Was It Wrong To Go Along With Insanity?

Disclaimer: I do not own the characters and many of the places mentioned in this story. The plot is the only thing created by me.

Well I'm getting a little bit better at updating...I just have a lot going on in my life, as I'm sure everyone else does. Only a few more chapters of this story left now. It's a shame because I know exactly what would happen throughout all of it. I think I'll write an epilogue so that you all know. :)

Part 7:- The truth hurts

Severus

"What? How? How did that happen? How long has this been going on? Is this why he's not acting right?"

"Which of those questions do you actually want me to answer Miss Granger?"

"All of them! And many more in fact!"

"Then go and ask Harry. I have betrayed him enough by telling you this much."

"You've betrayed him? What about how he's betrayed Ginny? He cheated on her. She's going to be heartbroken. How could he do this? How could you let him do this?" For a normally emotionally controlled woman, she was getting very irate quite quickly and Severus didn't know and didn't care how to calm her down. She clearly couldn't deal with the situation despite having asked him so many questions until he told her something.

"No one can make his decisions other than him. I could have stopped him from doing what he did but that does not mean that he would not have betrayed her in his mind. Even if he chose not to act on his thoughts and instincts then their relationship still would have been in jeopardy, especially if he is as interested in men as he thinks he is."

"But he's just proposed. They're getting married! Don't you care that you're breaking up a happy family?"

"With respect, there is nothing happy about a relationship, in which one of the couple is not in love with the other. It is likely that they would break up whether I was involved or not. However, it is not me that you should be discussing this with. Harry is your friend and you should speak with him but if I hear that you said anything to make him feel any worse about this, I will be very angry. He needs someone that is going to support him, not someone that will judge him."

"I've known Harry a very long time. I would never judge him and I have supported him through everything he's ever been through. Don't think that you can make assumptions about me."

"Then I suggest you stop making assumptions about me also. Go and speak to Harry alone. I cannot tell you anything more than what I have already disclosed" he said with a firm voice; Harry was already likely to be angry at him if he knew that he had told one of his friends about them without giving away anything else.

"I will speak to him. I hope for your sake that you haven't done anything to hurt him."

"As much as it would interest me to see how you would punish me for hurting him, I've already made it plainly clear that that has never and will never happen. Please leave my shop. I must pay attention to my brewing."

Harry's female friend eyed Severus strangely before walking back up the steps to his shop and leaving without another word to him.

"Nosey wench" Severus cursed aloud to himself, hoping that Harry would forgive him for admitting to their relations. The conversation with Miss Granger had lasted longer than expected and so his new potions were ready to be bottled and labelled. Severus spent the next half an hour or so doing just that before levitating his new stock up one floor and putting them out on the appropriate shelves. There was no one in the shop and Nathaniel was looking at him, confused but obviously not wanting to push Severus into telling him what had happened. He supposed he felt bad enough that he had questioned him a lot about Harry recently and knew that Severus was trying not to think about it until he heard from him.

Once the shelves were fully stocked once more, Severus had a check around the shop for any out of date potions. He wasn't likely to find any, as very few had an expiration date of under a year but all the same, he liked to ensure he was selling the very best products to his customers, especially if their health was at stake. Eventually, he was fully satisfied that all of his products were fine to sell and went back to the counter to ask Nathaniel about the sales for the day.

"Not a great deal going on really. Obviously sold some Pepper Up potions so it's a good job you brewed more. The woman that you were speaking with brought some as well. Other than that, some shifty looking man brought some Felix Felicis so that's the main part of the takings for the day to be honest."

"Not bad. Selling a bottle of that more than compensates for a lack of sales for the rest of the day. It does concern me that people spend their money on such a thing as luck."

"I suppose people that are unlucky have a reason to want a bit of luck but they think too much on it. People can do amazing things after taking that potion though."

"People do amazing things as a one off event. Luck is not superior to ability and people should realise that. It cannot change fate or anything that is inevitable."

"Someone's feeling negative again today."

