Was It Wrong To Go Along With Insanity?

Disclaimer: I do not own the characters and many of the places mentioned in this story. The plot is the only thing created by me.

Part 4:- I want your love

Harry

Shame was the main emotion that he would use to describe himself at that particular moment in time but many others accompanied it. Harry sat alone on his bed with his face buried in his hands, half wishing that he'd sink into it and disappear. He'd gone past any point of turning back and now he had to live with the decision that he'd made, whether it was the right one or not, he still wasn't sure. He raised his head slightly and looked around at his fairly plain bedroom, with a few photo frames and one single quidditch poster. There weren't many decorations at all because that wasn't really his kind of thing, though it was definitely Ginny's. He grimaced at the thought of his room turning into a Pygmy Puff Palace. Ginny was by no means a girly girl but she was very strong-willed and Harry was sure that many of the small decisions in life, such as decorating, would be made by her. He had been too busy thinking about the other effects of the marriage-to-be to even consider things this trivial but he supposed they all added up and would eventually irritate him.

His green eyes soon fell on his bedroom desk, where he often responded to fan-mail that was sent to him. He didn't like being famous; in fact, he would go as far as to say that he hated it but some people needed responses. Hermione had once told him that he gave these people hope and so he shouldn't just ignore them and she had been right. Sometimes, he really felt that he was making a difference to people's lives; if only he could truly be the hero that they thought he was. He wasn't a nice person. He knew that but he wished he could be. Harry didn't want to be the saviour of the Wizarding world but he did want to be someone that people respected, not the cheating low-life that he'd become. He stood up in anger to stuff away the letters on the top into his drawers; he didn't need any reminders about what a disappointment he was.

Mixed in with the fan-mail were letters from the Daily Prophet, Witch Weekly and many others asking him for an exclusive interview about his engagement. He would have happily burst them all into the flames but instead, he tore them into several tiny pieces and threw them into the bin, next to the desk. Using all of his self-control to not continue with his original plan, he stepped away from the remains of the letters and fell, face-flat back onto the bed, fisting the sheets and banging his head into the pillow. He wondered if he might accidentally suffocate himself by doing so but there was no such luck. He buried his head underneath the top pillow and covered his ears with it, as if he was trying to block out the voices in his head and the memories that went with it. It didn't work.

Ginny gently took him by the hand, a brilliant smile on her face. Her newly-worn engagement ring dug into the side of his finger, as she pulled him up the stairs by his hand. It felt like the longest walk of Harry's life, even though they'd only gone up a few steps. The dread filled his stomach as his footsteps became smaller; he wouldn't even have been moving if it weren't for the gentle tug that was pulling him forwards and upwards. It almost appeared to be in slow motion when the door closed behind them; Harry closed his eyes as he was pulled lightly into his fiancé, who wrapped her arms around him and gently kissed his lips. She blinked a few times, the happiness apparent in her eyes as she stared into the emerald eyes of the man that she loved. Ginny stroked down Harry's sides with both hands in unison in what should have been an arousing manner; the wizard tried to maintain the kiss but soon realised what was to be expected of him.

"Can you just give me a minute Gin? I need to go to the bathroom."

"Don't be long" she responded, giving him one last kiss as he left the room.

Harry found himself locked in the bathroom, shaking, not allowing himself to shed a tear for what he was about to do. He took a minimised bottle from inside his trouser pocket and brought it back to full size. He felt a stab of guilt, remembering how he had gotten this particular potion, or who he had gotten it from. He took the potion as had been directed by Severus when he gave it to him and hoped for the best, trying not to let himself think about the fact that he was using something to have sex with his fiancé when it was made by the man that he'd cheated on her with. Ignoring his guilt, he stumbled back to his fiancé's bedroom and fumbled with the door knob to get back in.

