Part Sixty: Course We Are

Last night, I slept in Ian's bed with him. We spooned. I was the little spoon, only because he was bigger, not because I liked feeling his crotch against my ass. He's so warm. I spent half the night just listening to him breathing. Once or twice he'd squeeze me and then nuzzle his head into my neck.

I like when his nose touches my skin. I like the sounds of his breathing. I like having him next to me in the tiny bed. I hate that I like it. I hate that it makes me happy.

I will a slight shift in the mattress and the weight of a body climbing over me. I open my eyes to Ian's blurry figure walking into the hallway. I drift off again. When I awaken I hear Ian's voice.

"We hang out," Ian says.

"He's in your bed."

"Yeah, his family's a nightmare."

"I think I got a girlfriend. Her family's a nightmare too."

"Who's isn't?"

"You love Mickey?"

Okay, I've heard about enough of this conversation.

"I like how he smells."

I sniff myself. I shrug. I make my way to the bathroom.

"What're you asking stupid fucking questions for?" Ian and Carl continue talking as Ian's voice gets closer to the bathroom. "I have to go over to the church for the christening today."

"Thought you didn't care."

"I don't."

"Why are you going then?" Jesus, you ask a lot of fucking questions.

"He's my son, man." Ian looks cute this morning. I make sure to wash my hands. Ian is leaning against the door frame flexing his muscles. Fuck you and your biceps.

"Alright, I'll get dressed," Ian says leaving the bathroom and pulling his shirt over his head. What? He wants to come. Fuck.

"No. No. It's fine, I'll head over by myself, I'll be back in a couple of hours."

Ian pushes me against a wall. This is kind of sexy. "What you don't want me to go?" Damn, his fucking pecs. I push him against the opposite wall.

"Probably best if you don't, Tough Guy." I stare into his eyes. There is a fire burning inside them. I keep my hands on his abdomen. His skin feels fucking amazing.

"For you maybe," Ian says staring me down. I can't stop smiling. Now's he just busting my balls. But fuck he looks good.

"Why are you bustin' my balls, man?"

I break out of the embrace, for lack of a better word, and start looking for my clothes. Ian puts his hands on my hips and spins me around to face him.

"Just wondering if we're a couple or not."

I throw him on the bed and climb on top of him. It reminds me of the first time we were together. We had been fighting and I threw him down and sat on him. Of course I had the biggest hard on and after some eye contact we both knew what was going to happen after.

Why is he so insecure?

"Course we are."

We are? We are a couple?I guess we are. Fuck everyone. We're a couple. Ian Gallagher is mine.

"A couple that hides?"

"Hey, it's working out so far so good."

"I'm kind of sick of it."

"Jesus Christ, man." I climb off him. "Why don't I go with that stupid shit before I deal with your stupid shit." Did we just have a couple moment? Fuck. We ARE a couple. I stop by and talk to Ryan before going into the church. I can be a little late, who the fuck cares?

"I told Ian we're a couple today," I tell Ryan. For some reason I was bursting to tell him. The look on his face is completely worth it.

"So are you out then?" Ryan asks.

"Fuck no, man, what are you fucking high?"

"I wish. But so what if you told him you're a couple? You've been a couple for like two years."

"No we haven't. It's a big deal for me."

Ryan just stares at me for a moment before he nods. "I'm sorry, you're right. Congrats. I'm so proud of you, Mick. That's a big step. You have a boyfriend now."

"Oh fuck. I have a boyfriend." I just admitted to Ian that we're a couple. I forgot the word boyfriend comes with that declaration. Fuck. I kick a chunk of ice down the sidewalk.

"You have a boyfriend, a wife, and a baby, you're living the American dream," Ryan jokes. I flip him off and head to the church. Ryan tags along. If he keeps making fucking jokes about this I'm going to have to kill him.

My idiot brothers are hanging a banner above the church door. It reads, "Welcome Home, Terry." Fuck him. I don't want him coming home. Oh fuck. I stop Ryan in the doorway.

"Dad's coming home."

"Yeah so," Ryan says.

"Ian," I say and Ryan's face turns white.

