Days of Exile

Chapter 31 – Guidance

8 January 0008

Deeper and deeper Tifa sank, although her consciousness was slipping, she felt the pulse of water rushing against her.

Wait… Water does not have a pulse…

The viscosity of the fluid that she was travelling in was not like water. It was not even anything liquid, because Tifa was not choking.

What happened… Oh, I remember. The ground broke… Cloud and I fell into the Lifestream…

I am in the Lifestream.

Deeper and deeper, Tifa felt the waves of the unknown pull her down. The sound of the Lifestream, like a mournful whale, was the last she heard before she lost consciousness.

"Wh… Where am I…?" Tifa murmured when she opened her eyes. It was pitch dark in front of her. "What's happening? I…"

She could no longer hear the sound of the Lifestream, only dripping sounds around her. There was nothing at all in front of her. Not even Cloud, who fell in with her, was with her.

"Where's Cloud…!?" She looked around. "Cloud, where are you!?" Tifa shouted, but there was no echo. Her voice did not travel far, despite her shouting. Her response was the sound of… guns? They were shooting far in the distance. "Huh… what… who…" Though Tifa could not see what was happening, she could hear the sounds of guns and…

Murderer…

A voice that spoke into her heart rather than her ears.

"Who is it? I can't hear…"

You.

Only you lived.

Many voices joined in the chorus. Tifa realized, with a chill down her spine, that the voices came from people. People that she once knew. The people of Nibelheim.

Sole survivor of Nibelheim.

Killer of your people.

"Wait a minute…!" She cried out to the voices. "I don't know anything about that!"

Bet you must be enjoying your life…

You killed the whole town, saida voice behind her.

"No!" Tifa spun around to find no one there. "It's not me!" She protested. "I'd never do anything like that!"

You could've saved your town from destruction.

Goosebumps spread across her arm as she realized that in some way… the townspeople were correct. If she had prevented Zack Fair and Sephiroth from entering Nibelheim… then maybe…

We should not have allowed those SOLDIERs into the town! Damn that Shinra!

It's all my fault,thought Tifa. Now… I'm the only one who is living. No family, no home, no one with me…

First it was those undercover Turks. You should've known better when you allowed that truck of SOLDIERs into the town… Tifa Lockhart.

Hear our cries for help! Hear the fire that tore our lives apart!

… May you never sleep in your guilt.

"No! Stop it!" Tifa covered her ears, but the noises persisted in her head. "Stay back!" She screamed.

It's all my fault.

Tifa could feel the insides of her soul threatening to rip apart in shame. She felt her courage weakening and her strength failing.

I'm done. I'm too tired to stand up and fight. I'm too tired to be strong for others and show that I'm strong… Just… go away!

The sounds of fire and crying did not go away as she hoped. So Tifa ran away. "Somebody… help!" She cried. "Please!"

Too late. The voices sneered. No one will help you. You are all alone. No one…

No one…

No one… She almost murmured. Can anyone save me at all? When I'm in a pinch…

A pinch!

The memory of two children meeting at the water tower in Nibelheim awoke Tifa's doubts. There was still someone with her. Tifa had always believed in him and his promise to save her in a pinch. She always needed him… this time was no different.

A sudden force weighed upon her, like a thousand souls pressing upon her body, reaching for her life. Her head throbbed painfully and her breaths became shorter.

"Cloud, help me!" She cried as the souls pounded tirelessly upon her. With a final breath, she screamed.

Those silly townspeople. Their grudge never ceases. I thought that you were much stronger than that.

A soft presence touched Tifa's cheek. Tifa opened her eyes. The darkness was no longer around her. She was back in the green swirls of the Lifestream. A soft glow surrounded her, filling her with an all too familiar presence.

"… You're…" Tifa uttered.

It doesn't matter what my name is anymore. Tifa could still imagine her smiling, as if she had a joke that Tifa did not understand. But somehow, my presence and conscience are still around. Somewhere…

"Where was I just now?" Tifa asked. She squinted her eyes, hoping to make out a girlish figure, but in vain. There was only a presence, nothing more. "That dark place with all those sounds… You saved me from it, didn't you?"

She giggled. You were in the Shadow of Doubt.

"The what?"

