AN: formatting on this site sucks, yo
03.
To: Jinguji Ren (moereru. rose gmail .com)
From: Hijirikawa Masato (HijirikawaMasato hijirikawagroup .com)
Subject: (no subject)
Dear Ren,
How are you today? The end of May looms ahead and therefore the days are becoming warmer. I apologize for the weeks without communication and I thank you for allowing me this space. I have as you may have assumed been extremely busy.
There are many things coming along for me right now. Kazuma is preparing for his piano recital soon. He still complains daily about his lessons but I'm sure he will learn to love it in time. Also, my wife is once again pregnant. We have known for quite some time now but I realize I have neglected to inform you though she is already 5 months along. We will be having another boy. A variety of names have already come to mind including Yuuma which I prefer and Masaki, Haruka's choice.
Regardless, I am busy and shall end this brief email here. Take care of your body. Despite it being warmer your lifestyle leaves you susceptible to colds.
Sincerely,
Hijirikawa Masato
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To: Hijirikawa Masato (hijirikawamasato hijirikawagroup .com
From: Jinguji Ren (moereru. rose
Subject: re: no subject
Hey. Congartulations! You're going to be a father again! I cannot believe this is happening. What twist of fate is allowing you to produce so many spawn? I like Yuuma over that other name. You probably shouldn't put so much pressure on Kazuma about the piano thing. If he doesn't want to play piano then he doesn't want to play piano. You should of all people know that.
Btw when do you think we can meet again? Will you be in the area? If not that's fine too. I'm going to be in Osaka for a filming this weekend. Let me know.
(break)
To: Jinguji Ren (moereru. rose gmail .com)
From: Hijirikawa Masato (HijirikawaMasato hijirikawagroup .com)
Subject: re: re: (no subject)
Dear Ren,
Thank you for your email. Today was extremely warm. I even had to loosen my necktie in the office. Summer dress code will start soon which leaves me relieved.
I also wish to thank you for your warm congratulations. Haruka and I are very happy. Kazuma also is looking forward to becoming an older brother. I understand his feelings as I feel very deeply for my younger sister. Maybe that is something I can relate to your older brothers about.
As far as Kazuma's piano studies go I would like you to refrain from commenting. You do not have children therefore do not understand our desire that he excel.
I am afraid meeting will be difficult to arrange neither here nor there. I apologize. Please take care of your health and stay hydrated.
Sincerely,
Hijirikawa Masato
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To: Hijirikawa Masato (hijirikawamasato hijirikawagroup .com
From: Jinguji Ren (moereru. rose
Subject: re: re: re: no subject
OK. So you're telling me that you don't remember anything about our childhood and how we wanted to pursue our own dreams and passions? Wanting him to excel does not equal forcing him to do what you want him to do.
Also, I'm in Osaka on the 1st just so you know.
(break)
To: Jinguji Ren (moereru. rose gmail .com)
From: Hijirikawa Masato (HijirikawaMasato hijirikawagroup .com)
Subject: re: re: re: re: (no subject)
Dear Ren,
I thank you for the swift reply.
Kazuma is five years old. Teaching him to play the piano is not deterring him from his other interest such as reading and playing with puzzles. He finished putting together a 500 piece of Kiyomizudera yesterday all by himself.
I hope you took my advice to keep hydrated. I hear that the temperature in Tokyo will hit a record high in the next few days.
Sincerely,
Hijirikawa Masato
(break)
To: Hijirikawa Masato (hijirikawamasato corp .com
From: Jinguji Ren (moereru. rose
Subject: re: re: re: re: re: no subject
I drank water.
"Why did you look for me?"
Masato and Ren sat on a marble stone bench away from the party that still waged on in the building behind them. They were in the garden and it felt secluded there shrouded in darkness. It was as if they really stole away and even though it was silly, Masato felt just as naughty about it as he did back in the day. Though it was also just as gratifying.
They had been chatting about any and everything. Of course they spoke some about STARISH. About how much of a workaholic Tokiya was being (business as usual there) and the way Otoya went through a big heart break after Haruka went and "eloped" with Masato. Apparently he too was convinced Haruka was the one for him. Perhaps it shouldn't have been a surprise. Cecil suddenly gained a lot of popularity recently since he and Tomochika were co-hosting a weekly variety show together.
It was nice hearing about that stuff but it was also nice just talking about normal things as well like how bad the food at the party was or the best way to wake oneself up in the morning. Ren's answer being something best not repeated.
Somehow though Masato found himself asking that. He was curious really. Of course he did think of STARISH sometimes, including his rival but he was never bold enough to pursue the line of thought. He did what he felt was right but understood how it could easily be perceived as a betrayal.
And so he asked it.
"Why did you look for me?"
Ren didn't look surprised. He answered, "Because I liked you."
Masato's brows knitted in confusion.
"Liked me?
"Don't play stupid with me. You're a married man and a father. You're not as innocent as some may have pegged you, myself included."
Masato really didn't know what Ren meant by that. Drawing a parallel between whatever Ren meant by having liked him and his relationship with Haruka, which admittedly was less innocent if you go by the public version of events, sent a light blush to warm across his cheek
Ren continued, "I just had to see you one more time to make sure if my feelings still exist."
"And?"
"They do."
The blush became heavy to the point Masato felt it even down his neck and further still as a flutter in his stomach. He wasn't prepared for such a thought and he feared his head might break should he pursue it. He felt he owed to to Ren to reply to him however.
"I have to admit... the thought never came to my mind."
