Part Sixty-Two: Something's Not Right

Kash is on my list of people I want to murder. That motherfucker touched Ian again. I thought he was done molesting him, but apparently not. I now know where he works. I plan to pay the asshole a visit, and I'm not doing it with my brothers. I'm doing it alone.

Ian is out for his run like he does every fucking morning. He's been staying at my house, since I came out. It's safe for him to be there now, because my brothers took off after I admitted that I wasn't just gay but had a boyfriend.

So now I'm here to defend Ian's fucking honor, with a gun on me. Kash is arguing with the young waitress who gave me and Ian free dessert last night during our date. She is safe. She's not the problem. I don't like a lot of fucking people, but she's not so bad. I kind of feel the need to protect and defend her. She showed me a kindness and I am in her fucking debt.

"You hit on a customer," said the young woman.

"You don't understand, Lucy, I used to date him. We were together. I wasn't doing anything wrong."

That's what you think? I remember it differently. I can't do anything with Lucy in there with Kash. I won't hurt her. I won't even risk putting her in danger. She doesn't deserve it.

"I'm still telling our manager," says Lucy.

"You can't. They'll fire me. I need this job."

"Too bad," Lucy says. I don't hear her voice anymore; instead I hear a door slam. It's time to make my approach. I take the gun off safety and hold it out in front of me only pointed downward for now. Kash is sitting at a table doing nothing when I walk in.

"Mickey," Kash says as he stands up and puts his hands over his head.

"Remember that time you shot me? I don't forget shit like that. I have a scar on my fucking leg from it."

"Easy, Mickey," Kash says. I point the gun at him. "Look, I'm sorry I shot you. Can we just forget about it. I'll give you a free dinner."

I shoot at the ceiling. Someone is bound to have heard that. I don't care. Kash ducks. I have to make the point before someone comes in here.

"We have a score to settle," I tell him, "I was here last night. But you probably don't remember because you had your fucking hands on Ian Gallagher. I bet you remember that."

"I didn't," Kash says.

I shoot him in the leg. Kash let's out a scream. I shoot past him. He starts crying like a fucking pussy. "Remember when you molested Ian?"

"I never molested him," Kash says, I shoot him in the other knee. He continues to sob. I should shoot him for fucking crying. "We were dating. Please don't shoot me anymore."

"We both know you molested him. If you ever look at Ian again I won't just shoot you in the leg."

I walk away. I feel better. I head to the Alibi, and put my gun on the bar. Kev looks at me, then looks at it, and then I put it away. He passes me a beer.

"Who'd you kill?" Kev asks.

"I didn't fucking kill anyone, but I'm gonna if that motherfucker doesn't leave Ian alone."

"Who?" Kev asks.

"Kash," I take a drink. I basically down my drink in two gulps.

"You shot Kash?" asks a voice behind me that goes right to my chest. I turn my head and look at a smiling Ian. He has a beautiful smile. He leans over to peck me a kiss. I'm still not 100% comfortable, but it makes him happy.

"I didn't kill him," I reassure Ian.

"Why'd you shoot him?"

"He fucking had his hands all over you last night. I'm not going to let—" and into a kiss I am forced, but I kiss back. Ian tastes like a strawberry pop tart.

"Aw, you two are so cute," Kev says, he pretends to wipe tears off his face. I flip him off and turn my focus back on the red head sitting next to me. I am so fucked.

Ian lays his head on my shoulder. It feels fucking good. I let it stay there. His head fits between my chin and my neck like a fucking glove. He's so warm and his ginger locks are so fucking soft and they always smell good. I rub his head with my right hand.

"Aw, seriously, you two are going to give me a fucking heart attack. Cuteness overload," Kev says teasingly.

Ian takes my hand. I entwine our fingers and hold on to him. This is what he's always wanted from our relationship. He wanted us to be able to do this in public. How could I hate this? How could I not l want him to have this? I would give him the fucking moon if he asked for it.

"You make me sick," says Svetlana.

"Fuck off," I tell her without looking at her. Ian doesn't budge. He keeps his head on my shoulder and his hand in mine. I can hear his breathing. I look down, I try not to move too much, but I look at his pretty head on my shoulder and watch the rise and fall of his chest.

"You're so comfortable," Ian mumbles.

"Ian, there you are," says Sammie or whatever that bitch is called. I want to stab her in the fucking eye. Ian sits up. Fuck off, bitch, you're going to ruin it.

"What do you want, Sammi? I know Frank survived. Can't you just take him and get out of our lives?" Ian asks. I second that.

"I didn't want to bring it up, but I think you should stay out of Frank's life. Something is causing him to drink and I'm not saying it's you, but I know it was really hard on him when he found out that you're not really his."

I slide off my stool and grab that woman by the arm. I lead her away from Ian before he has a chance to react. Oh hell fucking no she is not blaming Ian for Frank's drinking problem. Not going to ever fucking happen.