She giggled again. That's just a name that I came up with. There is no name, of course. People who come into the Lifestream often battled with the last of their doubts. Tifa could imagine her with an amused expression. You didn't do so well.

"Ever the sweet one," said Tifa sarcastically, though her smile did not fade. Never in her wildest dreams did she imagine that she could still talk to her. Her death felt like yesterday. "Thank you. You said 'the last of their doubts'… am I… dead?"

No, you're not. She replied, very confidently. But you will be very soon, unless you do what you have to do.

"Do what I have to…" Tifa suddenly remembered Cloud. "Cloud! Where is he? I need to get him out of the Lifestream!"

I'll bring you there… to the very centre of his memories and heart. Her voice now sounded more urgent. You need to hurry. He is losing himself bit by bit.

"Losing…? I don't understand." Tifa frowned and shook her head. "What should I do? What can I do?"

That will be for you to find out. She answered. I can't be with you there, so you will need to figure it out.

"Why can't you go with me?" Tifa asked helplessly. She would feel more assured if she was not alone.

… I can't.

"I don't understand!" Tifa tried again. "We can do this better if we work together!"

You will be enough to help Cloud.

The presence said that in a sorrowful tone, but Tifa did not understand at all. She clenched her fists in frustration. "Aren't you also a friend of Cloud? Don't you want to help him?"

Of course I want to help him! She retorted back, and Tifa felt a surge of equal helplessness and… jealousy? I really want to save him… but I can't. Only you can.

For the longest time, Tifa suspected that the both of them shared feelings for Cloud, but she never dared to ask. Now, it was clear that she liked Cloud as well. Tifa felt sympathy for her… she will never be able to tell Cloud her feelings even if she wanted to.

"… Thank you." Tifa said again, this time not because she was saved from the 'Shadow of Doubt'. "Thank you for everything."

Silly girl. The presence smiled. I trust that you will be able to save him from his own mess. Come, I'll bring you to him now.

"Wait!" Tifa cried out as the presence's glow began to fade. "Don't go! There's still so much that I want to tell you."

Tifa… I entrust all my feelings for Cloud to you. Do what you have to do. Because you are going to be the one who will live.

You will be alive with Cloud.

Cassie stormed into the living room, where KK was. The Corel native was wearing a thin long-sleeved pullover and pants, matching the chilly weather of Midgar. Her hair was not styled and her legs were propped over the coffee table. When KK did not look up from her television show, Cassie cleared her throat. "Don't you think it's a little too long?"

KK glanced up and looked at her former colleague. She knew exactly what Cassie was raving about, but she feigned ignorance. "You mean my television programme?" She asked innocently.

"Don't act cute now, Katherine." Cassie frowned. She flopped herself on a white armchair beside the couch, some strands of her hair fell out of her bunned up hair. "You know I'm talking about Meia." She said seriously.

It was clear that Cassie was not going to let KK watch the television in peace. Pouting, the knife-user switched off the television and looked at Cassie. "You have been worrying for the whole night now, Cassie." KK sighed. "Don't you think that you are overreacting? Perhaps she had gone over to Reno's room to stay for the night?" She allowed a mischievous grin to slide on her face. "You know, she's all grown up. She doesn't have to report to us about everything- Opps!"

KK's words were cut off as the bag of chips on her lap slipped off and landed on the floor in a heap. KK sprang out of the couch and lamented her misfortune. Cassie muttered, "You are so cleaning this up."

"I'm on it already!" Katherine wrinkled her nose at Cassie. "Anyway, Meia will be fine. It's only slightly more than a day since we last saw her." KK deftly swept up the remaining crumbs and clapped them off her hands into the dustbin. Thank goodness the immaculate Leia and Alana were not living with them. "Meia is smart enough to contact us when she can. If you're that worried, why don't you just call her and talk to her?"

The shotgun Turk rolled her eyes. "KK, did you just take me as a moron? I'm feeling really insulted right now. Do you think I didn't try calling her?" Cassie held up a PHS. "That goose left hers at home yesterday."

"Oh…" KK trailed off when she saw the PHS.

"If Meia was really caught by Shinra for what she'd done in Nibelheim, then no one will know that she's in trouble. Who will save her sorry little butt then?"

"Oh…" Katherine remarked again. "Maybe we should be a little anxious."

