Mentions of infidelity, pregnancy loss, and eating disorders.
BPOV-
It took an hour and a half for them to get us out of the elevator. By that time, Blair's contractions were ten minutes apart, and she had to be taken directly to the hospital by Ryder, Jake, and Marley.
''That was Rory,'' Kurt tells me as we wait outside of the party, ''He's got Grace, Jacob, Noah and the twins home safely. Sugar is staying with their kids, and he'll stay with his brothers and sisters until we get home.''
''Sounds like a plan,'' I nod, knowing full well that we have to keep a veil of normalcy before our kids suspect something's up.
''Well, we'd better get back in there,'' he fixes his tie, moving past me.
''Kurt, wait,'' I grab his wrist, ''I know things have not been all that great between us, but I want to thank you for earlier.''
''It's no trouble. Blair is my daughter too, Blaine. I had to get a grip for her sake. Stress wouldn't have been good for her or the baby,'' Kurt reminds me.
''Not that. Well, of course that. But for helping me keep my cool. You know how much I hate being in small spaces for long periods of time,'' I wince, reliving the moments of hyperventilating, Kurt's hands resting on my shoulders as he attempted to calm me down.
''Yeah, no problem,'' he looks down before staring at me with glasz eyes,''You were scared, Blaine. Terrified. I wasn't just going to let you go through it alone. We are still married, after all. At least a few of the promises that we made each other should uphold.''
With that, he glides back into the room, leaving me to ponder his words.
Well. The moment was almost sweet.
How could he be so angry, so damn bitter, with me when he's the one who threw it all away? After all that he did to sabotage the very foundation that this marriage is built on?
Then again, I blamed myself, too. Maybe I wasn't there for him the way that he needed, maybe I'm not talented enough or good looking enough. Maybe my body just isn't what he wants anymore.
Maybe that's why he….
No. Now is not the time for that. Tonight, we spend time with our family and friends. Tomorrow, we battle the demons that have ruthlessly invade our marriage.
Hopefully I'll learn where they even came from in the first place
KPOV-
Force another smile, shake another hand, accept the congratulations.
Repeat.
''Thank you so much, David. You two, Sebastian. It really means a lot that you came. Hope to spend time with the two of you, soon,'' I speak before rushing them off to their own home.
The've adopted again. A beautiful baby boy.
Continuing to build their relationship and family while my own crumples to the ground. How ironic.
Tina, Rachel, Mercedes and Santana all sense something is off between Blaine and I. If they have figured it out, though, they haven't said anything.
Which I am incredibly grateful for.
''Kurt!,'' Brittany giggles, ''Come dance with us.''
I could have made it as an actor, if you really think about it. I've been playing the role of a happy man for months now, after all.
''Hello, ladies,'' I join the girls that stuck with me through all of the ups and downs of high school, and the journey into adult life.
Hopefully they'll be willing to help me to recover through the excruciatingly devastating heartbreak that is nearly inevitable at this point.
''Isn't this great? This is the first time we've all been together in years,'' Tina beams, optimistic as always.
''Yeah. We need to get together more often,'' Mercedes agrees.
She and Tina have both taken a break from music in order to focus on their acting careers. They starred along Santana in a film last year, and the critics could not stop raving about the excellent performance that the trio gave.
Quinn and Puck ended up adopting again. He continues to thrive as a screenwriter, while she continues her work as the excellent lawyer that she is.
Brittany Pierce- Or Brittany Lopez-Pierce, I should say- now runs a dance studio with Mike. They still do choreography, but or mainly focused on their talk show, Fondue for Two.
Yes. Brittany's idea has now become a nationally watched morning talk show.
Artie has won several awards for his films, not that any of us are at all surprised. He's incredible. He has met and fallen in love with one of the actresses from his previous movies, and the two are set to wed in June. It must be going well, because they are also expecting a baby.
Sam Evans now has a job on a primetime television show as the main character, and they are going into their sixth season.
Mr. and Mrs. Schue keep in touch with all of us. After the glee club at McKinley high school was revived, they went on to win several national championships, beating out Unique three times.