"Fuck," Ryan says, "Play it straight tonight."

"Then what?"

"Hope he gets convicted again so you can be with Ian."

I walk away. He's fucking useless. I might have to take a drive with him and leave him somewhere.

Svetlana is standing up front with the fucking priest.

"This thing hasn't started yet?" I ask.

"No, we must wait for your father."

"He doesn't care about the ceremony. Trust me, he'll be here for the after party."

"No, he cares, he tells me."

"You talk to him?"

"Almost every day, we've become very close."

"You gonna start banging him again too?" I ask. I'm not sure I want to know the answer. Fucking gross.

"We have to start. I have a funeral in forty-five minutes."

"Good, yes let's go," I say. I agree with him.

"No, we wait, the whole family needs to be here to witness baptism," Svetlana says.

"Or what it didn't really happen?"

Someone comes in to the church. "See its good we wait." Ian? Fuck. What he is doing here? "What is he doing here?"

"How the hell should I know?"

I can't believe he showed up. What the fuck was he thinking? I look to Ryan. He shrugs. Svetlana looks pissed.

At the after party, Kev is a huge fucking suck up. The bitch makes my plate up for me. He seems scared I'm actually going to kill him. I've moved past it. I might have an intense discussion and knuckle cracking, but he'll live. For Ian's sake, he'll live.

Svetlana is in my face the moment I turn around, "Tell your boyfriend to leave."

"What the fuck are you talking about?" Ian, obviously.

"Howdy-Doody," Svetlana says, looking over her shoulder at Ian who is cracking peanuts open on the table. "Tell him to leave or I will."

"Svetlana wants you to go," I tell Ian. He's still cracking the fucking peanuts.

"Do you want me to go?"

"No, I don't want you to go, but the whole things going to go a lot easier if you do."

"For you maybe. What about me?" Stop bustin' my balls.

"This really where you want to spend your day off?"

"You're here." Fuck. How can that bitch expect me to send him home?

"Give me a couple hours and I'll meet you back at your place." I pat his back.

"If you make me leave don't come over," Ian says. Fuck.

"Why the fuck are you acting like a girl, huh?"

"I'm sick of living a lie, aren't you?"

"I'm not lying to you."

"Everyone else."

"Who gives a shit about every body else? What fucking difference does it make if I lie to them?"

"Because you're not free."

Ian is getting really upset. Why is he so upset? I need to fix this. Think, Mick. Fuck. I lick my lips and lower my voice. I make sure I'm looking directly into his pretty eyes, "Ian, what you and I have makes me free. Not what these assholes know."

"Look what the state of Illinois just released back into society?" says my uncle Roy. My fucking father walks in to ruin the goddamn moment. Ian was about to say something. I walk away from Ian before my dad sees us together. He'll kill Ian, I just know it.

"You okay?" Ryan asks.

"What the fuck do you think, Fat Ass?"

"I think you need to do something about Ian," Ryan says nodding in his direction. Ian looks somewhere between entranced and hurt. I can't really tell. My heart aches. My legs want to walk toward him. I wish I was with him instead of being such a fucking pussy.

I show off Yevgeny to my father. Stupid fucking name.

"He's a cute little fucker," Dad says holding him up. I spot Ian behind by dad. He's staring at me. I fucking know, okay. I get it.

Dad is talking to his brothers about some faggot who tried to get on him in prison and how he handled the situation. Svetlana starts in on me about it. She's threatening to tell my dad he didn't "beat all the queer out of me" I've had enough of her threats and her bull shit.

"Keep your fucking mouth shut," I tell her after I yank the bottle she's drinking from out of her mouth.

"Can I talk to you for a second?" Ian asks me.

I turn back to Svetlana, "You know, your life right here right now is as good as it's ever going to get. You gotta go get plowed all day, yeah, but you come home to a roof over your head and food in your fucking belly. Five years from now you're going to be a used up, dried up old whore sucking guys off on the side walk for five bucks a pop. I wouldn't fuck this up if I were you." I walk over to Ian. He's drinking heavily. Fuck. Did I do this? "Hey."