"I am not feeling negative Nathaniel. I am simply stating that luck is not all that people think it is. It is temporary. True happiness can only be found in something more permanent. Would you not agree?"

"Of course I agree."

"Good. It is nice to know that there are still some intelligent people left in this world."

"It's only half an hour until closing and you've closed down on your own the past few days. Why don't you get off and let me do it tonight?" Nathaniel offered kindly. Severus considered the offer for a while before accepting and thanking his colleague before gathering his things and being handed his money from that day. He looked down on Nathaniel as he obliviously recorded the takings in the accounts book, wanting to talk to him about what had happened. He burdened him with so much recently though but as he always told him, it was what friends were for.

"May we discuss it?" he inquired.

"Of course" Nathaniel responded, looking relieved, "I assumed you didn't want to."

"I do not wish to bother you."

"You're not. What happened?" He closed the book and paid full attention to his friend.

"She came to ask me what has been wrong with Harry and she knew that I had spent the night with him. Eventually she worked out what must have happened. She's gone to ask him about it now."

"Well I know it's not ideal but everyone was going to find out in the end. Don't you feel a bit relieved?"

"In some ways. I want them to know and I want him to stop living a lie but at the same time, I do not want this to come out in a way that will destroy him. He needs his family and friends more than anyone else does; he is so close to them."

"If he is that close to them then surely he won't lose them? Maybe it's best he has a friend to talk to about it all."

"I suppose you are correct. I will just have to wait and see how it all goes."

Harry

Harry felt physically sick through his anger at himself; here he was, spending time with the family at the Burrow and all he could think about was leaving. He wanted to be there but not under those conditions; he wanted to be able to be true to himself and to stop lying to everyone. He wanted to have the bravery that he used to have just for a while to be able to tell Ginny the truth. He knew it would hurt; it would hurt everyone but at the same time, the pain would be less if he did it sooner rather than later.

"Harry dear, could you pass me that doxy-spray on the top shelf?" Mrs Weasley asked him, stretching to get it herself. He got it down straight away for her and felt his heart break when she smiled in appreciation. The loving looks he got from her were nothing like he had ever received from anyone, except he supposed his own mother when he was a baby. He had tried so hard as a child to get his aunt and uncle to feel something for him, not even necessarily love; just something that wasn't pure hatred. He remembered the time that he made his Aunt Petunia a Mother's day card at school like all of the children had done. He even got his little fingers stuck together with glue to stick on some heart decorations. Dudley hadn't bothered to make her one even though the whole school had; he spent his time punching the kid next to him in the leg under the table. He should have known not to give it to her. He had left it on the mantelpiece, excited to see her face when she read it but her reaction hadn't been what he expected at all.

"Oh! Dudley's gotten me a card! Made it all by himself at school!" she said, tears filling her eyes. She was so happy and Harry couldn't wait for her to realise it was from him; he might even get a hug. Her face soon changed once she read it.

"Oh" she said to her husband, "it's from him".

"She's not your mother, you little freak! Your mother died in a car crash, remember? Go and clean my car!"

"Is everything alright?" Mrs Weasley asked him, looking concerned.

"Everything is fine" he reassured her with a fake smile, which he knew she didn't believe but she returned it and took vengeance on the doxies instead.

It wasn't long before Hermione apparated into the house and he certainly hoped that spending some time with her would help alleviate the pain that he was causing himself by trying to assist Mrs Weasley. None of her children often wanted to help her and took her for granted but Harry could never do that and always offered to do housework for her.

"You've been out a while Hermione dear. I thought you were just popping out for Ron's Pepper Up potion?"

"I had some business to attend to but I've got the potion. Harry, would you mind helping me store them while I give one to Ron?" she gave him a sharp look that said denying her request was not an option and so Harry agreed and followed her up the stairs.

"I need to talk to you" she whispered, seemingly annoyed at him for something.

