19. I Need You

Murphy was banished from the camp later that same day, a decision both Bellamy and Clarke agreed upon since Charlotte's killer shouldn't go unpunished for his actions even if it wasn't with intent that he killed her. What more happened was that the other kids, including Bellamy recognized Clarke as one of them hence becoming a co-leader of the camp. Most of the kids saw how the two of them balanced each other and made life on ground and in the camp survivable, even those who was angry with her realized how much of an asset she was and truly cared about them especially seeing how heartbroken she was about Charlotte's death, but that was just a piece of cake compared to how Bellamy felt about it since he had a even more special relationship with the young girl and was unable to save her when she needed him. However he was calmer than expected once he had gotten most of the sorrow out with Clarke's help, although neither of them really understood why they were able to do so since their relationship wasn't really healed or fixed, but at least they were no longer ignoring or avoiding each other. Which was a great plus considering how messed up they both were, but it was also frustrating how they were unable to come forth with their personal problems and it lead to that they would simply keep things formal between them.

And since they had established contact with the Ark the kids were allowed to contact and speak to their families, who had been terribly worried and wanted reassurance that everything was okay. Bellamy was happy for those kids, but he also realized how little time he had before the Ark was coming down. Although he was glad to hear that Chancellor Jaha was still alive and didn't die because of him, but once they came down on the ground they wasn't going to hesitate to kill him for even trying to kill the Chancellor in the first place. Which is why he was planning about his escape and was gathering supplies he was going to need once he was on his own, but unfortunately for him Octavia had to go and pick a fight with him and of all the things it had to be about the grounder he tortured and Clarke's friend. His sister was almost persistent on how valuable he was with his knowledge about the ground and the grounders, but he had a big suspicion that there was something more going on about her infatuation with grounder than what he was comfortable with.

"Come on, Bell," Octavia nagged. "Lincoln is a nice guy and Clarke trust him, so why not try and ask him for advice?"

Bellamy groaned in annoyance. He wasn't stupid and was almost certain that she wanted Lincoln around for other reasons that included the guy kissing and putting his tongue in his sister's mouth. No exactly what you want see, let alone imagine some guy do with your younger sister. Besides he had more important things to do than listening to her boy crushing some guy she barely spent time with. So he tried to explain how they needed to prepare themselves to leave the camp before the Ark would arrive without actually explaining the reason why they had to leave. And let's just say Octavia didn't take the news all to well and instead started yelling at him like a wild cat. And her yelling lasted for what seemed like forever and pretty much everyone in camp could hear them, so he was thankful that Clarke entered his tent but it instantly changed to frustration when he quickly assumed why she was there for.

"I'm not talking to Jaha," Bellamy said annoyed. Even though Clarke didn't want any communication with the Ark or its council members including her mother, they were pretty persistent about talking with her and didn't give up before she was so tried that she relented and listened, but really didn't do what they wanted unless she saw any real reason in doing so. He began walking away and towards the entrance when she grabbed his arm and stopped him from going any further.

"That's not why I'm here. Apparently there are some bunkers around, which is worth checking out for supplies," Clarke replied smoothly. "And I thought you and I could go and see if there was anything worth taking back to the camp."
"Why would I go along with you?" Bellamy said with a snarky attitude.

"Because right now I don't actually want to be around someone I actually like," Clarke answered lightly. He smiled over her honesty, although she probably didn't mean to say it to hurt his feelings, but it still stung to hear that she didn't like him despite the fact that him sleeping around didn't exactly help his popularity poll with her. Besides he too could use some time away from his sister and the others and it was a perfect opportunity to find a temporary haven when he was on the run.

"I'll go and get my gun," His response was quick and almost humorous, even though he didn't take chances of going into the forest alone without a weapon to defend himself against an unprepared attack. "I also need to grab some other things, meet you by the gate?"

"Good, see you in a couple of minutes," Clarke turned around and left the tent. Bellamy shook his head and turned his attention on Octavia, telling her that their discussion wasn't over, but she turned a blind eye on him and scoffed. He sighed over her reaction and took one final look at her before he picked up his things and left the tent. He was obviously not popular with the girls today.

Their walk in the woods was in awkward silence, as neither of them really knew how to talk to one another when it didn't involve camp duties. Both of them was hurt for the other one's action, but was too proud to admit it and hence why they didn't say a word to each other. However once they were starting to come closer to the bunker location Clarke had finally had enough of the silence treatment and said slightly frustrated, "Are you angry with me?"