Harry forced himself back out of the memory and tried to forget it, pushing it to the back of his mind along with pretty much everything else. He tried to focus on something positive but nothing seemed to come to him. He supposed that he needed to redefine what positive meant and despite the fact that he didn't want to continue with the future he'd invented for himself, Harry needed to make plans. He guessed that at some point he would have to respond to one of the letters and do an interview to make everything official. He had decided to propose and to carry on with this life with Ginny and he had to accept that was what he was going to do, rather than dwell on the fact that he didn't want to.

Ginny lay on the bed in just her underwear; she wore a black lacy bra with a matching thong and looked ready to be pleasured. Harry only hoped he could manage it somehow. Looking at her in her sexiest underwear and ready to do almost anything was the point that Harry knew for sure that he liked men and only men. Anyone else would have quite literally pounced on her but he couldn't bring himself to.

"Come on, baby. Lay with me."

His body complied somehow and he soon found himself sensually undressed, as sensitive parts of his body were caressed. He felt some response to it and remembered that it was all thanks to the potion. Severus' potion. He closed his eyes as he was taken into Ginny's hand and as she pumped him, he tried to allow himself to enjoy it but all he could think about was the fact that he couldn't do this without a stimulant. He soon felt the hand that was pleasuring him retract; he re-opened his eyes to see why and noticed a head full of red hair going down to his cock. When Ginny took it into her mouth, she tried her best to take what she could and succeeded in taking more than half, choosing to pump the rest with her hand. Harry remembered how it felt to have Severus sucking him and the faces that he pulled, making it obvious how much he enjoyed having Harry's cock in his mouth. There were no such facial expressions from his fiancé; she may have wanted to please him but she wasn't enjoying it herself.

The torture continued and soon enough, it came to the inevitable moment where Harry found himself on top of Ginny and her legs wrapped around his waist. She pulled him inwards with her calves and closed her eyes as he came closer to her. Harry looked down at her breasts, partially concealed by her long red hair, and realised that there was no way of pushing the fact that Ginny was female out of his head. He entered her fast, hoping not to notice too much what he was doing but when the heat and wetness surrounded him, he knew he couldn't make it stop.

He pushed inside her for a while, as she held the muscles in his back. It didn't take particularly long for her to begin whimpering and squeezing him tight, showing that she was close to climax. When she reached that point, she cried out in ecstasy, calling out his name and riding it out against his still hard cock.

A knock at the door brought him out of those horrible thoughts. He considered ignoring it but the knock was loud and he was intrigued about who would be so desperate to see him. He hadn't long seen the entire Weasley family, including Hermione, so he was sure that it wouldn't be any of them. Anyway, nothing that anyone had to say that was visiting him would make him feel any worse about the situation and in fact they may pose as some form of distraction. He was surprised to find how very wrong but also very right he was.

"Severus?" he asked, surprised.

"Are you going to invite me in or do I have to stand here in the cold?" he responded, his eyes jerking around nervously. Harry couldn't help but notice that the man was acting extremely strangely, despite the fact that he normally hid things well. Something odd was definitely going on. He stepped back from the door and allowed the other wizard to enter, closing the door behind him.

"Would you like a cup of tea or something?"

"After all those years, denying tea laced with various potions from Albus, I would prefer to decline. I'm sure you understand."

"Yes of course. Come in." He allowed Severus into his living room and motioned for him to take a seat, putting some space between them, hoping that he wasn't being too obvious. The older man looked around the room a while before seemingly finding something to focus on rather than look at Harry. The man had spent years making his students feel uncomfortable with intense eye contact and so Harry felt increasingly confused about the way that he was acting.

"So, why are you here?"

"I assume you're not happy to see me then?"

"I didn't say that. I just guessed that you were here for a reason, considering you don't live in the area. I just wondered."

"I need to speak with you about something."

"Go ahead."

Severus opened his mouth to speak, looking around the room almost as if he was expecting some kind of support from the objects lying there.

"I think we need to discuss…" he suddenly broke off, unable to continue.

"What's wrong, Severus?" Harry asked, trying to work out what he had suddenly found interest in by the door.

"Is that the potion I gave you?" Harry looked across and saw that on the small table where he kept his keys, was the potion bottle containing the sexual stimulant and bottle wasn't as full as it had been the last time Severus had seen it.

