Part Seventy-Five: Delirious

I don't feel so good. I must have eaten something really bad. My stomach feels like it's going to eat itself. I lean over the toilet and moan as I throw up repeatedly. When I have nothing left to throw up I lean against the sink and start to sob.

"Ian," says Mickey from the other side of the door. He's knocking on the door trying to come in. I cough out a sob and then lean over the toilet again. Mickey finds a way into the bathroom without breaking the door down. "You okay?"

"I think I'm dying."

"Here," says Lip handing me a glass of some carbonated beverage and a tiny cup full of generic Pepto Bismol. I down both of them. Lip helps me stand. I nearly collapse on him. He helps me back to bed. I pull the covers all around me and snuggle in.

"What?" Lip asks Mickey.

"I could have done that," Mickey says.

"But you didn't, he's my brother. I'll help him."

"No. Fuck you."

Mickey sits down on the side of the bed next to me. I look at him. He looks at me, and then touches my forehead. "You're burning up."

"Can I have another glass of Sprite?" I ask. I roll over away from him towards the wall when he leaves. I hear Mickey talking with Lip and Fiona about me.

"Hey," Fiona says coming in and sitting on the side of my bed. She kisses my shoulder. I moan in pain and start sobbing again. "Aw, feel better. Let me get you some Gatorade."

"What can I do?" Mickey asks.

"Nothing. Go to work, I've got this."

"Don't you have to work?" Mickey asks.

"I'll call in. Ian's sick."

"Let me take care of him," Mickey demands.

"I don't think so. Milkovich's aren't known for their nurturing skills," says Lip.

"I can take care of him."

"Jesus, Mickey, you're not married to him. You're not obligated to take care of him. Go to fucking work and leave us alone," says Lip.

I get up, wrap my blanket around me and walk into the hallway. Mickey's pouting. He pouts even more when he sees me. I sniffle. Fiona gets me a tissue and I blow my nose. "I don't want you arguing," I say.

"Ian, go back to bed," says Fiona.

I go into the bathroom to throw up. I begin to cry again while my head is in the toilet. Fiona is rubbing my back. Mickey and Lip are still arguing. I lean my head on Fiona's shoulder.

I slip on my blanket and nearly fall on Fiona in the bathroom. Mickey comes in to check on me. I lay face down on the floor and pull my blanket around me. Fiona tugs on my arms for me to get up.

"Come on, Ian, back to bed."

"I can't make it," I tell.

"Guys," Fiona says.

Lip and Mickey lift me up and half-carry/half-drag me to my bed. They both complain over how tall I am. I reach my mattress and curl up on there. Fiona tucks me in and strokes my hair.

"I'm going to call in to work. Ian is too sick to stay by himself."

"I'll be here," Lip says, "Go to work."

"Are you sure?" Fiona asks, "Can you watch Liam too?"

"Yeah, I've got this," Lip says.

"I want to take care of Ian," Mickey says.

"You have no idea what the fuck to even do, Mickey. Just stay away. It's better for everyone."

Mickey sits down beside me and rubs my shoulder. I burrow into my covers.

"I'm going to work, but that doesn't mean I don't care. Fuck. I do care, okay." Mickey pets me affectionately. I pop my head out of the covers to him looking at me. He smiles. "Feel better."

"I love you," I whisper so low he doesn't hear it.

"What'd you say?"

"I said thank you," I lie.

Mickey tries to kiss me but I burrow into my blankets. I don't feel like being romantic at all right now. He gives up and leaves. I take a long nap. When I wake up Lip is sitting on my bed with painkillers and a grilled cheese sandwich.

"You need to eat something," Lip says.

"I don't think I can keep any food down. I hurt everywhere," I tell him.

"I brought you a bucket," Lip says. He starts eating the sandwich he made for me. Lip scoots me over and slides into the bed. We don't speak for a while; we just lie side by side. Eventually Liam crawls in.

"I'll try to be more supportive of your relationship with Mickey," Lip says.

"Me too," says Liam. I smile.

Liam's head is on my stomach. I rub his back. He drifts off to sleep next to me. I hope I'm not contagious. When I feel like I'm going to get sick Lip grabs Liam as I lean over both of them toward my bucket.

"It's okay," Lip says rubbing my back.

"Lip," I say with a frown.

"Yeah," Lip says.

"I had an accident," I tell him. When I puked my bowls released. Lip helps me to the bathroom to clean me up. I sob in his arms and apologize profusely.

"Stop crying, Ian."

"I can't."

"You were always the healthy one in the family."

Lip runs the bath for me. I wish I felt weird for being in front of Lip, but I don't. It's the type of relationship we used to have before Mickey and I got together. Lip helps me into the tub. He turns his back and smokes while I bathe.

He helps me out of the tub when I'm done and helps me dry off. Lip is there when I get on my knees in front of the toilet with just a towel around my waist. Lip picks out clean clothes for me and helps dress me because I don't have the energy to do it myself.

"Drink this." Lip gives me a blue Gatorade.

"I don't want it."

"I'll force it down you."

I sit up and take it from Lip. I take a few gulps and hand it back to Lip. I lay back down. Liam gets back in bed with me. We take a nap together. I squeeze Liam in my sleep like he's a teddy bear. He whispers how much he loves me and I can't help but smile.

"Hey," says Mickey when I awake. He's staring at me.

"Aren't you working?"

"I'm taking a break. I wanted to check on you and Lip wasn't answering the phone. Are you feeling any better?"

"No. Where's Liam?"

