Part Twenty: I Fucked Everything Up

Gallagher is mad at me. Fuck. I'm such a fucking idiot. Of course he's my friend. I should have just fucking said that. I'm a fucking pussy. Would it have killed me to admit that he's my friend? Now he won't talk to me.

"Why the fuck are you sulking?"

"Go away," I tell Mandy.

"Did she dump you?"

"Yes, now go away."

"Sorry," Mandy says.

How could Gallagher dump me when we're not actually together? That would imply that I'm gay. I am not gay. I just know what I like. I like fucking Gallagher. That doesn't make me fucking gay.

I fucked everything up. He's angry with me and I can't get him to fucking talk to me. I am hesitant about going to work today. Gallagher had a day off yesterday so Linda made me run the fucking register. It was lonely.

But he's back today. I arrive early. I wanted to make sure I got here before him. I place a box of candy on the register where he will be able to see it. This is kind of gay. But I have to apologize and I know Reese's Pieces are the way to go.

"What the fuck?" Gallagher asks when he spots the candy. He looks at me.

"It's for you," I say.

"I don't want anything from you."

Gallagher throws the box at me. I catch it before it hits me in the face. He gets out the fucking broom and begins sweeping the store. I grab the broom from him.

"Let go, Mickey," says Gallagher.

"Not until you fucking forgive me."

"You fucking sweep then," says Gallagher moving on to slicing fucking deli meats. He's going to cut his fucking hand off.

"You can't avoid me forever," I say.

"That's what you think."

"Did you listen to the CD?"

"Yes."

He hated it. That's why he's still mad. Fuck.

"What did you think?"

"Do you like me?"

The CD was supposed to answer that question so I wouldn't have to. I'm going to fucking kill Mandy. She knew this would fucking happen.

"What are you asking stupid fucking questions for?"

"Because I thought maybe I was more than just a fuck to you, but according to you I'm not even your friend."

"Excuse me, can I get some service?" Asks a woman who I didn't even know was in the store.

"Fuck off," I holler. Gallagher walks to the register and rings her up then he sits there with a blank look on his face. "You're my friend. How could you fucking not be?"

He leans in. I have his attention. He stares at me with those puppy eyes again and I want to stop and shut down, but he needs to hear this.

"That's it?"

"I have never been very fucking social. I'm not likable. I don't like to hang out. I'm not the 'let's go do stuff kind of guy.' I'm a loner. I always have been. Until you came along the only person I spoke to on a regular basis was Mandy. She's always been my only friend. Now I have you." And fat ass Ryan.

"I'll take the candy now?" Gallagher says.

I put the box on the counter but don't take my hand off it.

"Am I forgiven?"

"You're on probation," He says with a wink. I release the candy to him.

"Are we going to fuck?"

"Don't push it."

I am just happy he spoke to me again.

"What was your favorite song?" Gallagher asks.

"What?"

"On the CD, what song was your favorite?"

"I don't even fucking know. I chose some I liked." They all made me think of you.

"Oh," says Gallagher.

"It was really hard to decide," I add in case he has doubts about the CD.

"I could see that. There were some good ones on there. Hey, do you mind if I make you one?"

"Make me a CD?"

"Mmhmm."

"Do whatever you want, man."

"I have some great music that I think you'll like, and if you don't that's okay too. Hey, how did you know to put N'Sync on there?"

"What?"

"Did Mandy tell you my sexual awakening was Justin Timberlake?"

What the fuck are we even talking about? Who the fuck is Justin Timberlake? Is he in that stupid gay band N'Sync?

"No. I just thought you might like it." What am I even saying? This is fucking weird. "Your sexual awakening?" I repeat to try to finally catch up with that random train of thought. I missed the train by a couple of stops. "What the fuck does that mean?"

"When I realized the thing between my legs had another purpose besides pissing," Gallagher says. "Justin Timberlake got its attention."

"How old were you?"

"I think I was ten. How old were you?" He asks.

"I don't even fucking know." How old was I when I got my first boner? Who the fuck remembers shit like that?

We go back to work. Well, Gallagher works, I mostly chew gum and read magazines all day until some stupid kid tries to pocket something or Frank comes in to try to steal Old Style and cigarettes or buy drugs off me.

But Gallagher and I don't fuck. I don't bring it up. I hear a crunch and look up to see Gallagher eating his Reese's Pieces. He eats the whole box in an hour. So he likes chocolate and peanut butter?

"So was towel-head the only other person you've fucked?"

"No. There was one before Kash."

What? Who the fuck would that be?

"Just one?"

"Yeah. It was a long time ago. Not really a long time ago more like a couple years. He doesn't live around here anymore. He moved to Indiana."

"Who was it?" He shuts his mouth and smirks at me. "What?"

"I'll tell you mine if you tell me yours."

"Fuck off, I don't want to know that badly."

Gallagher shrugs and snatches my magazine. He starts reading an article about some celebrity couple and ignores me completely.

"Alright. I'll tell you."

"Roger Spikey," says Gallagher.

Why does that name sound familiar? Wait, the guy who was rumored to have a donkey dick? Gallagher fucked him?

"Did you top?"

"Nope. Your turn."

"Karen Jackson."

Gallagher laughs.

"Seriously?"

"Who hasn't she fucked?"

"Who was your first guy?"

I knew he was going to ask me this. I fucking knew it. What am I supposed to say? Admitting there was someone before him would be admitting I am gay. I'm not gay.

"Don't remember," I say.

"How can you not remember? That's okay. You don't have to tell me. I still think it's gross you fucked Karen Jackson."

"We were thirteen."

"Jesus, Mickey."