Was It Wrong To Go Along With Insanity?

Disclaimer: I do not own the characters and many of the places mentioned in this story. The plot is the only thing created by me.

Part 2:- My Whole World Could Cave In

Harry

When he really thought about it, he supposed his life had gone pretty fast; twenty years of life could have been over in half the time, or so it often felt. Being young, he had never really cared that the years were accelerating past him but recently, he wished it would all slow down. It had been over three years since the war had ended and it felt like a few days: the deaths were still fresh wounds; the nightmares still hadn't left him and the press still reported as if it were recent news. He could live through all this though, as long as he had something to go on for, yet sadly, he didn't feel like he did. He had wonderful friends that had now become family, as well as a doting girlfriend but sadly she was the main problem. It had never been perfect, he guessed, but things had vastly deteriorated recently, as he found himself wishing he could escape the lies that he was living.

Harry Potter was by no means happy. In fact, he often felt that he was sinking back into the depression that he'd felt post-war after watching so many others lose their lives. He had always hoped that after Voldemort had been defeated, he would be able to live an ordinary life with fewer complications. Annoyingly, the most confusing was that, which should have been most simple: his love life. He had been in a relationship with Ginny Weasley for almost three years and she was by far the most loyal, caring and all-around perfect partner that he could ask for. They spent a lot of time together, alone and with Ginny's family, who were now also his own family. His best friend had now practically become his brother and his female friend, his sister, after they had both gotten married last year. Ron and Hermione were now trying to start their own branch on the Weasley family tree and Harry couldn't be happier for them.

Every part of his person wished that this was enough and he cursed himself for being unable to live through the happiness of others. He had always seen his family as more important than himself but this didn't take away the pain that he felt every single day; the pain that was slowly becoming less and less numb. He hadn't realised how wrong things felt until the dreams had started; they had started off as partial strands and eventually became…

"Harry, you're out of it again. What's going on?" Hermione demanded.

"Nothing, sorry. I was just thinking about what to get Ginny for Valentine's Day" he lied, barely feeling the twinge in his stomach that occurred whenever he did this.

"Why are you putting so much thought into it? It's not like you normally would…oh!" Her tone changed partway through the sentence, almost as if she'd hit realisation.

"What?" Harry responded, confused.

"Are you going to-? Is it-? Oh my god" she clapped her hand to her mouth.

"What are you talking about?" he demanded, slightly frustrated now.

"Oh, right. I won't say anything I swear. Not even to Ron. Everyone's going to be so happy! Molly is going to be so excited for another wedding."

"Another-?"

The flashback disappeared as soon as it had come around. He didn't exactly blame Hermione for the situation that he had now got himself into but he couldn't help but associate her with it. She beamed across the table at him, as he looked around nervously at the entire family. Molly was in her element, surrounded by all of her genuine and adopted children, fussing over them and feeding them to the point of bursting. Despite the many years that had passed since she had discovered Harry's starvation at Privet Drive, it was always him that she overfed the most. He had always felt like one of her sons, rather than a family friend or her daughter's boyfriend. In fact, all of the Weasleys treated him like a blood relative; this was the prime reason that he hadn't yet left Ginny and also why he was sitting at the table, a heavy weight in his jacket pocket, barely outweighing those on his shoulders and heart.

He looked at her, trying to remind himself why he didn't love her. He tried and tried with all his brainpower to change those feelings but nothing happened; it never did. How could he go through with this? Ginny caught his eye and pulled his hand into her lap, squeezing it tight, as she laughed along with her brothers. Harry of course, was paying no attention to what may or may not have been funny and could only concentrate on the churning in his stomach.

The nervous man flew off in a blur, towards the nearest bathroom, hoping his stomach lining could hold off until he got there. As half-digested food left his system into the toilet, he found himself wishing he could follow it and disappear to some unknown place. How did this all happen? He felt bad enough with the thoughts that plagued him day and night without actually having to act on them too. If only he hadn't…

"Harry! What's up? You alright mate?" Ron was banging on the door, clearly worried about him. He wanted to tell his friend not to worry about him, he didn't want it and he certainly didn't deserve it. He was tearing the family apart and that was the one thing that he had never wanted to do; they were all so close and had suffered enough pain with the loss of Fred.

