14. Past Stays In The Past

She wasn't sure if it was pure luck or guts that convinced Bellamy to allow her and Octavia to enter the forest alone in order to search for Lincoln and a possible antidote for Finn. Leafs and twigs snapped underneath their feet as they continued to walk further and further into the deeper part of the forest. Clarke wouldn't take the chance of finding Lincoln by her cave, especially when he was suspicious about the campers' intent, and there was also the fact that she wasn't going to expose her safe haven in case Bellamy went against his word and followed after them.

Clarke sighed by the thought on her friend's older brother. She was conflicted about him in general, feeling almost pulled in two different directions. There was a clear dislike between them, obviously due to their strong stubborn personalities crashing against each other, but there was an equal intense emotion she felt for him that went against her wish, so she continue to try and deny them while hoping they would just fade away, although it was starting to become more and more obvious that she was struggling with this battle. However despite all of those things she felt about him, she wasn't sure she could trust him. After all neither he or anyone else in that camp really knew about her and what they were up against here on the ground.

"Are you sure we are going in the right direction?" Octavia asked, interrupting the silence as well as her train of thoughts. Her voice was strong and clear, no hesitation or concern apparent, but Clarke had learned over the short time she had spent with Octavia that she would always try and hide her uncertainty.

"Yeah, I'm pretty sure," Clarke replied and shook her head, shaking away those bothersome thoughts in the older Blake sibling. "He and I have a secret place we would go in order to find a rare kind of herb, and since we are one of the few who knows were this place is we arranged to be a secret haven in case we stumbled upon threatening people. I'm almost certain he has gone there because he wouldn't go to the tribe unless he truly considered danger approaching, threatening his tribe. And besides I'm sure he was close by to the camp in order to make sure I was okay."

Octavia nodded her head understandingly. Probably understanding the overprotectiveness Lincoln had with Clarke due to her own experience with her older brother. However she was pretty certain that there was a difference between the two men since from what Octavia had told her Bellamy had been mainly responsible for her and practically raising her himself.

"I understand…wait a moment, what do you mean threatening people?" Octavia wondered. Clarke didn't get the time to reply to her question because they were approaching a clearing with a blue butterflies dancing in the air. The butterflies that were swarming in the pitch dark night captivated Octavia, which was why she stood there in the middle of the clearing and began twirling around the butterflies, almost dancing along with them. The sight brought a smile on Clarke's face as she stood there and watched her friend appeared so happy and peaceful despite all the dangers that were here. How envious she was, knowing that she had never been like that the entire time she has lived here on the ground, always had to worry about survival and keep peace with the grounder among other things, and seeing Octavia appreciating the beauty the earth had to offer with open arms was by all means admirable. Apparently she wasn't the only one who thought this since in the shadows of the trees there was figure hiding behind one of the trees, observing Octavia dancing around. Clarke wasn't worried about who it was because she already knew who it was before she could see him clearly and approached him.

"Lincoln," Clarke said gently with a happy smile on her face. The figure stepped out of the shadows and the familiar figure of her grounder friend and brother figure appeared.

"Clarke," Lincoln said in the same manner, even with the same expression on his face. "Thank goodness you are alright. I was so worried about you."

That made her smile even more, and let out a small giggle as she threw her arms around his neck. She had not realized it before she saw him, but she had really missed him. His arms were wrapped around her waist and almost twirled her around in relief. They stayed this way for a while until Clarke ended the hug by taking a step back and remembered the reason why they were here in the first place.

"I'm sorry to say that this isn't just a friendly visit, but I need seriously your help," Clarke said seriously. "I need to talk with you, and get a better aspect on what happened earlier before I ask for your help. But please talk and listen to what I have to say."

After the reunion between him and Clarke, they made a small fire with Octavia's help and were currently sitting around the fire in low conversation. The awkward tension was heavy and almost unbearable, but Lincoln wasn't sure if it was due to the conversation he and Clarke was having or the fact that Octavia, the girl he had fallen in love with under odd circumstances, was there listening on their conversation. Either way he was worried about both of those two options, but he thought over what she had told him and waited for Clarke to continue the conversation. He wasn't going to make unnecessary conclusions and promises until he had all the facts. Once she was done retelling the event from her perspective, she turned to him and waited to hear his side of the story.

"I was careless," Lincoln admitted silently. His hands folded in each other while his gaze was focused on the flames. "After my injuries was healed, I went back to the camp and observed the people, hoping to get a glimpse of you and be reassured that you were truly alright. My fears was settled when I noticed you, my torturer and a younger girl walking towards your friend's grave. So I stopped coming by so often because I got the impression they weren't going to hurt you since they had not done it already and you were walking freely around inside the camp. However earlier today I had just checked in on you and was on my way back to the tribe when one of those campers stumbled upon my path. He obviously recognized me as the one they had captured and tried to bring me back to the camp. In the beginning he tried to straight on tackling me, which I dodged easily, but then his fists began going in the direction of my face I acted in self-defense and used on my knife and he fell to the ground. At the time I didn't think about that it was one of my knife that I pour poison on, but when I realized my mistake it was already too late. He was already affected and was bleeding severely, and before I got the chance to bring him back to the camp a few more campers appeared and I didn't see any other choice but get away from the scene."

