My Time Of Dying

By Breech Loader

Breech: First Person is a funny thing to write. You can put it in present or past tense. Past usually gives you fairly clean thoughts and a memory, and that's cool. But I like to put it in the present tense, and I think you've noticed that makes a story feel very fast. This story is exactly that.

That's probably why this story is working out so well – Scourge's story is hugely depressing, but he as a person is supposed to be fast and crazy. It balances out.

Chapter Six: Going Under

Do you know what the worst thing about being arrested by the Zone Cops is? It's all the zone jumping. I'm a fugitive from justice, so they take me back to No-Zone Jail – yes, Sonic throws a shit-fit; no, it doesn't change anything. I'd put up more of a fight if I could walk. Turned out that I was the one who had to calm him down. You can get into a shitton of trouble for punching a Zone Cop in the face, even if he is your double.

And yes, I'm currently cuffed to a bed in the infirmary, the back-rest propped so that I can sit up. I'm classed as a Code Blue, which is not exactly making me want to jump for joy because that is a pretty pathetic code. Although I still feel too shitty to deny it. Yup. Still loser material. By No-Zone standards, I'm basically being charged with trespassing and loitering.

Oh yeah, they're holding the Suppression Squad too on account of deliberately crossing zones to try and kill me. Now I'm being talked to about that by the 'Good Cop', who is incidentally Zamy Roze. It's as if I'll have forgotten how they've just quizzed me six hours straight on everything from the illegal zone-jumping to the regularity of my bowel movements.

I point at the bruising on my belly. I think it's been hurting worse. Sure hurts worse than the rest of me, anyway, "It's pretty obvious I didn't do this to myself, sweet-cheeks."

She's wearing the fake smile all 'Good Cops' put on when they're talking to bastards to try and make them think they're safe, "Yes Scourge, I know, but owing to your recent attempts at self-harm, there's the possibility that your attackers will use that as a defense."

I look up, "Who told you about the self-harm crap?"

"Your, uh… caretaker. Sonic-Prime."

"Oh, yeah…" I lie back in the bed again. Well, I did hear him shouting at Zonic about 'he's not happy, he needs me'. Yeah, he was quizzed too, what with kicking the Suppression Squad's collective asses. I don't know what he told them, which is really making me sweat. I guess he would tell the truth, so I'm settling for that.

There's another shitty thing about being the evil version of Sonic. He's honest. I've got a well-deserved reputation as a pathological liar, so even when I tell the truth people think I'm lying.

"You want to see the ones I did to myself? I could go all week pointing 'em out. But beating myself to death? Come on, babe…" I sigh, "I told you, I was juiced up to the eyeballs. I'd just bought a fresh bottle. Then Prower jumped me and called the rest of them. They must've been close… they turned up almost before he could finish telling me how screwed I was."

"And then?"

"Fiona starts gloating and shit. Fucking bitch… Then she sets them on me for the kicking. Doesn't even have the guts to deal with me herself."

"Did you fight back?"

"I… sort of…"

She smiles in a way that's supposed to put me at ease but when you've been in my life, is just creepy, "Sort of?"

"Well, okay. Guess she would've showed you the cuts on her cheek. I slapped her."

"I bet that made her angry."

"Oh, hell yeah. She set them on me for the killing right there…" Shit, gotta be careful – Good Cops are butt-smackingly smart, "But damn, she was talking about turning me into a bed-slave. You don't know her like I do! She would've pulled it! I'd forgotten about the glass in my hand!"

"How could you forget about glass in your hand?"

"Because I was drunk, you stupid cunt! How many times do I have to tell you that?! Did she tell you I'd glassed her? Dumb bitch doesn't know what she's on about. If I'd glassed her properly, she'd be missing half her face!"

"But she didn't tell them to kill you until you hurt her?"

"Great. Make the green hedgehog with two stab wounds in his chest the bad guy."

"You must have been terrified… didn't you fight back?"

Ah. More leading questions. Zamy Roze, you are a lot smarter than your Prime ditzy double, "I would've, if I hadn't been so damn drunk. They kicked me a lot, before Prower picked me up and stabbed me. Twice. But don't think I'm singling him out… they probably drew lots."

