He doesn't want to go back to his bland, dark apartment, not after seeing how much better everything could be. He's completely happy, for once, and hopeful, and just a little bit he has something to look forward to, because he absolutely has to do something in return.

So he goes to visit Peggy, because the last thing he wants to do right now is be alone. He's happy and he wants to share it, and it's the first time he's felt this way in a very long time. He likes the feeling. He feels more like himself.

The only problem with not being alone is that he has to interact with people. And in particular, Theresa will be there.

He hasn't seen her in weeks, which is something that has been bothering him, just a little bit, but he hasn't picked up the paper and seen his face plastered on it so he imagines that she's keeping his secret.

And he's not entirely sure he's going to see her today, but she usually works Fridays. He hasn't even seen her since she confronted him, because Tony's been keeping his weekdays filled, and at this point it's been so long that he's not even sure how to approach her.

His instinct is to pull her aside and apologize, but he's talked about it a lot with Tony – or, rather, been lectured about it by Tony, because that's how Tony gets when he thinks he's right – and he thinks maybe he should give Tony's advice a shot.

So when he sees her down the hall, he just puts on a cocky grin, meets her eye, salutes, and winks. And it makes him feel completely ridiculous, but she smiles back, and winks, and he breathes a quiet sigh of relief.

And then he spends the rest of the day hoping that she'll come into Peggy's room so that he can follow his instincts instead, but she doesn't.

When Peggy asks about Tony, he just smiles, and says, "he's perfect."

And then she asks how the sex is and he chokes and turns red and changes the subject.

He spends most of the afternoon with her, but he's not very focused. He's thinking about Tony. He has to do something in return, something to let him know how much he appreciates everything. Something so that Tony won't feel like he just did all that for nothing.

And he's thought about it, a lot, but he can't make sex be that thing he does in return. Because it shouldn't be about that. It should be about love and intimacy and even if Tony doesn't love him, it needs to feel like it. That much he's at least sure of. If he offers sex as a reward then it'll lose something.

He thinks about asking Peggy, but he wants this to be his idea.

He's so preoccupied that when he runs into Theresa on his way out, he completely forgets that he wanted to talk to her. And when she asks him if he wants to go have dinner, he suggests next week, instead, because he has some things to do.

Those things take most of the night because everything he's thinking of is stupid, or nobody does it anymore, or it would involve being out in public, or it'd involve a thousand things that don't work, so finally he just picks something easy and commits.

He knows it's a ridiculous, stupid idea, but it's too cold to do outside, and he's racked his brain for something, anything he can do for Tony, and he keeps coming up blank. He feels like it won't be enough, that Tony won't like a gesture as much as he likes things. But he has to do something. He can't just accept that Tony set up that amazing night for him and not do anything in return.

He gets Jarvis to let him into the mansion without telling Tony, and he sets it all up, and then he sneaks back out and rings the doorbell and prays that Tony answers it.

Tony knows he's coming, of course. Steve made sure of that. But if there's one thing he's learned in the last couple weeks, it's that Tony knowing you're coming doesn't mean that he'll remember you're coming.

So when Tony answers the door, five whole minutes later, he's a little excited to see him. And at the same time, he's terrified that Tony's going to take one look at what he's done and laugh in his face. But he knows that's actually very unlikely; what he's actually afraid of is Tony being quiet and polite, because that's what'll let Steve know that he really hates it.

Still, he feigns confidence as he not-so-subtly suggests that they go check out a deserted room, and Tony feigns complete ignorance as he agrees. Steve opens the door, steeling himself to laugh it all off.

And Tony looks around the room and smirks. "A picnic. An indoor picnic. An indoor picnic, in my house, surrounded by all of the plants that I have ever owned."

Steve smiles. "You've got a knack for observation, Stark."

"Eh, scientist, you know, sometimes it comes in handy." He sits down, opening the first picnic basket like it's a christmas present.

And he opens the bag inside of it, pulls out the napkins, sees the contents and lets out his breath. "Oh, thank God."

Steve smiles and flicks his ear. "Hey."

Tony grins. "That was a good 'thank god.'"

"Uh-huh."

Tony sighs theatrically. "Fine. Thank you."

Steve takes the cheeseburger out of his hand and bites into it, forgetting that leaves him incapable of pointing out that he wasn't fishing for a compliment.

But Tony's a lot more put out by the burger stealing, it seems, because he just frowns at Steve and crosses his arms against his chest. And he clears his throat, pointedly.

"I uh," he swallows, wipes his face with the back of his hand, "I bought more than one burger."

"But that one's mine," Tony says. "I licked it."

"No you didn't."

Tony smirks. "Technicality."

