Here it is the end of Season Three. I needed the "Don't" to be seen from Ian's perspective. I feel like he's fed up with Mickey's bullshit, and everything else. Without further adieu:

Part Forty-Three: Don't What?

Following Mickey's wedding I spent a little over a week sulking in bed. I had no energy and no desire to get up. But it wasn't until Fiona forced up to go to school that I even moved. Today, I am in my R.O.T.C. uniform walking to class. Lip catches up with me.

"Hey, G.I. Jane," he says. "Good to see you up and about. I thought we'd have to put you on suicide watch." Lip thumps me on the back.

"I decided I'm going to move on. I mean, how many times do I have to hear 'no'?"

"The good thing about falling for Mickey Milkovich is that you know you can always do better."

There was a time when I thought that was a lie. There was a time I would have argued with Lip and said he was wrong. He didn't know Mickey like I did. But I don't want to argue with him. I'm done. I am done with all this shit.

"I'm over it," I say. It still hurts.

"Are you sure?"

"Yeah," I say. I don't look at my brother. I look straight ahead. I feel…numb. I feel like nothing makes sense. "I'll see you later."

Lip and I part ways. He heads to school and I come up with some lie about R.O.T.C. training before school. In reality, I'm going to the Army Recruitment Center. I am going to enlist. It's been on the back of my mind for a couple of weeks. I won't ever get into West Point, but maybe I could join the Army and work my up to an officer.

The man in the enlisting center tells me all the stuff I need to bring. I have to have a photo id. I don't have one at all. I never got my driver's license. I have a student ID from school, but that's all I have. I decide to skip school and go home.

I rummage through Lip's shit until I find his spare driver's license and a card with his social security number. I know a guy who can forge my face onto this. I need to do this.

I sit down on my bed and stare at the ceiling. Mickey creeps into my head. That's the last place I want him to be right now. And all the feelings I had for him come rushing back all at once. I could give him another chance to pick me.

Mandy let's me in, when I leave tomorrow I will be hurting her. That's not something I like to think about. She's done nothing wrong. She's a good person. Mandy disappears into her room for a minute and Mickey emerges from his.

"I am up to four sets of twenty," says Mickey raising his little arm weight. He is smiling at me. My heart feels like someone is squeezing it. I love that smile. I force myself away from those thoughts. If I'm going to move on I need a clear head. I follow Mickey into his bedroom because he asks me to. He talks about Nazi shit or whatever. "I figured we could pick up where we left off. If my wife can be out fucking dudes, why can't I?"

"No thanks."

"Hard to get is getting me hard, Gallagher." We're back to Gallagher. Nothing changes with you does it, Mick?

"I'm leaving town."

"Ah, queer rights rally somewhere?"

"Army," I say.

"You got to be eighteen."

"Yeah, I found a way around that."

"You serious? For how long?"

"Four years minimum."

The way he is looking at me might have once made me squirm. It makes me ache. It makes me want to be with him again and that's a big problem. "What you want me to tell you not to go? I'mma chase after you like some bitch?"

I did once. I wanted those things. I wanted you to fucking care. "I didn't come here for you."

I start to leave. "Don't," I hear him choke out. His voice catches in his throat. I turn to look at him. He looks hurt. Don't? Don't what, Mickey? My heart inflates like a balloon with anticipation.

"Don't what?" Say it. Say it and I'll stay.

"Just…" Just tell me to stay and I'll stay. Tell me something that will make me stay. He doesn't. He chokes.

You always were a fucking pussy. I leave him there to think about that. I pass Mandy. She asks me to wait for her outside.

"Is everything okay?" Mandy asks me when she comes outside.

"Yeah," I say. I can't hurt her. She doesn't deserve it. Mandy and I hang out. I am not really into it, but I fake it for her sake. I smile on command, and I laugh on command and I act like I'm having a really fucking good time. "I should go."

"Okay," says Mandy. She kisses me on the cheek.

I walk home alone. It's the last time I'm going to see my family for at least four years. I can't tell them I'm leaving. They won't understand. It's better this way. Better for everyone. Better for me. Better for Mickey. He can be in his shit show marriage.

I don't sleep much. Maybe two hours, three at most. I get dressed, kiss Liam, and leave before anyone gets up. I have to get out of here. The house is quiet and empty as I leave it for the last time. I slam the door shut behind me so no one walks in on my family. They deserve better than me.

I don't know why, but I half expected Mickey to show up at the bus station and beg me to stay. He doesn't. I would have. If he had. Maybe. I don't wait. I hand over my papers and board the bus to my future. I don't look back.