Part Seventy-Eight: Bipolarity Strikes Again

I hate my fucking self for acting all girly and shit over my fucking feelings. Every time Ian does anything I am filled with worry and butterflies—mostly butterflies. Even right now, when Ian's behavior is fucking strange, I still get the fucking butterflies. He's is apparently building a fucking army of garden gnomes.

Ian has arranged them according to color of their stupid hats. He has them lined up on the coffee table in the living room, and in a straight line on the floor. He has at least seventeen. For the past week he has been stealing them from people's yards and bringing them home.

"What the fuck is he doing?" Colin asks. He blazes up as he watches Ian intently.

"How the fuck should I know?" I ask.

"Mickey, this isn't normal," says Mandy rubbing my shoulders.

Ian gets up, goes to our room, and comes back with three more fucking gnomes. So he has twenty. He puts the last three in the line. Ian stands back and stares at them as if he's about to give them fucking commands. While I'm fucking worried about him, I can't stop my heart from pounding.

"Is he on drugs?" Colin asks.

I wish. Drug use I understand. I can cope with drug use. This is a whole new ballpark for me. Ian comes over to me where I sit at the table smoking my third cigarette in a row. Worrying about Ian is going to turn me into a chain smoker. He takes my hand. That's when I feel them. Fucking butterflies. My heart is pounding in my head and my fucking legs feel like jelly.

"We need more gnomes," Ian says counting them softly while holding my hand.

"No, we don't."

"I think four more should do it," Ian says.

"Do what exactly?" I ask.

"Come with me. I think Sheila has gnomes," Ian says. He tugs on my arm to get me to follow him. I give up trying to resist. I might as well go to keep him fucking safe. Ian takes two gnomes from Sheila's neighbor and we go on a hunt for more. I know for a fact Ian will not stop until he has found the fucking gnomes.

"Ian, what are we even doing?"

"I have to collect the gnomes."

Yeah, because that makes perfect fucking sense. I stare at him, and I mean really stare at him. What is going on in that pretty head of yours? Fuck.

"Ian, let's go home," I say tugging on his arm. He won't budge.

"No. I have to get them."

Ian steals a gnome out of someone's yard. I trudge after him and try to keep up. He takes another one and tries to balance them all in his massive hands, which for him is easy. I try to take one but he won't surrender.

We return home. The gnomes are right where Ian left them. Yesterday Colin and Iggy were playing with them and Iggy broke one. Ian almost broke his fucking arm. So they know not to touch them. I just want to know what they're for.

Ian stands up the last four gnomes according to hat color. After they're in a perfectly straight line he starts arranging them into groups. I sit on the floor and watch him. I take Ian's hands and follow his line of sight so he'll be forced to look at me. Come back to me.

"What are you doing?"

"I want them arranged by beard size. You take the clean shaven gnomes, and I'll do these," Ian says. So now I'm fucking enabling whatever the fuck this is? I shrug at Mandy. She shakes her head. I look at Ian. He's waiting for me to help him. I pet Ian's head and squat down next to him.

"Ian, we need to talk."

"Can it wait?"

I look at Mandy. She nods for me to go on. Ian is lining up the fucking gnomes again like he's a little kid. I continue to pet his hair. It's soft as fuck. The butterflies start up again and my breath hitches in my throat.

Ian doesn't stop, no matter how much I persist, until Colin shoots one of the gnomes and shatters it. Ian gets cut on the shattered ceramic. I make him stand up so I can clean the cut. He has tears in his eyes. I nod at Mandy and when I get Ian away from the gnomes she begins to get rid of them.

"Don't you start fucking crying over creepy ass gnomes," I tell Ian as I wash out the cut.

"I liked them."

"I know."

Please don't tell me they talk to you.

It takes Ian all of ten minutes to move on. I am amazed at how quickly he can snap back. It's giving me fucking whiplash. Ian kisses me quickly and puts his giant hands on my hips. Ian lays his head on my shoulder and starts sucking at my neck. I press my whole body against him.

"Do you regret being with me?" Ian asks after our heated make out session in the bathroom. I find myself flustered. My hand balled up in his shirt, my dick is throbbing, and my lips are swollen. I can feel his heat against me and it's making my head spin.

"Stop talking and fuck me," I whisper.

"I'm serious, Mick."

"I'm serious too."

Ian gives up and tries to leave. I take his hand and pull him back into me. I squeeze his hand since we're in the privacy of the bathroom. Ian shoves me and I fall over the toilet.

"What the fuck is wrong with you?" I ask.

"Answer my fucking question."

"I'm happy," I tell Ian. Ian accepts the answer and we go at it like horny school boys. Ian pounds the fuck out of me in the bathroom. I can barely walk when it's over. I feel sated and full. Ian pulls me into the empty bathtub and attacks me with kisses.

"I'm happy too," Ian says before we go at it again. I try very hard not to scream out when Ian hits my good spot. He's holding my hand as he pounds me. I want to yell out swear words but instead I bite down on Ian's shoulder.

When everything is over Ian leaves the bathroom. I physically can't move yet. I wait until I can hear Ian screaming before I leave the bathroom. "What the fuck is going on?"

"Ian's fighting with Colin," Mandy says.