"I'm ok. Think I ate too fast" he lied once more, wishing he could tell the truth just for once. He opened the door, trying to form a decision in his mind.

"Careful mate, don't want mum forcing you into bed early and banning us from talking to you until you feel better. Remember the last time she caught you being sick?" he laughed.

Guilt. That was why he was sick. He was trying to spew up his lies, his deceit and his infidelity; sickness was nothing more than being unable to deal with his own sexuality.

"I know. Go distract her while I spell on a glamour, will you? Don't want her realising why I ran off."

"What should I tell her?"

"Tell her she'll understand soon enough but only if she asks." Ron nodded, clearly not comprehending a single word that his friend had just said.

Harry stared at himself in the mirror, spelling away any signs of illness, sadness and tiredness, before taking a deep breath and leaving the bathroom. He sat back down next to Ginny, taking back her hand and smiling nervously at her; he paid partial attention to Molly quizzing Ron about what was wrong, as he tried his best to explain. Green eyes locked onto long flowing red hair and a face filled with contentment; Ginny freely smiled and laughed in her bubble of happiness. Harry felt like a bully with a pin, with the power to force the innocent, happy child into tears in an instant with one quick movement.

He took in her features: the beauty in her face, the sparkle in her eyes and the feminine curves. The latter sent his brain into a spiral; he imagining them naked together, like they used to be, natural and happy. The thoughts twisted; her face morphed and soon some not-so-happy flashbacks returned to him.

His hand was accepted by a firm grip and a single shake was exchanged before he found himself grabbed by an unstoppable force. He threw himself into the body of the man before him, grabbing a handful of black hair, as he began a bruising kiss. A weight rose from his chest as he felt the other man respond, kissing him back harder. He tried his best not to rub his erection against the man's leg, not wanting him to know how turned on he had become just from this one kiss. The thoughts disappeared as he was pulled back into the house and pushed up hard against the door. The roughness and the feeling were perfect, a vast improvement on what he was used to experiencing with Ginny.

"So much better" he heard himself utter as the assault continued. The smirk that followed suddenly reminded him that this was Severus Snape. He was kissing his ex-professor. He'd dreamed about it, even masturbated over the man but doing it for real sent a message to his brain, telling him that he was gay. He had to be. He didn't even care.

Harry was pulled over to the sofa, his shirt violently torn from him, as the man's dominance came into play. He'd imagined he'd be like this and it had always made him want the man more. The few encounters that the two had had recently had consisted of Harry forcing himself not to act on the thoughts that possessed his brain.

He buckled under the weight that forced him down onto the sofa, as his nipples were taken into the older man's mouth. He took this moment to contemplate what was happening and above all, how it had happened. Should he have been doing that? Of course not but at that moment, he hadn't cared. He'd wanted to be with a man, in fact, this specific man for too long and he wasn't about to give up his opportunity for any morals. He pulled Severus back up for a slow and meaningful kiss, taking full advantage of what was no doubt, a one-off experience. He remembered finding it odd that Severus had kissed him back gently and slowly but he hadn't stopped to question it. After realising how much he needed to see and feel more of the man on top of him, they both began passionately and impatiently undressing each other.

GET OUT OF MY HEAD!

He'd accidentally hit himself in the face, trying to push the horrible reminders of his infidelity away, which drew a lot of attention.

"What's up mate? Got those headaches again?" Ron questioned, glaring at him, telling Harry with his eyes to agree with him. Another pang of guilt hit Harry hard. He was trying to save his best friend the embarrassment without realising that he was actually thinking about sleeping with someone that certainly wasn't the woman sitting next to him, in fact, they couldn't have been any different.

"Yeah, sorry. I'll be fine once I've eaten, I'm sure" he told no one in particular but cast a thankful look in Ron's direction.

The declaration of the headaches had then of course, forced Mrs Weasley to fuss, offering several remedies before finally serving Harry a portion of food that was easily twice the size of anyone else's on the table. She smiled lovingly at him, reminding him that he needed to eat it all to keep his strength up and stop himself from getting ill. Harry didn't think he'd be able to eat a single mouthful, as he contemplated what his actions could have done to this entire family, to his entire family.

