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1.
The summoning doesn't feel the same when the world sends him. There is a sudden blackness, cold and windy, and he has no sense of direction, of which way is up or down or even the position of his body. He materializes and he sees himself standing in a bedroom: there is a summoning circle and a pile of spent jewels, and lying at its center is his old amulet, gleaming in the thin moonlight.
It's only a moment of brief disorientation before EMIYA figures out where he is.
"Welcome back," Rin says, and she smiles at him. Her smile weakens. Her face goes pale.
She passes out and EMIYA lurches forward, catching her before she can hit the floor.
He lifts her and carefully lays her on the bed. Her mana is depleted. Her face is pale and limp strands of black hair stick to her face.
"Rin," EMIYA says. Quietly he lays a hand on her brow, before reverently pulling a blanket up over her shoulders.
He remembers, vaguely, back before he was Archer and even before he became EMIYA, how Rin had sat, night after night, drawing her blood and infusing it into a fist-sized emerald. He remembers waking at 2 a.m. to see her crouched at the foot of the bed, the ambient glow of her mana pulsing in the darkened room.
"What are you doing?" he asked. Rin glanced up.
"Shirou? Oh, sorry! I didn't mean to wake you."
"Is that an emerald?" He moved and squatted next to her, curiously. Tohsaka shook her head.
"I'm storing my mana," Tohsaka said, and she turned back to the emerald, concentrating. "My mana is highest at 2 a.m., so I'm trying to make the most of it."
"You should go to bed," he said. "You have a test tomorrow and you need to get some sleep."
"I have more important things than tests," Tohsaka said. She furrowed her brow, concentrating. "If what Archer said is true, in a few years you're going to be hanged. I'm going to save enough mana to bring you back to life."
"Back to life?" he said. Tohsaka nodded.
"The amulet my father gave me had ten years' worth of mana stored in it," Tohsaka said. "If I can store up enough mana in this jewel, I can save you again, if I need to." He frowned and rubbed his head.
"Tohsaka. No one's getting hanged."
"So are you going to join the Clock Tower, then?"
"No."
"So that's why I'm doing this!" Tohsaka glared. "I'm doing this because you're an idiot, Emiya Shirou. And I'm not going to have my idiot boyfriend die just because he does something stupid."
Neither of them knew that he would die in just a few short years, and that the mana she stored wasn't nearly enough to help him.
He glances at the clock: it's a little after 2 a.m. He frowns and strokes her hair again, before taking off his cloak and draping it on top of her.
It has been a long time since EMIYA has stepped foot into the world. His boots are heavy against the floor as he walks, frowning and surveying his surroundings.
For as long as he'd known her, Tohsaka Rin was immaculate to a fault. Cold, austere, elegant. Nothing was ever out of place. But he walks around her apartment now and sees nothing but garbage: unwashed clothes and empty boxes; a pile of unwashed dishes several weeks old; thick rings of black sludge in the sink and toilet. Garbage bags are piled beside an overflowing trashcan and dead flies litter the countertop.
Quietly, EMIYA looks at the kitchen table and pushes away the piles of wrappers and other detritus to see page after frantic page of magic spells, different configurations of summoning circles she must have tried and failed. His heart is in his throat when he picks up one crumpled page and walks back into the bedroom, where Rin is lying curled up on her side.
He leans over and kisses her brow. Then he rises, looking at the mess of the apartment in front of him.
He starts to get to work.
xXx
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It's morning, and a thick rectangle of light volleys from the window and into Rin's eyes.
"It's almost noon and you're finally awake." EMIYA steps through the doorway, frowning. "Although I suppose that is to be expected. You drained yourself of mana and nearly killed yourself in the process. You were never much of a morning person, though."
"Shirou," Rin says. Her chest heaves. Her eyes fill with tears.
She lurches out of bed, stumbling toward him and throwing her arms around his waist, sobbing uncontrollably.
"Stupid Shirou!" Rin says. She sobs harder. "Don't you know what I've been going through?"
