Part Thirty: Kiss Kiss Bang Bang

I borrow a fucking van for the heist, the kind children usually avoid. The type that is all white without any windows but the ones in the front. We don't want people to pay much attention too. My cousins are coming with me to rob this motherfucker. "He's not afraid to kiss me." Fuck that guy.

I am not afraid of kissing Ian. I am just not going to fucking kiss him because it's too gay. That's the only reason. It's not fear. It's not that I don't want to fucking kiss him. "He's not afraid to kiss me." Fuck.

"Who's driving the van?" Iggy asks as we pack some guns.

"Ian," I say.

I don't want him doing the heist. The wife has met Ian. She hasn't met me. He's staying out of the crime. He'll drive the fucking getaway car. I notice Iggy looking at me.

"Ian's coming?" Iggy asks.

"This was his fucking idea."

"You two are close," says Iggy. What the fuck does that mean?

"Not really," I say.

"I just thought…nevermind," says Iggy. Is he on something?

We pick up Ian at his house. Fiona is in the yard with some drunken friends of Frank's from the Alibi. They all have shovels. The yard smells worst than it did yesterday. Ian's wearing his R.O.T.C pants. He gets in and Iggy turns the van over to him.

"You're driving, Rusty," says Iggy.

"I don't have a license," says Ian.

"Who fucking cares?" I ask, "Just drive."

The house is in Lake Forest. This guy has a fucking mansion. I'm hitting this place hard. We'll get what he asked for and I'm taking whatever the fuck I can sell. Ian, you're a fucking genius.

We unpack the guns and hand them out. Ian tells us no guns because it's just a drunk old lady. Iggy bitches, but I still take his gun. He can bitch all he fucking wants. Me and my idiot cousins head into the house. I stop in the entry way.

"Mickey?" asks Iggy.

"Give me a second, I forgot something," I say. I run back to the van. My legs are pulling me and my brain isn't thinking. I can't believe I'm going to fucking do this. I climb in just as Ian takes the cigarette away from his lips. I replace his cigarette with my lips for a moment and then pull away. I give him the finger as I run off.

There, now you can't fucking say I'm too afraid to fucking kiss you. I nearly trip and fall over my own fucking feet when I get inside. The place is fucking nice. I stop for a moment and touch my lips. A smile is forcing itself onto my lips and I don't try to stop it. First kiss. Holy shit.

"Why are you so happy?" asks my cousin.

Iggy is giving me a look I don't like. It's very stern and very knowing and I don't fucking like it. I can't give a shit about it right now because all I can think about is that fucking kiss and how badly I want to do it again.

I look at Ian's face as we load some stuff into the van. He smiles at me, but not in the way he usually smiles at me. This one is different. I smile back and bite my bottom lip. He fucking has dimples. Iggy yanks on my arm. I hesitate before returning to the house with my cousins.

"Let's take this," I say about the grandfather clock. Fucking clock proves to be very fucking heavy and very noisy. It wakes sleeping beauty. She has a fucking gun. Iggy and I drop the fucking clock and run. "Fucking Ned. Are you fucking him too? Fuck," she says.

She fires the gun. She misses me by an inch. She fires again and hits me in the ass. "No fucking way." How the fuck did her aim get so good? Ian jumps in the driver seat. I climb in and lay on my stomach.

"You got shot, Mickey," says Ian.

"I fucking know I got shot. Drive."

"We should get the bullets out," says Iggy.

"You fucking think," I shout. I moan from the fucking pain. This really fucking hurts. God fucking dammit.

"I'm going to call Dr. Lishman."

"The fucking doctor who's house we just robbed?" The one you've been fucking. If he even looks at you for longer than three seconds I'm kicking his fucking ass again, bullet be damned.

Its timed well. We arrive at Ian's house minutes before the fucking doctor does. Ian and my cousin carry me inside. Ian yanks my pants down. This would be kind of hot if I didn't have a fucking bullet in my ass. I grab onto my cousin's arm and moan in pain.

Dr. Fuckhead makes a stupid comment about me and I give him the finger. He better not do anything to my ass other than get the bullets out or I'll fucking kill him.

"Hang in there, Mick, you're doing great," says Ian as he slaps me on the thigh.

"Fuck you," I say. I grab the countertop and scream when he starts to retract the bullets. I am surprised the fucking neighbors don't hear me. Ian is being supportive and helpful. "Get this out of my ass."

"We're almost done," Ian says.

"Ian, what the fuck?" says Fiona. She's covered in shit. "Who the fuck are you?" She asks some woman who I just notice is standing in the middle of the fucking living room.

"I'm with Child Protective Services."

Oh fuck. She waits while Dr. Lishman finishes getting the bullets out of my ass before continuing. By this time the other Gallagher kids, except Lip are home. I pull up my pants and my cousin and I start to walk to the door. I glance back at Ian. He isn't looking at me. He doesn't notice me. He's got his arm around Debbie. She's sitting on his lap and he's stroking her long red hair.

"Let's go, Mick," says my cousin.

"Yeah," I say. This is a real fucking mess.

My family has managed to avoid CPS for years. We were always lucky. The Gallaghers never were. They've been in foster homes and shit before. They were always the unlucky ones. But somehow they always managed to come back together safe and sound.

I pass Lip on my way out.

"What the fuck happened to you?"

"I was shot. CPS is in there," I tell him. There is not an easy way to tell someone that. Iggy took the van away. We'll have to walk home. I send my cousin on ahead. I wait at the end of the street for awhile. Soon the door opens and the five younger Gallaghers are marched out and forced into a van like the one we drove.

Hang in there, Ian. It won't be so terrible. Just be careful. Fiona will be okay. You'll be okay. Fuck.