He sets his forehead on Steve's shoulder, snapping his teeth at Steve's sleeve. "My burger."

And it's cute, but at the same time it's unsettling because Tony's been funny and Tony's done funny things around him, but this is just silly.

"Is... everything okay?"

Tony sits up and blinks at him and smiles. "Everything's great. You're great."

He unwraps another one of the cheeseburgers and bites into it. "This is great. You're an excellent cook."

"I didn't –" Steve blushes as the smile spreads across Tony's face. "Funny."

"Thank you," Tony says, this mischievous grin spreading across his face. "I'm supposed to say thank you, right? Because I thought so, but then I got you things and you just got upset about them, so maybe I should tell you that this cheeseburger tastes too good and I'm not going have the rest of it."

Steve blushes. "I'm sorry."

Tony smirks.

"I didn't mean to be ungrateful about the graphic design class."

"Uh-huh."

"It just caught me by surprise."

"Uh-huh."

"And, I don't want to sound ungrateful again, but I'm just not sure I want to go out in public and do something on a computer when I can barely keep up with the things you're teaching me."

Tony laughs.

"And," Steve says, smiling because he wants to keep things light, "I don't appreciate being laughed at."

Tony covers his mouth. "Does it count if you can't empirically prove that I'm laughing?"

Steve sighs.

"Look, you're a genius, no one's going to even notice."

"Mhmm."

"Trust me, it's going to be so much easier than you expect. It's a class. They'll teach you how to do everything. You'll be fine."

"Mhmm."

"Can I tell you a secret?"

Steve considers. "Depends on the secret."

"I uh, I kinda like you," Tony says, leaning against him, and Steve smiles and puts an arm around his shoulders.

"I kinda like you too."

They blow through the cheeseburgers, and then dessert is strawberries and whipped cream which is not even a subtle indication of what Steve wants to happen. And Tony catches on to that before he even sees the strawberries, ordering Steve to take his shirt off so that he can lick the whipped cream off of him and Steve's okay with that.

So that's how they find themselves both half naked, the whipped cream gone, Tony's lips on Steve's nipple.

"God, you're so beautiful," he says, and Steve tenses.

Tony rolls his eyes. "Not your ridiculous muscles," he says. "Just... you."

Steve knows he should let it go, but he really wants to hear more. "That's not the same thing?"

"Nah," Tony says. "Not at all."

"That's not much of an answer," Steve says, joking, but just a little.

"Look," Tony says, smirking at him. "I think you're gonna have to start trusting me to be able to think with body parts other than my dick."

"Oh yeah? Like what?"

"Well, my hands like you a whole lot," he says, running them over Steve's chest. "And my lips," he says, kissing his stomach. "And my tongue."

Feeling bold he puts his hand against Tony's crotch, just barely feeling the outline of his dick beneath the thick cloth. And he freezes, waiting for Tony to do something, but he doesn't. So he tries to withdraw his hand, pretend it never happened.

And then Tony's hand is on his, pressing him back down, harder, so that Steve can feel everything, and even though it's Tony's dick he feels it in his own, and he makes this involuntary noise, this little moan that feels like it's forced out of him.

Tony stops kissing him, and he puts his other hand on Steve's cheek. "Stop me if I go too far," Tony whispers, looking into Steve's eyes, still holding Steve's hand firmly against him.

"I won't." Steve whispers, and he means it, mostly.

And Tony raises one eyebrow. "As in...?"

He thinks about it, tries to figure out how to explain himself but he can't so he has to admit it. "I want this," he says, voice barely cracking above a whisper.

Tony smiles. "You mean you want me."

Steve makes a small noise of assent.

"Say it."

"What?"

"Say that you want me."

Steve freezes, a blush spreading across his cheeks.

"Come on," Tony says, cajoling, relaxed, and Steve was expecting him to be ripping his clothes off, and Steve would kill for a little bit of that now because it was hard enough to admit that he wants to have sex but now Tony's just drawing this out for kicks.

Except this one's not so hard to say. He blushes harder and whispers, "I want you," and it's so liberating and arousing to admit it.

Tony kisses him, hard and ardent, kisses him like he's going to disappear if he doesn't, and Steve tangles his hand in Tony's hair and sucks on his bottom lip and tries to lose himself in kissing.

He knows he shouldn't be nervous because technically they've done this before. But his heart's beating too fast, his breaths coming a little too ragged, as he slides his hands under Tony's waistband.

And then the pants are off and Tony's hands move to Steve's belt. "Your turn."

Steve shakes his head, he's not ready for that, and Tony raises an eyebrow. And that look of surprise increases as Steve settles his hands on Tony's boxers, hesitantly pulling them off.