"Ok" he responded, wondering what the hell he'd done now. Harry started taking the Pepper Up potions out of Hermione's bag and storing them in the bathroom cabinet, being able to hear her speak to Ron about his illness in the next room. Only he would be able to make a common cold look like something much more serious; he was probably just hiding away from everyone talking about the wedding. Harry only wished he could do the same.

"Are you done?" Hermione asked him.

"Yeah. What did you want to talk to me about?"

"Not here" she said before grabbing his arm and apparating with him.

"Could you give me a bit of warning next time please? You know I don't like side-along" he stated, looking around to find he was in his own house.

"Sorry but we need to talk right now."

"Ok. What is this about?" he asked, steadying himself from the dizziness of the spin.

"Snape."

"What about him?" Harry squeaked.

"Don't bother Harry. You know what. How could you let this happen?"

"How could I let what happen?"

"Harry! Don't make me feel like an idiot any more than you already have. I know so don't try to pretend and please don't lie to me." She looked genuinely hurt and Harry didn't have the heart to conceal it from her any longer.

"Ok. I'm sorry. I wasn't treating you like an idiot. I just don't know what to say. How did you find out?"

"I worked it out and then I forced him to admit it to me."

"How the hell can you work something like that out?"

"I saw him go into your house and leave it the next morning. When I called you, you really didn't want me to come over and you said you weren't well. I knew it was a lie" she couldn't quite meet his eye as she spoke, feeling the pain from the lie that her friend had told her.

"I'm so sorry I lied to you. I couldn't exactly tell you the truth."

"Maybe not then but after you could have or you could have told me how you felt before you did something like that. You've betrayed Ginny, Harry."

"I know what I've done ok? I'm not proud of it but I just couldn't make it stop. I…" he broke off as a few tears fell from his face.

"I'm sorry. I didn't mean to upset you" Hermione told him, sitting next to him and wrapping an arm around his shoulder, feeling awful for making him feel that way.

"I deserve it."

"No, you don't. Whatever you've done, you're still my best friend and I don't want to upset you. I'm here for you. Just tell me what happened."

Harry knew that she meant it; he knew that she wanted to help but he felt so awful for what he'd done.

"I don't know where to start."

"Well how did you end up sleeping with him? Was it more than once?"

"It was twice. It's a long story" he told her, his hand in his hands to conceal the shameful tears.

"I have the time" she told him gently, stroking the back of his neck.

"You're going to hate me 'Mione."

"No I'm not. Just let me try and help you."

"I was thinking about it for a while. I started thinking about men in that way and then when I was around him, I felt different. Eventually I realised I must have felt something for him and it became very difficult. I stopped being able to sleep with Ginny because I knew that if I did and I didn't enjoy it, it would just confirm that I was gay and I didn't know how to deal with that."

"I understand. So you weren't sure if you were gay or not so you avoided trying to find out by avoiding Snape and by not sleeping with Gin?"

"Yeah."

"So then what? How did this happen?"

"I realised I didn't want to feel that way and that before I started to get confused, Ginny made me happy and I knew I made her feel the same. That day when you assumed I was going to propose to her, it put the idea in my head and I realised it was the right thing to do. It was what would be best for everyone."

"I wish you'd have spoken to me Harry. I could've tried to help. I can't believe you've been thinking all of this on your own. Don't you trust me?"

"Of course I do. I just didn't want to tear the family apart. We're all friends and now we're all related in some way. I didn't want to put you in that position, especially with Ginny being your sister-in-law."

"But you're my best friend. I would have wanted to help. I noticed something wasn't right but I just thought it was a post-war thing. But if you were so determined to stay with her, then how did this all end up happening?"

"I knew that if I was going to propose then I would have to sleep with her afterwards and I wouldn't be able to. I needed a stimulant potion and so I went to him."

"Do you have any idea how horrible it sounds hearing you say that you HAD to sleep with someone? You should've ended it Harry. No one deserves to be unhappy like that."

"I know. I was being an idiot. I just didn't want to hurt everyone but now I've done it anyway."

"We can sort this. Now carry on. You went to him for the potion."