Cursing himself for his lack of self-control as well as his desire for men, he picked up his fork and began to eat, swallowing without really tasting, barely considering the usual high standards of Molly Weasley's home-cooked food.

"Thank you for inviting us Molly. This was a very original way for us all to spend Valentine's Day" Hermione complimented.

"I'm glad you could all come. I just thought it would be nice for the whole family to get together with their partners. I know you're all young and you have better things to be doing with your evenings but I'm so touched that you're all here." She of course had stared to well up by this point.

"Tell you what mum, if you cry this much when you're happy, I don't even want to see you when you're sad ever again!" George laughed at her.

"You'll understand when you've got kids of your own one day George Weasley!"

"I know you want more grandkids and all that mum but seriously, out of all of your children, it's me that you want to reproduce?" Everyone had laughed at that comment, even Harry despite his internal conflict and misery.

"Of course I want you to have children George! I hoped that you'd all have children one day. I wouldn't want you to rush though! Planning is the key to success. We need to get you all married off first anyway" she laughed to herself.

Thunk. The weight in Harry's pocket suddenly became much heavier as he heard those words spoken. His heart beat faster; his palms began to sweat. How was this night going to end? It would've been the right thing to propose; it would make everyone happy, he supposed. The whole family would be together, they'd all celebrate and Harry would learn to be happy. No one would get hurt as long as they didn't find out what he'd done. But what if they did? Would if somehow it all came out and he broke Ginny's heart? He didn't think he'd be able to live with himself.

"May I?" Severus asked him, waiting for permission. He had his fingers partially down the trim of Harry's boxers, lightly grazing him with the tips. Unable to speak in the excitement, the younger wizard simply nodded slowly, wrapped up in awe, mixed with genuine fear. He had only imagined what this kind of sex would be like; he had no idea about the real thing. He had on many occasions, pleasured himself thinking of how this situation would occur. How would he be able to get Severus Snape into bed? If he had known just how simple it would be perhaps he would have done it sooner.

Lost in his thoughts, Harry barely had the sense to realise that he was now fully naked, laying there obediently in front of his ex-teacher, fully hard. There was no warning for what came next. He couldn't have prepared for it if there was. One minute he was daydreaming and the next, his entire cock had been engulfed and concealed behind Severus' cheeks. He looked down and saw the hollowed out expression on the man's face as he sucked down onto the length.

"FUUUCK! Severus! Oh god!" he screamed out in pure ecstasy. Harry watched, fascinated as his own penis reappeared and disappeared quickly again inside the other man's mouth. What amazed him the most was that Severus seemed to really enjoy what he was doing; it was as if sucking Harry like that was his favourite thing to do and he wouldn't pass it up no matter what was offered. The green-eyed man had never seen someone in this position before; enjoying giving pleasure rather than receiving it. Harry had been given plenty of blowjobs in his time but this was completely different; he believed that this was how it was supposed to go. It wasn't supposed to be something that had to be done to please someone else, whether you wanted to or not.

He was mumbling. Fuck! What was he saying? He didn't know and he didn't care. He just wanted Severus to continue for as long as possible. However, he'd wanted this for far too long and all the dreams had been nothing compared to the real thing and so he began to worry about how long he would last

"Faster! Please go faster!" For several minutes, Severus sucked Harry's length in and out of his mouth at a faster pace, wetting him down and making him groan noisily and almost constantly. It wasn't long before Harry felt the orgasm building in his stomach and he certainly didn't want to embarrass himself by coming too soon. His mind battled with the oncoming orgasm and eventually it won.

"Stop! Please! Stop!" he cried out, a little more panicky than he'd expected it to come out. He watched as Severus pulled away very quickly, looking more than a little concerned. Harry thought fast and told Severus that he needed to see all of him. Once they were both fully naked, the younger man looked up at his ex-teacher and took in the sight of him completely naked. His body was a map of scars, each telling a story of war and suffering. Harry thought nothing of them and instead turned his attention to the nicely formed muscles and the hardened nipples on the man's chest. He tried to look down at the man's cock without being too obvious but was certain that he failed. It was a nice size; well it would have been if he wasn't scared of what was to come. Just looking at the naked man made him very turned on and despite his inexperience, he wanted to pleasure him.