"I just want to let you know I'm leaving."

"Okay, I'll see you back at the place." I pat his back again.

"No, don't. We're done."

What? What, no? No. I don't want that. No. Fuck.

"What the fuck are you talking about?"

Ian's not looking at me. He's walking away from me. Stop. Look at me. Talk to me, not at me.

"I don't have any interest in being a mistress any more."

"Jesus Christ when did you get so dramatic?"

"When I realized what a pussy you are."

Now you've crossed a fucking line, Tough Guy.

"Say that again and I'm going to kick your fucking ass."

"Come on. Come on, Big Guy. You think you're a tough man. You're not. You're a coward. You're afraid of your father, afraid of your wife, afraid to be who you are."

"Fuck you." Ian grabs his coat and puts it on as he walks away from me. "You know what, good leave. What the hell do I care, bitch?" Don't go. He's leaving me. He's actually leaving me again. Do something, Mick. For once in your fucking life do something. "Fuck." I can't lose him again. I won't lose him again. I know what I have to do if I want to keep Ian. Fuck my dad. Fuck everyone. I have to fix this. I knock on the bar to get everyone's attention. "Excuse me, can I have everyone's attention please. I just want everyone to know I'm fucking gay. Big ol 'mo. Thought everybody should know that." I look at Ian, "You happy now?" Be with me. Fucking be with me.

I look at Ryan for a brief second. The fat fucker is sobbing like a little girl. Iggy is pretending he doesn't know him while giving me a wink. I shake my head at Ryan, but it's Ian my eyes seek out. He's staring at me in shock. I did that for you.

No one seems to care about my speech, except for my dad who throws a table and scares the shit out of my uncles. "I'll fucking kill you."

Somewhere in the middle, Ian joins the fight. I don't expect Ryan and Iggy's help. This isn't their fight and they know it. This is between me, Ian, and my dad. WE have to fight it out. I try to make sure Ian doesn't get bloodied up too bad, but it's difficult with my father wailing on me. After a long brawl, we're pulled apart by cops. Ian isn't handcuffed. He just jumped in to defend me, and I'll be damned if I let him get taken in on my behalf.

I'm slammed down on a cop car; dad is slammed down on another. He's screaming obscenities at me. "Faggot, get out of my house."

"Fuck you. Don't worry about it. I've been staying at Ian's since you've been in the can, bitch. Guess what we've been doing, Daddy?" I hump the car, "We've been fucking, and I take it. He gives it to me good and hard and I fucking like it." The cops take my dad to a different squad car. He kicks me when he goes by. "Fuck you. I suck his dick and I fucking love it."

He's arrested for breaking his probation. Good Riddance, asshole. The cop who handcuffed me let's me go. He wants to get home to his husband. I want to get home to my boyfriend. Ian gives my dad the finger as the car goes by with him inside.

"Hold on a sec, Ian," says Ryan stepping between us. Ryan pulls me into a bear hug.

"Are you crying?" I ask.

"That was the most beautiful coming out speech I've ever heard. I'm like a proud papa," Ryan says wiping his eyes. "Seriously, Micks, that was astonishing. Absolutely fucking amazing."

"Mickey," says Ian.

"Can I talk to Ian now, guys?" I ask.

"Oh, yeah, sure. See you later, man."

"I think I broke half a fucking tooth."

"My ribs don't feel so good." I'm sorry he hurt you. Ian passes me a flask. I take a drink. It's not ignored by me that is mouth was previously on this. "So you really came out, huh?"

"Doesn't mean I'm going to wear a fucking dress or anything."

"No body fucking asked you too. Although, you do have really nice legs," Ian teases. Yeah, you've got some hot fucking parts too, Tough Guy.

"You're a fucking dick."

Ian moves close to me and kisses the top of my head. I lean against him. We're out in the open, like he wants. Like we both want. No one is looking at us. No one fucking cares. We're free.

A/N: I am going to give you some sunshine and rainbows before Ian's depressed episodes start. Never fear. Sorry most of the dialogue was taken from the episodes exactly, but it's such a beautiful set of scenes that I couldn't bare to change them.