Part Eighty-Two: Ghetto Husbands

Ryan is hanging out today. We're sitting in the back yard in fucking lawn chairs smoking, and drinking. Ian's inside cleaning the fucking house and watching Yevgeny. Every once in a while he brings me a beer and kisses me.

"You want anything else?" Ian asks. He's rubbing my shoulders and leans over to peck me a kiss on the lips.

"No. I'm good."

"I'm going to start lunch. Let me know if you want anything."

"I will."

He pecks me again.

"It must be nice having a spouse," says Ryan. I throw an empty beer can at him. He laughs. It's easy with Ryan. Fucking asshole still understands me. "Are you going to get him checked out?"

"What the fuck are you talking about?" I ask into my beer.

"Mickey, yesterday he tried to kill some fucking church goers for protesting a military funeral. Today he's a bubbly, lovey-dovey, little kitten. That's fucked up."

"He's fine."

"Mickey."

"He was angry. We all get fucking angry sometimes. So what if he wanted to kill them. I wanted to and had a plan to kill Frank a few years ago when he caught me and Ian together. Nothing came of it. Okay. There is nothing wrong with that, and there is nothing wrong with Ian."

From inside the house, I hear broken glass. I shut Ryan up for a second and listen. There is a loud shuffling of feet and then Yevgeny crying. I am out of my chair faster than I have ever moved. I wish I had my fucking gun.

Ian is wrestling a man wearing a mask who broke into our fucking house. Ian pins him to the ground and punches him. I pull Ian off him, rub his back, and take over.

"You are a huge motherfucking idiot. You picked the wrong fucking neighborhood to rob. You want to fucking die."

The man begs for his life. I shouldn't give it to him. I look over my shoulder at my boyfriend who is securely holding my baby in his arms and am driven with the urge to protect them. This asshole violated my privacy and my security. He put my family in danger.

"I ought to kill you," I tell him.

"Mickey," says Ian sweetly.

"Don't kill me. I just wanted some drugs, man."

"You attacked my boyfriend," I punch him in the face a couple of times.

"I'm sorry. Please don't hurt me."

"You scared my baby," I get up and kick him in the gut.

"Please. I'm sorry. Let me go. You have a beautiful family."

I kick him in the ass and lead him out of my house by his fucking ankle. I wish I had my gun to scare him with. He runs away. My hands fumble with the lock. I'm shaking so hard I can barely breathe. Ian's behind me pressing his lips to the back of my head. I feel his nose in my hair.

"A-are you alright?"

"Yes," Ian whispers. I feel his lips press another kiss to the back of my head. I can't face him now. I can't look at him. Strong arms wrap around me from behind and a smooth cheek rubs against mine. Our faces nuzzle like we're cats. "Calm down. I'm okay. We're okay." He kisses my neck.

"You were in danger."

"Sh…It's over," Ian whispers.

"Who has the baby?" I whisper.

"Ryan. Sh…"

Ian starts to sway and I sway with him. I still can't face him. I don't want him to see my face right now. But I allow him to run his hand under my shirt, and kiss my face and neck, and touch me wherever the fuck he wants.

"If he hurt you they will be finding pieces of him down by Lake Michigan."

"I'm fine, Mickey. Go back outside with Ryan. I'm fine. I'm making lunch."

"No." I turn around to Ian's smile. That fucking smile is the thing that got me into this fucking mess in the first place. That's what made me fall for this asshole. I give him a smile in return. He kisses my nose. I fucking melt.

"You two are disgustingly adorable," says Ryan.

"Are you sure you're alright?"

"Yes," Ian reassures me. He kisses me on the lips and strokes my face.

"Lock the doors okay. I'll get Iggy to clean up the broken glass from the window."

"I'll get it, don't worry."

"No. You don't have to do that."

"I'll go to Home Depot and get a new window," Ian says.

I ball my hand in his shirt. He's not fucking leaving this house ever again. It's not safe.

"No. Ryan and I will go. You stay and watch Yevgeny. Svetlana will home in an hour okay. Just stay here. I'll call Iggy. He can keep you company. Stay inside the house. You can invite Carl over. We'll be back as soon as we can."

"I can do it. Please, you have a guest," Ian insists.

"Fuck. You're staying here."

"Okay," Ian says shaking his head in defeat. "I'll get dinner ready."

"Good," I kiss his shoulder. "I'll be back in a couple hours."

Ryan and I leave the baby with Ian. He can handle him and take care of dinner. I fucking hope. Every block or so I am fucking to death over Ian, and contemplate calling him. Ryan takes my phone from me.

"He's fine."

I take a deep breath. I stop driving. I look in my mirror. I can't see the house any more. Ryan puts his hand on my shoulder. I nod at him and light up a cigarette. "How the fuck could someone break into my house. I live in the fucking ghetto. Who does shit like that anyway?"

"Some guy with a death wish, apparently. Mickey, we need to talk about Ian. I know you don't want to hear it, but there is something off about him. He's not the Ian you fell in love with. He's not the cute kid who came to visit you in juvie. He's different."

"Why do you hate him?"

