Part Twenty-Four: Back to the Joint

Cindy has a cat in her office. It's fucking staring at me. The worst fucking part is that the cat has orange hair. It reminds me of… I grimace and stop looking at the fucking cat. Cindy is typing something on her computer. She doesn't look at me. The fucking cat jumps on my lap. A word on the collar catches my eye. Carved into the fucking name tag is, "Gallagher".

"You've got to be fucking kidding," I say.

"I see you've met Gallagher. Yeah, I thought you'd like that. The boys named him. We had a vote. That's what they decided on."

Fuck them all. I scratch the stupid cat under its chin. He's purring. He decides my lap is the place he wants to nap. Fuck you, Cat. I casually stroke the fucking cat while Cindy finishes the paper work on my admittance back into this shithole.

"I'm putting you back in with Ryan. I'd like to keep you away from the more volatile boys. I don't know who's more venomous you or Travon, but I want you separated. You can get out of here early if you don't do anything stupid. Plus you're almost eighteen."

I don't say anything. I glance at the fucking cat who is kneading my arm with its claws. It's almost cute. Cindy grins. "He likes you. I imagine he reminds you of someone."

"Are we done?" I ask.

"Why did you punch that cop?" I wish that cop had been Tony with his stupid ass that someone seems to fucking love staring at.

I don't answer. I keep my mouth shut. I don't want to think about what happened. I've spent the last twenty-four hours trying to forget. I want to forget. I wish I had never let it get so far. Cindy escorts me herself to my cell block. Ryan isn't there. He's out on recreation. Cindy gives me my prison digs and tells me to change. I could join the other boys in the gym for recreation.

I am uncuffed as Cindy and I walk. I notice her fucking cat is following me meowing and trying to get me to pet it. Leave me alone. God you do remind me of…I force my attention to Cindy and what she's trying to say to me, which isn't much.

"Mickey," says Ryan when I step through the door of the gym. The room smells like stale cigarettes and farts. Ryan is always is sitting by himself making a map of some fictional fucking world he created. Fat fucking geek.

"I'll leave you to it," Cindy says. She leaves her stupid damn cat with me. It sits on my lap as soon as I sit down across from Ryan. I look at his map. It's pretty impressive. He put a lot of work into it. I stroke the cat behind the ears. Ryan wants to write and design comic books, but being in here isn't doing him a bit of good.

"He's supposed to calm us down," says Ryan as he tickles the cat's ears. "I just find him adorable."

"She named him fucking Gallagher," I say. That's the first time I've said his name since I arrived. I feel sick to my stomach. I retched three times on the way here from everything I saw something that brought him to mind or whenever his name would come up. He's more popular around here than ever.

"I know. What are you doing here, Mickey?" Ryan asks.

"I punched a cop."

"Why?"

"Because Ian's dad saw us together," I say. I can tell by the confused look on his face that I need to start from the beginning. I do. I can't believe I'm fucking tell him about this. When I finish, Gallagher the Cat has decided to give me a bath.

"So coming back here was the answer," Ryan says.

"I don't like it either, but I didn't see any other option."

"By the way, shave the fucking beard you look like a rapist."

I forgot all about it. Gallagher the Cat has stopped licking me. He decides to rub his head against me. This thing is annoying.

"I'm just done," I admit.

"With Ian or with hiding the fact that you might actually be falling for him," Ryan says.

"Are you calling me gay? I am not fucking gay. I know what I like and I like fucking that stupid redhead. It doesn't make me gay." I didn't realize I had grabbed the front of his shirt. I release it.

"Dude, calm down. I'm on your side."

I am shaking. I know the fucking feline sitting on my lap can feel it too. He's purring a mile a minute and looking at me with big eyes. Fuck off, Cat.

"I don't want these feelings, Ryan. I don't want to think about him all the time. I don't want to wonder if we're going to get caught. I'm just done."

The buzzer goes on and we're forced to go back to our cells. I hand her stupid cat back to Cindy. It meows when I leave it. You're exactly like him.

"I think you should really fucking go for it," Ryan says as he sits down on his bed. We don't have bunk beds. I can look directly at his fat head if I want to. He has a poster of a woman on the wall. It was from some of the lesbian porn I sent him.

"What?" I ask propping myself up on my elbows.

"When you get out of here, I think you should really go for it with Ian. Claim him. Make him yours. Give the world the finger and say, 'fuck it, he's mine and I like it.' And I think you'll be happier for it."

"That fantasy world you're creating is going to your fucking head. I'm Southside. This shit doesn't happen. He's probably already fucking someone."

"Why would he do that?"

"I told him it's over," I say.

"But it's not over."

"Yes it is. I'm not going to be gay. I'm not going to think about him or his fucking red hair anymore."

"You won't last two days."

"Is that a fucking challenge?"

Ryan is quiet for a minute then a smile forms on his fat fucking face.

"Yes, I challenge you to go two days without thinking about or talking about Ian Gallagher. If you lose you have to get back together with him when you get out of here."

"If I win," I say.

"Then I'll shut the fuck up forever."

"Challenge accepted."

We shake on it. This is going to be fucking hard.