Harry watched as Severus sat beside him, wondering what he would do next. Before he could contemplate it any further, he found himself pulled up by strong arms and onto Severus so that he was straddling him. Excitement running through him, he looked into the obsidian eyes now below him and the older man moved his hips upwards, forcing his cock to meet Harry's. Harry threw his head backwards in pleasure and let out a loud moan, pleased that he also heard one escape Severus' mouth.

Experimentally, he set his gaze on Severus' face as he pushed back down onto him, loving the way that his mouth parted when he was aroused. The moans were restrained but they were existent and Harry was determined to get more out of him. Within minutes, the two men had set themselves a perfect and pleasurable pace as their sounds became louder. The friction between the two members increased and Harry soon found himself panting on top of Severus, constantly pushing for more and more pressure.

"So good!" he shouted to the ceiling as he felt the hardness against him one more. With that, Severus pushed him back, laid him down and climbed on top of him.

"You must have been hungry to eat all that" he heard Ginny whisper to him. Harry looked down at the plate, realising that his massive portion was gone and that he had clearly eaten it when wrapped up in his thoughts.

"I just appreciate good cooking" he responded quickly, smiling at her. What he'd said would normally have been true, considering how much he genuinely did love anything that Mrs Weasley cooked for him but he honestly couldn't remember tasting anything on his plate. He couldn't guarantee what it was that he had actually eaten, let alone comment on what it had actually tasted like.

"I know you do." She kissed him on the head and stroked his back softly, as they chatted idly with the rest of the family. The gentleness made the hairs on the back of his neck stand up and not in the way that they should have done.

"How are things going in the Auror department then Harry? Ginny tells us that you're always busy. I suppose you must be. You're always at work when she comes over here."

"You know what it's like. There's always some idiot thinking that they can copy Voldemort with not half the power and no followers. It gets a bit tedious if I'm completely honest" he sighed in response.

"At least you've got a good team to keep you going" Mrs Weasley told him, "but you must remember to take a break from it every now and then. I know you think that you've still got the world on your shoulders but you haven't. Take some time for yourself. It won't do you any good being stressed out."

"I plan to take some time off soon. I would say when things go quiet but when do they ever go quiet?"

"Not for you they don't" Ron laughed, "haven't seen you relax in about a year. Seriously mate, Mum's right. You need to chill."

Dessert was served and the subject was changed, making Harry feel slightly better; he did prefer not to be the topic of conversation, after all the years of being the centre of attention. They went on to discuss George and Ron's business in the joke shop, which brought some well-needed smiles to everyone's faces. Nevertheless, each time it was mentioned, Harry couldn't help but think about Fred, who of course had started up the shop with his twin, using Harry's winnings from the TriWizard Tournament. Ron was of course doing a great job with his brother but it didn't have the same personal touches in the newer products that it would have done had Fred been there. Harry never mentioned these thoughts out loud of course, considering his death had hit the rest of the family much harder than it had hit him; he had only known him for seven years.

Thinking on it, anyone else would have thought this to be the strangest Valentine's Day in the history of the world: a whole family joined together, albeit in couples, for dinner. Yet somehow, it fit the Weasley family perfectly; their tight-knit family and close relationship meant that their love for each other was just as important, if not more important, than the love they could possess for any partner. It was the type of family that Harry had always dreamed about having and there it was right in front of his face. He couldn't risk losing it over one night with Severus Snape. He couldn't come clean. But could he force himself to stay with her just for the family? Could he spend the rest of his life pretending desperately to be something that he absolutely wasn't? It was going to take more than a stimulant potion, he knew that much. He needed to force Severus, no, men out of his brain altogether and carry on but how could he when…

A lubricated finger pressed inside him; it was the most bizarre feeling, somehow completely different from what he imagined. He thought it would be similar to how it seemed when he put his fingers inside Ginny but strangely, he felt no pleasure, just an odd sensation. He must have been pulling a face because Severus questioned him; he told him the truth but soon relaxed once he was reassured. He lay back and tried not to think too much on what was happening and instead concentrated on the pleasure that he knew he would eventually feel. People wouldn't do it if it wasn't pleasurable, he reminded himself. After the intruding finger had pushed in and out of him a few times, he became more used to the feeling and it no longer appeared odd. In fact, it was actually fairly nice knowing that someone was inside of him for the first time.

