02.

"Well this is nostalgic."

Masato, newly married, bristled clenching his jaw. He didn't wish to turn. He didn't wish to address the voice of the person he knew approached him. Maybe if he ignored it they'd go away. Of course such tactics never worked with the likes of Ren. Masato took a long sip of his champagne as the STARISH member, his ex-member, stepped beside him.

It was the night of a great gala hosted by a close business associate of his father's. Masato was no stranger to such events though he had stopped attending after joining STARISH. Only now that he'd left the idol life behind and began his life as a business man did he return to attending such things depsite his utter hatred of them.

Of course he knew Jinguji's family would be among the list of invited guests but he'd hoped that his past rival would have been too busy with his actual job to attend. Unfortunately he was wrong.

Masato crossed his arms looking guarded. He still didn't glance over at the man beside him.

"It's been months since I've attended one of these things."

Ren was speaking and Masato gulped down a sigh with another swig of alcohol from his glass.

"Of course it makes sense you being part of your company again," chuckled the sax player.

Masato huffed, setting his flute down on an end table and turning his head to regard Ren with a set frown, "What are you doing here?"

"Working. Unlike you I didn't completely abandon my responsibilities to play idol."

It was true. Ren's being an idol was always tied closely with his family's work as well. It was what he could do since he wasn't the eldest. Masato fought to keep his face impassive and not reveal how uncomfortable he felt. He hadn't spoken to anyone from STARISH since he had left the group 7 months prior.

"I didn't abandon my responsibilities. I'm working here now," Masato countered lamely.

"Yeah, after you got the little lamb knocked up and had to marry her," Ren retorted.

Masato glared.

"What? Is that a sore point for you?" asked the tanned idol.

There was no incentive for Masato to explain the reason for the hasty marriage to anyone. He vowed to himself to keep the secret of Kazuma's true parentage to himself. He was certain that Tokiya would appreciate that even though the two hadn't spoken since the announcement of Masato's withdrawal from the group.

"Look, I'm not trying to give you a hard time about that. The others are still pretty pissed about it sure. You did leave us in a bit of a pinch. It was a media disaster. By the way, how was Bali?"

Masato didn't want to know how Ren knew he and Haruka honeymooned in Indonesia nor did he wish to discuss it. It was a strange memory for him. He wasn't even upset that at first she didn't want to have sex with him. Consummation of the marriage wasn't important. It was her being by his side that was. And eventually, after days of her crying, of him wiping her tears on the beaches she let him touch her like a man does his wife.

Ren grabbed a flute of champagne from a passing waiter and stuffed one hand in his pocket as h drank from it. Masato wondered if it'd be rude to walk away. Ren began to speak once again.

"I don't see the missus anywhere. Is everything OK?"

"She's at the house with Kazuma. She couldn't attend. It was a difficult delivery."

"I'm sorry to hear that."

An awkward silence fell over them and Masato wished he had something in his hands to play with. He even began to hope that one of those annoying business associates of his would come and pull him away from it.

"Kazuma... Hijirikawa Kazuma..."

Masato hated hearing Ren try the name out on his tongue. He decided to excuse himself..

"Well, it was nice but I have other things to do."

"Like what?" challenged Ren.

"Like talk to other guest. Business partners for example."

Ren scoffed, "Really? As if those old geezers would be better company than myself."

"I'd prefer not to answer that."

A tired sigh escaped from Ren and he drained the rest of his drink and then spun the stem of the glass in his fingers.

"You're really going to do this, huh? Just forget about me and everybody."

"What is there to even think about? It's not like I can rejoin now that I have a family to take care of."

"Heartless. Do you really only care about yourself? Of course I-" Ren caught himself. "We still think about you. You are our member and they're angry because we are supposed to be like family."

Masato warred a bit within himself uncomfortable with the use of present tense and unsure as to how to reply before sheepishly giving into his feelings. He avoided following entertainment news, he and Haruka both. It would just be unneeded stress for both of them. But still something in his gut really wanted to know how his friends were doing. He was actually relieved to hear from Ren that the group was able to bounce back despite what he completely believed was a nightmare as far as public relations goes.

"You can't help who you fall in love with," Masato finally uttered as if that excused anything.

What he didn't expect though was the sad and wistful reply of Ren.

"No... I guess you can't."