So everyone is continuing to succeed, and i'm getting ready to start all over again.
Fantastic, right?
''Excuse me, ladies,'' my dad cuts in, ''But I'm just going to borrow kurt here for a second.''
''Hey, dad,'' I beam at the only guy in my life, besides my sons, who has never let me down.
Because even when Blaine and I crumble like a deck of cards in a storm, he's going to be right there, helping me collect my thoughts and strength and courage as I prepare to move on with my life as a single dad.
''Hey, buddy. Carole and I are going to head on home. Can't party like we used to,'' he quips, ''Mind walking me down? She went to get the care out of valet while I got our coats.''
''Of course,'' I turn towards my friends, ''I will be right back.''
''So what's going on between you and Blaine,'' he questions as soon as we reach the elevator.
Of course. My dad says I am easy to read for him. Of course he'd know everything isn't as perfect as I'd love everyone to assume it is.
I should have known that I can't hide this from him of all people.
''Blaine and I are strongly considering getting a divorce.'' I respond flatly.
There. Painful but quick, like ripping off a bandage.
''What?''
''Dad, please. Don't make this more complicated than it already is. We've been growing apart, and this just seems like the best solution for everyone.''
Because even if we spend every hour screaming at eachother, anger fueled by the night that everything began to slip out of our hands, we don't want our kids to grow up around it.
''I take it that the kids do not know yet,'' dad sighs, ''You do know you'll have to tell the, before they figure out, right? Kids pay more attention to details than adults give them credit for.''
''Don't I know it,'' I shake my head.
I figured that out with Rory, but still underestimated that he knew more than I ever told him. However, if he and Blair haven't figured it out yet, chances are the others haven't.
''We do not want to tell them until we officially file for divorce. If we even do. Unfortunately, we're heading down that path.''
The road that we swore we'd never take, no matter how badly things seemed to be working out. It's funny, isn't it? Promises are all good and fine until someone breaks them.
And, in this moment, we're both guilty.
''Look, Kurt,'' my dad begins as I walk down the stairs with him, both of us a bit too wary to try the elevators again, ''I can't tell you or Blaine what to do. Carole and I don't have it all together like some people may think we do. There have been times when we have been so close to falling over the edge. When we were trying to help you through bullying, after Finn's death, after we moved here and everything seemed so new…. You know, your mom and I had some hard times, too. The point is, if something is worth fighting for, then that's what you do. You fight until the very end, until it works. If you and Blaine honestly, truly think that this marriage does not suit either of you anymore, and divorce seems like the best option, okay then. We're here for you, and you know that. It won't be easy getting yourself, and the kids, through this. Especially since you'll both have joint custody of Jacob, Grace, Elena and Eli. I implore you to talk this out at least one more time. Although I do hope you're fully prepared for the consequences of what you'll lose.''
His words have a double meaning. Blair will mostly side with Blaine, and, even if she'd never stop me from seeing Noah, it'll be for him. Because she doesn't want Noah to lose one of his grandpas.
And I'll have to respect the fact that the woman who I have grown to love as my own will most likely not want anything to do with me after this all goes downhill.
Not to mention the evident fact that I will be losing Blaine. This beautiful, loving man- who I sometimes hate to admit I am still in love with- will only be in my life for the sake of our children.
We've come so far, only to have it all crumble into small pieces of the relationship we thought was going to make it.
Oh, how naive we were.
''I appreciate the advice, dad. And, yes, I know that you are all there for me,'' I smile, grateful that at least one thing will stay the same as the rest of my life alters.
Because, in the end, my dad is the only man I have always been able to count on.
I thought that I could put Blaine into that category as well, but I was sadly mistaken.
''Always,'' my dad pulls me into a hug as soon as we reach the doors of the lobby.
''We had a wonderful time,'' Carole presses a kiss to my cheel, wrapping me in a motherly hug, ''We love you both so much. Tell Blaine good night for us, will you?''
So sweet, and so oblivious to the destruction of my marriage.
