a minivan and have dragged Sammy's hounds with them!" he cackled.
Loki cackled as well.
"He's Daphne, Jo is Freddy, Henry is Velma and two guesses who's Shaggy. The two pugs are now great danes that go by Scooby and Scrappy."
Dean was cracking up, as was Sam.
"I'm confused."
"The big bad arch angel Micheal has been delegated to the role of Daphne Blake from Scooby Doo," clarified Dean, once he got over his giggles.
"Wasn't Daphne a girl?"
"Yup, and one of the most useless characters."
"I still can't believe the hold you have over most of the guys here," said Harry, shaking his head.
Dumbledore had a bit of a shock realizing exactly how much power Dean had over the male population after the article about Hagrid's ancestry came out.
One word from Dean resolved the entire mess with minimum fuss. Not even the Headmaster could pull that off.
The students might respect Dumbledore as a teacher, but they trusted Dean over the old goat any day.
Mostly because thanks to him, they now had girlfriends or had better chances of getting laid. It was hard to beat that, especially considering how awkward it would be to get that kind of talk from someone as ancient as Dumbledore...which the majority of the magical world knew to be gay.
Dean at least openly admitted he was bi, which meant he had sage advice for both sides of that particular coin.
"So...why did your name come out twice?"
It was a question that had baffled everyone.
"Some asshole tried to put you into this death trap. I, on the other hand, knew it was coming so I had Loki prepare a counter...he made it so that any parchment with your name on it that didn't state Hogwarts as your school would automatically be re-written with my name on it. I'd say it worked pretty good, wouldn't you?" said Dean.
Harry paled.
"Someone tried to enter me into this death trap?"
"Again, already knew it was coming so I was prepared to keep you out of this mess."
Harry hugged him, to the shock of the brothers. He hated being caught in a mess every year. Then he snickered.
"You do realize that practically every male in this school now officially sees you as their god and will follow you more willingly than they will Dumbledore, right?"
"Speaking of 'god', I have word that a special present will be showing up for Valentine's Day for you Dean-o," said Gabriel grinning.
"What kind of present?" asked Dean, mostly because this was the same deity that made Gabriel and turned them into fourteen-year-olds.
"Trust me, you'll love it," said Gabriel snickering.
Dean took one look at the 'present' that had appeared suddenly on the Hogwarts grounds, and to the shock of everyone but Sam, Cas and Gabriel, practically apparated to the thing in his desire to be reunited with his "Baby".
Chuck figured since the guys weren't going to use the Impala, and the others had been punished enough by being turned into teenagers again, that he would send the car to it's owner. Dean was thrilled to have his car back, even if he couldn't legally drive it in England just yet. At least, not without aging potions or a glamour in place.
Dean Thomas looked at the car reverently, as did a good chunk of the muggleborn males. He was practically drooling.
"Is that a fully restored 1967 black Impala?" he asked.
"With all the original fittings," said Dean proudly.
Seeing the teacher's expressions, it was clear they fully planned to confiscate his car. Dean gave them a look and shot a full-on blast of Godzilla's aura at them. They stopped cold.
"No one touches Baby, not after the hell I went through to get her back," he growled. Dean didn't notice (or care) that he was emitting smoke from his mouth and his eyes had slit.
Sam walked up to his brother and slapped him on the head. Dean glared at him.
"Dean, just take the car inside before the Scottish weather rusts it. I'm sure they can cast whatever spells they want on it while you make sure they don't try to take it apart. Besides, didn't you have to put it back together already before?"
"No one touches my car, dammit. And if one idiot from the Ministry dares to voice the idea of taking it apart I'll fry their ass," said Dean growling.
Much to the amusement of Loki, Sam, Cas and Harry (who was considered an unofficial Harvelle at this point), that claim was backed by the almost reverent nods of every muggle-raised male who had come to see the car. Dean addressed them next.
"Guys, once the old folks figure out my Baby isn't dangerous, I'll teach you all how to repair a car. Might as well give you some education that isn't totally useless once you leave this place," Dean told the boys.
Dean Thomas looked like Christmas had come early. He was going to learn how to repair a car!
It took the teachers two days (and the uncomfortable watchful glare of one Dean Harvelle the entire time they were doing it) before they declared the car safe to be around. Idiots. It was just a good thing Gabriel was able to hide the contents of the trunk, or they really would have had a coronary.
Soon after Dean found himself the impromptu teacher of how to repair, maintain, and drive a car. He had, of course, forced Gabriel to go and buy a few junk ones and all the parts needed so he didn't have to risk his precious Impala.
The first gens were thrilled to finally have a practical class that they could use outside Hogwarts. Sure, getting the equivalent of their A-levels would be difficult (until Dean quietly installed older computers complete with internet access and forced Sam to teach them how to repair and fix computers as payback for laughing at him), but at least now they had something to fall back on.