It was the sigh of a man who knew about the strange workings of love. Masato considered himself a victim of it himself but he didn't press further. He hated to assume anything. He was near certain Ren was never serious about Haruka and merely flirted with her to get a reaction from everyone else. However Masato had never been an expert in reading other people's feelings. He definitely didn't suspect Haruka and Tokiya of breaking the no love law though it was obvious at that point that on Tokiya's part "love" wasn't the operative word.

"Let's get out of here," Ren cut through Masato's thoughts.

"And go where?"

"Anywhere," Ren replied reaching up to loosen his tie. "You know I only came here to meet you so let's go. This place stinks."

Masato contemplated it for about a second before conceding to the idea. Ren was his friend, a better friend than he had given him credit for. He had sought him out even after Masato deliberately severed ties with the group months ago. If he was being truthful Masato would have to admit he felt grateful and indebted to Ren for his generosity. It'd be a lie for him to say he hadn't missed any of them.

"Lead the way."

The guilt never lasted longer than a day. After returning to his house, spending sometime with Haruka and Kazuma, and settling back into his usual routine Masato found it easy to forget about his infidelity. Rationalization of a misdeed had easily became one of his talents. After all, he wasn't the only one of his peers who did it.

Masato was happy. He had always been happy from the day Haruka put her little hand in his and said yes to his proposal. There was never any reason for regret in his decision. It was a noble thing really, to give up every single thing as sacrifice for the sake of the woman he loved. He stood by that decision.

Of course saying that one was happy and yet going behind and cheating on one's wife regularly wasn't something that typically made sense. Perhaps that was why Masato refused to probe too much into it. He loved Haruka when he married her and still did.

"Which do you like?" Haruka asked holding up two different punches of yarn one sea foam green and another with blue confetti like pattern.

Masato frowned looking at the two and he wasn't fast enough before Haruka set them both down and huffed in frustration.

"I wish I never got rid of Kazuma's baby things. We wouldn't have to do any of this again."

"That was quite some time ago. It's fine," Masato said in an attempt to placate the woman who looked more upset than the situation called for.

"You don't care about the baby? But you waited so long for this. Finally another baby!"

"I don't care about things like this. Only about the baby," Masato tried again.

Haruka smiled a watery smile before finally replacing the things in her knitting basket.

"Shouldn't you be resting anyway, Kazu-kun returns home from school soon. You know we won't have a moment's rest when he does," Masato said noting the way the woman couldn't stay still for a moment the entire day in the house.

"I'm always like this," Haruka replied. "You just don't see it because you work all of the time."

Masato figured it was a fair enough complaint though maybe "all of the time" was an exaggeration (and a good portion of his time spent in Tokyo was decidedly not spent doing business). Haruka was a housewife on paper but she was anything but idle. Her husband being wealthy did not stop her from being industrious around the house. She got her hands into everything including gardening, cooking and housework. On top of that she had taken to offering piano lessons to the children of Masato's colleagues and teaching Kazuma to play as well. Unfortunately the boy didn't seem to take an interest in playing piano like his parents instead preferring reading and other quiet activities more.

Haruka came sitting beside her husband and pouring herself a bit of Rooibos tea from the pot in front of them.

"But I suppose you're right," she said. "Speaking of working, are you off this coming weekend?"

"It hasn't been decided yet," Masato replied quickly, his standard reply for when he didn't have work but wanted to keep his options open. "Why?"

"It's just rare for you to be here in the middle of the week. I suspected that meant there must be a catch somewhere."

"Oh," Masato hadn't quite thought of it that way but it made sense. "No, I don't think there's any catch."

Haruka smiled, "Then that means you might be able to come with me to the hospital that day?"

Masato froze, "Hospital?"

His wife laughed, covering her mouth with a hand. She looked really cute, exactly like she did back in their academy days and his confusion melted into a smile at the sweet comparison.

"Don't look so worried. It's just an ultrasound. You never actually got to see your son yet, you know," Haruka's face took on a shy yet happy quality. Even after all of the years she never lost that innocent feeling about her like a fresh spring.

"I suppose I haven't," Masato nodded.

He made mental note that he should definitely make time on Saturday for the appointment.

"You know I'm really happy that we're having this baby," Haruka said, her voice taking on a strange note. Something light with a tinge of melancholy. "You've been so good to me and Kazu-kun... It's the least I could do to bear you a son of your own."