"The thought that I could possibly like you?" Ren asked.
"Yes," Masato answered
"Well I did... and I guess I do."
"Even though I'm a man?"
"Uhm... what?" Ren asked. "Masato, I'm gay so I guess, yeah."
"You're... gay?"
Ren rolled his eyes, "Yes. Wow you're really oblivious. I think even Haruka knows that I'm gay. You must be the last to know."
"I'm sorry I just had no idea," apologized Masato.
Ren actually looked sheepish as he scratched the back of his head. It reminded Masato of something Otoya would do and he was amused at how mannerism became interchanged when living in such close quarters.
"Well now you do."
"Why are you telling me this now?" Masato asked.
"You're married now. It's not like it changes anything."
"I guess..."
A silence passed between them and Masato opted to stare at his knees instead of look at the friend beside him. It wasn't something Masato wanted to make more awkward than it already was. He was sure it wasn't Ren's intention in telling him that. He supposed he could see how for Ren it would seem safe to confess to a married friend. You didn't have to worry about rejection if the person was already spoken for.
"You should have told me earlier."
"Why? Apparently you were already screwing Haruka anyway."
"Don't talk about my wife like that," Masato glared.
"I'm sorry. I mean courting her. Is that better?"
Masato decided to let it go for now and crossed his arms over his chest when suddenly a thought came to his mind. He remembered when he liked Haruka and how much he imagined being with her and doing things together. It was a bit jarring to think of someone liking him.
He never considered those things. But he was a healthy man, one with a sexual need, and the images now in his mind burned him like fire. They served as a kindling, a sort of fuel, igniting some foreign desires never once considered beforehand. He was married and yet he found himself excited, aroused even by these ideas implanted in his mind of him and his rival. He was oddly enough curious and he stole a glance at his friend and thought, well he was handsome, and certainly it could be worse a far as partners go.
Swallowing the lump that was beginning to form in his throat he dropped the topic all together with a nod.
After returning home from the party the house was quiet and dark. Haruka and the baby both were asleep, which was impressive. Kazuma had the agenda of making sure his mother had as little sleep as possible. Though Masato tried to help as he could it was rarely enough.
Undressing and crawling into the futon beside Haruka he stared wide eyed at the ceiling. His mind replayed the events of the party even down to the strange conversation with Ren. Again he became aroused by his curiosity. Images of himself and Ren plagued him and he shifted to the side towards hiss wife to stare at her instead. She was sleeping peacefully and the moonlight illuminated her face and torso which were left uncovered by the comforter. Her yukata had opened revealing her breasts swollen with milk.
He wanted to touch her so badly. He refrained though, afraid to cross his boundaries. He imagined kneading and sucking her breasts and he was hard from the thought of it. Panting into his pillow he began to stroke himself feeling so much like a creep despite the fact the woman he was staring at was his wife.
When he closed his eyes however the image began to change. Instead of Haruka's supple curves and soft flesh he instead saw himself hovering over a man. When he came Ren's voice was like a mantra in his head, husky and deep.
"I like you."
Masato vowed to be henceforth faithful to Haruka. She was pregnant with his child and his wife. He should have never stepped out of that boundary in the first place no matter how much he had been tempted. Of course it was one thing to tell oneself you would be faithful and tell your partner you didn't wish to see him again.
The initial tactic was to feign being busy. He figured it wouldn't be too hard to keep Ren at arms length that way. In actuality the best thing for him to do would be to completely sever his relationship with Ren cleanly and explain that he desired to remain faithful to Haruka and focus on his family. But Masato just didn't have it in him to say it like that. After all, Ren already knew about his wife and child. Why should another one on the way have changed anything between them? It would merely look fickle on Masato's part and maybe stir up some conflict if he brought it up that way.
As he sat at his computer staring at Ren's last message he wondered if he was supposed to be more clear about it. Whether it was best just to say it outright. The more he considered it though the more he felt like he didn't want to sever his ties. He'd known Ren for his entire life and he should be able to continue their friendship even now despite the way it had crossed into the physical.
He hunched forward grabbing his hair in frustration. It was best not to think about it. Ren never bothered him before. It was always Masato who initiated all of their times together. If Masato said nothing else for the rest of the week Ren wouldn't even suspect a thing. Perhaps Ren didn't really care.
Content with that solution Masato sat back again and exited out of his email. He had work to finish and Ren had left little to reply to anyway.
He looked at his desk calender with the different appointments scribbled in to the large squares marking each date. The rest of May was completely booked even the weekends. In blue Saturday was circled to indicate the visit to the OBGYN for the ultrasound.
Using his thumb Masato fiddled with the edges of the of the calender. He hesitated a few seconds before lifting the sheet and looking at the dates for June. Already important memos and dates were marked. However, the 1st, the day Ren would be in Osaka was open.
The empty square taunted him. He wasn't going to meet Ren. He already made the promise to himself and informed Ren that he would be too busy to go over there.
Osaka was close by though, only a few minutes trip by train should he choose to go. The 1st was a Sunday, the day after the ultrasound.
Masato lowered the page though his fingers lingered at the edge. A moment passed before he moved, lifting it again. He grabbed a pen from the side, felt tipped and orange, and marked the 1st with a tiny little dot: a symbol and meaning barely seen.
-to be continued-
AN: anyway so... sorry about the crappy formatting. I hope that once again it isn't confusing between the past and the present in this story. thanks for reading. and please if you can review! i really appreciate if you do! thanks everyone