"I don't. I like Ian very much."

"Doesn't fucking sound like it."

"Mickey, he's not well. What was it Fiona said? Bipolar disorder?"

"He doesn't have that. He's fine. Okay. We all go a bit whacko sometimes. It's fucking normal."

"Mick."

"Fuck you. Just fuck you, okay. I fucking love him. I'm not sending him to some goddamn shrink who'll lock him up. He's staying with me. I'm going to take care of him. I'm going to provide for him. You hear me?"

I gripped the steering wheel so tight that my knuckles were turning white. My breath caught in my throat as I blinked back the tears I refused to let Ryan see. He was silent.

"Shit. I'm sorry."

"Yeah, well, shut the fuck up about Ian."

"You really are fucking married to him in your head aren't you?"

"No," I say, I'm not convinced.

"Neither one of us are convinced of that," Ryan says.

Fuck you, asshole, for reading me like a fucking book.

I realize I should have measured the fucking window. I use it as a very reasonable excuse to call and check up on Ian. He answers after two rings. "Hey. Can you measure the fucking window for me?"

"Hello to you too, Mickey," says Ian. I can hear him smiling.

I hear moving around on the other line. He's talking to someone. It sounds like a guy's voice.

"Who the fuck are you talking to?"

"Carl's here. Hold on, Mickey."

I breathe a sigh of relief. At least Ian isn't home alone with just the baby. My heart settles down. I hadn't realized it had been pounding out of control. I calm down while Ian measures the window or does whatever the fuck it is that he is doing.

Ian gives me the measurements of the fucking window. Ryan makes a note on his phone so we don't forget. I take a moment and think. This would be the window of opportunity to make sure he is okay and that Ryan's wrong.

"Are you sure you're okay?"

"I'm fine. Carl's here. We're good. Oh hey, listen, I was thinking we should revisit the cat thing."

"Fuck, Ian, we're not getting a fucking cat."

I hang up without saying bye and immediately regret it. Ryan takes my phone before I can call Ian back and apologize. Ryan is staring at my phone.

"I really like that you have a picture of Ian as your wallpaper."

"Shut the fuck up."

We buy the fucking window, and fat ass almost drops it getting it in the car. He is the most useless piece of lard this side of the fucking El.

We get the window home and I wait after dinner to put the window in. I'm going to make Carl and Ryan help so Ian doesn't have to. Svetlana is feeding Yevgeny at the table when we sit down. I look around. Where's Mandy?

"Mandy's not feeling well," Ian says, as if he read my mind.

"Poor thing," says Svetlana.

Ian made lasagna. He kisses me on the cheek after he fills my plate up. I lean up and catch his mouth as he tries to pull away. He beams. Svetlana is judging me. I can feel her eyes on the side of my head.

"Sit down, Ian," I tell him after I notice he's moving around the house doing random things. He keeps picking up random things and putting them down again. It's like he's looking for something or organizing.

"I can't. I'm not hungry. I have to get this house clean."

"Okay, but do you have to do it right now?" I ask, trying to persuade him to come to dinner. I catch Ryan's eyes. I glare at him. He's wrong. He has to be. Ian's not sick.

"Now is a perfect time to start. Eat your dinner," Ian says coming over to peck me a kiss. Ian picks up the corded phone, moves the books that are under it and puts it back down. Ian throws those old books away. I watch him the whole time dinner is going on. Everyone is watching him.

"Ian," I say when I can't the stares from everyone else. I get up and take his hand. "Why don't we watch a movie tonight?"

"I can't stop, Mickey. Not until I'm done," Ian says.

And he fucking means it. Svetlana offers to do the dishes. Ryan and I sit on the couch and try to watch a television show together but Ian is distracting me with all his fucking organizing. At least to him it's organizing. To me it looks like he's rearranging garbage.

And he doesn't stop when Ryan is on the couch trying to sleep. He doesn't stop when I get out of the shower. I try to go to sleep in our bed, he told me he would be right there, but he doesn't come. I get up and find him cleaning in the dark. Ryan isn't sleeping either. He's awake and watching Ian quietly. Ian doesn't notice him.

"Ian," I whisper.

"I gotta get it clean, Mickey."

I sit on the floor in front of the couch and watch Ian clean all night. Ryan doesn't go to sleep. He stays awake with me. We don't speak. We just stare at Ian in silence all night. Finally, after shutting my eyes for a second I look around and don't see Ian.

Ryan grabs my head and turns it slightly to the right. Ian is on the floor fast asleep. He's drooling on his own arm. Ryan gets up and puts a pillow under his head and throws a bed sheet over him.

Ryan falls asleep and I curl up next to Ian on the floor with a pillow of my own. I slide under the sheet and put my arm around his sleeping form. He stirs when I touch him. He wiggles into me. I kiss his shoulder blades and sniff his hair.

It doesn't seem like we're asleep very long when my noisy ass brothers come in. They wake Ian and I want to fucking kill them. But it's not me they have to worry about its Ryan's wrath. He verbally assaults them and they instantly shut up. Ian rolls over, mumbles something and goes back to sleep. Please be okay.