''Will do. I love you guys, too. See you soon,'' I open the car door for her, waiting for them to pull off before reentering the building.
Out of the coldness of the winter air into the frigidness of my husband's presence.
An iciness that no winter coat can protect me from.
BPOV-
''You're quiet tonight. What's on your mind, honey?''
Worry lines are evident on my mom's face. She knows something is wrong with Kurt and I. If she knows exactly what, she's not saying anything.
Which I am extraordinarily grateful for.
''Nothing. Nothing at all. I'm fine, mom. Everything is okay.''
Damn it. I should have stopped after ''I'm fine, mom.'' Because the raise of her left eyebrow lets me know she sees right through that.
''I'm your mom, Blaine. I know that I have always been there for you, and so you may feel as if you can't always trust me, but I know you. Something is wrong. But I won't pry. Just dance with me.''
Her understanding voice makes me want to spill everything, to fall apart in her arms like I used to when I was little.
And to think, all of the things that bothered me when I was a child seemed like bigger demons than this.
''Kurt and I are strongly thinking of ending this marriage.''
My mother's brown eyes widen, and she's dragging me out of the ballroom, her grip tight as we pass Kurt.
Blue eyes catch mine, and I shrug as I am pulled out of the room.
''Where did this all come from? Did something happen that absolutely, positively can not be fixed?''
''He…,'' I decide against going into details, because I will definitely lose it if I do, ''We just aren't in this together anymore.''
Emphasis on the 'We'. I can't make this work on my own, and I am not going to try, either.
''I just don't understand. I thought if your dad and I could make things work, anyone could. Look at Danielle and Cooper. Look at-''
''People just fall out of love sometimes, mom,'' my voice cracks.
Thankfully, she does not press the issue.
''Look. Marriage is hard. There have been times when your dad and I have thought about calling the whole thing off. Because, I swear, he is so infuriating sometimes… and I can be no better. Marriage is fifty-fifty, give and take. If you are giving more than you are getting, then I agree with you: Separation is best. It may even be a good idea to contemplate just taking a break from each other for a while.''
''What's the difference?''
''One way gives you a chance to calm down, think things through, and come together to evaluate both of your feelings. The other says: 'I'm done'. For the two of you, at least. Permanently, most likely. Please at least think about what I said,'' she kisses my cheek, ''And know that I am always here for you to lean on.''
''Thank you mom,'' I kiss her cheek, ''I've really needed to get that off my chest for a while.''
''It's no trouble. You'll always be my baby, Blaine.''
''Thank you, again, mom,'' I pull her into my embrace, ''And you give much better advice than Cooper.''
I love my brother, but his advice is awful. Despite not having any of the details, his 'brotherly intuition', as he called it, let him know something was off with Kurt and I tonight. His words of wisdom would do no good if I actually applied the to my relationship with Kurt.
But I appreciate it. Because when the shit really hits the fan, I know that he, my dad and my mom will at least be there to help clean it up.
After Chase, I had one important job in addition to being a teacher: being a dad.
Blair needed me, and I needed her in a sense. For so long, it was just the two of us. Now, Jacob, Grace, Eli and Elena need me. Kurt and I are forever to be associated with each other. I can't avoid him like I did Chase, can't chase away the gaping hole that will be left by simply diving into my other roles and responsibilities. At least not by myself. I will need all of the assistance that I can get.
Because I know that I can not do it alone this time.
KPOV-
It's after midnight by the time that Blaine and I make it to our hotel room, too tired to go home.
We entered a new year with the devastating emotional baggage of the year before, and neither one of us wants to be the first to bring that particular thought up.
''Tonight was fun,'' he makes small talk with me.
''Yeah, it was. I'm surprised that all of the Warblers and New Directions came back. Who would have guessed David and Wes would end up together?''
''I've been saying it for years, Kurt,'' he snorts, back to me as he takes his shirt off, revealing his perfect skin under the dim lights.
No. Don't think like that.