Masato was startled by the sudden train of thought Haruka had ventured on.

"Even after all of these years I still feel as if I need to show you how I'm so grateful. I'd be lost without you."

"You don't have to repay me. You're my wife," Masato was stunned.

"Don't you think you'd be happier having a son of your own?"

Masato couldn't believe she was asking him that. Had he ever shown one bit that he didn't regard Kazuma as his own son? Was that the only reason she wanted to have another baby so she could repay some kind of debt to him? It bothered him greatly to think of it. Did Haruka only really regard Kazuma and hers rather than theirs.

He had long since accepted the fact that Haruka wouldn't love him the way he loved her. It was fine. Most marriages weren't built on a foundation of love. Especially not those forged in his world where people married for the advancement of the family. He considered himself lucky to be able to marry the woman of his choice. He didn't expect anything from her but to have her by his side. He thought he made the clear from day one.

"Kazuma is my son."

"I'm so glad" Haruka's vice was soft and she set her tea cup down quietly pulling her legs up to her chest.

"Glad?"

Masato turned to his wife and noted the tear escape from the corner of her eye which she quickly wiped away with the back of her hand. Startled Masato grabbed her wrist and more tears spilled out.

She nodded, "I just... I thought the reason you work so much... I thought... I don't know just maybe Kazuma bothered you. He looks so much like To- his father."

Ignoring the way Haruka caught herself from saying Tokiya's name Masato focused on something else.

"Just, none of the other ladies around here has husbands who work as much as you do. I was worried that... that..."

"That what?" pressed Masato.

Haruka shook her head and pulled away picking up her cup of tea again.

Masato reassured her. "What is it?"

"But it is," replied Haruka with a tired laugh. "Because I should have known better. I know you. You're so great and.. I.. I can't believe I even thought maybe there was someone else."

"Someone else...?" Masato hoped his voice wasn't as transparent as he felt.

Haruka shook her head, "Sorry I was just being paranoid. I don't know. Maybe it's hormones or something. I can't even remember what it was like last time. I just remembered being so overwhelmed."

Masato nodded numbly and was saved the need to reply by the sound of Kazuma's voice in the entrance of the house.

"I'm home!"

"Welcome home," Haruka called back in reply and standing went off to greet their son and help him settle in from school.

She left a still bewildered Masato behind on the tatami floor. He tried to school the shock away from his face as his mind ran a mile a minute. The previously dissipated guilt came back in full force like some sort of battering ram.

He was equal parts upset as he was frightened. The thought that Haruka got pregnant with their unborn child only as some sort of repayment towards him made him feel dirty. He didn't expect payment for what he did for them. Of course now, older and a tad bit wiser, he realized how rash his decision was but he didn't live regretting it. Living with Haruka for the past few years he hadn't grown disenchanted with her. Rather he found that she was exactly how he'd always imagined.

But the fright came from the chilling accusation. He had been so careful with his rendezvous. There was not even a trace of his extramarital dealings. After all, he and Ren didn't communicate except through Masato's work mail and phone. If anything, seeing all of the visits to various parts of the country would only strengthen the idea that it was truly work related business that kept him away. The expenses incurred from rented rooms were handled through his private account as well.

Besides, Ren was his friend. A good friend. Haruka knew that.

Masato shook his head. Haruka hadn't even met with Ren recently. There would be no reason to even suspect him. Haruka knew the two reconciled sometime after Masato's withdrawal from the group but to her knowledge the two had only met a handful of times at galas that Haruka had also been in attendance of.

In his panic Masato realized he was failing to think straight. He would have to calm down and take a step back. He had to focus on Haruka anyhow and the baby. He could do that much. There was no reason anyway for him to keep seeing Ren anyway. He was only being greedy.

Still, his mind betrayed him by showing him a montage of all of the times he swallowed the words "I love you" down when he was with the other man. He fought against the bile in his throat and explained it away as him only having been in the moment.

He loved Haruka.

He was happy.

-to be continued-

AN: thanks for reading. i hope it's obvious in this fic what are flashbacks and what aren't. also i realized I lied. this is my 4th utapri fic. the other two were HEAVENS centric. They're finished though if you'd like to check them out. Thanks for reading, really I appreciate it. And thanks for the kind review. Please review if you can.