Somebody suggested this a while back, I'm sorry I forget who but here it is:

The Original Series Cast Watch

Star Trek, 2009

"Someone made movies about us?" Bones frowned – "Why? All me do is mooch is mooch around in space and grumble, what's so good about that?"

"Correction Bones, all you do is mooch around and grumble, some of us in space actually like – you know – space." Kirk corrected.

"Still. I don't see how they could make a movie of it."

"Technically doctor they did not make a movie of it" Spock joined in with only a slightly arched eyebrow.

"What – but –"

"They made many" Kirk grinned.

"Spock do I detect hints of both humor and timing?"

Spock ignored this;

"To be precise they made thirty seven of these movies before this lead actor Pine died half way through the thirty – eighth which they then finished all the same without him but I believe many fans do not count it as canon. And then there were the –" Spock had the grace to look slightly embarrassed – "Spock only spin up movies –"

"Spin off, Spock" Kirk grinned – "But carry on, you were doing well."

"Actually I am getting the impression from the doctor's face that he would not like me to carry on at all" Spock wound down and the movie started up. Within the first ten minutes Kirk was yelling –

"That never happened! It never -!" He turned round at an unexpected noise to find Scotty sniffing gently. He shrugged apologetically;

"It's moving so it is"

"Well yes it might be – IF IT HAD HAPPENED!" Kirk yelled – "You jerk Abrams, why'd you kill my dad?"

Half an hour later, Spock frowned, began to say "Captain I do not understand" and Kirk took this as Vulcan for "You jerk Abrams why'd you kill my mum?"

"I guess it's so you have so motivation Spock, y'know in this lame excuse for a plot."

"Captain if my planet had just been destroyed I believe that would be sufficient motivation for any action should the director so importantly need me to become emotionally compromised."

"Will you two shut up already?" Bones sighed – "At least you're in it! Where the hell am I that's what I'd like to know!"

"Look – if we're talking about not being in it –" Nurse Chapel began. Bones patted her on the shoulder and offered her some brandy.

"Captain –" Spock said, patiently – "Why are there two of me?"

"Ah you see –" Kirk had already been working this out – "You see – one of you fell through a plot loophole –"

"Is that the technical term for a valid spatial event Captain?"

"It is now Spock" Kirk sighed – "It is now."

-x-

"Well that was dreadful" everyone complained, afterwards.

"But their Enterprise was shinier –"

("Huh, nothing wrong with our Enterprise" Scotty grumbled, fond and defensive)

"And space – that was also –"

"Shiny"

"I was gonna say full of lens flare."

"Shiny"

"What is this – Firefly?"

"Shiny Captain."

"Shut up Bones, go to bed, you're drunk."

"Shineyyyy" Bones warbled in a final whisper before he dragged himself off to bed.

_x_

I had a couple of lines in my head for Into Darkness, but it was literally just Bones going "Oh my god why is Khan white?" and Kirk replying – "Oh my god Bones you can't just ask someone why they're white" so there you go you can have that as a bonus. Maybe next I should do reboot cast watch original movie? :-)