He regretted his decision, even though he did it in order to save his own skin, but that didn't mean he had done it without causing unwanted harm to another person. He didn't dare look at Clarke or Octavia, in fear that they would find his actions cowardly and disgusting, but when he felt a hand on the top of his own he turned to see Clarke, who was giving him a sad yet reassuring smile.

"It is going to be okay. As long as you feel guilty for your actions, nothing else matters," Clarke comforted him. "What happened in the past stays in the past. Then we move on."

Her words didn't light up his guilty conscience, but he knew she was right. She even used his own advice he had given her a few months ago when she was burden with guilt over the incident regarding the Mountain Men.

"But I have to ask you to give me the antidote, so that I can save Finn," Clarke continued saying, but her gaze was slightly turned and avoided his eyes. As much as he knew that she carried her own guilt with a heavy heart, it also caused her to desperately wanting to save everyone's life and although it wasn't always a bad thing, but she shouldn't feel responsible for everyone's life in her attempts. Just like he had told her before and what she had just retold him now, the past stays in the past and then we move on.

However even if he gave her the antidote, it really wouldn't solve the real problem. Her people wouldn't trust him or any of the other grounders, making it impossible for the two tribes to co-exist with each other. Conflict and war were only brought sadness, guilt and death, which could ruin the soul of a person. That was exactly what had happened with Clarke and he had barely managed to save her soul before she was completely lost in guilt and despair.

"As much as I understand your reasoning and wish to save the life I caused harm upon, I can't give you the antidote," Lincoln replied with a determined, yet sad voice. This time it was his turn to turn his gaze away from Clarke, because he couldn't bear seeing the disappointed frown on her face. "Giving you the antidote might save one life, but it wouldn't solve the problem between our two tribes."

Clarke didn't say anything, only nodded her head. She understood the meaning behind his words and knew that he wouldn't change his mind no matter how much she tried. He might not be a stubborn individual like Clarke, but his believes and opinions wouldn't be wavered.

So when she realized what the reason was behind his refusal, she sighed deeply before she leaned slightly back from her sitting position and said wearily, "So in other words, you wouldn't give the antidote to me, but are you willing to give it to someone else from the camp?"

He nodded in response, but his eyebrow rose slightly wondering where exactly she was going with reasoning. And he was just about to ask her when she tilted her head slightly to the left, in the exact direction of where Octavia was sitting and was listening, while having a hard time trying to restrain herself from interrupting and demand his help regardless of his believes were. Octavia's first most important was to help her people, one of many things he admired greatly about her. Which was why she had finally had enough with the suspense and exclaimed, "Please help us! Give me the antidote if you don't want to give it to Clarke."

He shouldn't have been taken back by her plead, yet he was and almost with no hesitation his hand moved to his belt and removed a small flask that had been hanging on his belt. Then he stood up from the log he had been sitting on and took quick steps and stopped right in front of her. Unconsciously she opened the palms of her hands and he placed the flask gently in hands. She was shocked over his actions, could barely muster up a thank you. However seeing her act like that he couldn't help, but think that she looked very cute when her cheeks were red and flustered.

"Thank you for your help," Clarke said with soft smile. Octavia and she was about to head back to the camp, since they were running out of time and she didn't seriously want Bellamy and his minions to show up and ruin what they had managed to accomplish. Lincoln didn't reply, but his arms went around her waist and pulled her into one finally hug, knowing that he might not see her again for a while. She hugged him back before she took a step back and began moving away from him and towards Octavia's side.

"Wait a moment, Clarke. There is something important we need to talk about," Lincoln said seriously. Clarke stopped and turned to look at him with concern and wonder, but she knew him well enough that whatever he had to say was important so she told Octavia to run up ahead and promise she would catch up with her shortly. Octavia looked between the two of them, questioning what she should do, but decided to do what she asked and began running uphill and away from the scene. Once she was far enough so she couldn't hear them, Clarke turned towards Lincoln with a questionable expression.

"Have you told the campers about who you are and your past from back on the spaceship and here on the ground?" Lincoln asked. She didn't need to answer his question for him to know the truth. He sighed tiredly and said, "Clarke, you know that you can't keep it hidden forever. People are bound to find out, so why don't you make it easier for you and everyone else and tell them?"

"I can't," Her teeth clenched. "Once they learn about who I was and my background they will judge me and think I'm some spoilt brat that is above them. Besides no one would understand everything I went through back on the Ark and down here, everything I have done. It is my burden to carry and my secret to keep, so I wouldn't say anything unless I have no other choice."

He sighed once again and folded his arms against his chest before he unfolded them and said reassuring, "I guess nothing I say will convince you otherwise. As long as you understand the decision you are making and take full responsibility."

Clarke nodded in agreement with his assessment and threw her arms around his neck and hugged him one last time. And just as she was about to pull away she leaned in towards his ear and whispered, "Thank you for your concern, but I will be all right. But promise me next time you see Octavia you will build up the nerve to kiss her."

Then she pulled away from him and began walking away, but she got a glimpse of his surprise over how she knew his obvious feelings for the brunette. She switched her volume and began shouting the further the distance between them became, "She is a great kisser, so you should go for it and don't worry she feels the same way about you. Bye Lincoln."

She waved her hand a few times before she began dashing in the direction she had seen Octavia take, but despite the growing distance between them she managed to hear him exclaim to himself, "How in the world would you know that?"

Clarke giggled and sped up her dash while could barely hold her laughter the entire trip back to the camp.

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