Part Sixty-One: Couple Discounts

It's our second full day as an "out" couple. Mickey and I are fucking spending it openly too. He can bitch about it if he wants, but we're doing it. We've gone shopping together to find him the perfect outfit to wear on a double date with Lip and Amanda. We're at the Good Will shopping for suits. Mickey's wedding tux was too big on him and I want him to look nice. I want to make an impression.

"Why the fuck are you making me do this?" Mickey asks.

"Because this is what couples do," I tell Mickey. Yevgeny is cooing from his stroller. Svetlana is making us take care of him today. It was Mickey's only way of getting her off his back. Actually, Mandy was supposed to watch him but after Kenyatta nearly threw the baby when he wouldn't stop crying we decided he was better off with Mickey. At least Mickey won't throw him. I won't let him. He's so cute. I pick him up and hold him against me. He blows bubbles against my neck.

"About the couple thing, I think we should set up some fucking rules," says Mickey inside the small changing station. It only has a couple of curtains for privacy.

"Like what?" I pat Yev on the back and he burps. Aw. I'm going to be your step-daddy some day.

"For instance: No double dating," Mickey gripes. He's been grumpy ever since I brought it up yesterday, when we were cleaning each other up. "And no fucking other men."

"Not even for work," I say. Mickey peeks his head out.

"I hope you're fucking joking," Mickey says.

"Yeah, I am. Come out and let me see how that one fits."

Mickey steps out. The pants fit but the jacket is too short. I burst out laughing. He looks like a little boy who was squeezed into a suit for his grandmother's funeral. Mickey flips me off. I carry Yev with me while I search for another jacket for Mickey.

"Aren't you a little young to have a baby?" An old woman asks me as she finds a jacket for her husband who is trying on belts nearby.

"He's not mine. He's my boyfriend's," I tell her.

"Boyfriend? Oh, you mean like a friend who's a boy?" The old woman asks. She touches my arm and begins laughing.

"No, I mean, boyfriend as in the guy I've been fucking," I tell her. Her jaw hits the floor. I expect her to scoff and walk away but she doesn't. She mouths off to me about some biblical shit I don't care about and starts going on about fire and brimstone and the fiery gates of Hell.

"Hey, lady, go take a long fucking walk off a short pier," Mickey says grabbing me by the elbow and pulling me away from the couple. But I can't just ignore her. I hand Yev to Mickey and give both of them a kiss. The woman spews off some bull shit about how she's going to tell the manager about our debauchery and how it shouldn't be allowed in public.

"You have a problem with me?" I ask, breathing into her face. I'm so close to her our noses are almost touching. "Fucking say it."

"Ian," Mickey says. "Ian, she's not worth it."

"I have a problem with you homosexuals displaying your sin all over for everyone to see. There are children in here. You should ashamed. If I were your mother I would have beat the gay out of you. You're such a good-looking boy, you could make beautiful children with a nice girl, but you chose this filth."

"Fuck you," Mickey says automatically.

Oh no. She did not just insult my boyfriend. "Mickey is not filth. That shitty ass perfume you're wearing is filth. You smell like a nursing home." I hear Mickey stifle a laugh. "You're the fucking filth. You stand here and preach to me about Hell when I am in a loving, committed relationship. How the fuck can that be sinful?"

"If you don't stop this right now, I'm going to call the police," says the scared boy who works there. He looks like he's had it with us.

"It's not me. It's this queer. I think you should throw them out of the store. This is a family place. There is no room here for their filth."

"Call him a queer one more time," says Mickey behind me.

"Ma'am, I do apologize for your discomfort, but these boys are customers the same as you and while I am only part time I do not have the authority to kick them out of the store, nor would I."

"You're just as bad as they are. I hope you burn in hell," says the old woman. She takes her husband by the arm and leaves. I give them the finger when they look back at me. But when she returns the gesture I run out of the store after her.

"Fuck you, lady!" I holler.

"Stupid queers," She says. I take a rock and throw it through her car window. She gets out of her car and starts hitting me with her purse repeatedly. She only stops when Mickey intervenes and forces her to stop.

When the woman drives away she hits me with her car, not hard enough to really hurt me just enough to knock me down, her husband throws a bible at us and his wife gives me the finger as she drives out of the parking lot.

"Can we go home now?" Mickey asks.

"Where's Yev?" I ask.

"The cashier is watching him," Mickey says, "Are you okay? Did that Jesus bitch hurt you? I'll hunt her down and kick her fucking ass. I don't care if she is fucking old."

