Hello, everyone, and welcome to the tenth chapter! What did you think about the last one? It was nice, huh? ;)

Shout outs: DoeEyedDarling for reviewing, UncreditedWriter for favoriting, and I also want to thank everyone that's reading this story; at this point there are almost 900 views! THANK. YOU. SO. FUCKING. MUCH. !

DoeEyedDarling: Thanks for reviewing! I KNOW RIGHT THEY'RE SO CUTE AAAAAAAAH ;D and yes, the tension thing is really fun to write, but Tori is playing a VERY dangerous game… Do you think Hanni will let himself be played like that? And because SHE KNEW, it will become much more dangerous once she regains the rest of her memories… But now I should stop talking or I'm gonna give away too much haha :)

Song I've been listening on repeat to while writing this chapter: Of Mice & Men – Identity Disorder. I do get inspiration from the songs I put here, so maybe it's worth checking them out? :)

Onward with the story!

This story has been Beta'd by the lovely DoeEyedDarling! Thanks sweetie! :)

Chapter 10: Identity Disorder

A few days had passed since I made my discovery about Hannibal. Will was back in the field, on a case about a man who had 'planted' people, people who were still alive at the time he buried them in the ground. He fed them sugar to keep them alive long enough for mushrooms to grow on them; he wanted to 'connect' them this way.

Things were still going great between Will and me, though I could see something was bothering him. But I didn't know what it was, as he didn't mention it, and I assumed he would talk about it when he was ready.

I was sitting at home, on the couch, drawing a portrait of Winston. This was something I had discovered the day before: I could draw. And pretty damn well, too. The things I drew were almost lifelike, because they were highly detailed; a fun discovery, because now I had something to do besides reading all the time.

The portrait of Winston was really getting along, except for the last fifteen minutes, when Winston refused to sit still. I sighed and gave up. I got up from the couch and let Winston outside, thinking that was probably the reason he was so restless. I was standing on the porch, watching the dog dart between bushes and trees, when my phone started ringing. I looked at the caller ID and smiled when I saw who it was.

I picked up and said, still smiling, "Hey, you."

I heard him grin softly as he, too, said, "Hey, you."

"What's up?" I asked him.

He sighed and he became serious. "Stammets tried to take Abigail from the hospital to 'connect' her with me. He heard about her because of that stupid Freddie Lounds."

"Oh, God, Will, is she okay? Are you okay?"

"Yes, relax, there's no reason to panic. We're both okay. I'm just tired, and relieved. We took Stammets in, he won't be 'connecting' any longer," he said, and I could hear the tiredness in his voice.

"Where are you now?" I asked him.

"I'm still at the hospital. Would you mind if I stayed here for a while?"

Still hearing the exhaustion in his voice, I felt concerned for him. "No, I don't mind at all. Maybe you could sleep there on the couch for a while, too? I mean, you sound very tired, and I wouldn't feel comfortable if I knew you were driving home exhausted. You know, you could fall asleep while driving, and, I just, I don't want to lose you, okay?" My voice trembled a bit at the end.

"Hey, it's okay, I understand. If you want me to stay a bit and sleep, then that's okay for me. But are you going to be okay? It could be that I won't get back until morning, which means you'll have to sleep alone…" he said.

I smiled at his concern and answered, "I'll be okay, don't worry about me."

"Okay, then…oh, Tori, I'm sorry, but I gotta go. I love you."

"I love you too, see you tomorrow."

"Bye, sweetheart," he said, and my heart swelled, growing warm at his words. We then hung up, me clapping my phone shut. "Winston!" I called out to the dog, wanting him to come inside again. He came running at me, his tongue hanging from his mouth. "Come on, buddy, let's get back inside."

I closed the behind us, locking it. I sat back down on the couch and let my thoughts take over my mind. Tonight would be the very first night in a while where we slept apart. We'll both have nightmares, probably. If I were honest with myself, I was more than a little anxious to sleep alone...but I didn't want Will to have an accident, either. He was so tired, I really wouldn't be at ease if I knew he was driving out there in the dark in the state he was in.

