04.
Sometimes Masato wondered if the problem was him that Haruka never seemed to be truly comfortable. She was content and she smiled, sure. But she never seemed to relax. Whenever he walked into a room she was in she seemed to sit a bit straighter and be more alert.
An example of the phenomenon came that evening. They had just finished eating dinner: tuna salad, soup, rice, burdock root, and fried chicken. Instead of helping Haruka clean up right away Masato has went with Kazuma to seat him at the piano and run some scales. Kazuma's tiny fingers ran halfheartedly through the notes and Masato wanted to scold him but was held back only by remembering the admonition received from Ren in the earlier emails.
Contenting himself that Kazuma wouldn't run off Masato returned to the kitchen. Before announcing himself he stood at the threshold watching Haruka's back. Her shoulders were slumped and she worked methodically transferring dishes from the kitchen island to the inside of the sink.
"He's running his scales now," Masato spoke and immediately he noticed the change.
Haruka stiffened and turned to smile at him.
"Oh that's great. He was giving me trouble about it earlier."
Masato moved to join her side, touching her elbow as he neared. She pulled away but corrected her movement so it looked like she were merely adjusting to allow him room.
"Does he not seem to enjoy your lessons?" Masato asked picking up a rag to dry the dishes.
Haruka shook her head, "Why do you ask that?"
"Whenever I sit with him it's like I'm torturing him by making him play."
"He's just a boy," Haruka said shaking her head. She passed him a bowl. "Maybe he needs time to warm up to it."
"Did you need time?" replied Masato.
"Me? No! I loved it from the beginning."
"Maybe Kazuma doesn't want to play piano," he paused in his drying. "Maybe he'd rather do something else."
"Something else?" Haruka questioned brow raised. Her hands were deep in the soapy water and she didn't seem to be washing anything else as she awaited his answer.
"Like perhaps a different instrument entirely. Or even taking up karate or kendo."
"At 5 years old?"
"What difference does it make as long as he enjoys it?"
Haruka shook her head and resumed her cleaning though Masato of course noted the aggressive way she stuffed a ladle into the dish rack rather than his waiting hands. Masato gingerly took it out.
"Why are you asking this now? We agreed piano."
"But Kazuma didn't."
"He's 5 years old!" Haruka bit revealing that spark that always resided in her but chose to remain dormant most of the time.
"A lot of children do many things at his age. I did."
"He's learning piano. He's already started and he's going to continue. That's how it works. We play piano so why won't he?" Haruka said, looking him square in the face this time dishes really forgotten.
Masato pried the pot from her hands and she let it go.
"Of course he can play piano but what about something else too?"
"He's taking English after school on Thursday. He doesn't need to do anything more."
"Oh..."
Masato had forgotten about the English and that had been Haruka's idea as well. Actually Masato didn't see the point of it. The school had a good reputation but he hadn't really seen any progress in his son other than knowing some colors and animals. But at the same time he couldn't take him out if that was what Haruka wanted for him. He was currently in the process of searching for a better school but was finding it hard as everything seemed to be gimmicky rather than serious.
"Can't we just... drop this until after his recital?" Haruka asked, and she sounded tired.
Masato noted the way her shoulders drooped but they weren't relaxed in the way he would want them to be. They were defeated rather than rested.
"I can finish the dishes. You check on his scales, OK?" Masato offered.
Haruka didn't even argue. Her hands were out of the water so fast. She wiped her hands on her apron and without even looking at him she retreated from the room. It was like she had to escape and he wondered what it was that he did to make her feel that way around him.
He didn't want his family to be unhappy and yet they couldn't even discuss their son in a normal fashion. What would happen when the second one arrived? Masato tried not to worry but he couldn't help but feel that Haruka was less and less his wife every day and more and more just a mother to the child, soon children, in their home.
Was this a normal point of view? The point of marriage was for the children, right? The idea of love was a novel concept. It wasn't nearly as old as marriage itself. The family was a unit working together for the well being of each member. Nowhere was it promised anything else to him even on the day Haruka accepted his out stretched hand.
Perhaps this was the only possible result after marrying a woman you loved.
Masato finished the dishes and exited the room. Kazuma was no longer on the piano bench and he went up the stairs only to hear voices coming from the bathroom. Seconds later Kazuma ran out of the bathroom giggling in his fresh pajamas with a towel draped over his shoulders.
"Dad!"
He ran into his father's legs. Masato bent to grab him and pick him up swinging him in the air as Kazuma's arms tightened around his neck for support. Masato heard the giggles right in his ear and his shirt became damp with the water that was still dripping from the boy's hair.
The fact that Seduction was no Masato's forte as was becoming so clear to him during dinner that evening with Ren. The newly wed and new father was shaking like a leaf in typhoon force winds. Ren eyed him with what Masato could only describe as a flirtatious gaze. Like clockwork Ren leaned backwards in his seat letting his hand rest beside his plate of pasta as a low chuckle issued from his throat. Masato couldn't help but swallow thickly as he watched the other man's adam apple move in his throat.