"Yes it is. Why?"

"Evidently, you needed it then."

"I told you I would. I wouldn't have asked for it if I didn't need it."

"What I mean to say is that you went through with your plan. You proposed to her and slept with her?"

"Yes. You knew that I was supposed to. Why are you so surprised?" Harry couldn't understand what was going on and to be completely honest, the situation was starting to scare him a little bit. Why was Severus even there and why was he acting so strange? He'd seen the man in awful situations before and never did he do more than blink a bit differently.

"If you don't know, then I'm not going to bother."

"Why are you here? You said you needed to talk to me."

"Why haven't you spoken to me since you left my house?" he asked, bringing himself slightly more on track. His eyes had managed to lock onto Harry's now, as if his eyes would tell him more than his words would.

"I didn't think that you'd want to speak to me. I threw myself at you. I thought you'd torment me for the state I was in and the things I said and did. That was the most embarrassing thing I've ever done and I didn't need you to laugh at me for it."

"Now I understand. You're embarrassed by me. You're ashamed for sleeping with me and you want to forget about it. Wouldn't it have been easier to just tell me that rather than ignore me?"

"I'm not embarrassed by you. You're right about me being ashamed but that's only because I cheated on someone. I never thought I would be that person but I was. It had nothing to do with the fact that it was you."

"You didn't answer my other question. Why didn't you speak to me?"

"I didn't know how to act. I haven't done anything like that before. I thought you'd be disgusted to see me so I thought it was best to leave you alone."

"Do you think that I'm so desperate for sex that I would sleep with someone that disgusts me?" Severus appeared to be getting angry now and Harry didn't blame him. What he'd said had come out completely the wrong way; he hadn't meant to sound so offensive.

"You're right and I'm sorry. I wasn't trying to say that you were desperate. I only meant that I didn't see why you'd want to see me again after I embarrassed myself like that. I don't make a habit of practically forcing myself on people."

"You didn't force yourself on me. I more than consented."

"I'm glad."

There were a few seconds of silence before the next words were spoken.

"You hurt me, Harry." It was unlike Severus to admit to something like that and Harry just had to know what he'd done to cause this strong man so much pain. He didn't respond at first and Severus got up from the sofa, turning his back to him; Harry sensed that he wasn't now the only one feeling embarrassed. He got up too and stood behind him.

"I'm sorry. What did I do?"

"You honestly don't know? We slept together and you just left straight after. You didn't even apologise or say anything about what we'd done." Severus had turned back to face the younger wizard, with a hurt expression that didn't suit him.

"I'm so sorry. I thought that you were expecting me to leave after. I didn't think I'd be hurting you. I thought it was what you would have preferred. No awkward conversation afterwards or anything. I didn't realise that you were so sensitive."

"I am human. I do feel things. I try to hide my emotions but that doesn't mean that I don't feel them."

"Why did it hurt you so much?"

"Isn't it obvious?"

"No I'm sorry but it isn't. Please explain." He reached out to touch Severus' arm and let it rest there as he waited for a response.

"I was hurt because what happened seemed to mean more to me than it did to you." Harry's confused expression showed that Severus clearly hadn't explained himself clearly enough and he was sure that his ex-teacher was likely to insult his intelligence before continuing but he didn't.

"I love you Harry." He seemed to mean what he said but Harry knew better. Severus may not be the cruel teacher that he once was but he certainly didn't love Harry and whatever he was trying to do, wasn't going to work. The green-eyed man took his arm away from him.

"Do you think that's funny?"

"I wasn't under the impression that I was laughing or showing any other signs of amusement."

"I don't get you. Why would you say something like that?"

"Because I mean it. I love you."

Harry opened his mouth to protest but Severus saw his chance and their lips met in a passionate kiss. It was forceful and it didn't take long for Severus' tongue to find its way into Harry's mouth and his stomach tightened when he earned a moan from the younger man. Harry eagerly responded to the kiss and hands explored upper bodies and after what seemed like a lifetime, Severus pulled away. Harry had tasted alcohol on his tongue and realised that this was the reason for his not-so-Severus behaviour and it was also possibly why he had made a false confession. Severus kissed him gently on the lips for a brief second again.

