A/N: Hi! I am so, so, so sorry for the wait- and I hope you won't be too disappointed by this long-awaited chapter. Life just got insane for a bit, and it was hard to focus on this story. I think I've also decided that after this chapter, there will be a sort of time jump to the future in the following chapters- about a year or so later on, and so you could see this as the end of Part One of this story. Part two hopefully involves Alison's family (especially Courtney), the post-college life, and the continuing aftermath and struggle.
I hope you guys stick around to keep reading, because I genuinely enjoy reading all of your reactions and reviews and thoughts. Even when I wasn't posting, continuing to read the reviews and kind words that kept coming really helped me pull through this last semester. I'll do my best to update at least once a week from now on!
In other good news, I may be up for consideration for a full-time job at one of the biggest literary/talent agencies, and I just wanted to share with you guys cause nobody knows how much I love writing like you guys do. I keep saying I'm working on replying to all your reviews, and I truly am. Thanks for all your support and for reading, it is sincerely appreciated. xoxo
x-x-x
Rain pours down fast and hard, and Alison sits curled up in a ball, shivering, on a covered bus bench. Her teeth chatter as a strong shiver rips through her body and her drenched skin sends chills down her spine as a gust of cold air hits her. She's too proud to go back to Emily, and too miserable to want to. She believes she deserves this, believes that this is her punishment for bringing a world of trouble into her sweet brunette's life.
But meanwhile, Emily sits on her couch, crying. She knows she's being overly frantic and panicked, but she can't help it. Alison has darted off before, when they first met, but she's not sure that after everything that's happened Alison is rational enough to come back either.
"She will come back," a sweet voice says as petite hands rub her back comfortingly.
"What if she doesn't?" Emily chokes out shaking her head and feels the hand on her back slip a little too far down for comfort.
"Then you deserve so much more than her."
Samara looks at Emily kindly, her eyes sparkling with comfort but Emily feels even more panicked than before. She thought she had made her feelings clear back at school and this is not what she wants to have to deal with right now. In fact, the thought of anyone but Alison touching her makes her feel nervously uncomfortable.
"No, no Alison is the only girl I need," Emily struggles to say through sniffles as she pulls away slightly, trying to put some distance between her and the obviously persistent blonde.
Samara had found Emily still at school an hour later after Alison had darted, and the brunette had been an absolute mess. Emily hadn't really had much of a choice when Samara apologized for earlier and offered to listen and be a shoulder to cry on. The brunette sincerely thought that her old friend just wanted to help.
Regardless, Emily is going out of her mind- the thought of Alison just disappearing like this, forever, is her own personal nightmare, and she just wants to wake up. She knows her girlfriend is just overwhelmed and confused, but a part of her is worried that Alison has fully convinced herself to never come back. And that just can't happen.
"I understand you feel that way right now," Samara tries to start but Emily cuts her off.
"You don't understand," Emily interrupts her, not wanting to hear whatever persuasive argument the blonde has against her feelings for her angel. But Samara frowns and leans closer, her hand still on Emily's back and her other landing on Emily's knee.
"I'm trying to Emily-"
"What's going on here?"
There's another voice from the doorway and the two whip around to see Hanna standing there with her hand on her hip and a quizzical look on her face in true Hanna Marin fashion.
"Hi, I'm Samara," the blonde quickly stands up and offers a smile to Hanna who forces a poor one in return.
"Hanna," she says quickly before she turns her attention to Emily. "So where did my favorite little skank run off to?"
"I don't know," Emily chokes out as she gets up and runs over to Hanna, hugging her tightly and the spunky blonde is caught off guard by how worked up her friend is. Hanna eyes Samara wearily, willing her to leave. She doesn't like the vibes this stranger is giving off as she awkwardly stares at the two friends hugging.
"I think this is my cue to go," Samara says as she grabs her stuff and shakes her head.
"Peace," Hanna says uninterested and Samara huffs as she exits with mumbles about how lame this is.
"Calm down babe," Hanna tries again as she pulls away from Emily to go grab her a glass of water. "Don't worry, Alison is so in love with you. She'll come crawling back."
"You didn't see her," Emily insists. "She looked so broken. Like she really thought leaving me was going to help me because she feels like a burden. But after Darren made her feel like absolutely nothing, what if she...what if she really believes it and won't come back?"
"Poor thing," Hanna frowns. "Let's be efficient about this then. Give me her phone number."
"What, why?"
"Who do you think she's going to listen to? You, who she already didn't listen to, or me, who's gonna kick her ass five ways to hell unless she comes back here? No offense. She's just being irrational, and I'm going to whip some sense back into her."
Emily gives in and lets the blonde have the number. Hanna dials and sits patiently. The brunette watches as her friend's face breaks into a smirk when her girlfriend picks up on the other end.