"But you are going to take your pants off eventually," Tony says. "Right?"

Steve nods, preoccupied by the sight of Tony stretched out beneath him, thighs sparsely peppered with dark hair, hard cock resting against his stomach. He's seen him naked before, that one night, but it's even better now.

He doesn't realize he's staring until Tony clears his throat. "Don't tell me. You wish I'd waxed my balls first."

"No," Steve says, trying not to wonder if that's a thing people do now. "No, you're perfect."

"Well, that's a gross overstatement."

Steve smiles, bending over to kiss Tony's stomach, so very aware that his face is inches from Tony's cock, so very aware that if he moved just a little bit, his lips could close around him.

He doesn't do that, though. He travels away from it instead, licking the smooth skin at the base on Tony's oblique, and then running his teeth lightly along his hip.

Tony clears his throat pointedly. "Little to the right, big hard cock, can't miss it. Just, you know, don't use the teeth."

Steve turns slowly to give him a reproachful look.

"Or I guess this works too," Tony says, smirking, closing his eyes as Steve runs a hand along the inside of his thigh. "Uh, but fair warning, at this pace you have maybe five minutes before I jump you."

"I'll hold you to that," Steve says, because he wouldn't mind that. He's not sure how he took control of this in this situation, and he's not exactly sure what to do next. And he's glad Tony's eyes are closed, because it takes away some of the pressure he's been putting on himself to get this right.

He kisses the tip of Tony's dick, wrapping a hand around it for support, and this earns him a positive sound so he does it again, and after that he thinks he should put it in his mouth, but there's another part of him that thinks that's not right.

"I don't know what I'm doing," he admits, because Tony told him that was okay, to admit that.

Tony just groans, and then he sits up, running a hand through his hair. "I knew this was too good to be true."

Steve bites his lip and blinks and tries not to show how much that hurts, and Tony rolls his eyes. "Teasing. Lighten up. I'll show you."

His hand is firm on Steve's shoulder as he pushes him back onto his elbows, the other already unbuttoning his trousers.

He makes a noise, and it's not necessarily a bad noise but Tony takes it as one anyway. "The pants have to come off at some point," he says, tugging them down Steve's hips. And he closes his eyes and nods, because he doesn't trust himself to form the proper words.

Tony licks him first, a long stripe up the underside before his lips close around Steve's dick and the feeling is unbelievable, it doesn't even compare to Tony's hand. And he stops just to tell Steve how good he tastes, then looks him right in the eye as he swallows the entire length and Steve's surprised he doesn't explode right then.

It's still fast, it's way too fast, and he feels like he needs to say something but there's literally just that quick realization that he's about to ejaculate, and then he does. He's expecting Tony to jerk back or do, well, something, but Tony just swallows like that's the most natural thing, glances up at him again as he does it, and Steve has to bite his lip to stop from whimpering.

"Warn me next time," Tony says, patting Steve on the hip, tongue flicking across his lip for the drops that he didn't get, and Steve blushes, and nods.

Tony kisses his way up Steve's torso, slides a hand across his chest, as Steve tries to catch his breath and tries not to feel so embarrassed for having lost control like that so quickly.

But Tony just smiles and nuzzles against him like it's no big deal. "So what's your refractory period like?"

"Pardon?"

"How long till you can get it up again?"

"Oh," Steve says, glancing down, noticing how sad and small he looks flaccid and hoping Tony hasn't. "I don't know."

"You don't know?"

"No. How would I know?"

Tony squints at him. "I'm just talking... like, rough estimation, here."

"I've only had sex one other time, and you were there."

Tony smirks and kisses him between the eyes. "Shh, no need to get upset. But, well, you have masturbated, right?"

Steve shrugs. "A few times."

Tony stares at him. "A... few... times."

Steve's face gets hot. "Well, more than that," he says, swallowing. "When I was younger – but I really try not to."

He's expecting judgement, but Tony just closes his eyes and moans. "Ungh, fuck, that's hot," he says, guiding Steve to stroke him with one hand. "You're so fucking pure, aren't you."

Steve bites his lip because none of this is making him feel pure, it's making him feel unbelievably dirty and wrong, but in a good way. And he can't believe how twistedly good Tony's lips feel on his neck, and then Tony's warm breath is tickling against Steve's ear as he says, "come on baby, let's see what that virgin mouth can do."

He feels that in his groin, and Tony makes a little "hmm" as Steve gets hard again.

And then he looks pointedly at his own dick and Steve gets the gist.