''I tried to get us two beds, but this is all they had. I'll just sleep on the couch-''
''Know, you won't. It's okay. We… we maybe detached, I guess, but we've shared a bed for years now. I think we can do the same. Besides, that couch doesn't even let out, Blaine. I am not letting you hurt your back again.''
''Are you sure it's me you want to share a bed with,'' he raises an eyebrow.
There's no scorn or sadness, only a thin layer of self-doubt.
One I'd prefer if we didn't remove tonight.
''Please, Blaine. Not tonight.''
''Right,'' he huffs under his breath, muttering, ''Not now, not ever.''
''I don't want to fight. Blair finally had her baby, and we are going to visit them at the hospital, and we're going to act like we have it all together. Because that is what we need to do for them until we figure out how to get this crap together.
''Look, I'm just trying to talk to you. Without any accusations, swear words, or name-calling. I just… I don't know how to do that anymore. Because, somehow, we've reached the end of this rope, and there's nothing left to pull us back up.''
Regrettably, he's right. We're drowning, gasping for air and struggling to keep our heads above water as we wallow in the remains: a relationship as solid as a thin layer of ice on the surface, but fragile and dangerous underneath.
''Look, I am in love with you. And I want to make this work, Kurt,'' he glares at me with bright, hazel eyes, ''But I'm not doing this by myself.''
''It seems we feel the same way. I'm not going to get into an altercation with you, damn is better left for tomorrow, don't you think?''
Why say more things that will alter be regretted?
''You're right. Look, we're both adults. We can be mature about this. That is all I am asking of you right now,'' he begs.
His eyes plead with me. Everything has changed, but that's one thing that never fails to coax me into resolving something with him.
At least for the time being.
''Right,'' I sit on the white sheets of the hotel bed, ''Let's just get some sleep.''
''Yeah. I think that we can be cordial to each other for a little while longer,'' Blaine swiftly complies, climbing into bed, turning off the lamp on his side, ''Good night, Kurt.''
''Good night, Blaine.''
I love you.
Words I don't dare speak out loud to him anymore, for fear that I won't like his response.
Turn off the light. Agonize over the loss of my one real love. Prepare to put on a show for everyone tomorrow.
Repeat.
BlairPOV-
''She's beautiful, isn't she,'' I smile down at the tiny baby girl in my arms.
''She's perfect,'' Ryder presses a kiss to her head.
It's a little after ten in the morning, and she has only been in this world for eight hours.
''She has your hair color,'' I run my hand over her tiny head, ''I hope she has your eyes, too.''
Either way, she's gorgeous.
''Rory's going to bring Noah at eleven, Kurt and Blaine are coming in about half an hour, and my parents after that,'' he explains, ''So we'd better be grateful for our time alone with her.''
''Mhm,'' I kiss my daughter's cheek, ''Welcome to the world, little Rosalie Amelia Lynn.''
After losing three babies, and nearly losing Noah as well, it's so wonderful to be able to hold this healthy child in my arms.
Not that I will ever forget my babies who did not make it too far along in the pregnancy.
''Knock knock. Can we come in,'' I recognize the voice, and look up to see dad and Kurt.
''Hey. Shhh, she's asleep,'' I whisper, staring down at my angel again.
''Oh, she is absolutely breathtaking,'' Kurt whispers, pressing a kiss to my cheek, ''What's her name?''
''Rosalie Amelia Lynn. Jake and Marley picked her middle name. They're the Godparents, after all.''
Two of our best friends: someone who helped Ryder cope with the miscarriages when he didn't want to talk to me about it, and someone who helped me through the same horrible circumstances, because he knows me just as well as he knows how I dance.
''And how's the mommy doing,'' dad questions, sitting on the edge of my bed.
''Tired. Exhausted, really,'' I yawn.
''I'm going to go get some coffee,'' Ryder stands, ''I'll be back shortly.''
''I'll go with you,'' Kurt rushes out, ''Blaine, uh… you want anything?''
''Coffee's fine,'' my dad avoids eye contact with his husband, waiting for the closing of the door to look after him.
