Part Eighty: An Itch to Scratch

Ian won't fucking touch me. We haven't had sex in over a week and it's driving me fucking insane. I'm on the verge of becoming a chronic masturbator. My Ben Wa beads are lying on the floor next to the bed. I feel ashamed, but I need something that Ian won't provide.

"What did I fucking do?" I ask as I snuggle into him. He smells like Axe body spray and the spaghetti we had for supper a weird, but strangely arousing combination. I breathe in his scent and kiss his neck.

"It wasn't you," Ian says.

"What was it?"

"I don't want to talk about it," Ian says.

But I go on for another week without as much as a fucking kiss from Ian. I'm becoming irritable. Every time someone looks at me the wrong way I want to fucking choke them. I find myself becoming aroused by anything and anyone.

Ian and I were invited to lunch with Lip and his girlfriend Amanda. Even fucking Lip is starting to look attractive to me and he's one ugly motherfucker. But I can't help myself. Ian is sitting next to me, his biceps bulging out of his shirt, that hair falling loosely in his face. My dick pressed against my jeans.

I make a move. I put my hand on his knee. He doesn't pull away. I slide it up further. Ian doesn't pull away. He entwines our fingers and winks at me. Fucking, finally. We sit through lunch holding hands. I don't even mind the stares I'm getting from people around.

"What's going on?" Lip asks.

"What?" Ian asks.

"Mickey looks like he's about rape you," Lip says.

"We haven't had sex in two weeks," I blurt out.

"I just don't feel like it, okay?" Ian says. He releases my hand and gets up from the table. I immediately follow him after giving Lip the finger.

Ian leans against the wall near the bathroom with tears on his face. I hug him from behind and press my face against his back. He pats my arms.

"Are you mad at me?" Ian asks.

"Fuck no. I'm just fucking sick of jerking off," I confess.

Ian laughs.

"I'm sorry. I'll try harder."

I kiss his back.

I love you. I want to say it. It's on the tip of my tongue. I can't say it to him yet. Ian spins around and pulls me into a kiss. I melt against him. That's the fastest erection I ever got. We barely made it into the bathroom before Ian had me against a wall and pounding me like I had fucking stole something. It was beautiful.

When it was over I pawed at him. I wanted more. I needed more. I needed Ian. Ian bitemy shoulder happy to oblige. We fucked until we were both satisfied and about to be thrown out of the restaurant.

"That's better," says Amanda when we return the table.

"Your fly is down," Lip told Ian.

I can't stop smiling at Ian. He smiles back at me and pulls me into a loving embrace. A woman and her kid stop by and stare at us. I flip her off. Fuck them. He's perfect. We're perfect.

"Have you been to the clinic?" Lip asks Ian.

"Why would I go to the clinic? Oh you mean to get an STD test? No."

"Why the fuck are you getting tested?" I ask.

"I'm not. There is no reason to."

"No. I meant the mental health clinic," Lip says.

There it was. I didn't want to bring it up. Lip did that, for which I was grateful. Ian and I had a good thing going and I didn't want to fuck it up. I rubbed circles on Ian's knees while he argued with Lip about getting a mental health assessment.

After lunch with Lip, Ian was so pissed off he fucked me into our mattress, and I was seeing stars. Ian stopped and collapsed on me and I was so relieved I wanted to keep going. I wanted to climb on him and ride him like a fucking bull.

Ian and I don't leave the bedroom all day. We fuck until we're both sore and happy. Ian starts giggling. I nuzzle into him. He licks my cheek for no reason other than the fact that he just really wanted to fucking lick me.

"We should adopt," Ian says.

"What?" I ask.

"After we get married, we should adopt."

We're getting married? What the fuck?

"I'm already married, Ian."

"Well," says Ian sitting up, "I think we should help Svetlana get citizenship so you can divorce her and finally be free to marry me."

My jaw hit my chest. I was not expecting that to come from Ian. Ian flicks my bottom lip with his thumb and looks at me with a big smile. He kisses my shoulder.

"Hold on," I say.

"You don't want to marry me?"

"I didn't say that," I say immediately, because if I was to hesitate Ian would have gotten pissed as hell. I think we should wait until you're a little older.

"Oh," Ian says. He lays back down and I resume our snuggle session. I stroke Ian's hair and plant kisses on his fingertips. He is laying across my chest. I don't fucking care. It's getting warmer out, but this how I want Ian to stay. "How would you ask me?"

