Dean had Suzaku flame them outside Number 12 Grimmauld place a week before the school was to restart. Most of the group were sporting nice tans and relaxed grins. The only one not tanned was Cas, to Dean's amusement.
"Alright, before we go in, is everyone ready?"
"Extra strength bubblehead charm is up," said Gabriel grinning evilly.
"Bear's been prepped," said Sam smirking.
"Innocent face is on," said Harry trying hard not to laugh.
"Then gents, let's go prank the Order of the Flash Fried Chicken."
Sirius, alerted by Dean through telepathy that they were outside, quickly gave them the paper to read and ushered them in once they had.
Harry was almost bowled over by brown and red haired missiles.
Before Hermione could demand to know why he had taken so long to get there, Bear started to do a familiar dance...at least to Sam, Dean and the two angels.
It wasn't his 'I have to go' dance, but the start of something infinitely worse.
The 'I'm about to unleash the world's worst gas attack' dance.
Sirius, alerted to the fact they were about to prank the entire house, already had his bubblehead charm up.
Remus, much to his dismay later, did not.
There was a loud, wet fart that emanated from the St. Bernard mix, and almost immediately people started dropping like flies from the smell.
Gabriel, having been on the tail end of such a fart, started howling like a lunatic. It was even funnier when he wasn't on the receiving end!
"Holy crap! We got Fawkes too!" cackled Dean.
Sure enough, Fawkes was out cold from the smell.
"Dear Merlin, that is foul. What the hell caused that?" gagged Sirius. He could stomach it...barely.
"Mexican food. A few tacos, burritos and a few Mexican pizzas and Bear becomes a biological weapon," snickered Sam.
"Now, get to taking pictures so we can enjoy this again later!" said Dean, handing the camera to a grinning Sirius.
"In the mean time, let's put some of these guys into compromising positions!" grinned Gabriel.
"Oh hell yes!" cackled Sirius.
Sirius was still snickering when the first victims started to wake up.
"Dear sweet Merlin, what is that awful stench?!"
"GAH!"
As more and more began to wake up, some in rather compromising positions, others without any clothes at all...or wearing something that was the wrong gender for them.
Snape in particular found himself in an outfit that belonged to a show Dean sometimes watched called "Bible Black" cuddling with Professor Dumbledore. He was wearing the female outfit with no underwear on, but thankfully the skirt covered it.
Gabriel had snapped it into place, because none of them could stomach the idea of changing his clothes.
The screams from him were loud enough to wake most of the others, and Dean was very, very glad he had phone to record this.
By the time someone finally had the presence of mind to open all the windows to circulate the air, the damage was already done.
Poor Remus would be out cold for two days after.
And, much to the horror of the days to come, Dean was more than happy to supply the twins with the Bear Bombs to sell at their shop.
Any chance of trying to keep Harry indoors was now officially shot, since Bear could knock out the entire house with a single blast without killing them.
Sirius was so proud of his godson!
"Why did you take so long to return to England, Mr. Harvelle?" asked Dumbledore, once order was restored.
"Dude, do I look like an idiot? If we returned early then the Mother Cat over there would have used us as 'free labor' to clean this dump. Now I don't know about you, but making sure my cousin actually enjoys his summer sounds a hell of a lot more important than helping clean a rat hole like this. No offense," said Dean to Sirius.
"None taken. Sometimes I think it would be better if we burned this place to the ground and rebuilt it," he said cheerfully.
"So no, we were better off waiting until our vacation was almost up instead of coming back, rather than being stuck in this place for weeks on end because you actually think Voldemort is a threat," said Dean cheerfully.
He ignored the gasp from the fact he said the Dark Lord's name.
"Be that as it may, despite the fact you and your brother are American 'hunters', it was still dangerous for you to leave Europe."
"Oh yeah... I forgot these idiots haven't seen Godzilla properly yet!" said Loki grinning.
Dean looked to Sirius.
"Is there anything in this house you wouldn't miss if it got destroyed in fire?"
"My mother's portrait. If you can get rid of that, you can have your pick of the rooms," said Sirius immediately.
"Perfect."
Dean walked to the front entrance, and most of the Order followed.
"You might want to stand clear. I'm not so good at control as I am with aim."
They all stood a good ten feet back. Still within view of what he was about to do.
Dean smirked, then like a ripple along his skin, it became deep black scales. His eyes became slitted and spikes appeared along his back. He took a deep breath, and somewhere in his lungs a chemical reaction occurred.
He blew. Flames and a light spray of highly concentrated acid came out, hitting the portrait and the wall behind it. Because he had transformed his head, he didn't have to worry about it damaging his mouth. After ten seconds, he stopped, and let the transformation drop.
There was a giant gaping hole where the wall was, and Dumbledore was quick to repair the damage before the ceiling collapsed on them.
Almost everyone was in shock. Hermione was the first to speak.
"WHAT THE BLOODY HELL WAS THAT?!"