"You don't say?" Cassie muttered and immediately punched the number for a conference call with the rest of the Turks.

Reeve observed AVALANCHE from his tablet with a grim look on his face. When Tifa and Cloud fell into the Lifestream, everyone were convinced that they were going to die. It was Reeve, or rather, Cait Sith, who re-convinced them that there was a slight chance that they won't die in the Lifestream…

"Let's wait for them for three more hours," urged Cait Sith.

"Three hours!" Barret roared. "How much Mako poisoning would that be!?" He clenched his fist. "You saw what happened to Spikey. What makes you think Tifa will be fine?"

To that, even Reeve had no answer. Not many people had the misfortune of falling into the Lifestream. From that amount of people, there were fewer recounts of the experience. The closest example of the experience would be rookie cadets going through Mako exposure, and the results were less than comforting.

"I would wait three hours, if it means that I have the slightest chance of saving them." Cait Sith replied.

Barret coloured slightly. "Of course I will wait for 'em!" He said. "I'll wait for 'em till morning if I have ter!"

That, was how they managed to wait by the ruins of Mideel for the last two hours. Thankfully, all the Mideel citizens escaped the destruction of their hometown. Even the doctor and the nurse, who were the last few people to get out of the town. As the time passed, even Reeve felt his hope waning at the sight of the peaceful Lifestream.

"Here you go," said Cid when he returned from the Highwind. He tossed a bottle of water to each of them. Everyone caught the bottle with thanks and gulped the fresh water thankfully.

"Say," said Yuffie as she got up from the broken wooden planks around them. "How deep you think this thing goes?" She asked, peering into the vast emptiness of the Lifestream pool.

"Would you like a playful shove?" Asked Nanaki. Although his voice sounded serious, the mischievous swing of his fiery tail said otherwise.

"Very funny."

Reeve chuckled, which was reflected immediately onto Cait Sith. Despite their dislike towards Shinra and (indirectly) Cait Sith, Cait Sith liked these people very much. Reeve understood why – there was a balance of serious people, task-oriented people, playful people, caring people. All of them were strong and powerful in a fight. Truthfully, Reeve knew that Cait Sith cannot keep up with their abilities. Yet, these people knew when to have fun, though some would dare to cajole even in stressful and worrying times. The dynamics in this group is very powerful and precious to have. He thought. I don't think I can find teamwork like this anywhere.

Vincent Valentine looked up sharply. "I hear something from the Lifetream." He said.

Barret stared at him. "Whaddya mean by that?"

Vincent regarded the Corel native with a look of his red eyes. "Here they come."

"Look out!" Cait Sith jumped and pointed behind them. From the Lifestream pool, a huge waved surged above. As AVALANCHE expertly dodged from the waves crashing onto the shore, everyone gasped.

"Cloud! Tifa!" Yuffie exclaimed. There were woots and cheers as everyone rushed to help them. "No way!" Yuffie pulled a face at Vincent Valentine. "No offence, but are you really human? People don't sense things like these naturally!" Her only response was the slightest smirk from the man.

The first person to regain consciousness was Cloud. As he opened his eyes, Reeve noticed that his eyes were even bluer than usual. How could I not have noticed then? He thought to Cait Sith. Those eyes were not formed with just a temporary soak in the Lifestream… This man always had bright blue eyes, hadn't he, Cait Sith?

"That's right, Reeve." Cait Sith responded in Reeve's head. "Like the eyes of SOLDIERs."

Yet we've never seen him around. Reeve shook his head. I don't understand.

"I'm sorry…" Cloud croaked.

"It's okay," said Yuffie with a grin. "You didn't really make us wait for too long."

"No… I'm sorry for lying all these while…" He closed his eyes and in that instant, he looked so weak and vunerable. "I… We found the real me in the Lifestream… I'm sorry, I was never a SOLDIER…"

Never a SOLDIER? Exclaimed Reeve. Then, how does he explain the eyes?

"Okay, now you're just bibble-babbling." Yuffie shook her head. "We'll talk again."

"Okay…" Cloud nodded slightly, heaving as if he was crying, or out of breath, or both. "I'm really sorr-"

"Quit yer yakking and rest!" Cid complained.

Barret folded his arms. "We ain't done with ya, but not now." Finally, with some persuasion, the blond closed his eyes and fell asleep.