"That must've hurt."

I stop myself before I can go on, then take a quick breath, "It would have hurt a lot more if I hadn't been so drunk. That was about when Sonic must've turned up. He told them to stop, then kicked their asses about as fast and easy as I'd expect. Seriously, you can't be saying he's in trouble? I was about to get stabbed to death!"

"And then?"

"Then I nearly died right fucking there. He saved my pathetic waste of a life! You're not saying he's in trouble for that?! No, you are! Because I shouldn't even be alive!"

"Let's go back a bit… why did you even leave his custody in the first place?"

"What? I… Because…" I swallow. The old fast-rewind. Specially developed by cops to get you messed up… to check you can turn out the same story, "Because I…" Aw, shit, "It's complicated."

"Well, try me anyway…"

"I just didn't feel like I should be there, okay?"

"Why not?"

I grit my teeth. This bitch is good, "Fine! You win! I didn't think I should be there because he's the good guy and I'm the bad guy and I don't belong in his world! I fuck up everything I do! I! AM! A CRIMINAL! That's all I'll ever be!" I cover my face; hide it from her, "But I don't belong anywhere now. I'm just some kind of spin-off."

"Scourge… perhaps it would make you feel a little better to know that some No-Zone researchers have recently learned Sonic-Prime may not be the actual Sonic-Prime and is in himself a… spin-off of another, even higher universe, as you call yourself?" she smiles.

"Not really, since it doesn't change what a fucking pathetic loser I am…" Chaos, this is so frustrating, "This is really getting to piss me off, Pinky. I'm tired, I'm hurting, and I want to die. What are you screws gonna do with me already?!"

"Well obviously we had to question you in a safe place," she replies nicely, keeping her cool marvellously, "This is protective custody."

"That's right, I used to be a threat," I mutter, slumping back against the pillow.

"Right now though, we're waiting for your bail to clear."

"Bail?" I look up, "Who would be dumb enough-"

"How about you guess?" she asks me with a friendly little smile.

Right on cue, Zonic escorts Sonic into the infirmary. That's like, five hedgehogs in one room now. Kinda makes me wonder if Zonic is a fag too, but what Zamy said makes me less sure. Especially the way she's looking at him and the way he's not looking at her. You can tell a lot about people by the way they don't look at each other.

Either way, Sonic… really rushes over to me, taking my hand. Gives me a good feeling inside. The same good feeling I always get when he holds me…

"You okay, man? You look stressed… The cops didn't give you too hard a time, did they?"

Guess he doesn't know much about the ex-con/screw relationship. Well, why would he? "Not really. I just…" I take a deep breath, "You're not in trouble for helping me out, are you?"

"I don't think so, why?"

"No reason. Don't sweat it…" Well, I guess I have the legal right to not be murdered. Laws exist to apply to everybody, even me, "Thanks for bailing me out. I bet I'm not cheap. Even when I look as shitty as this."

"No, you're not cheap," He smiles, "Now come on, I know you can't move easy so I got a ride for us. Get you back home…"

"Home?" I don't know what that word means for me anymore.

"Well… back to Mobius Prime, anyway. I cut a deal with Zonic. I keep a close eye on you, and… well, they'll go easy on the zone-hopping stuff."

"Yeah, back to Mobius, that's cool…" I try and sit up, and stifle the pain. Hurts too much. I guess walking isn't an option, "Got any ideas on how?"

Anyway, they get me back in a special No-Zone transport. I can't imagine how many strings Sonic's pulled, but if I know anything about getting favours from screws, he's given himself full responsibility for me to the Zone Cops. That's a lot to do for a guy like me. Guess he must trust me a lot.

Which is a pretty fucking stupid thing to do, even if I don't have anything in the pipeline. Trusting me? Seriously? Doesn't he remember the kind of creep I am? I swear, I'm not planning on doing anything wrong, but things do go wrong around me…

But now I'm back on Mobius Prime, lying in the hospital wearing Sonic's blue jammies, on account of I didn't exactly bring my own. Still got my shades on, natch. Hey, everybody's got their thing. I'm still hurting, still wishing I knew how to be a better person.