Hours passed while I sat there on the couch, trying desperately to keep myself awake by drawing, reading, drinking coffee. I fought against the exhaustion, but the coffee wasn't doing such a great job, and I finally had to give up when my eyelids closed and wouldn't open again.

"Dammit!" I cursed when I opened my eyes and realized I was dreaming. I had tried so hard to not fall asleep, I just didn't want to dream! Closing my eyes, I sat down on the ground and wrapped my arms around my knees, hoping I could maybe live through this dream if I just sat and did nothing.

But my hopes were proven false when I felt a hand on my shoulder. I looked up, and my gaze met Hannibal's. I stood up and backed away a bit, not liking it when he stood so close, even if it was only a dream.

"You've kept me waiting here long enough, Tori," he said, his accent thick.

I looked around and saw we were standing in a white room. Literally everything was white: the walls, the floor, the ceiling. There was no furniture, and no windows or doors, either, as far as I could tell.

"Where's 'here'?" I asked him.

"A place your mind has created to lock me up until this time came. I wish it would have been a more pleasant room, but I suppose I shouldn't have expected it, considering how we parted right before you got your amnesia."

I felt slightly shocked at how calm he sounded. "What do you mean with 'this time,' what time?" I asked.

His expression changed from blank to determined, and he started walking towards me. "It's time for you to remember," he said, and he pressed two fingers to my forehead.

Immediately, everything turned dark, and I couldn't see anything. "Hello? Hannibal?" I called out, but no answer came.

Instead, I saw a small light in the distance. I walked towards it, and it became bigger, faster and faster, until, suddenly, the light was gone, as was the darkness. I was standing in what appeared to be an opera hall. I looked around and saw that there were many people there, all dressed formally. I looked down at myself and saw I was still wearing the sweatpants and jumper I'd been wearing when I fell asleep, but that didn't seem to matter, because it appeared no one was able to see me. Everyone was just standing in small groups and talking to each other, probably awaiting the time where they would be called to their seats.

I turned to look at the grand entrance stairs, where a beautiful woman had appeared. She was wearing a long, strapless turquoise dress, which fit her body perfectly. White stilettos peeked out from under the edge of her dress. Her hands and the half of her arms were covered in long, white gloves. Around her neck she wore a silver necklace, which matched the silver earrings in her ears. Her make-up was done perfectly to accentuate her hazel-green eyes, and her long curled raven black hair hung loosely on her shoulders and back. With a shock, I realized that the woman was me.

What was I doing in an opera hall? Had I liked opera? I asked myself as I saw the other me descend the stairs. Apparently, I did like the opera, because when they called out that people could take their seats, I saw myself sitting down in the first row, close to the stage.

I went to stand at one wall of the hall, so I could watch everything that was happening. When everyone had taken their seats, I gasped as I saw Hannibal. He was sitting a few rows behind the other me, and was staring straight at her/me. I walked a little closer to him and looked at his expression. It was one of awe, admiration and lust.

I didn't know what to think of it. Then the opera started and I saw he was still staring at me most of the time, not really seeing anything of the opera.

When it was over, I saw myself jump up and clap enthusiastically, tears in my eyes. He followed my example, although not clapping as hard and he kept staring at me.

After a good five minutes of clapping, I saw myself stand up to follow the others who were leaving. The other me climbed the stairs again and exited the door. I followed, and saw how she - I - was trying to get a taxi to stop, but failed every time.

"Can I perhaps drive you home?" I heard a voice say, a voice with a painfully familiar accent. I turned around at the same time the other me did, and saw him walk up to me.

"Excuse me?" I heard myself ask.

"I asked, can I perhaps drive you home? A beautiful young woman like yourself shouldn't be alone out here," he said, and I saw myself blush.

"Oh, well, that's awfully kind of you, Mr…"

"Lecter. My name is Dr. Hannibal Lecter."

