Part Twenty-Seven: Hands On Boyfriends

Mickey walks in on me fucking some Asian up the ass during ROTC training. He and I kind of snuck off to do it. Mickey kicks the shit out of him before he and I go at it hard and fast. It's been over a month since I last saw him. I had been planning another visit to the joint, but here is he.

"I thought you had four more months," I say.

"They let me out for overcrowding or some shit. I missed you."

"You did." I missed you too.

"Yeah. I got so fucking horny in there. Of course, I had to do all the fucking in juvie. It's nice to be able to switch back."

What about us? I want to ask, but then again, I was just fucking someone. I sit down beside Mickey and lay my head on his shoulder. He pushes me away. What happened to our intimacy? He comes back from fucking juvie where we would be all over each other and now he won't even look me in the eye.

"You think I could get my job back?"

"You think you could fucking look at me?" I ask.

And Mickey does it. He looks me right in the eyes. But he doesn't speak. He just stares. The next thing I know Mickey is dragging me further under the bleachers out of sight and pulls my pants down. He gets on his knees in front of my crotch.

I grab his hair as he swallows my load. Mickey wipes his mouth and stands up. He's smiling at me. "What was that?" I ask.

"Shut up and fuck me," says Mickey.

I don't have to be told twice. When it's over and we've put our clothes back on, Mickey walks away. He doesn't speak to me. He just leaves. What the fuck did I do?

I consider going to his house to demand answers, but I have other things to worry about, like how to keep fucking Frank out of my room. I stop by Kash 'N' Grab on my way home. Mickey is inside talking to Linda.

"If I give him his job back are you two going to fuck before work so I don't have to watch the flirting and the foreplay?" Linda asks.

"I'm not…" Mickey starts.

"I'm not blind, deaf, or stupid. This is honestly the worst kept secret in Chicago."

"We'll see what we can do, Linda," I say to let Mickey off the hook. Linda obviously doesn't want to be in the same room with both of us. She lingers a little longer and looks between me and Mickey.

"You don't think other people see it?" She says before walking away laughing.

"What the fuck do you want?" Mickey asks.

"What did I do?"

"Nothing, you didn't do a damn thing. I got shit to do."

Mickey leaves. I buy some locks for my bedroom door and leave. Mickey is nowhere to be seen. He has somehow disappeared. I go home and begin working on the door locks. Mandy smacks me on the ass with a college application that she picked up for Lip. I like that she cares about him. She's better than Karen.

"How do you know if a guy you've been hanging out with likes you?" I ask her as a long shot.

"Do you like him?"

Fuck yes. "Uh-Huh," I say. Mandy pokes me in my ticklish spot and swat at her hand.

"You could ask him."

"He doesn't want to talk about it."

"No guy ever does."

"Then how do you know?"

"Does he get that look in his eye when he's with you?"

"What look?"

"You'll know it when you see it."

Does he get a look in his eyes? Mickey said he was seeing stars when we fucked at the juvenile detention center, but is that a look or was it just really good sex? I light up a cigarette. I started smoking Mickey's brand.

"So, are you fucking Mickey Milkovich again now that he's a free man?" Lip asks that night in the bathroom. We brush our teeth at the same time. I spit and start washing my face.

"Yeah, but it can't just be about the fucking anymore."

"You're really into him," Lip says spitting and wiping his mouth.

I don't respond. Lip knows the answer already.

"I just want him to say he likes me."

"Didn't that fucking playlist he made you tell you that? I mean wasn't that kind of the purpose?"

"I want to hear him say it. He won't even kiss me."

"Hey, Ian, Mickey Milkovich is here, want me to ask him to leave?" Fiona says.

"What?" I zoom past Fiona. She walks in to the bathroom probably to talk to Lip and ask him about this. I am not worried. He's not going to tell her anything.

Mickey is standing in the back yard drinking a beer. I can't believe this. He avoids me all fucking day and shows up to my house at night. For what? A booty call?

"Let's go on a fucking date," Mickey says crushing his beer can.

"Right now? It's 10:30?" I tell Mickey.

"So who gives a shit?"

"Let me tell Fiona." I run back inside. Fiona is making her rounds. She picks up toys, clothes, and dishes and puts them away. I step up behind her. "I'm going to talk to Mickey for a while."

"If you come home with a black eye tell Mickey his ass is mine."

"Thanks don't wait up."

Mickey holds my hand. He initiated it this time. He entwines our fingers and holds my fucking hand. We walk down the street toward the junk cars under the L. We stop when we find the one that we had sex in last summer. On it is a blanket, a stereo, and a case of beer.

"Really?" I say sarcastically. "This is a bit gay."

"Shut the fuck up. I'm trying here."

"What no box of Reese's Pieces?" I ask. Mickey smirks and pulls a box out of the car. I smile when he hands me candy. "You've thought of everything but flowers."

"Fuck off. You ain't getting fucking flowers."

I look in Mickey's eyes. Mandy's words echoed in my head, "Does he get that look in his eyes."

"What the fuck are you staring at?"

"Nothing."

"I'm sorry I avoided you today. I was planning this."

It took him all day to plan this?

"Kiss me," I blurt out.

Mickey kisses me on the cheek. It's not what I wanted, but I accept it. The next thing he does is even more unusual. He puts his arm around me and not the way Lip does. There is nothing brotherly or friendly about it. His hand is on my hip.

"I missed you," says Mickey.

"I missed you too," I say.

We don't fuck. We sit here in silence, his hand on my hip, me with my head on his shoulder, in the dark, passing cigarettes and beer back and forth. It's peaceful. I open my box of Reese's Pieces and throw some in my mouth. Mickey lets me feed him. I want things like this.