Severus had picked up on Harry's renewed comfort and had attempted to add an extra finger. That had hurt. Harry couldn't stop himself from crying out and immediately became embarrassed when Severus had retrieved his fingers from inside him.

"I'm sorry Harry" the man said, as he kissed his thighs and stroked his sides at the same time. Harry couldn't help from becoming immediately calm and lost in the surprise of someone so distant being able to be so loving. It almost felt as if he cared about him; Harry reminded himself that it was more likely that he knew he had to be gentle with someone so inexperienced. However, in that moment in time, he allowed himself to believe that Severus cared about him and that his actions were in fact ministrations of a loving nature, rather than care taken to a virgin.

Without warning, Harry suddenly felt something wet and soft touch his entrance and it felt amazing. He voiced the thought aloud before realising that it must have been Severus' tongue. The intrusion continued using the new organ and Harry found it much more pleasurable; the licks to the ring of muscles as well as the dips inside were a perfect combination. He barely even noticed when one of the fingers were re-entered into his body alongside the tongue as he moaned with pleasure. He lost himself in the new sensation and eventually realised that he was even inclined to the idea of more fingers penetrating him until he was ready for something much larger.

Severus added extra fingers very gradually and cautiously and each time Harry felt the stretching cause a burning feeling, he ignored it and rode through it. The older wizard seemed to be enjoying fucking Harry was his fingers and licking him and so Harry felt no embarrassment groaning each time something was particularly enjoyable. Soon after, the green-eyed man became aware that there were four fingers moving carefully in and out of him and he almost felt scared at the idea. He didn't have much time to think about it before two of the digits grazed against his prostate for the first time and he cried out in pleasure. He was definitely ready to be fucked.

He hardly noticed that all fingers had been removed from inside him, as he lay there, thinking of how it would feel to be filled up with Severus' cock. He came back to reality upon hearing the sound of the lube slicking onto Severus' hand again. The man spread it down his cock and tried to hold back a moan and failed, though Harry couldn't blame him; just from the expression on his face and his hardness, he could tell that the restraint was killing him. Although he'd fantasised about it and had been looking forward to it since they first kissed that evening, Harry suddenly became very scared at how much what they were about to do might hurt him. Severus realised how he must have been feeling and stopped what he was doing, looking concerned.

"It's ok. I'm ready. Be careful with me please" Harry told him in what he hoped had been a brave and reassuring voice.

"Of course I will. I'd never hurt you." The man's response shocked him. He trusted him and he knew that Severus wouldn't hurt him but the way that he had said it sounded uncharacteristically sentimental. It was the reaction to the situation Harry supposed. Severus kissed him slowly and meaningfully; Harry thought it was to distract him from the pain that was about to come. He realised that he must have been right as he felt Severus open him with his fingers, not once breaking the kiss. He felt Severus' hardness against his tight ring of muscles and closed his eyes as the intrusion began; the pain, no matter how much he expected it, still came as a shock and he pulled away from the kiss. He almost felt like he was being ripped from the inside; he knew it wasn't the case because Severus had prepared him and had been very careful but the intense pain was almost too much to take.

Kisses covered his neck, shoulders and the top part of his body as he gritted his teeth through the discomfort that just the tip of Severus's cock was causing him. How was he supposed to take the rest of it if he could barely cope with such a small amount? Severus asked him if he wanted to stop but he refused. He had wanted this for too long to turn it down once he was so close to getting it.

"It will be amazing soon, I promise" Severus told him, adding a kiss to his head. Harry felt the intrusion go in slightly further and then stop. He felt more burning but not as much as the original pain. With this thought in mind, he told Severus to push himself in completely, thinking that the pain couldn't get much worse. He was wrong.

