Chapter 17
"Reunion"
After they finished their meal, Annie and Auggie headed towards the entrance of the center to wait for Joan to arrive. As Annie rolled down the halls with Auggie a step behind her in their modified sighted guide, they came down the hallway approaching the receptionist's desk. As they got closer to the entrance, Annie thought she could hear Joan's voice.
As she turned the corner, Annie heard Joan say, "We're here to see Annie Walker. She's expecting us."
Annie looked towards the desk and stopped dead in her tracks as she saw Joan standing there with the last person on Earth she expected to see right now.
Annie couldn't believe her eyes, with their backs to Annie as they spoke to the receptionist were Joan and Danielle. Auggie smiled behind her, already knowing Joan's surprise. "Go ahead, I'll be right there." He leaned down whispering to her as he unraveled his cane. He knew she could get there faster if she wasn't guiding him.
"Danielle!" Annie exclaimed excitedly as she rolled herself towards where Joan and Danielle stood speaking with the receptionist.
"Ann-" Danielle started to say as she turned at hearing her sister's voice. "What the-? What's going on?" Danielle asked eyeing Annie, obviously questioning the wheelchair.
"Oh. Joan didn't tell you?" Annie asked stopping suddenly a few feet from them, Auggie walking up behind her.
"No, no one has told me anything. I called Auggie when I hadn't heard from you in the last couple months; Auggie put me in touch with Joan. She just told me I needed to come back to DC to see you. I've been worried sick about you. I thought you might have died." Danielle said hesitantly.
"I thought you would want to tell her everything Annie. It wasn't my place to tell her." Joan said almost meekly-which was not a characteristic Annie had ever associated with Joan.
"What's going on? Why are you at a rehabilitation center? What happened, Annie?" Danielle asked impatiently.
"Annie, Auggie and I are going to let you guys talk privately. We will join you in, say an thirty minutes? I have some work stuff to go over with Auggie." Joan said offering Auggie sighted guide.
"Let's go to my room, we have a lot to talk about." Annie said to Danielle as they left. Annie turned her chair around to head in the opposite direction and Danielle followed her.
As they traveled the corridors back to Annie's room, neither sister said a word. As they arrived, Annie slowed her pace long enough to push the door open.
"Make yourself at home." Annie said flipping the switch to turn on the lights as she waited for Danielle to choose where she would sit. Choosing to sit on the small sofa near the door, Danielle sat and waited for Annie to move herself to sit adjacent to her.
"Danielle, it's good to see you. I'm sorry I haven't called you myself, I've been through a lot the past few months." Annie started.
"Obviously, now spill, what happened?" Danielle said as patiently as she could. Seeing Annie in a wheelchair was the last thing she had expected during her visit.
Annie closed her eyes and took a couple deep breaths and released them slowly before beginning. "Danielle, I was shot, twice, once in the chest and once in the back. It happened about two and a half months ago. I was in the hospital for just over three weeks before coming here for rehab. I started rehab, but then had a major setback last week that put me back in the hospital again. I basically started my rehab over again after that incident."
Danielle took a couple moments to process what Annie told her. She couldn't fathom all this actually happening. This almost felt like some kind of joke. It just didn't seem like it could be real. She was waiting for Annie to hop out of the wheelchair and yell "gotcha!"
"What kind of setback? Why are you- I mean, are you-" Danielle finally stammered trying not to assume the worst, but not able to ask the question she needed to ask.
Annie took a deep breath. She still struggled with saying this out loud, but it needed to be said and not danced around. "Danielle, I'm paralyzed." Annie said bluntly knowing what her sister was trying to ask. Danielle's shocked face told Annie that was not what she was expecting to learn on this visit. Tears silently ran down Danielle's face as she asked her next question. "Is there chance of recovery?"
"No. There's not." Annie said firmly, fighting back tears of her own as she watched her sister try to compose herself. She understood what Danielle was feeling. Danielle was feeling what Annie had been feeling herself, except, now, Danielle had to find out all at once what had taken Annie months to find out, rationalize and accept. Annie decided to clarify and explain her injury. "I have no feeling from my belly button down. The bullet lodged in my lower spine severing the nerves. I can't move my legs or feet."
"Why is Auggie here? Why didn't you call me?" Danielle asked accusingly.
"I'm sorry Danielle, I know I should have, but I wasn't in a place to accept anyone's help for the first month or so after the shooting. I even pushed Auggie away. I felt like I was on an island."
"But he's here now." Danielle stated still unsure why he was.
"Yes, he is and without him, I wouldn't be here." Annie said realizing she needed to tell Danielle everything. Annie took a couple moments to collect her thoughts before saying, "Danielle, this has not been easy for me to go through and yes, going through it alone the first few weeks was worse, I have realized that now. When this first happened, I shut everyone out, even when people were there, I still felt isolated, alone, and abandoned. I didn't cope well to being shot, undergoing multiple surgeries, and ultimately finding out there is no a chance of me regaining the ability to walk. A couple weeks ago, I gave up. I had just found out about the paralysis being permanent and I tried to kill myself. But Auggie happened to come for a late night visit the night I attempted it and found me. Without him being such a pain in my ass and ignoring my request for space, I wouldn't be sitting here today." Annie watched her sister's face express every emotion possible at the revelation that Annie had tried to kill herself. It wasn't who Annie was. The Annie before her was not the sister she once knew. Danielle struggled with this news more than anything so far.
