"Daddy!" From sun up to sun down, Rosie was a ball of energy.
"Hey, angel. Did you say hi to Ryan?"
"No. Daddy!" Sandy sighed. He was not a fan at how his son's antisocial snarkiness was wearing off on her.
"Seth hid Lulu from me!"
"I did not! Lulu took a nose dive into a bowl of cereal and I threw her in the wash." Sandy watched his new son walk over to the sink, pour out his milk, and rinse his bowl. He sighed. It was a nice gesture, but just another reminder that he hadn't had the same upbringing as Seth had and Rosie. Neither would have cleaned their own dishes without being harassed.
"Come on. Let's go see if we can find Lulu in the laundry room." Before following Rosie to the laundry room, he waited for Ryan to start up on the stairs. He wanted to watch him walk all the way up, make sure he would make it. He had struggled so much the night before, what if he fell? Sandy didn't need any more problems on his hands and neither did Ryan.
Ryan tried to walk up the stairs as normally as possible. It was easier than the night before but still no cakewalk. He stopped. He couldn't hear anyone around. He couldn't see anyone from his spot on the stairs. That meant no one could see him.
He gingerly turned around and sat on the stairs. He used his good hand and his good leg and his butt to push himself up the rest of the way. It was much faster and much less painful. He just hoped no one would be around to see him do it if he had to continue.
He didn't want to go to a doctor. Did he have a choice? It was too early to start arguing with his new father. The man had fed him and given him a comfortable bed to sleep in. So far, things looked bright. Ryan new that would never last.
Sitting in the waiting room, Sandy tried to be discrete when he looked at Ryan's file to fill out his paperwork. Not only was he embarrassed about not knowing anything about his son, but he didn't know if Ryan saw or knew about the file. Sandy was sure that knowing that there was a collection of his disturbing childhood and that Sandy had access to it would most likely make Ryan uncomfortable.
He still wasn't making eye contact. Just staring at the floor. Sandy finished the paperwork and sighed. Would it be better if he went in with him? Or just worse? Would Ryan trust a strange doctor more than his strange father?
Ryan glanced over at Sandy when his name was called. He should go, shouldn't he?
"Do you want me to go in with you?" Ryan hated doctors but having two strange men hovering over him in a small room? He would pass. He shook his head and followed the nurse before he could say otherwise.
Ryan couldn't remember the last time he was in a normal doctor's office. He had been to the ER time and time again but unless it was an emergency, it was usually decided throughout his family that a doctor didn't need to get involved. Ryan was fine with that. The doctor was a friendly looking Asian man who asked a lot of questions. He was probably asking just the right amount of questions for a doctor, but suddenly Ryan was tired again and didn't want to answer.
"Look. You can answer my questions and tell me what's wrong or I can go through and check every bone in your body just to be sure. The first option would take much less time." Ryan glanced up at him. He wasn't smiling anymore but he still had an air of friendliness about him. Ryan wondered how much he knew. He decided to speed things up.
"I think my wrist is broken. And I kind of fucked up my knee." The older man smiled again.
The nurse came out and informed Sandy that they needed to take some x-rays so it was going to be a while. Knowing Ryan wouldn't bust back into the waiting room at any minute, he opened his file back up.
He had to look all the way through it. But did he really? Wouldn't that just be a violation of Ryan's trust? Or something?
No. Sandy just didn't want to have to look through the images and reports of his new son – no, not new, just new to Sandy – being abused. The first report in the file was from twelve years ago. Of course child services are going to get involved when a four year old shows up to kindergarten with a black eye, broken wrist, and no explanation. He did a year in foster care getting shuffled around between four different families.
He couldn't imagine ever hitting a child especially one so young and small as Rosie. And thinking about her getting bounced around between strangers for a year? He couldn't. There were seven more investigations into child abuse finally resulting in another stint in foster care for two years when he was eleven. No more formal investigations after he was given back to his mother, but the hospital records didn't stop.
Sandy tried to be furious at what a shitty job social services did with him but could only be sad.
Hours later, Ryan settled against the car's headrest, broken arm in lap, almost letting himself relax.
"When do I get to go home?" Ryan wondered what Sandy and the doctor had talked about while the nurse was setting his wrist. It didn't really matter. Sandy took so long before answering, that Ryan looked back up at his face. He looked uncomfortable.
"They can't find your mother." Ryan's stomach knotted. He had finally gotten away from the unsafe zone of the hospital and now… now he couldn't breathe again. Where did she go? Why did she leave him behind? How could she do that? "You're going to stay with us." Ryan almost laughed.
"What? You're just going to keep me? Like a puppy?"
Sandy sighed.
"Your case worker let me look at your file. And your brother's file. This was your first time getting into trouble, but not his. Kind of looks like, to me, that you just got dragged into it." Sandy stopped and waited for some kind of response. None. "Was it your idea?"
Ryan looked away and shook his head. Of course it wasn't. Now was a good a time as any to bring up the rest of it.
"I saw your other file too."
"I didn't do anything else." Ryan looked towards him, but not directly at him. Ryan seemed to like this move. Did it translate to safety in his old home?
"When child services gets involved with a kid, they make a file. School records, hospital records, criminal records, family history, police reports…" Sandy couldn't see his face. He was looking away again. He couldn't tell what his expression was. He continued. "Your social worker and Dr. Chu both think it looks like you were abused. By your other dad, or real dad, or whatever."
"So?" Sandy's hear wrenched. He didn't know what kind of response he was going to get but 'so?'? That was it?
"I mean. I know I don't really know you since I haven't been in your life for the past sixteen years and the fact that you've probably said less than twenty words to me in your entire life, but you seem like a good kid."
"Maybe that's why I'm a good kid."
"What? Because he hit you? You can't honestly… I don't believe it." Ryan glanced up at him out of the corner of his eye. He did believe it. Sandy wiped his face with his hand. Sandy couldn't believe that that's what Ryan thought.
How many years of drilling that into his head had he had? At least twelve. He felt awful. Sandy thought he might have to pull the car over to throw up.
"Well how about you take some time to prove that you can be a good kid without violence in your life, okay?" He tried to gauge Ryan's reaction, but couldn't. "Because no one's ever going to hurt you in our house. And if I have anything to say about it, no one's ever going to hurt you again." Sandy gripped the steering wheel to control his anger over every person who had ever come in contact with Ryan in his short life and didn't save him from what he went through.