"Ahh!" he cried out as Severus pushed himself fully inside and the pain spread from his entrance to deep down. The older man stayed still as Harry had asked him to and was biting his lip, which Harry assumed was to stop himself from moaning from the pleasure. He must have been very tight and the younger man knew what reaction that could have on a man. He didn't blame him at all but he just wished that he could feel all the pleasure that Severus was apparently feeling.

Moments passed and the burning sensation died down slightly; it was still there but it was bearable and Harry wasn't selfish enough to keep Severus waiting any longer. After hearing his attempts at reassuring him, Harry told him to move and braced himself. Looking slightly unsure, yet excited at the same time, Severus pulled almost fully out of Harry and pushed himself back in. He did this a few times and each time, Harry failed to stop himself from letting out a quiet pain-filled moan. He used all the self-control he could to stop the sounds escaping his mouth any longer and concentrated on the positive parts.

Harry told himself that he was finally with a man and he had taken his first steps to accepting who he was. Stopping himself from making his move on Severus all this time had been stupid, as he knew that inevitably, this was going to happen. The man on top of him moved in and out more, still forcing himself to stay silent and show no signs of pleasure, despite the confined space that he was currently pumping through. His selflessness relaxed Harry further and he stopped contracting his hole, allowing easier movement and less pain.

Suddenly, Severus pushed into his prostate and all the pain finally seemed worthwhile.

"AHHH! Do that again!" he shouted out, feeling slightly stupid as he realised what lack of control he had during sex. How Severus could stay so collected, he would never know. The smile on the older man's face encouraged his reactions and as he obliged to the order, Harry cried out again, begging him for more. As Severus' thrusts continued, so did Harry's pleasure and despite the burning still hurting him, it was easily ignored when there was so much pleasure to enjoy. He felt his lips attacked by Severus' but the enjoyment was too much and his shouts interrupted the passionate kiss.

As they continued, the movements were faster and harder, each thrust inside Harry hit him in exactly the right place, bubbling him up from the inside. He looked up into Severus' face and memorised the look of pleasure that he saw, which was soon matched by loud grunts and moans in his ear. It appeared that even Severus Snape could lose control during sex, as he let himself go completely and every time something felt particularly good to him, Harry could tell. He tried to meet each of his thrusts to increase the sensation for the both of them and before he knew it, the furious passion between the two of them was sending him closer and closer to the edge of ecstasy. If Severus continued, he was definitely going to cum very soon and so with shame evident in his voice, he told the man that he needed to stop, not wanting to be a disappointment.

Severus reacted in the opposite way than expected and actually smiled at Harry's words.

"Let me give you a hand." Harry barely had the time to contemplate the words before he felt Severus grasp his cock hard and begin pumping, still continuing his pounding inside the other man's body. The combination of pressure on his prostrate and the attention on his penis sent Harry blind with pleasure. He lost all other senses and could only feel. Unexpectedly, the sensation came to its (and to Harry's) head.

"Oh God! Severus! Pleeeease! AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH SEVERUS!" he shouted out as he came. Every sexual experience before this faded away into nothing because it could not compare to what he had just felt. Nothing he'd ever done on his own or with Ginny had felt like that and he couldn't imagine that it ever would. This was the only type of pleasure that he could feel with a man. His thoughts were confirmed as Severus soon brought him to a second orgasm, the first multiple he had ever had, and finished by releasing his seed inside Harry.

Why was he thinking about this again? He hadn't stopped reminiscing since it had happened. He would love to have tried out life as a gay man because he knew it would suit him more; it would have made him happy. But how would he have started? Severus wouldn't have wanted to be with him properly and so he would have had to have found someone else. How long would that have taken? Plus, he would have to deal with the thought of breaking Ginny's heart and hurting the whole family, his family. It was better this way, he told himself.

Without even realising how it had happened, he had found himself on one knee on the dining room floor, with a ring in hand. It was goblin made and very expensive. Everyone gasped in shock as he flashed it at Ginny, whose smile reflected brilliantly in the stones. He'd never seen her look so happy and so he continued the process that his absent mind had began without him.

"Ginny, will you marry me?"

I'm so evil. What did everyone think?

Sorry for the delay and thanks to everyone for being so patient. I try as hard as I can to write but life gets in the way. Anyone that wants to chat can follow me on facebook and/or twitter under my pen name. :)