I push her out the door and return to my stool. I don't want her to upset Ian. It's too late. He is staring blankly into space and shaking. How many fucking people am I going to have shoot today? Everything that happens is quick. Ian shattering the glass I was drinking out of and holding a sharp fucking shard to his wrist, his hands trembling so much he can't go through it, the panic on Kev's face.

I react just as quickly. I take the shard from Ian and hug him tight. Don't you dare fucking do this. What the fuck is wrong? She's a bitch. Don't listen to her. Don't. I've got your back. I pet his head while I hold him. He clings to me tightly and I feel him shaking in my arms.

"Everyone hates me," He whispers.

Don't start this fucking shit. I'm going to fuck that bitch up.

"No one hates you, Ian."

"I hate me," Ian says.

That sound is my heart fucking breaking. Fuck. I never wanted to care about this fucking redhead. I never wanted it to get this far. It was supposed to be just fucking. We were only supposed to be fuckbuddy's. I never wanted this. But now it's all I fucking want. I want to be his safety net. I want to be Ian Gallagher's everything. No, I fucking need it. I need to be his everything.

I have no fucking clue what to do. I just hold Ian and rock him. I feel like I'm going to fall off the fucking stool. It takes me a long time to realize that Kev locked the door and put up the closed sign. I didn't realize he immediately started calling Gallaghers, not until Debbie shows up.

"That bitch Sammi said something that upset him," I tell her. Ian won't let go of me to acknowledge his siblings. His head is where I like it nuzzled between my chin and my neck. I hear light sniffles coming from him. That bitch is fucking dead.

"I don't believe you," says Debbie.

"It's true, Debs," says Kev.

"No one makes my brother cry," says Debbie. She leaves with her shank out.

"Call Ryan and Mandy," I tell Kev.

"Already did," says Kev reaching over to rub Ian's back affectionately. I allow it because Kev has been in Ian's life longer than I have. He's Ian's family.

"I wish I were dead," Ian mumbles. He mumbles something else I don't catch. I stroke his pretty hair and kiss his head.

"What the fuck is going on?" Ryan and Mandy ask at the same time.

"Would you please tell Ian you don't hate him?" I ask them. They look confused, but after staring them down they both do it. Ryan tries to touch Ian but I slap his hand. I do allow Mandy to stroke his back and touch him. He responds to her.

"Frank hates me. Lip is mad at me for running away. We used to be best friends. I'm not allowed to spend time with Liam, and Debbie and Carl don't have time for me. I'm just a burden," Ian says.

"No. You're my best friend. Fuck Lip. He always was an asshole," says Mandy. Ian laughs a little at that. He tightens his grip on me. I want to fucking kill. I need to fucking kill. I'm ready to blow that bitch's trailer to the fucking moon.

"Ian, you're so fucking cool. Let's hang out. I think I want to give it another shot with that girl from the book store. I need my wing man."

That seems to perk Ian up a little. He releases me at least. Ryan, I fucking love you, man. Ian sits up. He wipes the tears off his face. You're too good for your fucking family. Too good for me. I take a napkin and clean him up.

"Feel better?" I ask.

He shakes his head.

"Let's go," Ryan says, "I think I'll talk to her this time."

"You better," Ian says.

I have no idea what they're talking about, but as long as Ian is happy, I'm fucking happy. Ryan and Ian leave. But after thirty seconds Ian runs back in to kiss me. I smack his ass and send him on his way.

"What the fuck was that?" Kev and Mandy ask at the exact same time.

"I have no fucking clue."

"I thought he was going to cut himself," Kev says.

"He was, but we stopped it. Jesus, I can't believe what that bitch said set him off that much."

"What happened?" Mandy asks. We fill her in. My sister is more Milkovich than the rest of us. She doesn't talk about fucking that bitch up. She plans on actually doing it. She hit Karen Jackson with a fucking car I wouldn't cross Mandy.

I go with my sister. Mandy doesn't need my help, but I'm not doing it for her. I'm doing it for Ian. I reach for my gun. Mandy had a knife. That's all Mandy ever really needed. She bangs on the bitch's trailer. Sammi doesn't answer.

"She's been staying at Sheila's I think," I tell her.

"I don't want to go over there."

"Then what the fuck do you want to do?" I ask her. I need a fucking cigarette.

"Let's go get Iggy and fuck this bitch up right," Mandy says.

"I'm going to check on Ian," I tell her. I can't believe I'm going to pass on hurting this bitch, but I never was too keen on hurting women. I can leave it to Mandy. I trust her to get it done. She ran that pedophile skank out of town.

It takes me a long time to find Ian and Ryan, but when I do Ian is standing in the cold peeking into a window of a building. He's smiling.

"Ryan asked out the bookstore girl," Ian says to me. "I helped."

Your mood sure changed fast. What the fuck? You were depressed half an hour ago. Ian doesn't look like he's on drugs, but most of them don't at first. I make a mental note to check his stuff for drugs later, even though I hate that, I have to know what he's on, or if he's on something.

"Want to go eat?" I ask Ian.

"Starving," says Ian.

"Good, I'm buying."

"You never let me buy," Ian says.

"Nope, and I never will," I tell him.