Unlike the movies, he can't stay here all day and night. I'm thinking about him a lot. About our… kiss. Gotta face it; I thought I was going to die then. Even now, the only good thing in my life is him and… and it's not supposed to be like that.

You're supposed to have lots of good things in your life, not just one.

I want to see him right now so much but damn, my whole body still hurts. Bruises on my face are clearing up, the stitches are better, that damn patch is off, but where they set to kicking me in the stomach… really hurts. Really bad. It's totally weakass to be crying when you're on your own – almost as bad as crying in front of people, but damn...

Oh Chaos, can't stop thinking of Sonic… What the hell does he even see in me? I'm not a nice guy. It's probably pity. Maybe it's just him being an idiot. Chicks have a thing for bad boys – I've worked that angle all my life. But that's usually reliant on the bad boy not lying drunk in the gutter with an old-school pummelling to the face and stomach.

Oh Sonic, I miss you so bad…

I know I shouldn't be straining my stitches like this, but I drag myself out of the bed and limp to the phone. Oh shit, those damn cramps… I dial Sonic's number. Well, I guess it. Turns out it's the same as mine was when I lived at home, only backwards. Which doesn't really make any sense but hey, what're you gonna do?

For once the world gives me a break and it's him who answers, even at this time of night, sounding tired, "Yeah? What?"

"S-Sonic?" I stammer, trying not to move too much, "It… it's me, Scourge."

"Scourge? What're you doing? Are you out of bed? Are you okay?"

"Yeah, I guess… I just… I just…" The words I wanted to say stick in my throat because suddenly it's so goddamn humiliating to say it, "It's just that I hurt and I wanted to… wanted to…"

I hear him sigh on the other end, "Hang on, I'm coming over. Just get back into that bed, okay?"

"Okay." I hang up and do it. If I'm honest, that's what I wanted. Damn I'm selfish… Chaos only knows what time it is and I'm asking him to come visit me in the hospital when I'm in a mess that's all my fault-

I've barely finished thinking that before the curtain around the bed parts and he's already here. Yeah, took him less than a minute. Hey, he's Sonic the Hedgehog.

"Scourge? You okay?"

"I… kinda…" I shrug, "It hurts a lot, and I was feeling…" Lonely? That may be the right word, but that doesn't mean I want to say it.

"Because you sounded like you… wanted somebody to talk to?" he hazards.

I nod, sitting on the edge of the bed. There's another thump to my gut, and I grimace, "It's pathetic, isn't it?" I tell him, "I just… a couple of years ago I'd be dead before I'd ask you for… for anything. Now I want to be dead except… except when… Oh Chaos, I'm just fucking everything up again-"

"Scourge," Sonic cuts me off and sits next to me on the bed, "Scourge, you don't automatically fuck things up just because you're you."

"Oh yeah? Tell me one thing I've done right," I hold out my wrists, "I can't even off myself properly!"

He takes my wrists in his strong hands, "Maybe you were getting those things wrong because that's not what you should be doing? Maybe you'd be better at doing good things?"

"Oh Sonic, don't start that again… Look at me! Look at you! You're the hero on this planet. It doesn't need me."

"Sure it does. The world can always use more heroes," he strokes my cheek, "You're not really my opposite, Scourge. You're brave, and smart, and determined. And an asshole. You just… use it on the wrong things. You can change that."

"What proof do you have, blue-boy?"

He looks into my eyes, "I don't need proof to know the sun will rise."

And our lips meet, him leading with one hand on my cheek, the other stroking my side. Warm and comforting. I can't help myself; I'm crying again… I keep trying not to but it all keeps spilling out. I pull back for a moment, "I shouldn't be… crying like this, it's so-"

"Hey, just let it all out. All of it," he smiles like he always smiles, "I won't tell anybody."

I look into his eyes and feel my chest hitch, and then we kiss again, stronger this time. His soft lips moving against mine, it's a slow movement, but warm and deep. And it's so faggy. It starts that way, and then it's changing, short and fast and getting faster, my eyes close and his hands are on my cheeks and my hands… I don't know where to put my hands, they're shaking that bad.