"I'm alright," I tell Mickey. I wipe the snow and dirt off me. Mickey cups my face and pecks me a kiss. "Let's finish finding suits and go home."

"Best fucking idea you've had all day."

Mickey finds a jacket that fits. People in the Good Will avoid eye contact with us. A few women coo over Yev, but he is really cute, so I don't blame them. Most just avoid us like we're infected. I try on a suit and the first one has pants so tight that my dick is suffocating.

"They fucking look good on you," Mickey says.

"They're way too tight," I say.

"What can't fit your ass into them?"

"Are you calling me fat?" Am I fat?

"No," Mickey doesn't hesitate. He stares me up and down and then tickles me. I succumb to him. I let him win. "Don't you for one second start that bull shit. You're not fucking fat."

Mickey and I find what we need. I push Yev's stroller to the check out. The boy who helped us earlier smiles widely. "First, I apologize for that woman's behavior. Second, I would never throw you out."

"Thank you," I say. "But you don't have to apologize for her. That wasn't your fault."

"No, but I still feel morally obligated to apologize."

"Shut the fuck up and pay so we can get out of here," says Mickey.

"The two suits together will be $54 after tax."

"Shit, I'm a little short," I tell Mickey as I count my money. Mickey pulls out a five and hands it over. I peck him on the lips. "Thanks."

"Oh, okay, Tough Guy, take your fucking shit and let's go," Mickey says.

I am pretty excited for the double date tonight. Amanda is taking us to an expensive restaurant. Lip said it's on her that she's paying, but Mickey isn't having it. He adamantly refuses. We've been arguing about it since we got home. Mickey and I are taking a shower together to save time and because its fun, but he still refuses.

"I have the fucking money."

"She offered to pay. Jesus, Mickey, what's the problem?"

"You're my fucking boyfriend and I'm going to pay," Mickey says suddenly. "I don't like the idea of other people paying for you. If Lip were paying that'd be different. He's your fucking family. But she isn't. She's nothing to you. You've only met her once."

"I didn't think you'd care," I say scrubbing his back and kissing it at the same time.

"Well, I do. I want to take care of you, not this bitch."

"Fine, you can pay," I tell him as I kiss his neck. Mickey wasn't shy about shower sex. He's never been shy about it. But it was when we both slipped in the tub mid fuck and went down that the mood was over. I was still inside Mickey when it happened. He landed ontop of me, it was painful. But this time we're careful.

I get in a position to enter Mickey when my foot slips in some soap and I go down. I pull Mickey down with me. He laughs. We pull the shower curtain down. Mickey lands between my legs, but that doesn't stop us. We still fool around on the bottom of the tub. Mickey switches from shower to tub on the faucet and puts the plug in the tub. I sit up and get the curtain out before it gets too wet.

"How about a bath instead?" Mickey asks.

"A sexy bath," I say pulling him into me as the hot water fills up around us. He kisses me so deeply I swear his tongue is going down my fucking throat. I kiss back and before I know it Mickey is on lap with me inside him and he's taking control.

It's the hottest sex we've ever had, literally. We almost let the tub over flow during our orgasms, but Mickey shuts them off in the nick of time. We don't hush ourselves. I grunt and moan as he rides my dick in the tub, and he makes the noises that keep me going. When it's over we finish at the same time.

"That was amazing," I tell Mickey as I let him lather my hair with his shampoo. He nibbles on my ear in the process.

"Don't ever dye your hair," Mickey says. I feel him kiss the top of my head.

"Why?"

"Red is my favorite color," Mickey says as he bites my ear lobe.

"I think my hair is clean now," I tell him as he continues to massage my scalp.

"It's fucking clean when I say it is," Mickey says as he continues. I lean back and let him massage it. It feels good. Mickey rinses the shampoo out of my hair and then conditions it just to continue to massage it.

"I think I'm clean," I tell him again.

"Fuck off," Mickey says taking his time.

"At least let me wash you."

"Wait your fucking turn," Mickey says.

We're both really pruny when we finally get done with our sexy bath. Mickey keeps trying to stop me from getting dressed by offering to blow me. I let him once, but then I insist we get dressed so we're not late for dinner.

We both dress in the bathroom at the same time. I tie Mickey's tie and then attempts to do mine. I finish it. I spray him with my cologne. He tries to use my tooth brush, but that's when I put my foot down.

"No. You just had your mouth on my dick."