"… Dr. Lecter, but I don't know. We've never met, and I don't know you…"

"I'm afraid I insist, I really don't want any harm to come to you. And, besides, what could happen when you're with a doctor?" he said with a smirk.

I watched with a bit of horror as I saw myself actually grin at that. "Nothing, I suppose. All right, Dr. Lecter. Take me home."

He smiled at me before leaving to fetch his car. I saw us/them get in and drive off as everything faded back to black.

When the light returned, I saw Hannibal and me in a restaurant, talking and laughing. We were clearly having a good time. After the dinner, he drove me home, and I saw how he kissed the other me passionately, before starting to leave. He didn't get very far - I saw myself pull him back for another kiss, wrapping my legs around his waist. We went back inside and I followed to the bedroom, where I saw him and me crash onto the bed.

Once again, everything turned black. When I could see properly again, I saw myself and Hannibal sitting on the couch in his living room. I was sitting on his lap, and we were both sipping a glass of wine as we conversed.

"I love you, Tori," he said, and leaned his head against my shoulder.

"I love you too, Hanni," I heard myself say.

Everything turned black again, and I was starting to get dizzy, as everything was speeding up. When I opened my eyes this time, I was at Hannibal's house, in the kitchen, and I immediately knew this was the night I had lost my memory.

I watched as I saw him cut up a pair of lungs, and realized they were human lungs, I knew what they looked like, as I had a medicine degree. I was a doctor, I remembered, the joy I felt at reclaiming my past tainted by the sickness I felt as I watched him. He was alone, until the other me walked in. I saw sheer horror cross my face as she/I made the same realization. He noticed it, too.

"Tori, stay calm, I can explain…" he started, but I apparently didn't want to hear, and ran off.

I already knew what happened from there.

I jerked up, screaming, and fell from the couch. "No, no, no, no, no, NO!" I shouted, standing up. I started pacing while I kept yelling. This wasn't right, all those things I saw had not happened, I tried to convince myself. But deep down, I knew it was the truth. I had been Hannibal's and he had been mine, I was a doctor, a surgeon. I remembered everything.

Everything.

I quickly changed clothes, pulled on my sneakers, and went outside to take a walk. I left the dogs inside. I didn't want any company.

It was still early, around six o'clock in the morning, but it was already clear outside. Will hadn't come home, so I figured he had stayed at the hospital, probably still asleep, seeing as how he hadn't called yet.

What am I going to do now? I thought.

It didn't change how I felt about Will, definitely not. And, if I thought about it, I didn't feel anything for Hannibal - or maybe I had, and that had changed when I saw him cut up a pair of freaking human lungs. I mean, he was a cannibal. That would explain the feeling I got when I first heard about Hobbs being one, too, the feeling that I had known one before I got amnesia.

Well, that question was answered now.

Was I going to tell Will I remembered? Were these memories I wanted Will to know? Did I want Will to know me and Hannibal had been together? We had been pretty serious, by the looks of it. Did I want Will to know Hannibal was a cannibal? Did I want to let him know anything I remembered?

I thought it through for a while before coming to a decision.

No.

I wasn't going to let him know. I didn't want things to change - I was happy with how they were right now. I loved him, and he loved me. There were no uncomfortable things between us and I wanted to keep it that way.

And what about Hannibal?

I sighed. "Hannibal the Cannibal," I mumbled.

I wasn't going to let him know either. If Will can't know, neither can he. Besides, I was still furious at him. My fear hadn't returned, which was odd, as I now knew he fucking eats people. I was just...angry at him.

Was I going to continue my game? Yes, I was. Definitely, now that my suspicions had been confirmed. He did love me, I'd sensed that, I just hadn't expected to discover I had loved him, too. But that didn't change anything about the fact I was pissed off at him. So, yeah, I would keep up my game, I would keep hurting him. He deserved it after all.

Hannibal the Cannibal.