"I'm not telling you!"

To be honest, I have no idea how I would ask him, but I can have a little fun out of teasing him until I do decide. Truthfully, I can't picture myself with another man. Ian's it for me. So we'll probably get married some day.

"Come on," Ian says poking me in the abs.

"Nope. If I told you it wouldn't be a surprise."

Ian's smile was worth it. I don't know if this is his bipolar shit that Lip keeps insisting he has or if this is actually Ian smiling at me. I don't care. I'll take them both. I love them both. I want to be both sides of Ian. My Ian. Ian Milkovich! I smile inspite of myself.

Ian and I spend every fucking moment together. It was as if nothing happened. The fucking freaky ass gnome incident never happened. Ian being depressed felt like it never happened. Ian's back to normal as far as I'm concerned. And I'm head over fucking heels.

"You and orange boy are loud," says Svetlana after Ian has taken Yevgeny out for a run with Fiona. I am missing him already and I can't fucking concentrate on the fucking bills I'm supposed to pay. We made $5000 on our last furniture truck scam and $3000 before that one so I am trying to catch up on some fucking house bills.

"I'm sorry," I say casually. I light a cigarette and listen to Mandy and Kenyatta fucking in her room. I point that out to Svetlana who rolls her eyes.

"They make different noise than you and him. She makes sexy moaning, you and Carrot Boy make grunting cow sounds. You have rough sex," Svetlana said.

"I don't want to talk about my sex life," I tell her.

I think about what Ian said about helping Svetlana get citizenship so she can butt the fuck out of my life forever. I put the bill I was looking at down and stare at her.

"What?" She asks.

"Would you like to become an American fucking citizen?"

"No. America land of bull shit, yes?"

"No. I think you should."

"Why?"

"So I can leave your ass and not worry about them deporting you or my fucking kid."

"So you can marry Orange Boy and adopt millions of children and live in his fantasy?"

"Doesn't sound so bad," I say. What the fuck is wrong with me?

When Ian returns from his outing with Fiona he is all smiles from ear to ear. He puts Yevgeny to bed and then saddles up next to me on the couch. I'm watching Mandy kick Iggy's ass in a videogame. Ian snuggles in and starts kissing my fucking chin up to my ear.

"I missed you," Ian says.

"Fuck," I whisper and take Ian by the hand. I'm going to ride him so hard he won't be able to walk for a month. After the sex I pin Ian to the bed. "I spoke with Lana about maybe her taking some citizenship classes."

"You really want to move this along?"

"I do, yes."

"So that's it then, you're going to marry me someday?"

"Lip would love that," I say. That makes me fucking happy. Fuck Lip. Anything that pisses off that asshole is okay with me.

"He wants me to be happy, Mickey."

"He broke Mandy's heart. It's his fault she's with that abusive asshole."

Ian knows that's true, but he refuses to accept it. Lip was upset that Mandy hit Karen with a car, not that Ian was upset. He never liked Karen, but Mandy did cross a line. No one fucks with a Milkovich and lives to tell about it.

"He's my best friend," Ian says.

"Then you have really shitty taste," I say.

"Oh, I have shitty taste? I'm dating you," Ian retorts.

"Fuck you."

"Okay," and Ian wrestles me and pins me to the bed. I get out from him hold and pin him back down. I sit on him. He can't win. He gives in to me and I lean down to kiss him while still pinning him to my bed. "You know, when we're married we can do this every day."

"Yeah," I say grinding slowly against Ian's half-hard dick. He's smirking up at me.

"Why aren't you afraid of all of this?"

"Because I have you," I tell him.

The mushy bull shit this asshole makes me say is making me sick to my stomach, but I say them for him. I've always only said this shit for Ian. It's time to tell him. I'm about to do it when he gets a call from Fiona inviting us over for dinner.

Ian slaps my thigh and I climb off him. It can wait for another time. We have plenty of time to tell each other we're in love. I watch Ian get ready for a shower with the stupidest look on my face. I wish I had to mirror to see if it was as stupid as I imagined.

When Ian walks out of the room I collapse on the bed, "I love you." I close my eyes and let the feelings take over.

A/N: I apologize for the delay. I wanted to wait until the season as over to continue to get an idea of where to take this. So now I know. It's going in a different direction from the show, because fuck that season finale.