06.

When the circumstances surrounding the advent of a person's marriage was what Masato's situation was did it make any of his misdeeds any more justifiable? He could tell himself a million times how he felt utterly mistreated or unneeded but wouldn't the reply remain the same? He chose this and therefore he had to live with it.

He didn't know why he was saying the words that spilled out his mouth because nothing he said could take back the reality of what his life really was. Saying that he loved Ren and that Kazuma wasn't his son wouldn't change the reality that he chose to dedicate his life to the boy and his mother when he asked her hand in marriage 6 years prior.

Yet he said it and once out the words were no longer capable of being reeled back in. They were out and exposed to the scrutiny of his partner sitting beside him naked on the bed.

There was a heavy stunned silence that Masato, in his emotionally distraught state, couldn't even begin to read. He was too busy trying to quell the out pouring of hot heavy salted tears that slipped from his eyes. Shamefully he raised a hand and wiped at the quickly reddening wet skin of his cheeks.

"I love you so much and it's killing me," he choked out as if for good measure, maybe more for himself than the benefit of his still speechless partner.

Perhaps Ren did not know how to reply or at least where to begin. The gravity of both pronouncements were of course strong. He was at a lost truly and unsure whether to feel happy.

Masato though he felt a tad lightened in his heart at the outpouring of such a heavy revelation. His true feelings for the man in bed with him were finally put into words and laid out before the pair of lovers. However there was also with it a measure of guilt, something like the feeling of betrayal that also simultaneously plagued him though not for Haruka. No, not her but rather the boy Kazuma, the one he regarded hitherto as if he were his own flesh and blood.

Masato took Ren's silence as permission to speak. After years of misunderstanding the truth would be revealed.

"When I married Haruka and up until just recently I convinced myself that I loved her. I realize now though that I never truly did in the way I thought I did."

"You loved her enough to knock her up," Ren retorted with clear venom in his voice.

"But that's what I'm trying to tell you. Kazuma isn't my son!" Masato quickly lashed out in return, turning blazing eyes towards Ren and beating his hand against the mattress of the bed. "Back then, all those years ago I never touched Haruka not even once. I wasn't even dating her when we got engaged. Ichinose was!"

"Toki," surprise registered in Ren's voice.

"After Mikaze told us of her condition Ichinose wanted her to get rid of the baby. Of course they quarreled and neither wanted to give in. He broke her and I couldn't stand to watch it so I did what I thought I was supposed to do. I realize I was foolish. But I thought this is... that it was finally my chance!"

Ren laughed incredulously, "You are ridiculous."

Masato looked wounded to be laughed at in his time of honest expression.

"Who do you think you are?" Ren went on. "Do you think you're some kind of knight?"

"So what if I did? I thought it was an honorable thing to do. I thought I loved her, or everything I thought she represented. And yet... not that I don't love her. We raised Kazuma together of course I regard her somehow now. I never could hate her and she's still the Nanami we both knew back then but now I know that the same as I didn't truly love her that I don't love her now. I always loved you."

Ren's lips were down turned in a contemplative frown. He observed Masato for a bit, perhaps weighing his options and whether or not he believed him. But Masato was a dam broken and unwilling to be silenced.

"I had my life pictured one way. I thought that I would marry a woman, like Haruka, sweet, gentle, kind, a musician who understood my passion and reciprocated it. I never met many women before her, she was the first who fit the bill and so I obsessed over her. Other options never were considered. I never thought they were allowed. I knew what life awaited me in the future with my family's company and the responsibilities that held. I would have a wife, a job and a family. Loving you was never supposed to be an option."

"And it still isn't one," Ren finally responded.

"But-"

Ren held up his hand stopping Masato's protest.

"Whatever you or I feel it doesn't change the fact that you're married. Even if anything could have been done about it before you have a son on the way now. Masato my feelings haven't changed. I love you but, you're selfish."

Masato winced.

"You're only telling me this because of the prospect of losing me has arisen. If I never told you about Toudou would you even have told me you loved me, even if it's true? And I believe it I do. But you're selfish. You won't give up your life with Kazuma and Haruka for me. Nor will I ask you to. Appearances are way too important to you and always have been. Enjoy your life Masato. I no longer want to be dragged along with it. Sometimes you can't reverse the decisions you've made. This is a prime example of one of them."

He risked everything when he married her. It was a gamble but he chanced it. He discarded his own dreams and STARISH for the chance to hold her hand in his. He endured the reproving remarks of his family as they believed he impregnated Haruka and defended her honor when they suggested her to be less than appropriate for the group's heir.

Standing there after their nuptials, the celebration and congratulatory remarks having died down, he squeezed her hand reassuringly and met her watery smile with a warm and firm one. She wasn't sure of this he could still tell. Maybe she regretted marrying him; lamented the fact that she could never love him the way he loved her. But it was OK for him and he was sure it'd be for her as well soon.

The baby, their baby, he wouldn't allow anyone to think otherwise, would be born in a few months time. They would give it a happy home and in turn they'd be happy. He already was and in time she'd be as well. He was sure of it. And when that happened and love blossomed in their little family it would continue to grow and who knew, maybe they'd even have more children one day.

They had an eternity to be together from then on as man and wife. They'd work through it. There weren't any other options. No matter what happened from that moment forward Masato made one tacit promise to himself and the woman next to him. From here on out they'd look and walk forward. The former life was left behind and they'd never go back.

-the end-

AN: ahhhhhh I was really debating if I really wanted end this. I actually wrote a chapter 7 after writing this and it's complete but I decided against posting it. I felt like the story got a bit too dark and well.. even though this isn't a happy ending I think it does suit the tone of the story. thanks for reading and also a million thanks for making it this far. I appreciate any comments and reviews