He's nervous again as he holds Tony's dick but he tells himself that it's nothing different than licking him anywhere else, and the soft moan that escapes from Tony's lips as he licks from base to tip is the only encouragement he needs to take him into his mouth. He tastes better than he's expecting, and he tries to copy Tony by taking him all of the way into his mouth, but he can only manage a few inches. So he moves up and down, uses his tongue along the side, and each time he goes down he tries to get further into his mouth. He doesn't know how Tony did that, he must have taken him all the way down his throat, and Steve tries that but it doesn't work.

He focuses on the way Tony's moaning, on the words escaping from his mouth, tries to feel as sexy as Tony's telling him he is, and then he realizes that he hasn't breathed in what seems like ages, and he panics, a bit, and comes up for air.

Tony looks at him through heavy-lidded eyes and Steve's just intending to catch his breath and start again, but Tony catches his wrists instead. "Lie down."

Steve does so and Tony crawls over him, hovering, not touching, and then he lowers his just head to kiss him.

"Tell me what you want," Tony says, breath soft on Steve's lips.

"I want you to ejaculate in my mouth," Steve says, blushing uncontrollably as he does, wondering what happened to his self control, wondering why he let himself blurt out such a private fantasy.

"Come," Tony says, seemingly unfazed by Steve's declaration. "You want me to come in your mouth."

"Mhmm."

"I will, baby, but it'll be awhile before we get to that." Tony kisses him hungrily, body still suspended inches above Steve's, denying him any touch but for his lips. "You're so beautiful with my cock in your mouth."

Steve makes another one of those involuntary sounds, the ones he can't help making when something makes him feel dirty and good at the same time.

"Tell me what you want me to do to you," Tony whispers. "Do you want my mouth on your cock? Hmm? Or do you want me to do this?"

He lowers his hips, and any sort of self control that Steve's been deluding himself into thinking he has disappears.

"This," he gasps, his eyes closing in pleasure as Tony moves in just the right way. He feels so unbelievably close to him, and he's glad he waited, and he's glad he stopped waiting, because now that they're actually doing this he can't imagine what the point is of waiting.

Tony kisses him on the neck and on the chest and teases his nipples, and Steve runs his hands along Tony's back and tries not to be overwhelmed by it all, tries to focus on Tony, on how perfect Tony feels against him, on how Tony feels against him, on how it feels, he can't focus on anything but how good it feels.

Tony's feet hook under Steve's knees, strong legs wrapping around his, pulling their bodies closer together.

"Talk to me," he whispers. "Tell me what you're thinking."

That's not an invitation to say he loves him. Steve knows that. He knows that and so he bites his lip to keep it from spilling out.

"Does it feel good?"

"Y – yeah." He's surprised by how it's hard to get the words out, how he feels the need to take harsh gasping breaths instead. "Ngnh... nnh, Tony – I –"

"Are you close?"

He doesn't know but he assumes he is, he assumes based on before that he is so he nods, breathing heavily, half of him hoping Tony will stop so that he lasts, half of him hoping he'll keep going anyway because it feels good, so good.

"You wanna try something new?"

Steve nods because there's really no other answer to that question. And everything is new, but it turns out that what Tony has in mind isn't as new as he's expecting. They just lie on their sides, heads on opposite sides, and Steve sucks him again, using his hands this time, trying again to let Tony into his throat and failing. He remembers to breathe, this time, but he hardly wants to, he just wants to make Tony feel good.

Finally Tony's mouth is on him again, and it feels so good, even better than before. He wants Tony to finish first, but he knows that's a losing battle, because Tony can do things with his mouth that Steve's not even sure he can understand.

When he comes it's overwhelming and for a second there he's afraid he might cry. He's not sure why he feels that way, because everything is good, everything is feeling good, but there's this brief unmanageable swell of emotion and then that passes, and he just feels good again.

Tony comes not too long after, and Steve's proud of himself for that, proud of the way that Tony's fist tightens in his hair and and he groans, "oh, fuck, Steve, I'm gonna cum," because he'd worried that he wouldn't be good enough.

He swallows, and It's not as good as his dreams, because in his dream there's no taste and he doesn't choke a little bit and worry about not getting all of it, but he's glad he does it anyway. In real life it feels just as intimate as he was hoping, just as special and private, makes him feel so close to Tony, like there was some barrier between them and now it's completely gone.

He wants to hold Tony close and tell him how much he loves him. He thinks it's time. But another part of him is terrified that if he does that before Tony's ready, he'll scare him away.

"How was that?"

"I –" Steve pauses, tries to find the words. "I didn't know it would be so so... good."

And Tony smiles. "Just you wait, I'm really gonna blow your mind," he says, snuggling up against him.

And Steve smiles and kisses his hair and decides that his feelings can wait too.