Being a mechanic or computer repair specialist didn't require magic or a degree. You just had to prove competent. Case in point, Dean's only legal method of getting money without doing credit card scams. Bobby sure as hell didn't care if he had graduated or not, and Dean was betting there were other places that could care less as well, so long as they knew what they were doing.
As far as the teachers were concerned, it was more of a club that most of the students went to. At least that was how Flitwick phrased it to Dumbledore.
It didn't hurt that a majority of those who believed in that pure blood crap avoided it like the plague.
The third task. Out of all the champions, only Dean didn't have his 'family' come to visit. To be fair, most of his family in this alternate world was already with him.
He knew it had to be an alternate, because he had Gabriel try to find the Winchesters, only to learn that they didn't exist. Neither did the Campbells, the Harvelles, or even Bobby. Which...was kinda sad in his opinion.
Dean had the highest score of the three, and it was pretty clear that he was the most respected.
The Bulgarians liked him because he gave useable advice on how to get girlfriends that actually worked, and he treated them like they had brains, unlike the British. Fleur liked him because he got the boys to quit staring at her chest all the times like drooling apes, as did most of the other French girls.
Hogwarts loved him because he was a natural leader, one that did a much better job at inspiring people than Dumbledore ever did.
Dean ignored Dumbledore's speech, and waited for the cannon to off.
The second it did, he sprinted.
He actually caused Viktor, Fleur and the adults to blink, because they weren't expecting him to be that fast.
Several people jumped when they saw large bouts of what appeared to be dragon fire come out of the maze. With how dark it was, Dean could go into a smaller variant of Godzilla and no one would notice.
"Didn't zey remove ze dragons?" asked Fleur of Viktor.
"I thought they did too," he said confused and more than a little worried.
"The nesting mothers were removed as soon as the eggs were able to leave," said Dumbledore. He was frowning. Unless Hagrid got another dragon egg, he had no idea where that fire was coming from. It was clearly dragon-fire in origin.
More than one person jumped when someone finally remembered to use the cannon again.
Fleur ran in next, followed soon by Viktor.
They needn't have bothered. By the time they reached the first obstacle, the maze fell apart.
The problem?
Dean and the Goblet were nowhere to be found.
Dean found himself in a graveyard that used to haunt his nightmares. Time to rewrite history and make fate his bitch for once.
Yes, he did end up tied to that stupid angel statue, but when Pettigrew went to cut his arm to get to the blood, the skin immediately morphed into blue fur.
Dean's fur was bulletproof. There was no way in hell a near-squib like Pettigrew would be able to cut it with the crappy knife he had.
His smirk did not inspire confidence, as he took a deep breath, morphed his inner organs appropriately, and blew as hard as he possibly could. He couldn't do acid in human form...his mouth wasn't properly made for it. Fire, on the other hand? Fire he could do, if he didn't mind having a scratchy throat for a few days.
Dragon fire was magical in origin. The flames under the cauldron were magical.
Ergo, mixing the two would be a spectacularly bad idea. Especially considering the ritual Pettigrew was attempting to perform in the presence of Death's avatar among the living.
The cauldron exploded, and the 'baby-like' creature inside of it screamed like the damned. Dean was openly disappointed to find it was still alive.
On the plus side, he definitely hurt that damn shade.
Shifting to Stitch, he slid through the bindings and went to find the port key.
"OH COME ON!"
The explosion from the potion had unfortunately hit the cup. Because it was magical, it had somehow managed to destroy the enchantment that dragged him there.
There was no way he was bringing Castiel to this hellish place. And he might accidentally call Sam to the graveyard considering he was carrying an alternate version of Gabriel's soul.
There was no way he was going to let Voldemort know about Godzilla just yet.
Dean was stuck...until another solution occurred to him.
"FAWKES!"
For a few seconds, nothing happened. Then a large ball of flame appeared. Dean thought it was the Fawkes from this alternate...but was quickly proven wrong with the irate bird began to peck the living crap out of him.
"OW! OW! OW! What the hell Fawkes?"
You didn't think it appropriate to call on me before you were bloody reincarnated by Death himself?!
"Okay...did not know Phoenixes were telepathic too..." muttered Dean, before his mind processed what the bird said. "Wait a damn minute...you're my Fawkes, not the resident one here!?"
No shit Sherlock. The one of this world doesn't know you well enough to answer! Now you had better fill me in on why we're in an alternate world and why you are fifteen again!
"Later! First we need to get back to the damn castle. I seem to have accidentally destroyed my ride," said Dean. Fawkes rolled his eyes, but allowed Dean to grab his tail feather.
Needless to say the pandemonium at the appearance of the phoenix would only be eclipsed by the outcry when Dean let everyone know what his animagus form was.
Or the way Sam laughed his ass off at his brother for inadvertently bonding with the phoenix.