12.

Harry Potter and The Chamber of Secrets

"No look you have to break that down, that's just too big a question"

"Jim you're captain of a star ship; you make life and death decisions as part of the course of duty. You can't seriously tell me that you can't just decide who your favourite character in Harry Potter is!"

The ship's mini movie theatre erupts in shouts of crew members trying to explain the impossibility of answering so fundamentally huge a question.

"Bones you have no soul" Kirk yells – "Okay let's break it down – favourite Hogwarts teacher?"

"Well if you're going to be like, that why not just your favourite defence against the dark arts teacher?"

"No that's not fair, Spock hasn't seen them all yet."

"I ensure you Captain I will not feel too distressed at being kept out of this debate" Spock interjects quietly, as the only crew member not the have had these movies ingrained into his consciousness as a child he is currently watching more intently than the others, indeed with a look of rapt interest that only Kirk knows is something akin to child like fascination.

"No Spock, it is vital you endure these debates as must we all" Uhura protests – "Mine's Mcgonagall Captain".

"There. Thank you Lieutenant, good choice. Hagrid for me, always was my favourite –"

"Forgive me captain but does he quite count?" Asks Spock.

"Oh good point –" Kirk remembers that they are still only on the second movie –"Well that's a minor spoiler anyway. Come on Bones you have to have a favourite – who was that teacher who did history of magic? You know the grouchy, boring one?"

"Watch as my hilarity knows no bounds" Bones states drily, shooting Kirk a withering look - "Can I say the caretaker – Filch is it?"

"What the other grumpy one?" Kirk grins.

"I don't know why I bother, really I don't" Bones sighs - "What about you Spock? there's at least one pointy eared guy in there."

"I suspect I may have a great appreciation for the Professor Snape character" Spock replies, mellow as ever, not rising to the bait – "Though I suspect I may have to wait until later on to discover the full extent of his motivation and intention."

"Sorry I asked."

"You're gonna love it Spock –" Kirk insists – "You'll be moved. You may even cry."

"An extreme statistical unlikelihood captain."

Kirk smiles to himself, remember the number of times he has felt if not seen Spock attempt to hide the fact that he is as capable of getting emotional over these illogical fictional tales as he puts it, as any of them, sometimes he suspects maybe more so.

Half an hour later Spock notices that over half of the crew are wriggling uncomfortably and trying not to admit how much they dislike spiders.

"I have never quite understood the over riding fear that humans have of these creatures" he says musingly "They are on the whole quite harmless, furthermore they are shy and solitary creatures –"

"Aye they're shy and solitary creatures with far too many legs!" Scotty moans.

"It is illogical to have a fear of a creature based solely upon the number of its appendages - indeed I believe it is of no more reason to be afraid of a spider as of a cat or other animal that humans choose to keep about the house –"

"Spock if I ever find you petting spiders in our bed there's gonna be a problem."

"Why would I do such an action?" Spock frowns and kirk looks momentarily relieved until he adds – "The arachnid would not appreciate it in the slightest. Besides these renditions here are extremely inaccurate representations –"

Kirk lets the stream of Spock's words flow into the background noise and from that moment on sits waiting in prepared but apprehensive knowledge of what he is going to say come the finale.

Indeed Spock almost disappoints, the movie is minutes over and he has just given his full appraisal – Bones has remarked in the past that Spock's movie appraisals sound somewhere between a school child's book report and a medical diagnosis – when Kirk is smiling, about to turn in for bed.

"But Captain –" Spock adds, and it's there, the hint of smugness that makes Kirk know that it's coming, he turns his head, half smiling –

"Yes Spock?"

"Technically that was a simple snake and not a basilisk by your historical and antiquarian descriptions of that mythical beast."

"Yeah" Kirk nods in patient content – "I was waiting for that."

-x-

I have never yet been able to sit through Chamber of Secrets without howling because the basilisk is not a basilisk. I have issues. Also I like spiders.

So okay, what other vital discussion about Harry Potter do I need to include in the next few chapters? Taking suggestions now! :-)