"I love you."

"You're drunk."

"No I am not."

"I can taste it on you." Harry couldn't help but feel disappointed by the fact that this was all brought on by alcohol. For a moment, however brief, he had honestly believed that Severus had feelings for him.

"I've had one drink. That is all."

"It must have been a bloody strong one then."

"It may have been but it has had no effect on me."

"Don't do this."

Ignoring him, Severus pulled him in for another kiss, exactly the same as before but no matter how many times he kissed him, it felt different each time. He brought Harry in closer to him, as he continued to try to prove his feelings. The younger man was genuinely starting to believe him. The kisses were full of passion and of love and he was certain that Severus wouldn't be able to fake it, even if he was a good spy in the past. He gave into the sensation of being with Severus once more and responded longingly to the kisses that were being more than offered to him. He gasped with lust when Severus' hand found his backside and cupped it lightly as the kiss continued. Harry's hands soon became entangled in a net of long, black hair, as passion overtook him and their bodies suddenly pressed together.

Despite the fact that Harry's body wholly responded to Severus's actions, his mind was working overtime, questioning why this was happening. Before today, he never would have considered that Severus might have feelings for him of any sort, let alone be in love with him. Perhaps he was after another round and thought that it might be the best way to get it to happen. Either way, Harry's body wasn't allowing his concerns or morality to stop him from getting what it wanted. The wizard's entire being screamed out for Severus: his lips not wanting to break from Severus'; his arse begging for a pounding and his cock, desiring its release. The latter began to harden itself against Severus' thigh, causing the older man to moan into Harry's mouth.

Breathlessly, Severus separated his lips from Harry's to latch them onto his throat, his fingers unbuttoning the younger's shirt as he did so, allowing himself access to Harry's shoulders as well as the rest of his neck. Harry felt his shirt pulled from his shoulders with the bottom half of his buttons still done up and holding the apparel onto him. As soon as Severus' tongue found its way across his chest, all self-control and thoughts of his fiancé were gone as the moans escaped him. Harry couldn't help but think how great things could be if Severus' declaration were true and they could do this every day. The feel of another man against him was one unlike anything else and he was pretty certain that if he had to describe it to someone, he wouldn't be able to.

"Severus" he said, pushing the man away from him slightly. He seemed to have assumed the worst, as he looked slightly hurt about being stopped. Harry smiled back at him and took his arm, apparating them both to his bedroom, stumbling slightly when he landed.

"The bedroom? How romantic" Severus teased.

"Appropriate after you telling me you love me isn't it?" he responded, pulling the man back close to his body.

"I'm not feeling very romantic" he whispered, proving so by pushing his erection up against Harry's.

"Don't be too gentle then."

Lips met once more and clothes were thrown across various places in the room, seemingly forgotten, as they were stepped on and not over as they made their way to the bed. The movements were clumsy due to the fact that the two men refused to separate themselves from the other, even though there would be enough time for closeness once they reached their destination. After a few stumbles, Harry's legs hit the back of the bed and the two of them fell onto it together, repositioning themselves once they landed on the bouncy mattress. Severus proceeded to remove the last items of clothing from the both of them so that he could feel Harry's flesh underneath him.

"So beautiful" he whispered to himself, while running his hands along the younger wizard's body. Harry said nothing, unsure as to whether he was supposed to hear that comment but it made him feel happy all the same. He thought back to all the pleasure that he'd received the last time that they'd slept together and was more than excited to feel it all over again. He did, however, feel slightly disappointed about his lack of experience and wished that he could satisfy Severus in the same way.