I was still walking, and when I turned around I couldn't see the house anymore. Not that I really cared at the time, I was glad to be completely surrounded by silence, and I was enjoying the fresh air; it helped me think clearly.

I didn't know how long I walked, I just knew I couldn't stop. I didn't want to stop, but I couldn't continue any longer when I heard someone call out my name.

I came back down to earth, snapping out of my trance. I looked up and saw the sun was already setting. I suddenly noticed I was shivering, as I wasn't wearing a coat. My feet hurt, too, and my body was tired. I stopped and turned around to see who had called my name. I saw I had been walking at the side of a road. A car was driving slowly next to me and stopped as I stopped. The door of the driver's side opened, and Jack Crawford walked up to me.

"Victoria, get in the car, please? Will is worried sick about you."

I blinked my eyes a couple of times and then nodded my head as I did what I was told. He got back in the car and we drove off. He called Will to let him know he had found me and then he became silent. But after a while he asked me, "Now, are you going to tell me what you were doing all the way out here? You're, uh, pretty far from home."

I hesitated at first, thinking of what I would say.

"I, uh…I had a bad dream and I wanted to get some air. So I went outside and started walking, and I just forgot about time." I said.

"Yeah, right. I'm going to ask you again, what happened?" he asked, his face open and without judgment.

I froze for a second, thinking, am I really so transparent?

I swallowed and decided I could tell him. I trusted he wouldn't tell either of them.

"I did have a dream. I remember everything now. I'm a surgeon, I love the opera, and Hannibal Lecter was my boyfriend."

He turned his head to me, eyes widened in shock, his mouth opening slightly.

"Don't look at me like that. I know it's shocking. That's why I ran off. I needed some time to think everything through, to think of what I would do with all these memories. And I've decided not to tell Will, and Hannibal either. So I would appreciate it if you would keep this to yourself," I said.

He looked like he was about to say something, but then he closed his mouth and just nodded his head. "I won't tell them. But can I ask you why you don't want to tell them you remember?"

"I don't want anything to change. Because it didn't change my feelings for Will. I still love him. And it didn't change my feelings for Hannibal either, I still feel nothing for him. If I told either of them, things would become awkward, and I don't want that," I said.

He nodded his head in understanding. After that, we were silent until we got to the house. The lights were on, and I could see Will pacing inside. I sighed, telling Jack goodbye as I exited the car.

Will must have heard the car door slamming shut, because suddenly the door opened, and he ran outside. I walked up to him as he pulled me in a tight embrace. I hugged him back, and it felt like coming home.

"Please, don't make me worry like that again," he said, and I heard his voice tremble.

I looked up at him and shook my head. "I'm sorry for worrying you, sweetie. I just went for a walk and got lost. I forgot my cell here, so I couldn't call you, so I just kept walking. I'm really sorry."

He stroked a strand of hair out of my face and kissed me softly. "It's okay, just...don't do it again," he whispered.

I nodded my head, and we let go of each other to go inside. We sat down on the couch and Will draped a blanket over me, as I was still shivering, and cuddled up at my side.

"So, what has your day been like, apart from me going missing?" I asked him nonchalantly.

He turned his gaze away and said, "Yeah, about that...I have to tell you something."

"What do you want to tell me, sweetie? It's okay," I said, my voice soft.

"I'm going to keep seeing Hannibal Lecter as my psychiatrist. I've already gone back to him twice, and it kind of helps me to process the things I see when working on a case," he said nervously, and I knew he felt bad about this.

Another reason why I can't tell him, I thought. He needs Hannibal. If I told him, Hannibal wouldn't help anymore, and Will wouldn't have a way to cope with seeing the horrors of crime scenes.

"It's okay," I told him. "It doesn't matter who you see, I just want you to be okay."

"What did I do to deserve you?" he asked, smiling. He put his head on my shoulder, and I couldn't help but feel a bit guilty at his words. Yes, what did he do to deserve me?

What did he do to end up with someone as fucked up as me?