"How?" Danielle asked after a couple minutes.
"Huh?" Annie asked not sure what Danielle was questioning.
Danielle cleared her throat, "How did you try to kill yourself?"
"Oh, pills." Annie said looking down at her lap. She wasn't proud of that fact.
Danielle sat for a minute to process everything. "All this still doesn't explain why no one called me as soon as you were sent to the hospital."
Annie sighed. "Okay Danielle, without going into details that you know I can't give you, I can say there were major complications surrounding me being shot. My boyfriend at the time was also shot and killed. I was accused of a very serious crime as well. That had to be settled and dealt with before anyone outside the agency could even know I was injured. Danielle, I'm ashamed to even say this, but honestly when things finally did calm down I wasn't thinking about anyone else. Of course I've thought of you since, but I wasn't sure how to tell you about all this." Annie said gesturing to her wheelchair. "Danielle, I didn't mean to hurt you, but once it was done, I simply didn't know how to repair it. You must hate me now."
"Oh, God, Annie, no, I could never hate you! Your friend died on top of everything else?" Danielle said reaching for Annie's hand. "Annie, I'm so sorry all these terrible things have happened to you. I'm sorry I didn't call earlier."
At that moment, there was a knock at the door.
"Yes?" Annie said.
"It's us." Joan replied
"Come on in." Annie said.
Joan came in guiding Auggie and sat down next to Danielle, while Auggie sat down on the edge of bed he usually slept in.
"Joan did you know about Annie trying to kill herself?" Danielle asked once everyone was seated.
"Yes, I did." Joan replied. "But, like I said, it wasn't my place to tell you all this. Annie deserved to be able to tell you everything herself. It's her life."
"I should have been called the night Annie was shot. I understand there were complications surrounding it that I couldn't know, but my sister being shot is something I should know." Danielle shot a glance at Annie before turning her gaze to Auggie. "Why didn't you call me Auggie?"
"I'm sorry." Auggie answered her. "I'll be honest, that night I didn't think about it, my mind was only on whether Annie was going to live or die. Afterwards, I know I should have called, but there were issues around the shooting that were up in the air. At one point, there was even a possibility that Annie would be incarcerated. When you did finally call me, I wasn't sure what I could and couldn't tell you surrounding the events that led up to us being here. And I wanted to respect what Annie would want, but at the same time I didn't want to upset her if she didn't want you to know about everything just yet."
"Why would she want me to know about this?" Danielle said sounding hurt.
"Danielle," Annie started as she unlocked the wheels on her wheelchair and moved herself to where she would be directly in front of her sister. "It wasn't that I didn't want you to know, didn't need you here, or want you here. It's that I had so much going on, I couldn't see beyond myself. Yes, it was selfish and I'm not proud of that fact. I've thought about you and the girls a lot. I didn't want you to see me in such a fragile, broken state. There really were days when I didn't know if I would live, then days where I didn't want to live, and then days when I wanted to be anywhere, but here. I understand how hurt you feel, I really do, but I can't change the past. Trust me, if I could, I wouldn't be in this chair."
"Annie, this is a lot to take in. I was thinking a lot of things could be going on with you for you not to call me for months. This is worse than my wildest imaginings. The worst I thought could have happened was you were somehow taken prisoner and were just found again when Joan told me I could see you."
"Danielle, I understand what you're saying. I never imagined my life taking this route either. If you need time with this, I'll be here for a while."
"Annie, I'm not leaving. I'm not saying I can't handle this. Yes I'm upset I wasn't informed earlier and I'm devastated that my little sister has been so violently disabled, but Annie, I'm here for you. I'll talk to Michael this evening about moving back to DC and you can move back in with me. I'll take care of you."
"Danielle, I don't mean to be rude, but you don't have to do that. I mean, if you want to move back to DC for you and your family, that's great. But don't do it just for me. Honestly, I can still live independently."
"Annie, what about taking care of yourself? How about driving? Cooking? Cleaning? A job?" Danielle asked perplexed.
"I can take care of myself just fine." Annie said almost defensively at first, but then calmed her tone and continued. "That's why I'm here. They teach me self-care, coping skills, and all about my medical needs. As far as driving goes, there are ways of driving without using your legs. I'll have hand controls put into my car when I'm ready to start driving again. I can still clean most things. I'll probably hire someone to help me with the things I can't do. And cooking? Well, it's not like I did a lot of it before this-" She said gesturing to her legs. "But, I am learning adaptive strategies to use in the kitchen when I do cook. Oh and I don't know about the job thing yet, but I'll figure it out. I also have to move out of your house since it has so many stairs and bad memories." Annie stated biting her lip as the memories threatened to creep back in. Auggie heard her hesitation speaking about the place where the shooting had occurred and understood where this was about to go. He sat up a little straighter on the bed and prepared to speak up if Annie got emotional.