"What the fuck happened?"

"I have no idea."

"Ian," I say, he's at my brother's throat. Colin looks like he's trying not to laugh at Ian. I step between them. It becomes clear how much shorter I am than Ian, but I don't let that stop me. I push him away from Colin. "Calm down, okay."

"He fucking called me crazy," Ian said through gritted teeth, "Then he smashed one of the gnomes in front of me."

The evidence lie on the floor in about a million pieces. Yevgeny was crying. Ian stops whatever he was doing and picks up Yev. It's as if nothing happened at all, just like that. I take a deep breath and look at Mandy. She is biting her bottom lip.

"He's getting worse, Mick," Mandy says touching my arm.

"What the fuck are you talking about? So he's moody. Who the fuck isn't?"

"Mickey, he needs help," says Mandy.

"Then I'll fucking help him."

"Fucking crazy," Colin says.

I flip my brother off. Ian is playing with the baby. He's smiling. I whack my brother with the broom and make him clean up the mess he made of Ian's gnomes. "Put the rest of them in a box beside my bed undamaged."

"Why?"

"Ian likes them."

I touch Ian's back. He smiles at me. I fucking melt. This is so gay. Ian kisses Yevgeny's forehead and I feel a twinge of something deep within me gnawing at my gut.

"You know what we should do," Ian says. Oh fuck what now?

"What?"

"Let's get family pictures taken."

"Why the fuck would I want to do that?"

"We're a couple now, aren't we?"

"Yeah, but we're not fucking married."

"It doesn't matter, Mick. We're doing it."

Ian hands me Yev. I hold him rather awkwardly. Ian heads to our bedroom. I bring Yev along uncomfortably. I sit him on the edge of the bed and watch Ian pick out our clothes.

"You can wear this. We have got to get you more dress shirts. This is pathetic." Ian holds up my best shirt. I sit on my bed and smoke two cigarettes while I list the reasons why we shouldn't do this. Ian isn't listening.

"It'll be great," Ian says.

I highly doubt it. I go with Ian to the photography place. It's packed full of parents wearing matching clothes and kids who don't really want to be there. Most of the men were dragged their by their wives. A couple of lesbians are forcing their daughter to sit still long enough for the photos.

Ian and I are stared at when we walk in. This is fucking ridiculous. A woman wearing a bright smile greets us. "I'm so sorry, we're full up today. You can make an appointment and come back."

"What?" says Ian.

"Ian," I say.

"No, this is bull shit. I want to get my family's pictures taken today. I don't want to come back."

"Ian," I say putting my hand on his elbow. He hands me Yev. Ian gets in the woman's face. I grab him by the shoulder to pull him back.

"Let's go to another place. They obviously don't want our business," I say loudly to try to make Ian feel better. Ian nods.

"Yeah, fuck them," Ian says on the way out of the door. "I can't believe her."

"I know of another place we can go," I tell Ian.

Ian and I walk several blocks in silence. I want to say something. I'm a fucking pussy because I can't. He holds my hand and I try to speak again, but I back out. We make it to the other photography place in time for Ian to get us a spot.

I sit through about a million pictures and don't smile until they force me and Ian to stare into each other's eyes. I can't stop myself from smiling at him. After we're done, Ian let's a bunch of women admire Yev. I stand next to him loyally and smile from time to time as they compliment the little bundle of chunk in Ian's arms.

"Excuse me, son," says a woman tugging on my shirt.

"Yes, ma'am," I say, and cringing from being so polite.

"You need Jesus," she says. I roll my eyes and start to walk away but she grabs me. "I'm serious. What you and that boy did is an abomination and I have half a mind to call DCFS on you. That poor baby is being raised in debauchery. How dare you?"

"Go fuck yourself," I say and grab Ian by the elbow. "We're leaving. Let's go."

"But I'm having fun," Ian says.

"I don't give a rat's ass. You can play housewife at home, Martha Stewart."

"Queers," says the church woman. I have a kung fu grip on Ian as I'm dragging his ass out of the photo studio.

"She called us queers, Mickey."

"I will throw your ass over my shoulder and carry you home kicking and screaming if I have to. Let's fucking go."

Ian nods. He convinces me to stop and get pizza. I spent more money than I wanted to today, and I'm wearing a fucking tie. I'm ready to go. Ian just won't come on.

"Yeah, well fuck you too," says Ian as he comes out of the pizza place in a rage. I catch up with him carrying Yev. Ian's fucking long legs make him hard to keep up with.

"What the fuck was that?" I ask.

Ian talks a mile a minute about how the pizza guy won't divide the pizza into half cheese and half regular toppings. He's very angry. I stare at him. Ian leans against me, and I wrap my arm around him and try to calm him down and at the same time not squish Yevgeny.

"Ian, I think we should talk," I begin.

"About what?" He asks innocently.

"Nevermind. Let's go to the park and forget about the pizza. We can make out in public," I tell Ian wiping the tears off his face. He smiles. I press a kiss to his chin.

I don't know what's going on with him. I don't know if he's got that bipolar bull shit, or if he's just losing his fucking mind, but I know one thing. He's not the same Ian he was, and that scares the fuck out of me.