"Excuse me," Mickey says picking up his own tooth brush. He makes a show of brushing his teeth. I kiss his cheek. "Damn, Ian, you sure do look fucking good."

"Aw, thanks, Mick. So do you."

We exit the bathroom together and a flash goes off in our eyes. Ryan takes another picture. Mickey looks about ready to rip his head off. "Your first date as an official couple, I am so proud. I'm going to put this on my Facebook," Ryan says.

"I need to get better friends," Mickey says.

"Aw, you love me and you know it," Ryan says playfully punching Mickey.

Wait, Mickey hasn't even told me that he loves me. He better not say it to Ryan first. I don't care if it is platonic.

"You look like two gay boys going to prom," says Mandy. "Which one's the king and which is the queen?"

I playfully smack at Mandy. She smacks back.

"This is embarrassing, can we fucking go?" Mickey asks.

"What is this?" Svetlana asks. "You're going out together."

"Yeah," Mickey says, finally standing up to her, "You have something to say?"

"No."

"Didn't fucking think so, let's go, Ian."

"Wait, not so fast, mister," says Ryan.

"What the fuck?"

"What are your intentions with Mickey tonight?" Ryan asks me.

I laugh. Mickey flips Ryan off.

"Be back around midnight," Mandy says kissing me on the cheek.

"I'm so proud. Our little boys are growing up," Ryan says putting his arm around Mandy. Mandy grins and waves at us as we leave. Mickey rolls his eyes and pulls me along.

"They're fucking embarrassing," Mickey says.

"I thought it was funny," I tell Mickey.

We take two buses into the city for the restaurant. Lip and Amanda are already there. She tries to shake Mickey's hand but he just waves. He's never been the hand shaking type. Lip hugs me. I whisper how handsome he looks.

"Amanda and I had a bet going on if Ian could actually talk you into coming," Lip tells Mickey.

"How much did you lose?"

"Fifty bucks, pay up," Amanda says to Lip.

Lip hands over the money and shakes his head.

"Serves you right, asshole," Mickey says, "Where the fuck is our waiter?"

"I'll be right with you," says the waiter. When he turns around my jaw hits the floor and I feel Mickey tense up.

"Kash?"

"Ian?"

"Oh fuck," Lip says.

"I don't get it," Amanda says.

"Ian used to fuck Kash. Mickey was robbing the store Kash owned and when Ian went to confront him they ended up fucking. Kash found out and shot Mickey. That's the story in a nutshell," Lip says.

"Oh," says Amanda, "I'm going to request a new waiter."

"Yeah, probably a good idea. Mickey looks ready to kill."

All I wanted was a romantic night with my boyfriend and to spend time with Lip and his new girlfriend. I wanted a normal date for once in my life and I have to run into someone I don't want to see. This whole day was perfect.

"How are you?" Kash asks putting his hand on my shoulder. Don't fucking touch me. He gives my shoulder a squeeze and winks at me. "You look great. Wow. I wasn't expecting this."

"Mickey," says Lip. I look at Mickey, there is a fire blazing in his eyes. He's about to enter Milkovich mode. My heartrate increases. Mickey's cracking his knuckles. "Amanda is getting a new waiter, calm down. Don't make a scene."

"Okay, hi, I'm Lucy, I'll be your waitress," says a blonde girl stepping up to the table. Kash doesn't take his hands off my shoulder right away. Lucy or whatever her name is tries to push him away casually, but he isn't going for it.

"We should catch up, Ian. God, I've missed you."

"Okay, you need to leave," Lip tells Kash, "Mickey is about to kill you."

Kash finally looks at Mickey and immediately takes his hands off me. He steps away from the table like the pussy he always was. I look at Mickey. He has been squeezing my hand this whole time and I didn't even realize it until now.

"I'm sorry, and sir, why I don't give you and your handsome date dessert on the house," Lucy says to Mickey. He releases his death grip on my hand and nods. "I'll be right back with your wine."

"Beer for him, please," I tell Lucy.

"Anything you want, sweetie," Lucy says as she walks away.

"Mickey," I say looking at his face. He leans over and pecks me on the lips. He grabs my chair and pulls it so close to his we're practically sharing a seat. Amanda and Lip don't say anything. They pretend they don't notice.

"So, Mickey, I hear you're a pimp, what's that like?" Amanda asks to break the ice. Mickey almost smiles; he loosens up a little and answers her question about as awkwardly as he can. Maybe this date won't be a disaster after all.