"What do you mean bad memories?" Danielle asked again confused.
"Ummm. Well. I-Uh." Annie started to say, but then paused. "Danielle, I- it" Annie hesitated again.
Auggie answered knowing Annie wouldn't want to say it aloud. "Danielle, Annie was shot in your house." He said softly and solemnly.
"What?!" Danielle exclaimed almost jumping off the sofa to her feet.
Auggie listened for Annie to continue and when she didn't he added, "I'm sure she will tell you about it someday, but she's not there yet. I haven't even heard the full story yet. When she's ready I know she will tell us."
"Thank you Auggie." Annie said with a slight smile. She could always count on Auggie to be there for her. She continued, "He's right. I'm not ready to talk about all the details right now. And there will, of course, be some things I'm not allowed to tell you. I'm still working through being able to talk about that day. You'll be among the first to know when I'm able to talk about it. My therapist will probably be first to know. I can tell you the cover story I'm supposed to tell people if you want."
"No, that's okay. I know there are things you can't tell me because of your job. Just don't lie to me." Danielle commented sternly. More than anything else, she hated being lied to.
"I won't lie. I will tell you everything I can, leave out what I can't say and just ignore the questions I can't answer. But you'll just have to wait for me to be ready to talk about that day and even the few days surrounding it. I'm sorry it has to be like that right now."
"Don't apologize, I get it. I won't push it. How long do you have to stay here?" Danielle asked hoping it might send the conversation into a more positive direction.
"Well, I don't think there's a set timeline. I leave when the therapists, counselors, and myself all agree I'm ready to leave. I still have a lot of to work on." Annie said looking at her hands, she was just now getting up the strength she needed to confidently transfer from her wheelchair without help.
"Where will you go when you leave here? Have you already found a place to live?"
"Not yet. There are people here to help me find a place and get it ready for me before I leave. Joan has also offered to help. There are certain features I need to look for in a home. Joan has graciously already being in contact with realtors on my behalf. I also expect to have to do some renovations on a place before I can move into it. So depending on when I leave here, I could potentially need a temporary place to stay."
"Joan, can Annie still work for the CIA?" Danielle asked the question Annie was hoping wouldn't come up today, but Annie wasn't ready to hear the answer. Auggie too was surprised that Danielle asked it. He sat up a little straighter listening for Joan's answer. He wasn't sure what she would say.
"Danielle, I need to speak in private with Annie about that before I tell you and a very attentive Auggie her business. But I can say if Annie wants to continue working for the CIA, a place will be found for her."
Annie sat almost shocked. She expected Joan to offer her a severance package and glowing reference, but tell her there was no way the CIA could not risk having her work for them any longer. She had given up on being able to work for the CIA. Of course she knew she couldn't be a field agent any longer, but even being able to still work there brought a smile to her face.
"We will discuss it another time." Annie said trying to sound nonchalant, but even Auggie could tell how happy Joan's answer made her.
"Annie's given a lot for the CIA, I'm glad she won't be put to pasture after this." Danielle said lying slightly. If she were honest about it, she couldn't believe her sister would want to work at the CIA anymore. Because of that job she was wheelchair bound. Even the thought made her cringe
"We take care of our own at the CIA. Auggie can tell you that better than anyone. But Annie, I do want you to seriously consider what type of work you want to do for the CIA if you decide to come back. Obviously you won't be going on many field operations, but there are a lot of other divisions where your talents can be extremely useful."
"Will I be able to still work for the DP-er work with you and Auggie?" Annie stammered as she realized Danielle wasn't supposed to know such details about her job.
"I don't know, Annie." Joan said biting her lip in an uncharacteristic way. "That will have to be discussed further."
Annie understood that the conversation had taken a turn that a civilian simply shouldn't be a part of. "I understand." She replied hoping to appease Danielle enough for her not to continue that line of questioning. "I'm so glad you guys came today. How are the girls Danielle?" Annie asked changing the subject from herself to anything else.
"They are doing great. They both ask about you every day. They asked me yesterday if you would be coming to at Thanksgiving dinner or if you would visit them for Christmas. I didn't have the heart to tell them I didn't know, so I said of course you would be there."
"And I will be. Well, if I can be, I will be. Look Danielle, I know this is a lot to take in. Trust me, I understand. I'm still the girls' Aunt Annie and I will always be there for them in every way I can be. I don't know yet how travelling works when you're in a wheelchair or how to drive using hand controls yet, but Danielle, I promise, I'm not shutting anyone out of my life, at least not anymore. Auggie has been instructed to kick my ass if I do."
"Sure have." Auggie said almost daring Annie to try it.
As they continued talking Annie couldn't believe that she had allowed herself to cut herself off from these people. They were her support system. She needed them now more than ever.
Authors Note: Just like you'd clap or boo for the concert you just sat through, please review my writing as you read it. I'm not above saying, I really do NEED to hear from you each chapter so I know your comments, likes/dislikes, and expectations for future chapters.