"He said some strange things…" said Nanaki with much contemplation.

On their right, Vincent commented, "Tifa is coming around too."

Barret immediately ran over to his old comrade's side. "Yo! You awright!? Tifa!?"

The Nibelheim girl opened her brown eyes and groaned. She sat up slowly, shaking off the heaviness of the Lifestream. "Barret… You came back," She smiled. "I… Cloud… Where is he?"

"Don't worry about him." Barret chuckled and pointed at the unconscious person beside them. "He's a tough one."

Tifa did not laugh along with him. "Barret… I…" She When I was in the Lifestream I saw the real Cloud." She nods. "I mean, I didn't really find him. Cloud found himself on his own…"

"Awright, I know…" said Barret gently. "I shouldn't have doubted him." He stared at Tifa with wonder and shook his head. "But I can't win against you. You're some kinda lady."

Tifa laid down again, exhausted from the trip in the Lifestream. She thought of Aerith, and how she helped her to find Cloud in his subconscious. Aerith was someone who was real, on the inside and outside. There was nothing false and fake about her. Why couldn't everyone else be as honest as she was? Why couldn't she be honest from the beginning, just like Aerith?

"People have so many things pent up inside of themselves…" She murmured. "And they can forget so many things…" She wondered about herself. She had forgotten so much about how she was as a child. Her childhood memories of Cloud were incorrect, even her memories of the Nibelheim fire was hazy. If only… if only she had clarified these things earlier with so many people… with Cloud or Aerith… perhaps things would not have been so. But fate was just like that. "Strange… isn't it…"

"Yo, Tifa!" Barret shouted when he saw Tifa losing consciousness too. "Snap outta it! Tifa!"

"Don't worry," Nanaki said, swishing his tail. "They are just sleeping. It must be very tiring to fall into the Lifestream." He sniffed the air around them. "It's still not very safe to be here. Let's leave Mideel as soon as we can."

Everyone nodded. Vincent, Yuffie and Nanaki ran ahead to the Highwind, Cid carried Tifa. As for Cloud…

"I can bring Cloud up to the Highwind," said Cait Sith. The robotic cat leapt off the large Moogle body. With a wave of his megaphone, the Moogle body did a fireman's lift on Cloud. "Alrighty!" It said, walking behind the Moogle body. "Up we go to the Highwind!"

"Hey, Cait Sith," Barret called out. When Reeve saw Barret, he was amused to see the big man looking so embarrassed. "Just wanna thank yer. Ya know… for not giving up on them." He said quietly and scratched his head sheepishly. "If not for you, we would have thought we lost them…"

Reeve felt Cait Sith's joy at the reestablishment, or at least the beginning, of trust. "Don't worry about it!" Cait Sith grinned. "Let's go back to the Highwind, shall we?"

9 January 0008

The line was quiet as everyone thought about what Cassie had just said.

"I didn't really think that Meia would really get herself into trouble…" Haato said, trailing off.

"It is not confirmed whether she is really captured or not," said Legend. "Like what KK said, maybe she's gone to stay over at Reno's. You know how it's like for us sometimes, right?"

Leia groaned. "Do not remind me about it. I was not pleased with all that promiscuity going behind some of your rooms."

"Yeah," said Legend; everyone could imagine him with a big smile. "Those were amazing times."

"The only thing I found amazing was how you could smuggle those random girls in without them realizing that it's the Shinra Building… You know what?" said Cassie. "I'm not going to even imagine or guess."

"Aww come on!" laughed Legend. "Like you girls didn't have your own fun? Like, you know-"

"NO!" chorused Cassie, KK, Leia, Alana and Cissnei together.

There was a slight clearing of the throat and immediately everyone fell silent. "Back to the main point, shall we?" asked Veld.

"… Yes, sir."

"Is there any way that we can ensure that she is safe and well? Katherine?"

Katherine laughed sheepishly. "There weren't many people who knew of Meia's identity in Shinra. There's Tseng, but he has been in Junon all the time."

"How about Reno and Rude?" asked Cissnei.

"They don't know, if I'm not wrong," answered Cassie.

Haato and Legend chortled. "Reno does not know that Meia is back in Shinra again?" They laughed. "Only an idiot like Reno would miss out! Imagine him hitting on Meia, thinking that she is some other girl!"