The black-haired man gave up his dominant position to lie next to the other man on the bed, running one hand along his body as he kissed him again. Harry pulled back from the kiss to give some attention to Severus' nipples and torso, taking the opportunity to look down at his hardness when his eyes closed in arousal. He hadn't paid much attention to what it had looked like last time, only concerning himself with how it felt against him and inside him. Now he looked at it, he felt nervous. He knew what to do but whether he would do it right or not was a different question. Ignoring himself, he realised that the only way to work it out would be to try it.

Harry kissed and nibbled lightly at Severus' neck as he stroked his hands down his body and back up again. He repeated this a few times, as it made his lover moan with pleasure. Once Severus had closed his eyes, expressing comfort and arousal, Harry trailed his hand down further and grasped the man's penis with his fist. A gasp escaped Severus' lips and his eyes shot open as Harry began to pump him. Once he felt more comfortable, he began kissing Severus again, while he continued to stroke; it wasn't as difficult as he'd expected. It was almost the same as doing it to himself so he supposed there were only a few other things that he needed to learn. Every now and then, their kisses were interrupted by Severus' moans; Harry mainly felt them in his throat but sometimes they came louder from his mouth, almost making Harry moan himself.

Becoming gradually more confident and eager to please, Harry stopped touching and kissing and repositioned himself with the upper half of his body between Severus' legs. He eyed Severus' cock, trying not to worry too much about his next move; he now felt more excitement than anything else. He could tell how much Severus had liked pleasuring him with his mouth, as he'd seen it in his eyes the last time and so he hoped he would have just as much fun.

"Harry, you don't have to do that" Severus told him, apparently realising what the younger man was about to do. Harry chose not to answer him and instead licked the head of his lover's cock, circling it a bit first before planning his next move. He was rewarded with a loud moan and Severus pushing his hips forward automatically, his body begging for more attention. Feeling encouraged, Harry licked down the underside, still using just his tongue, remembering how nice it felt when Severus' tongue had done that to him when his cock was in his mouth. He wasn't sure he could multitask like that but he hoped so. Taking a breath, Harry took a little more than the tip in his mouth and sucked, being careful not to let his teeth touch the man's skin. Once he had got used to sucking and moving, Harry tried tonguing underneath with his tongue at the same time, finding it difficult but ignoring that feeling once he realised how much the other man enjoyed it.

"So good" he moaned out softly, in between whimpering. Harry noticed that he was fisting the sheets in his hands, maybe needing something to grab onto. The green-eyed wizard carried on in pretty much the same way until he found himself becoming more able. After a few minutes, he was able to take a bit more of Severus into his mouth, as he cupped his balls at the same time, still trying to use his tongue as much as he could. He supposed there was more than he thought to mastering oral sex. Harry attempted to speed up a bit but was soon pulled off almost harshly, as he was pinned back to the bed again.

"I need to be inside you" Severus growled into his ear, panting.

"I don't have any lube" he admitted, worried that this was going to stop them.

"You're going to need to get some for the future but I can use a spell if you don't object."

"I don't care. I want you." That seemed to be all that Severus needed to hear as he went to find his robes to retrieve his wand. Harry walked up behind him as he bent down to search through his pockets and pressed his erection against him.

"Don't feel neglected. You'll be getting some serious attention." Severus had stood back up with his wand in his hand and pulled Harry back towards the bed.

"Get on your knees." Harry complied, climbing onto the bed, his legs like jelly. He exposed his backside to the room, feeling unembarrassed about the fact that he so desperately needed to feel something. He was soon rewarded with a hard pumping of his penis from Severus, who had slipped his hand around his leg.

"Mmm Severus" he cried out as he was finally allowed pleasure; he had thought that he was going to die from the desire. He was teased for a while before he felt something hot and wet touch his anus for the second time in his life. A very long lick started from the bottom of his ball sack and made its way slowly up to the top of his crack and that was only the start. Severus began pushing his tongue slightly into the ring of muscles before licking it back out again, still slowly stroking Harry's penis as he did so. Harry wished he had the patience to endure the pleasure but he needed more than this right now.

"Fuck me please" he half-demanded, half-begged. That was the moment that his phone chose to start ringing again. He ignored it, not even caring who it was or what they might be calling for.