Harry grinned.
"Dean's a dragon animagus. He had to bend down in the Chamber of Secrets when he showed me his 'Godzilla' form."
"How did you think I managed to complete the second task so fast? Mermaids know better than to piss off a dragon that size," said Dean smirking.
"Wicked!" said the twins in unison.
"What about Sam?" demanded Hermione.
"You might want to stand back a bit. My animal form is pretty tall," said Sam.
Where the tall teen was, there was now a six-foot-three black unicorn.
The girls all stared in shock.
"How come he can do a full transformation but Dean can't?" asked Ginny.
"Size issues. I can do a full transformation, but it takes real control and skill to do partials," said Dean immediately, "Besides, I like Stitch form better."
"Like we said...this Dark Lord has nothing on Godzilla... let alone the power of Loki," said Sam.
"Aw, Sammy you say the sweetest things!" said Gabriel, hugging him.
"A-hem! No relations with minors!" said Molly irate.
No way was she allowing an adult date a fifteen-year-old boy. Not on her watch, even if he was a god!
Sam rolled his eyes.
"Dean, do you have another vial on you?"
"Fresh out Sammy. Have to brew some more," said Dean.
"Damn."
"What potion do you need?" asked Sirius.
"One that adds a few years. It's how we've been able to avoid the wards on the school that detect under age relations," said Sam.
There were wards around the school that alerted the teachers to students under fifth year that were up to no good. They had nearly gotten caught twice before they cottoned on to why the teachers always showed up so fast.
After that Sam kept the aging potion well stocked for when they both needed some alone time. That seemed to keep the wards from going off.
Dean picked a room close to the library, which turned out to be Regulus Black's old one. With a little modification, there was enough room for Dean and Sam to have their own beds.
Harry immediately asked to be roomed with Cas, because there was no way he was sleeping with Ron. Not while he couldn't cast a silencing charm on the red head.
Which left Gabriel on his lonesome...at least to the Order's knowledge. Gabriel usually bunked with Sam, and so long as he didn't wake up Dean, he could care less what they got up to.
Suzaku gave Fawkes a look. The younger phoenix trilled questioningly.
Dumbledore watched the two interact with some amusement and confusion. If not for the fact the second phoenix was slightly bigger, he would have sworn it was Fawkes.
Fawkes seemed to loose the argument, and ducked his head.
"Fascinating."
"Not really. It's a scientific fact that when two members of the same animal species exist in a small area, but are the same gender, that one of them can 'shift' to the opposite one in order to continue the line. It happens in parakeets," said a voice behind him. It was Dean.
"Truly?"
"Yeah. Some animals can change genders when there aren't enough of the opposite sex just to insure that the species dies out."
(This is true, by the way.)
Dumbledore eyed the two birds with renewed interest. If Harvelle was correct, he would be seeing phoenix eggs sooner or later.
"Where did you acquire your phoenix, if I might ask?"
"I called him and he came. He used to belong to a mentor of mine, before he died. He always seemed to like me, so when I called he decided to bond with my core rather than go back on vacation," shrugged Dean.
All technically true, without having to go into any real detail.
Suzaku trilled, and Dean lifted his arm enough for him to land on it. He was so used to having a bird around that he almost forgot about how much he missed Hedwig.
At least he wouldn't have to worry about his new bird being killed by the same green curse that haunted Harry's nightmares. A phoenix would simply be reborn if hit.
Dean took Suzaku to another room. The twins wanted to experiment with phoenix tears, and Dean was the only one who had a phoenix they could borrow.
The twins, Dean, Sam, Gabriel and the two lone Marauders were inside a room that they had locked.
"The Weasley twins are proud to present...the Phoenix potion!"
"Works like an all-purpose healing potion," said George.
Dean sniffed it.
"Hey, I recognize this... didn't we use this to clear out that Croatoan virus in that alternate future?" asked Dean.
Sam sniffed it.
"Definitely the same potion, but this seems stronger. Probably because Loki didn't have to steal the phoenix tears," said Sam.
The twins pouted.
"You've used this before?"
"Yeah, I generally take one of these when I have a massive hangover or migraine," said Dean.
"But this seems to be a bit more wide-spread than the one we use," offered Sam.
"Got any other potions we could 'create' instead?" asked Fred hopefully.
"And give Snape a massive coronary? Hell yes! Hang on a sec..." said Dean.
The Harvelles had long since mastered using subspaces to store things. Mostly extra salt, bullets, and the odd potion or five.
Or in Sam's case, extra books.
Sam pulled out three relatively new potion books. One of which caught the twin's interest.
"Is this..."
"A present...from your alternate selves. Gents, I present to you... A Marauder's Recipe Guide to Chaos, Anarchy and Mayhem!"
The twins had stars in their eyes. This was like the holy grail of pranking guides.
Snape, in his lab, shivered. Someone had just unleashed pure hell, he knew it.