"You're asking me for sex advice?" Ren's voice held as much disbelief as it did a teasing note. "I would think you'd be an expert. Isn't that how you impregnated her in the first place. I'm sure there was a reason she kept coming back for more."
Masato's hands clenched underneath the table ripping a paper napkin to shreds. He closed his eyes taking a deep calming breath. He expected such a reply.
"I apologize if you were under that impression," Masato replied at length, lifting his eyes towards his dinner partner. "Haruka and I are quite inexperienced even now."
Of course Ren's reaction was to laugh.
"I'm sorry, Hijirikawa. As much as I'd love to help you two you do remember I'm gay, right?"
"Of course I do," rejoined Masato. "But you've been with women before right?"
"Only once," admitted Ren.
"Well, you don't have to tell me about women then."
Ren titled his head and his face showed he was intrigued by what Masato was saying. Masato blushed under the gaze, ducking his head down feeling a bit unsure how to proceed. His plan to seduce Ren was not going as he had hoped. And really, Masato was feeling like a fool for even trying. Their experience levels at this type of thing were surely to be mismatched. Masato's only partner had ever been Haruka and even that had taken quite a bit of work to accomplish.
He noted pitifully that his hands were clammy while his head and pits had begun to sweat.
"What about the men?"
"What about them?"
"What did you do with them?" Masato swallowed and tried to be bold. "What would you do with me?"
A look of surprise appeared on Ren's face and if the situation had been different perhaps Masato would have celebrated at having been able to get one over on the guy. However the expression didn't last as Ren's glance hardened into stone.
Ren began, voice cold, "If I didn't know any better I'd think you were trying to seduce me."
"Maybe I am," Masato pressed on.
Ren huffed, "Is this why you called me?"
Masato hesitated and Ren's charity scrapped loudly against the floor as he moved to stand but Masato reached out to grab his wrist.
"Jinguji, wait!"
Ren allowed himself to be caught though he still stared coldly down at the pianist.
"Unsatisfying..." Masato paused trying to reach into himself for the words.
"What? What's unsatisfying?" Ren pressed.
Home life, work life, friendships, every single thing ran through Masato's mind.
He pictured Haruka at home with the baby and he never felt more like an ass than he did at that moment. He was shaking all over because he was going into it premeditated. It wasn't like he could just say it just happened. Not even a full month had passed after reuniting at the gala did he arrange to meet with Ren with the express purpose of using him. He was bad all around and yet Masato couldn't help but be selfish.
Finally words came.
"My sex life is unsatisfying."
If looks could kill Masato would have been struck dead on the spot by the glare send his way as Ren pulled his tanned arm away. He basically spat his words.
"I don't fuck with married men. You're no exception."
Freshly bathed Masato exited the bathroom Yukata tied tightly at his waist. He walked down the hall and stopped at the 2nd bedroom and peered into the doorway. Haruka was reclining next to Kazuma on a futon, the two reading a children's book. The two looked very happy smiling at each other as they enjoyed the adventures of Thomas the blue little train.
Haruka was the first to notice them and she gave him a questioning look.
"Did you want the bath? I can read the book with him," offered Masato.
Kazuma looked over at him as well then glanced at his mother awaiting her answer.
"I can read it," she said returning to the story.
"It'll be easier for him to sleep if you're ready at the same time as him. Aren't you sleeping in here anyway? I'll read it."
Masato entered the room and sat on the futon on the other side of Kazuma.
"Where were you left in the book?" Masato asked.
"You can't just start in the middle of the book. You have to read the entire thing!" protested Kazuma. "Go away, Mommy's reading it."
"You can't tell your father to 'go away'" admonished Haruka but she still looked at Masato sheepishly as if apologizing. "Why don't you go to bed, OK. We're fine in here."
Although he probably should Masato got up without a fuss and exited the room as Haruka and Kazuma continued their story. He went to his bedroom, sterile but for his futon already laid out for the night by Haruka while he had been in the bath. The walls were bare but for a few Japanese paintings.
Turning on his light he entered and crossed the room folding his towel and setting it aside. He stretched out against the comforter and noticed a blue flickering light peaking out of his work bag. It was his phone. He dug it out. There were of course the usual outpouring of new emails since having left the office. The wasn't anything new.
However, he also noted how there wasn't a single new correspondence from Ren. Sure, they had only last spoken since that morning but it made him feel a little lonely. His wife and son were in the other room but he didn't feel welcome to join them. But he wouldn't contact Ren. That was a silent promise to himself and he would keep it.
-to be continued-
AN - hello everybody. this fandom is really small so I suppose this is why this fic has very little response. I have written other utapri fics which hav had 0 reviews and stuff as well. it makes me really sad. I wish that this fandom had more people. Oh well. Anyway if you read this and like it thank you.