"Do you need to get that?"

"Not nearly as much as I need this."

The next thing Harry knew, there was a strange, cold feeling in his passage and he knew that Severus had lubricated him with a spell. A finger entered him as the phone silenced itself; the caller had clearly given up. Severus' long finger had entered him and pulled back out a few times before it began ringing again. Harry looked over at it on his side-cabinet but couldn't make out who it was by the picture.

"It's Hermione" Severus informed him, retracting his finger completely, "it might be important."

"I'll get rid of her" Harry promised, kissing Severus passionately before taking the phone. He leant down on the bed, his elbows on the pillow, assuming the same position that he had held previously.

"Hello?" he answered hurriedly.

"Hi Harry. How are you?" Hermione's voice asked him. There was a lot of back-noise and he could only assume that she was out somewhere.

"I'm okay. What's up?"

"I just wondered if I could come over for a bit to chat?"

"Sorry not right now. I'm not too well."

"You just told me that you were okay."

"Yes because I didn't want you to worry." Harry tried to contain himself as he felt a finger re-enter him and was proud when he managed to remain silent.

"Are you sure you're okay?"

"I'm fiiiine- ahhh!" he near-shouted as his prostate was hit.

"What was that?"

"Sorry. My stomach hurts" he lied, panting slightly.

"I should come and check on you then."

"Hermione, I don't need a healer. I just need to be on my own."

"Okay. I'll talk to you tomorrow then. Bye."

"Bye." As soon as the word was uttered, he slammed the phone down on the side.

"That was risky" he moaned at Severus.

"What a shame."

Harry soon found himself being fucked by multiple fingers, which occasionally touched his prostate, forcing him to moan loudly. He couldn't wait to be filled again; he wasn't even nervous about the pain that he knew he would endure at first. The pleasure was certainly worth it.

Eventually, Severus had pushed the head of his cock against Harry's hole, ready to push forward. He started with the head as he had done before and stopped for only a few seconds before slowly and carefully putting his full length inside Harry and was unable to suppress a moan. The younger wizard tried not to cry out in pain and was biting his lip to stop himself; he was glad that in this position, Severus couldn't see the pain on his face. He soon felt his cock being stroked once more, as the older man remained still inside him. It took time but he was able to begin expressing his pleasure at the feeling once more until he began encouraging Severus to move by pushing backwards. The pain hadn't subsided yet but he knew that the best way to relieve it would be to start feeling the pleasure as soon as he could.

"Ohhh" Severus moaned, as he re-entered Harry for the first time after pulling out. A few pounds later, Harry shouted as his prostate was hit hard and after that, Severus sped up, aiming for the pleasure point. Harry was aware that he was talking but he had no idea what he was saying; his pleasure had taken over his brain and he was completely unaware of his words. He soon became a whimpering mess as his prostate was repeatedly hit and Severus had taken to pumping his cock. Despite having felt this before, Harry still hadn't imagined that it would feel that amazing the second time; it was like experiencing it again for the first time.

Severus appeared to be grunting very loudly as Harry felt him speed up; if he kept that up then he wouldn't last any longer. The pressure against his prostate was almost unbearable and this mixed with the pumping of his cock was having worse effects than the jelly-legs jinx on him.

"Fuck me! I need to cum! Please!" His requests were granted as his most sensitive spot was hit harder and faster; his pleasure built up until he saw stars behind his closed eyes.

"Don't hold back Harry. I'm too close. Let me cum." If the words weren't enough to send him over the edge, the bites on his back were. Suddenly, his body jolted violently, as he screamed out Severus' name, his seed dirtying his sheets. As soon as the name escaped his lips, he heard his own from Severus, as he was filled with hot liquid.

Soon after, the two collapsed on top of the bed, neither bothering to cast any cleaning charms just yet. They lay on their sides, looking at each other breathless. Harry felt a smile forming as he recollected both of their amazing nights together.

I am being bugged by a persistent plot bunny! I am trying to ignore him but he's jumping around my head, asking me to write his idea! Can't decide!

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