"Yeah he gave it to me and then I went off to look at the rings. I found one I liked and took everything back home, ready for the next day. I hid them away and sat thinking about what to do. I didn't want to propose to her and I just wanted to talk to someone that would understand. I should've come to you but I was too scared and so obviously I went to his house. Once I told him everything that was going on, I tried to leave but I didn't want to. I felt a bit closer to him after telling him that and I ended up kissing him outside the door. He pulled me back in and then it happened."

"How did you feel?"

"I can't tell you that."

"Yes you can" she told him reassuringly.

"I felt amazing. I couldn't believe how good it felt to finally be myself."

"So what happened afterwards? Did you stay with him?"

"No. Ginny called me to come over and I just left him there. I was awful to him. To both of them. I don't deserve to be with anyone."

"Of course you do. You make a mistake at a really difficult time. It doesn't mean you don't deserve happiness Harry. So have you and him discussed everything?"

"Yes. He has given me time to think about it. I don't know why he's being so patient with me."

"So he wants to be with you? Properly?"

"Yeah he does."

"And you want to be with him?"

"I think so. I'm just not brave enough."

"Harry, you're the bravest person I know. You've been through so much. You can do this if it's what you want."

"I don't want to end up hurting him because I can't deal with it."

"Well he's obviously going to expect that it will be difficult for you at first. Like you said, he's being patient. I know it doesn't actually matter but I had no idea he was gay" she laughed to herself, clearly trying to make a bit of light out of the situation.

"I didn't either but I hoped he was. I took a big risk in kissing him and I never expected that his feelings would be stronger than mine."

"What do you mean?"

"I didn't think he'd have any interest in me whatsoever but he's in love with me."

"What?" For the first time since their conversation started, Hermione was genuinely shocked. She never thought of her old Potions Master as the romantic type and could hardly imagine him admitting to feeling love for her friend.

"Yeah I know. It's mental."

"Do you love him?"

"I could."

"But you don't?"

"I've not given myself the chance to love him but he makes me feel good and he would give me anything I wanted. I know he could make me happy and if I gave it a chance, I could fall in love with him. I already feel a lot for him."

"Then this needs to stop. Go and speak to Ginny. I'm sorry. I know it's sudden but if you feel this way about him then you won't stop seeing him so you need to break off the wedding. It's not fair on anyone to keep both things going. Just go and talk to her. I'll be there for you when you're ready to see me. I know it won't be straight away."

"Thanks 'Mione. I do love you, you know."

"I know Harry. I love you too. Now go and sort this out."

Nerves flowing through his entire body, as well as a sicky sensation in his throat, Harry apparated to the first floor corridor, just outside of Ginny's bedroom. He was slightly hesitant but knocked lightly on the door all the same and heard a cheery "come in" before he opened the door. Ginny was sat on the bed, looking at wedding dresses in what Harry assumed was a wedding magazine.

"OH! Hi Harry!" she said, quickly closing it to stop him from seeing any potential wedding dresses, "Mum said you went out with 'Mione ages ago so I thought you'd be out all day. It's ok. I don't think I've found the dress yet so it doesn't matter."

Ginny got up from her bed and kissed Harry, who was still stood frozen by the door, lightly on the lips in greeting. He vaguely responded but was still trying to find the words for what he needed to say. This was not going to be easy.

"Harry, is something wrong? Do you want to talk to me? If you're just nervous about the wedding then don't worry about it. I am too, especially because everyone's going to be all over it."

"It's not that I'm nervous."

"What is it then?" she asked him with an encouraging smile, squeezing his arm.

"You might want to sit down."

"Urm…ok. Are you going to sit with me?" she asked, sitting herself back down on the bed, looking much less comfortable than before. Harry nodded and sat stiffly next to her, unable to look at her.

"I literally don't know what to say. This is horrible."

"Has something happened? Are you ok babe?"

Her concern for him just made him feel so much worse; he was an awful person and yet there were still people worrying about him. He supposed she'd stop worrying once she knew.