"He's downstairs watching TV. Are you going to be okay?" Mickey touches my face. "You're burning up."

"Hold me," I whisper as I snuggle deeper into my burrito of bed sheets and blankets. Mickey slides into bed with me and wraps around me like a hot dog bun. I put my head against his chest. I feel like throwing up again, but I force it back.

"Ian, Dr. Lishman is on his way over," says Lip.

"You called him?" Mickey asks.

Mickey releases me and gets out of bed. I crawl to the edge of the bed and use my bucket which Lip had just cleaned. The tears start up again as Lip forces another pain pill into me. It had been a few hours since I took one. He makes me wash it down with the blue Gatorade which I immediately throw up.

"Ian's sick. His temperature is way too fucking high."

"There are other fucking doctors."

"Mickey." I want to cuddle again, but he doesn't want to. I hug my pillow as I quietly weep into it.

Dr. Lishman comes right after Mickey goes back to work. He takes my temperature and examines me. I hide my face in my blankets after he leaves.

"The good news, you're not dying," says Lip coming back in with crackers and ginger ale.

"What's the bad news?"

"This is probably going to last a while."

I get a little delirious and start muttering out stupid shit. Thankfully it's only Lip in the room. Lip tries to keep me awake during my delusions.

"I love you, Mick. I've always loved you. Remember when we played little league together and you were kicked off the team for pissing on first base? I loved you back then. You were so cute with your grumpy face and your blue eyes. I was fucking smitten."

"Jesus, Ian," Lip says, he touches my forehead. I kiss his hand. "Get the fuck off me, man."

"Mickey, do you love me? I want to hear you say it. But I just want you to know, that I was over the moon when I learned you were gay. It was like I a dream. You were so cute with the disheveled way you looked and how dirty you were. I miss dirty you sometimes."

"Holy shit, am I getting the whole fucking story?" Lip asks.

"Frank hit me, Lip. He busted my nose. I don't know why. He punched me in the face when you and Fiona weren't looking. I guess I do know why. I had taken his Old Style and his drugs. I was going to flush them and he caught me, sat on me and punched me."

"I'm not fucking surprised. Frank is a useless asshole, drink this."

Lip sits me up and forces me to drink something. It calms me down a little. I roll over and my head on Lip's lap. I reach for a blanket but Lip is trying to cool me down. "Holy shit, you're red hot. Stay here, Ian."

"I love you, Lip. You're my best friend. I didn't mean to run away. I just wanted Mickey to love me."

"How long has he been like this?" I think that's Tony's voice.

"All day. I thought his fever would break. Do me a favor. Get a lot of ice and put it in the tub."

"Yeah," says Tony. Lip gets me out of bed and drags me to the bathroom. I step into the bathtub and curl up in a ball. Lip makes me stretch out. I shake. Lip strips me. I am shaking harder than ever and Lip is running cold water over me.

"How did you get that much ice that quickly?" Lip asks Tony.

"Let over from my party last night. Here let's pour it on him. He's like a radiator," Tony says.

"Why are we pouring ice on Ian?" Carl asks.

"To break his fever, Carl, get some more ice and then call Mickey."

"Ian," Lip sounds so far away. His voice is echoing. I can see him, but he's blurry. Tony is staring at me too. He's speaking to me gently. I can barely see or hear them. "Don't go to sleep, man." I just want to close my eyes for a second. I feel cold water splash in my face and I am alert, but barely.

"Is he dying?" Carl asks.

"Get ice," Lip screams. Tony's holding my hand now.

"Can I go to sleep yet?" I ask.

"No. He's still fucking hot."

After a while I stop shaking, but then start shivering. I suddenly realize what's going on. I try to sit up, Tony releases my hand. Lip sighs in relief and nervously laughs. He pats me on the back. Mickey steps into the bathroom.

"I thought we lost you for a moment," Lip says.

"Ian," Mickey says with panic on his face.

"I'm fine, Mick," I say weakly. Tony and Lip help me out of the tub. I collapse in Tony's arms.

When I wake up I'm in my bed dressed in pajama bottoms and a tank top. Lip, Debbie, Mickey, Tony, and Fiona are staring at me. I sit up and rub my head which is throbbing.

"Thanks for your help," Lip tells Tony, "I'm so fucking glad you were home."

"Yeah, man, I'm glad it was my day off. Ian, I am glad your fever has broken."

"I still ache all over," I tell them. Fiona and Lip laugh softly. Fiona and Debbie attack me with kisses. I look at Mickey. He's leaning against Carl's bed staring at me. I lay back down. Lip makes me drink some more Gatorade to keep me hydrated.

"I can take it from here," Mickey says.

"If you don't mind, Mickey, I'd like to stay here with my brother," Lip says.

"Why won't you let me help?"

"Please stop arguing. I just want to sleep."

Mickey gets in bed with me. He puts his arms around me and I scoot out of them. I hurt too much to want to be touched. Mickey just stays beside me. I hold his hand.

"Lip," I whisper. Lip gets in my bed too. It's awfully crowded with the three of us, but I want to be with them both. Lip puts me between him and Mickey. I guess he doesn't want to lay next to Mickey. I have my head on Lip's chest and my hand in Mickey's. "Stay with me."

"Ian, your bed is too small," Mickey says.

"Shut the fuck up, man."

Lip and Mickey's conflicting scents make me happy. I nuzzle into Lip and pull Mickey in much closer. "Thanks for sticking by me today."

"You're my little brother."

"I love you."

"Who are you talking to?" Mickey asks.

"Fuck, I think he's asleep."