"It's Hanna Marin and don't you dare hang up or else."
x-x-x
Alison sees headlights flash at her and she scrambles upwards like a frightened animal as she tries to shield her eyes from the bright light. Her head is dizzy and her vision is blurry- her body is dehydrated from all the crying she's been doing. There's a currently half empty bottle of Malibu rum in her bag that isn't helping her dehydration.
"Hey," a deep voice grunts out as those bright lights continue to shine at her as she sits on the bench. "Do you need a ride?"
"No," she croaks out hoarsely, standing up to back away when she sees a gruff looking man get out of the car and approach her.
"You shouldn't be out here alone," he says in what she perceives to be a menacing voice.
"She's not!"
Alison feels a hand on her shoulder from behind her and backs up, startled, into a warm body. She turns her head and sees Hanna with a soft smile.
"So you can keep going, cause she's with me," Hanna throws back in a biting manner.
The man rolls his eyes and Alison wastes no time in turning around to hug the other blonde, burying her face in her neck, the rain hitting both of them but neither of them caring. Even snarky Hanna knows when to keep her mouth shut, and this is one of those moments. She can feel the weight of depression on Alison's shoulders and lets the tinier blonde grip onto her and wipe her tears on her shoulder.
It's the first time she's even subtly let somebody else in after Cece's death, and she's got to admit that it feels like a giant relief to trust someone other than Emily.
"Now, how do I have to convince you to come back with me?" Hanna teases gently as she rubs Alison's back comfortingly, noting the way the blonde's shoulders sag.
"I can't," Alison says as she pulls back and looks at Hanna innocently with troubled eyes and Hanna can smell alcohol instantly.
"Have you been drinking?" she asks sharply, not wanting the girl to turn into a disturbed alcoholic. She's also not sure when she became everyone's temporary therapist, but she's okay with it if it means helping her best friend who held her throughout her own parent's divorce.
"I can't face Emily right now," Alison evades the question and Hanna sighs.
"Ali, my best friend is back at the apartment pacing like a crazy woman. For the sake of everyone else in the complex, please come back before she wears a hole in the ground from pacing."
"I can't," Alison insists as her hands grip at Hanna's jacket deliberately. "I can't do anything right. I keep having nightmares, and I get jealous, and I dragged her into this mess-"
"LISTEN to me," Hanna orders her as she grabs Alisons hands and holds them still. She feels like she's lecturing a little kid so she reminds herself to calm down and take a deep breath before speaking again. "You did not drag Emily into anything. She really fucking cares about you, and you running away isn't going to solve anything. I've never seen Emily this in love with anyone. She's not a heartless person, you know that! She's the most loving person I've ever met and she understands that this is difficult, Ali. It's difficult for her too. She needs you as much as you need her. So please for the love of God will you just come with me?"
x-x-x
Emily gave up on pacing eight minutes ago when Hanna texted her that she was on her way home- and the brunette knew that she had to have Ali with her. Because when Hanna claimed she wasn't coming back until she had Alison with her, Emily knew that was the truth.
So she fidgeted nervously on the couch, wondering what exactly to say to Alison. Maybe she should just tell her that she'll try harder to make this work, that she's sorry for making her feel like a problem, that can't stand to lose her-
The door flies open with a thud, and Emily jumps to her feet only to have a blur of blonde hair tackle her with a bear hug and death grip.
Her brown eyes widen as she keeps her balance and sees Hanna smirking in the doorway.
"I'm sorry, I'm so sorry, I shouldn't have left, I won't leave, I'm a little drunk but I mean it," Alison rambles and all of Emily's fears vanish instantly. "I'm just afraid because I don't want to hurt you. I love you Emily Fields, I fucking love you so much it fucking hurts."
Neither girl notices Hanna shut the door as she leaves. Emily sighs in relief as she leans her head against the blonde's forehead.
"How are we going to make this work?" Emily asks sincerely and notices Alison wince, so she grabs her chin gently and forces her to maintain eye contact. "Because I will do anything to make it work. I love you too."
"We can make it work," Alison whispers eagerly. "I have an idea."
"Oh do you?" Emily asks with a smile as she sees the blue eyes sparkling with affection and hope.
"Yes, but," Alison starts to say before she leans in and kisses Emily furiously, her lips moving desperately against the brunette's. Her tongue slips past Emily's lips and explores her brunette's mouth hungrily, like she needs Emily more than anyone or anything else in the world. Hanna had given her a good talking-to in the car, and she's ready to prove again to Emily just how much she really loves her. "I wanna say sorry."
"You're drunk," Emily points out as she pulls back, pleasantly surprised but a little reluctant.
"I'm fine," Alison insists. "I'm not that drunk. Hanna sobered me up a bit."
When Emily still hesitates, Alison presses her body closer and rocks her hips into Emily urgently. "Emily, please," she whispers into her ear longingly.
Alison never has to beg her too much. The brunette can never resist her for too long. It doesn't take too much convincing before Emily carries Alison into their room and has her on her back, kissing her with intense need, her hands roaming up and down the petite blonde causing her to squirm with delight.