"Something happened yeah. I made something bad happen and I feel so bad about it. I didn't plan for it to happen. I'm so sorry."

"Harry, what is it? What's happened? You can tell me anything."

"Are you sure about that one?" he almost laughed.

"Of course I'm sure. I'm your fiancé and we've known each other for a long, long time. Do you honestly feel like you can't tell me?"

"Only because I know how much it will hurt you."

"Then tell me now. If it's that serious then I should know."

"I'm really sorry. I can't marry you."

"What? Why not? We've been engaged for less than a week! How can you have changed your mind so quickly?"

She was almost frantic and Harry couldn't stand hearing her get so wound up over something that he'd done to her; he still cared about her a lot, even loved her, just not in the way that he was supposed to.

"I shouldn't have proposed in the first place Gin. I knew it wouldn't make us happy. I just wanted to do the right thing and even if that meant making myself unhappy, I knew everyone else would be happy."

"But now don't you realise that you've also cost my happiness? If you'd have been honest with me sooner then I wouldn't have to go through the embarrassment of telling everyone that we're not getting married anymore. If you didn't want to marry me then I could have dealt with that but I can't believe you've let it get this far."

"You're right and I'm so sorry. This is exactly what I didn't want to do. It was a choice of going through with it anyway to please everyone and I didn't think I'd go back on it once I'd made the decision."

"So are you saying you don't want to marry me or that you don't want to be with me at all?" she asked, tearfully, looking Harry directly in the face, despite the fact that he still couldn't look at her.

"I'm sorry. I can't be with you. It's not even the case of not wanting to. I wanted to so badly. I just wanted this family to stay strong and close. Everything could have been perfect if we could have stayed together but I can't do that."

Harry started crying himself at this point, in regret for hurting Ginny and the thought of losing the Weasley family, as he was inevitably going to do.

"Why can't you? Tell me the full story Harry. This isn't fair. Are you in love with someone else?"

"Not exactly but yes, there is someone else."

"You cheated on me? How could you do that? I thought that you would never do something like this to me. I should curse your face off!"

"You should but it wouldn't make me feel any worse about it. Believe me, there is nothing that could make me feel worse."

"But if you don't love her then how can you leave me for her?"

"Because it's not a 'her' Gin."

There seemed to be a particularly long pause after he said it and he had to get up from the bed to not look at her heart-broken face.

"You're seeing another man?"

"Well, no. I'm not seeing anyone but I did cheat on you with another man, yes. I can't be with you because I don't think I'm interested in women and it's horrible that it's for something that you can't help but I can't help it either. I never meant for it to happen."

"Then how did it happen? I understand that you can't help being gay Harry but you can help cheating on me and then proposing to me." She'd stood up with him and shook him, forcing Harry to face her, both of their tears freely flowing down their faces.

"I tried not to be around him because of how I felt but then when I was, I couldn't control myself. There's no excuse. I know that. I was just hiding who I was and when I had the chance to let it out, I just couldn't stop it."

"We need to talk more about this another time but can you please just leave me alone for now? Don't come back to my house until I am ready to see you."

"But Gin, please…"

"Get out Harry. I can't do this."

"I'm so sorry."

"I'm sorry too but no matter how you felt, you should've been able to speak to me more honestly sooner and I certainly didn't deserve having you be unfaithful just because I don't have what you want."

"You're right. It was really wrong of me. I won't ever forgive myself."

"Do I know him?"

Harry didn't answer; he just looked at the floor, hoping her question might fade into nothingness and that he wouldn't have to give a response. How could he tell her who he'd cheated with? She'd never get over it.

"I do, don't I? I don't even know any gay wizards. Who is it?"

Again, he chose not to answer. He willed himself to have the courage to tell her everything she deserved to know but he just couldn't; it would hurt her even more.

"Wait, you said you'd been avoiding seeing him. As far as I'm aware you've not avoided seeing any of our mutual friends or anyone from work. So it must be someone I don't see a lot of. Wait a minute. Harry, tell me it isn't him!"