It's scary, but… not like that. He's kissing me and it's like he's saying that night in the gutter wasn't just a crazy mistake – even if, y'know, it kinda was. Because it was me he kissed. But I don't know what to do. I put one hand on his shoulder, just to have it somewhere. Guess I am a fag after all. You should probably know that makes me want to be sick.

Except when I'm kissing him.

He's leading but… not pushing it… Everything he's doing feels good. Sure, he's not asking, but I think if he was stopping every few seconds to say 'Are you okay with this?' I'd say 'So what have you done with the real Sonic?'. Or I'd just slug him one. That's Sonic. He respects people's judgement. I just go around letting them make mistakes. Sometimes I laugh at them behind their backs.

I mean seriously, this is a huge mistake and I'm just letting him make it. I am such an asshole.

I feel like I'm drowning… can't hardly breathe, my head's spinning… putting my other hand on his side as our lips meet and part rapidly, light kisses over and over and over again. Tilt my head back and he's kissing my chest and I'm not doing a damn thing to stop him. He slides a hand under my bed-shirt, parting it slowly. Then he runs a hand down my belly–

And SHIT, I damn near scream because it hurts, it really hurts. He's not even touching that hard. And now he's actually looking at it and I think he's really worried…

"Nnngh… not your… fault…" I clutch at it, "Oh damn! Just… hurts a lot…"

"Scourge, that's really… it's all purple, it looks awful…"

"No, I… just… been feeling kinda…" I wince, looking down. Oh, wow, "I can handle it. Guess I need more slee-"

"I'm gonna get Doctor Quack."

I stand up fast as him, grabbing his arm, "I told you, I'm gonna be- AAAAGH SHIT!" I collapse and just hit the floor, clutching at myself. That's what I get for standing up. When did it get this bad? "Oh shit, oh shit…" He's shouting for the doctor and I'm trying really hard not to scream but… I saw something about internal bleeding on some medical show once… has it been building up from the kicking yesterday? So much for 'no lasting damage', huh Doc? Makes me wish that old nag Doctor Kintobor was here.

He's pulling away, about to leave me to find Doctor Quack… On my knees I tighten my grip…

"Don't go… Oh damn, don't leave me Sonic…" Don't leave me, Sonic… I'm really getting scared…

"Why didn't you tell us? Why didn't you tell me?"

"I thought it was just… another bruise, y'know? Thought it'd go away… Also… on account of being a complete fuck-face? Don't deserve you good people…" I try and stand, and my head spins and I scream. It's just bruising, it shouldn't be hurting this bad…

"Don't get up. Quack's running here," he sinks to his knees again, cradling me. It hurts and I can't hide it any more. Ah, crap, I'm even crying with it, "Don't, don't… It's gonna be okay-"

"No! No, it's not… I wish…" You would not believe how bad this hurts. Like Rosie's hammer to the gut, only like all the time, not just one quick slam. I squeeze my eyes shut so's it's harder for the tears to spill over, "I wish I was the kinda guy who could believe that…"

"Then… why not be that kind of guy?"

He kisses me gently, and when we break it he looks at me like he thinks I won't have anything to say back. Yeah, right. I can't help but grin, "How come all our nice times happen when I'm dying?"

He strokes a couple of tears off my cheeks, "No Scourge, you're not. I promise you-"

"Heh…" I put one finger over his lips. I'm not so blinded by the pain that I can't see him trying to hide how bad this is getting, "Liar…"

Fifty-thousand tears I've cried,
Screaming, deceiving and bleeding for you,
And you still won't hear me,

Don't want your hand this time - I'll save myself,
Maybe I'll wake up for once,
Not tormented daily defeated by you,
Just when I thought I'd reached the bottom,

I'm dying again…

I'm going under, (going under…)
Drowning in you, (drowning in you…)
I'm falling forever, (falling forever…)
I've got to break through,
I'm going under…

Breech: Go listen to "Going Under" by Evanescence. Is it MY fault that this fic is so depressing that only the super-emo bands make the right music for it? Well… probably…

Additionally, thanks most incredibly to AishaPaicha on account of making some fan-art for Chapter Five. She's that name on DA. I mean honestly, I didn't even ask for it!