"I have an idea," EMIYA says, quietly. She clings to his chest as he strokes her hair.
xXx
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2.
"Archer!"
He's pounding her on the bed, one leg on his shoulder while the other bumps against his ribs. "Oh! Oh! Archer!"
"Emiya," EMIYA tells her. He kisses her mouth and her neck, thrusting inside her. "My name is Emiya."
"Stupid Shirou, I know that! Just humor me, okay?"
"Hm."
"Oh!" Rin says, as he hooks an arm around her body and slams into her, hard and fast. "Oh! Archer! Archer!"
"You know, this could really hurt my feelings," EMIYA says. He pushes himself up on his arms for better traction.
"Oh shut up, Archer, you know you don't care."
"True enough," EMIYA says. He grins and kisses her, breathing hard and pressing his cheek against her forehead.
He has heard of other ways to transfer mana. When he was Rin's Servant, the thought never even crossed his mind: she was just a child, then. But now, kissing her and moving inside her, he can feel the surge of her mana flowing between them. Her magic crest is what anchors him here, but what makes his body practically flesh is the sex they've been having. He pumps into her and he feels her straining her neck out toward his chest, one hot cheek pressed against his sternum. Even as a grown woman, she's so much smaller than him, grasping at his shoulders while her thin legs wrap tight around his flanks.
She has a bit of a madonna-whore complex, which amuses him. She prefers Shirou in the kitchen and Archer in the bedroom, so to speak, and EMIYA obliges her, mostly because he can tease her about it later.
"Harder!" Rin says. She's panting into his chest. "Archer, harder!"
"Say my name," EMIYA says.
"Huh?" Rin says. She seemed vaguely irritated that he was speaking to her.
"Say my name," EMIYA says. "Or else all of this can stop."
"What are you talking about?" Rin says, and EMIYA withdraws from her in one smooth stroke, pleased to see her gasp a little at its abruptness. "Shirou, dammit-"
"That's better," he says, and he pushes back into her again. Rin glares at him and rolls him onto his back.
"You must be more out of your mind than usual," Rin says, as she lowers herself on top of him. Her hands push down against his as she straddles him, mouth open and breasts brushing against his chest. She rides him hard with her eyes squeezed shut, the muscles of her thighs clenching tight as she leans forward.
"You know, I was thinking, I really should care about what you call me," EMIYA says, as if Rin's hands weren't on his chest and she wasn't rocking her hips on his lap. "You wouldn't like it if I asked to call you 'Sakura,' now would you?
Or maybe I should call you 'Saber,'" EMIYA says, conversationally. "Yes. I think I like the sound of that. Did you know, Rin, that if I close my eyes, I can just picture Saber bouncing on top of me instead of you? I think that would be very pleasant."
"Saber is a different person," Rin says. She looks really pissed off at him now, but evidently not enough to stop moving on top of him. "Just...uhhn...stop talking for a minute. Because I think I'm about to come."
"I wonder what the Knight of knights looks like when she comes," EMIYA says.
"Dammit, Archer-"
"Rin, do me a favor and put a bag over your head. I can fantasize better when I can't see your face."
"Dammit!" Rin says, and she whacks him on the chest. EMIYA starts laughing. "I thought I told you to stop talking?" Rin says.
"My apologi-ow!" he laughs and winces as she hits him hard against the shoulder.
"You're so annoying!" Rin says, and he smirks and wraps his arms around her, rolling her onto her back. "Listen here, Archer, you should be grateful to me. You should be thanking me, because if not for me, you'd be sitting all alone in that...that place-" and her voice cuts off a little bit as he thrusts. "-and you wouldn't be doing this, Archer, do you hear me?"
EMIYA responds by pinching her nipples and throwing back her words: "Can you not talk for a minute? Because I think I'm about to come."
"Stop making fun of me!" Rin says, and she kicks her heels against his ribs for emphasis. "Dammit, Archer, you talk too much, you know that?" Rin says.