"Quit it, boys." Leia said seriously.

"In Reno's defence, he hasn't been flirting with girls since Meia," added Cissnei mischievously. "I doubt a new lab assistant will sway Reno off his ignorance, right?"

"Can we focus on the problem, please?" said Alana with an irritated tone.

Veld sighed. "Some things never change." This was typical of informal meetings, though Veld very much welcomed it now that they were not professional Turks anymore.

"Reeve Tuesti knows who Meia is," answered KK quietly. "Problem is, I haven't gotten his contact."

"Not a problem," said Veld. "I'll give it to you later. Please check, first and foremost, that Meia is safe and alive."

"Sir…" Cassie said quietly. "We obviously hope that Meia is safely out of Shinra's grip. But what if…" She trailed off, holding the PHS tighter in her hand.

"We will not intervene for now," Veld replied.

"See?" KK said to Cassie. "Told ya that Veld will not intervene!"

"Um… guys?" Haato piped up, but was interrupted by Cassie's protests.

"Cassie," said Alana sternly. "We've talked about this before."

"Veld, sir…" Cissnei cut in. "Surely we are not going to let Meia be… right?"

A sigh came from Legend. "You girls are not thinking with your heads… as usual." He said smugly, ignoring the scoffs from Alana and Cissnei. "Even if Veld wants to rush in and save Meia, he can't. Firstly, all of us are exiled, remember? We will be gunned down at the sight of us."

"Do we look threatened by that?" asked Cissnei earnestly.

"Secondly, if Meia is really captured, we don't even know where she is held. We could all but run into the scene, only to find her locked in Junon or something." Legend continued with a snap of fingers. "Also, we do not understand the circumstances she is in. Seriously girls, have you lost so much of your analysis after leaving the Turks?"

"If we weren't separated by a telephone call," KK said murderously. "I will slice you nice and slow."

"You can come over and slice me up anytime you want, honey." Legend said suggestively. "I'm in Wutai."

Leia groaned. "I'm not going to dispel whatever you say here, Legend. The question is, knowing that we have all the green lights to save Meia… should we?"

"What do you mean?"

"You were not around in the previous call," explained Veld. "Meia has decided to go to Nibelheim out of her own decisions. She has gone, being fully informed," he emphasized for KK. "That she will bear any consequences for this."

"We have advised her many times to reconsider," Alana said. "But the stubborn girl that she is, she refused to listen."

"I still stand with KK on this," said Leia. "We cannot allow Meia to do things without thinking. Her blind recklessness wasn't very obvious nor dangerous back then, because ultimately it was all done within the objectives of any assigned tasks. This is technically the first time Meia has done something out of her own intentions… and it's endangering us all."

"But sir," Cassie said. "Let her be scolded, or punished, whatever you decide, when she's back with us safe."

"I agree with Cassie." Cissnei said. "I know you may want to teach Meia a lesson or something, but what's the point if we lose her in the process? It's not like we don't know how unscrupulous Shinra can be. If Meia is caught under Hojo, I believe our conversation here is done. She would be dead by now."

"The lady is right," said Legend. "Jokes aside, you ain't so hardhearted to me when I wrecked up that armsdealer mission, remember?" When Veld did not acknowledge, Legend continued. "If you haven't been so gracious to take me back, when would I get my second chance again?"

A loud sigh from Veld silenced them all. "Colleagues." He said firmly. "Since when did I say that I'm going to let Meia die? I said that we will not intervene for now."

There were many soft 'oh's that followed after, of which Haato said, "Precisely what I wanted to say just now."

"You could've told us earlier, sir," said Cassie with an abashed voice.

"I respect your opinions first," chuckled Veld. "In any case, Cassie and Katherine, please contact Reeve and see if we can get any information about Meia."

"Roger that," KK and Cassie replied.

"If it is true that Meia is captured, we will withhold our cards first and delay the rescue as long as I can. It'll be good if Meia could work out some way to escape herself. That way, we won't have to expose ourselves too. That would be the strategy currently."

"We will keep everyone updated," promised Cassie.

You thought I've forgotten you guys, didn't you? I didn't! I hope you enjoyed the chapter! I actually enjoyed writing this one, even though I was working on such a time constraint.

I will talk more in my blog, so be sure to check it out!