Emily slides her hands under Alison's shirt and cups the soft globes eliciting a whimper from the blonde as she arches her back.
The brunette flicks her thumb across her nipples teasingly before pushing the shirt up and kissing her way down Alison's abdomen reverently, her lips creating butterflies in Alison's tummy.
"God, Em," Alison gasps as Emily swirls her tongue around Ali's belly button and uses the distraction to pull her jeans and panties off.
There's a moment of pause as Emily hovers at Alison's glistening, wet folds but glances up to see Alison's blue eyes staring back at her lovingly.
The blonde is caught off guard by how much respect and care there is in the brunette's expression, and she concludes that nobody else could ever make her feel this safe. She nods, knowing Emily was silently asking permission and she is met with feelings of ecstasy as the brunette's tongue begins to lick her.
As Emily brings her to a feeling of pure euphoria, she closes her eyes and knows there's nobody else out there she'd rather be with, nobody but Emily.
x-x-x
"So Emily, what are you studying?"
The brunette sits rigidly on the couch near the arm rest, her posture stiff and her free hand digging into the fabric on the arm rest while the blonde next to her holds her other hand with both of hers. This was Alison's idea (inspired by Hanna's pep talk in the car) to help keep their relationship healthy. It wasn't bad, but it wasn't easy either- seeking help was something neither girl was good at.
"Business," Emily mumbles quietly.
"Good for you," Dr. Anne Sullivan nods while writing down on her notepad. "And you Alison?"
"I was going to start culinary school," she noted softly. Emily can feel her grip tighten. "But then…you know."
"I understand," the older woman nods continuously. "Will you consider going back to start school?"
"Yeah, at some point," Alison nods with a shaky breath.
"Ali bakes really yummy desserts," Emily adds with a nervous smile and she feels Alison squeeze her hand lovingly once more. The blonde thinks fondly on the fact that even after all that's happened, Emily still likes to tell people about her baking.
"You'll have to bring me a sample one day," Dr. Sullivan says kindly. "So girls, I know this is difficult but I need you to be open and honest okay? I will do my best to help you work your way through this if you do your best to be open and communicative with me."
Alison and Emily nod collectively.
"So, I have in my report here your statement about why you're here but I want you to tell me what pushed you to come. What have things been like in the aftermath?"
It's silent in the room for a minute before anybody speaks.
"Nightmares," Alison whispers almost inaudibly and Emily is surprised her girlfriend is volunteering to talk. "Every time I close my eyes I see Darren there or somebody I love is getting hurt or he's hurting me."
"Do you sleep at all?" Dr. Sullivan asks, jotting down notes.
"I don't think either of us sleep much," Emily chimes in quietly.
"What about you, Emily? What's it been like for you?"
Emily opens her mouth to speak but words don't come out. Alison looks at her nervously and nudges her with her head after a few moments of silence. The brunette looks at Alison with nervous eyes.
"You can be honest," Alison whispers sweetly.
"I just…it's been…hard…"
"How so?" Dr. Sullivan prods gently.
"I feel guilty, and helpless," Emily admits in a very small voice. The other two are silent as if waiting for her continue, and so she struggles to. "I'm not impatient. I just wish I could do something to make her feel better."
She looks at Alison as she says that with apologetic eyes and the blonde shakes her head, grasping her hand tighter.
"And I wish I didn't feel like it was my fault that…Cece…"
"Em it wasn't," Alison reassures fiercely, interjecting. "I promise, I don't blame you for a second and neither would Cece."
"Emily why don't you go ahead and explain why?" Dr. Sullivan looks at the two of them kindly, and the brunette feels safe enough to speak again. She begins to talk, and one thing leads to another until-
x-x-x
"Are you mad?" the brunette asks softly as she cleans the last dish in the kitchen and turns to face a surprised Alison.
"No, definitely not mad," Alison shakes her head.
"You barely ate, and you've hardly said a word after we left Dr. Sullivan's office," Emily adds.
"It just tired me out, that's all," Alison admits with a small smile, which she hopes is reassuring to her sweet girl. "It feels good though, knowing how you see things. I feel like I can understand you better. I'm glad we managed to talk some of it out with the therapist."
The blonde approaches her until she can grab her face and kiss her softly. "I don't want to hurt you," Ali mumbles as she shakes her head. "I don't want to make some dumb mistake like that night and hurt you any more than I have."
"We'll get through this," Emily reassures and Alison feels her heart beat faster as she stares at the precious little grin spread across the brunette's gentle face.
"I love you, so much."
"I love you too."
"Show me," Alison dares her as she tilts her head up, her eyes sparkling with pure adoration, and presses her hips against Emily. The brunette gasps and hesitates for just a moment before she takes in the fact that Alison's eyes are fluttering and she can feel her warm breath on her lips. As she feels Emily's hands land on her waist, Alison knows it's honestly safe to say there's no place else she'd rather be- no place but with her.