"That's probably because there's usually no one else to talk to," EMIYA says.
He's about to speak again, when he sees the look on Rin's face. EMIYA stops.
"Rin?"
She has a look on her face, as if she's found a dead body or killed her best friend.
"I'm sorry," Rin says. She looks up at him, quietly. "I didn't mean to."
She's thinking about the wasteland again. He brushes his thumb along the side of her face.
"Don't be silly," EMIYA says, and he drops a soft kiss on her lips, moving inside her gently. "I do talk too much."
"Huh. So you admit it."
"It can't be helped, since you're so easy to tease."
"Stupid Shirou," Rin says, and he moves again with deliberate strokes.
"Ne, Shirou?"
"Hm?"
"It doesn't really hurt your feelings, right? When I call you that?"
He lets the pace of his strokes slow a little as he considers. "I suppose it isn't any different than me calling you 'Tohsaka' instead of 'Rin,'" EMIYA says.
"Good," she says.
He thrusts silently into her for a few minutes, keeping in time with the ticking of the clock on the nightstand, when he feels Rin shift beneath him.
"Can you go faster?" Rin says. Her eyes flick upward. EMIYA nods.
"Okay," he says, and he hefts her leg over his shoulder.
xXx
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3.
There is a cold wind that rises out from the barren plains, and Rin stands, hair whipping like banners and rubbing her arms. Around her, there is nothing but craggy rock and streaks of pale sunlight, which drifts through the monolithic black gears turning above her. Shirou's hands are clasped around the hilt of a sword.
Rin's eyes widen as he plunges the blade deep into his chest, the sudden gush of blood blooming over the frayed fabric of his cloak.
"Shirou!" Rin says. She stretches out an arm and runs toward him. "Shirou! Stop!"
He rips the sword out and staggers onto the ground.
xXx
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Rin wakes. It's nighttime and she's in her bedroom.
Shirou is asleep. His face is tucked between the skin of her back and a pillow, and his arm is draped over her waist. With effort, Rin turns on her side so that she's facing him, resting her head against the warm border of his shoulder.
In sleep, Shirou's face is almost boyish, the harsh furrow of his brow smooth and placid. His breathing is deep and even, and she can feel the rise and fall of his ribcage with each tidal breath. Carefully, she presses a chaste kiss on his forehead before settling in against him, trying to push the dream out of her mind.
He tried to kill himself. The knowledge sinks inside her like a weighted stone. The dreams are not vague, this time: their connection is stronger and the memories come to her with startling clarity.
He was hurting. She sees the men he's killed, his agony, how much he tortured himself over it. Sees how he tried to make it all end.
"Rin?"
Rin blinks. Shirou shifts to look at her.
"Sorry," Rin says. "I didn't mean to wake you."
"You're crying," Shirou says.
"No, I'm not," Rin says, and she wipes her eyes. Shirou wraps his arms around her and pulls her flush against his chest. She shuts her eyes and hugs him, hard.
"What's wrong?" Shirou says. He's speaking into her forehead. Rin shakes her head.
"I had a dream where you tried to kill yourself," Rin says.
"That would be difficult, seeing as I am already dead," Shirou says.
"You were in the wasteland," Rin says. He doesn't say anything at first. She feels him hug her tighter.
"That was a long time ago," Shirou says, quietly. "I barely remember it."
She lies back against him and feels him run his hand soothingly over the nape of her neck. "Ne, Shirou," Rin says, and Archer shifts to look at her. "Did things get better for you? After the war, I mean?"
He studies her face, like he's deciding just how much to tell her. "I tried my best," he says. "And then you summoned me again."
"Oh," Rin says. She's starting to feel sleepy. His body is warm and she's nestled comfortably against him.
xXx
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4.
He is summoned back the next day. She watches him rise as motes of light curl at his feet.
"Rin," he says, and Rin goes to hug him. "I will see you soon."
"Good luck," Rin says, and he smiles. His body dissipates into the air.