''Do you want to hold your granddaughter,'' I beam down at my sleeping baby, shifting her to my dad's arms when he nods.
''This reminds me of when you were born. You were so, so tiny, Blair. I'm so proud of you, and everything you have accomplished,'' he grins at me ,''And I love you.''
''I love you, too. We have been through a lot together dad. You've always been there for me.''
Even from birth. Through my school days, eating disorder recovery, and making it in the music industry.
''So,'' I begin, ''I want to be there for you. I know that you and Kurt are considering getting a divorce.''
''Now who told you that,'' he doesn't miss a beat, speaking as he adjusts Rosalie's blanket around her.
''No one did. Rory and I figured it out. We didn't tell anyone. How could you and Kurt be getting a divorce, daddy?''
And people told me I was being silly when this was only my biggest fear.
Now, it may be a reality.
''This is none of your concern, Blair.''
''Divorce concerns all of us, dad. Especially Jacob, Grace, Eli and Elena, since they still live at home. Dad, we've always told each other everything. Okay, almost everything. So why can't we talk now?''
With a heavy exhale, he begins.
His voice cracks every so often, but I keep listening, not asking him to look up from Rosalie if it makes it easier on him to avoid my careful gaze.
Because this has to be harder on him than it is on me.
''I get distancing yourself from someone when you're hurt,'' I look down at Rosalie as soon as dad finishes spilling his heart, ''After my third miscarriage, I thought Ryder and I weren't going to make it. I blamed myself, and he blamed himself, and neither one of us could handle the other thinking it was our faults. And i nearly relapsed and he didn't talk to me and we got into a fight that i was pretty sure was going to be the end of our marriage. Obviously, it wasn't. Sometimes Ryder and I can only get everything out in the heat of the moment, between insults and swear words. And you know what? It works for us. Because, afterwards we sit down and have a calm talk. Maybe that's what you and Kurt need to do, I think.''
At least try. Please. You two deserve to make it.
''I don't think that's going to work, Blair. Kurt and I… we've hit rock bottom.''
I look into his eyes, lip quirking up in a smile as I repeat the same advice he gave me when I first began recovering from my eating disorder.
''If you really think that you have hit rock bottom, then you can only go up.''
RoryPOV-
''Grace and Liam are staying with the twins, Jacob and Grace until you and Blaine get home tomorrow,'' I tell dad, balancing the two cups of coffee.
Sugar and I dropped our own children off for a visit with their grandma before bringing Noah to the hospital to meet his baby sister.
''Thank you so much, Rory. We've been under tremendous stress lately, and it is so nice to have someone help us out.''
''No worries. And Jeff and Nick promised to check in every so often, so long as you guys agree to come over for dinner soon,'' I hand him his coffee.
''Thanks,'' he takes it from me, taking a sip, ''I'm on my second cup already. Last night was pretty restless for me. I couldn't sleep.''
''You're my father-in-law, but I don't need to know everything,'' Sugar jokes, standing, ''I'm going to go meet the newest addition to the family.''
She saunters away after pressing a kiss to my lips with a quick ''I love you''.
''I love watching you two. It's been nine years, and you're still so in love. I hope that you two keep that,'' he speaks earnestly, looking anywhere but at me before turning to face me, ''You can sit down, you know. No one's making you stand.''
''I know,'' I shrug sheepishly, moving to the chair right next to him, taking a sip of the hot liquid in my cup, ''I actually wanted to talk to you about something.''
''Oh,'' dad looks pleasantly surprised, smirking before continuing, ''Fantastic. It's been a while since we've had one of our talks. We used to be so close.''
Biting my lip, I hesitate. Because he's right. We talk on the phone about our days all of the time, but not about something serious in a while.
If we do not have this dreaded conference now, it may be too late when we have another chance.
Better safe than sorry, right?
''I'll cut to the chase. Blair and I know that you and Blaine are considering a divorce. We don't want to take sides, because we love you both. A lot. The thing is, we want to know why?''
You were the model couple that Sugar and I looked up to. I know that Blair and Ryder feel the same way. Everyone- friends, family, magazines- agree that you two seemed like one of the most solid couple.
So what is causing you to collapse so violently?
''It's a long story, Rory.''
''I've got nothing but time.''
Especially for you, dad.
''So that's it? You two just don't want to be together anymore? You don't think that your marriage is worth fighting for?''
He looks pained, and I immediately regret lashing out.
''Sorry. That was uncalled for,'' I admit.
''Yeah. It was. Of course marriage is worth fighting for when you really love someone. Blaine and I, however, are spending more time fighting than fighting to make this marriage work. He's fighting, alright. He spends all of his time fighting me, and fighting for me.''
Oh.
''I don't know what to say to that,'' I groan.
''You don't have to say anything, Rory,'' my dad smiles stiffly, ''I just appreciate being able to get this off of my chest.''
''I'll drop it, but can I give you advice, dad?''
Because I have not seen you this distraught since you and Andrew split.
''Sure.I hate to admit it, but you are a lot wiser than I am sometimes,'' he chuckles, causing me to as well.
''Being in a relationship is like being on a boat: sometimes it's smooth sailing, sometimes it's rough seas. But if it means a lot to you, you can't just abandon it.''
He stares at me intently, before snorting in laughter, ''Really? Did you make that up?''
''I probably read it somewhere, but that isn't the point is this: You and Blaine are worth fighting for. I know that, Blair knows that, and, deep down inside, you and Blaine both know it. If you talk it out, at least you can honestly say that you didn't give up.''
So what's it gonna be?
''I hate it when you are right, do you know that,'' my dad mutters, standing.
I follow his lead, walking with him towards Blair's room, ''Does this mean you are taking my advice?''
''It does,'' he confirms, ''And, honestly, you're right. Blaine and I have both been acting immaturely. It's time to be the adults that we are.''
He bites his lips before putting on a brave face as we head into the room, so I can meet my niece.
''Blaine? Can I talk to you alone,'' I hear my dad quietly request Blaine, who nods in compliance.
My dad shoots me a look before exiting the room with Blaine, and I grin in encouragement.
Because, if I am sure of anything, it's that those two can make it.
''You okay,'' Sugar wraps an arm around my waist as Blair feeds Rosalie.
''Yeah,'' I beam down at the love of my life, ''I love you so, so much. You know that?''
I love you, our kids, our life. It's not picture perfect. Maybe to those who don't really know us, but we see things in a different light. Because we see all of the ugly moments, along with the beautiful ones.
Yet, we still want to do this. Together.
Maybe dad and Blaine will take a different path. Maybe divorce is the right decision for them, so that they don't hold any more contempt for each other than they possibly already do.
''I love you, too. But if you think you're getting out of making dinner tonight, you'd better think again,'' Sugar badgers me, giggling when I kiss her on the nose.
''Hey, no public displays of affection in front of the baby,'' Ryder taunts, causing Blair to snicker quietly.
Four different people, two different couples, with one couple as their inspiration. Different things work for all of us, and that's fine. SOmetimes we have to revise what does work, because things change.
So I desperately hope that dad and Blaine find what works for them, before it is too late.
BPOV-
''What's up,'' I lean up against the wall, next to the vending machine.
Even with slight bags under his eyes from lack of sleep, he looks so beautiful. Exhausted, yet charming.
Blair's right. What am I doing? I need to talk to him, even if it is all in vain.
Why can't I say these things out loud anymore?
Kurt, I love you. Please tell me you lied the first time. Please tell me you never did anything you knew would hurt me.
If you and I are no longer meant to be, I do not want to chalk it up to lack of effort on my part.
I have no excuse. I have nothing to lose.
I think I've already lost you.
Unfortunately- or maybe fortunately, the more positive side of me rejects any pessimistic thoughts- Kurt speaks first.
Words that could make or break a relationship: ''Blaine, we need to talk.''
Disclaimer- glee belongs to Fox and Ryan Murphy, Ian Brennan, Brad Falchuk.