Bellamy stopped on his path, but didn't answer the question. But he really didn't have to because his silence only confirmed her suspicion and in the end she could really blame him since she had rejected him without giving him a proper reason, but still did he have to be such an ass about it and purposely try and hurt her by sleeping around with every other girl like changing clothes?

"Okay, that's fine. I'm angry with you too, but I'll survive. Tell me what did you and Octavia fight about before I came in earlier?" She was trying to make a civil conversation, but based on how his entire body stiffens over her question it was clear that whatever they had been fighting about she wasn't going to like it either.

"Nothing you need to worry about," Bellamy replied shortly. Clarke had learned from the other council members what Bellamy had done to get on the drop ship for Octavia's sake, and she truly admired how much he cared about his sister and was willing to follow her just to keep her safe. No one was willing to do that for other than Wells and she didn't get the chance to appreciate it before he was gone, leaving her all alone.

"You know you can't avoid Jaha forever, right?" Her voice was simply understanding and sympathetic. "You should talk to him and maybe he will pardon you for your crimes."

Bellamy scoffed and simply began walking again without her. Clarke tightened the grip on her medical bag, thinking if she was truly a fool for trying to help him or for being in love with the guy. She shook her head and began following after him since he needed her help if they were going to find the bunker. And the awkward silence was even more awkward than before, practically suffocating, but she was determined to solve this otherwise their problems would affect a lot more than just the two of them.

Bellamy had no idea how it happened, but it did in the most catastrophic way. He and Clarke were doing well when they found the bunker and entered the hidden space. Although gathering supplies was a total bust since most of the things was either soaked or useless, but they found guns and bullets stashed away, which was great to have in case surprise attack from the grounders and other enemies. He had taken time to teach Clarke how to use a gun and they did target practice for fun, and during that time he wasn't consciously aware how his hand was against her back. Once he did realize it he became flustered and embarrassed, and was pretty sure he was blushing too, but was lucky that the light inside the bunker wasn't that good to begin with. His feelings for the blonde princess was certainly not dead, far from it in fact, and he could almost feel this string that pulled him closer to her while she leaned into his presence. The earlier awkwardness vaporized and they were peaceful in each others company, almost like nothing that happened back in the forest, but then the moment was gone when Clarke found out about his plan to runaway from the Ark once they began talking about where to keep the guns and who to trust with that information.

"Please Bellamy be rational about this," Clarke tried to convince him. "Octavia needs you to stay at the camp."

"Hah, Octavia hates me. She'll be fine," Bellamy scoffed with frustration. "Listen, I don't want to die or get locked up like I did with your grounder friend and with you for the rest of my life when Jaha comes down to the ground."

And he ended the conversation in a flustered state, telling her to continue practicing on shooting the gun, and left the bunker to get some fresh air.

What he had not expected once he was out in the fresh air was that he would start feeling the effects from eating some strange nuts. And he started to hallucinate Chancellor Jaha, who was confronting him along with the 320 people who was killed in the culling. He felt all the guilt over his actions and their death strike him like lightening, and before he knew it he was overwhelmed by the guilt. So he did the only thing he could think of and that was to run away from those who called him a murderer. But things turned weird when he gets surrounded and ask for Jaha to take his life, the chancellor slaps him and tell him about life and how he needed to live, breathe and suffer. Because there was no doubt he had to earn the peace of death if he truly wanted to die. And just before the hallucination disappeared Jaha asked him if he deserved to be free of pain because he was going to get it.

Then everything faded and he meet the image of Dax, one of the kids back at the camp, standing over him with a rifle.

"It's nothing personal," Dax said, while aiming the rifle at him and pulls the trigger. However his bullet was a dud, meaning it didn't fire properly, but that didn't matter because he realized that Dax was going to kill him. So when Dax cocks the rifle he tried to reach for his own gun, but he found out quickly that it was a hallucination as well. He was vulnerable at this point without any way of getting away without getting himself killed, but just before Dax could pull the trigger again Clarke appeared out of nowhere with pointing her own rifle at Dax.

"You should have stayed down in the depot," Dax said with a glare. "I tried not to kill you, but Shumway said no witnesses."

Clarke's face becomes confused, having no clue what he was talking about, but Bellamy explained that Shumway was the one who set it up and gave him the gun to shoot the Chancellor.

"Just walk away and I won't kill you," Dax told her. Bellamy wanted her to do what he said, since she didn't deserve to get killed because of his actions, but she surprised them both by staying and tells Dax to put down the rifle down. When he refuses Clarke fires her rifle only to find out her bullet was a dud as well. Dax didn't hesitate to shoot her and she managed to hide behind a tree just in time. It was then it hit Bellamy that Dax was going to kill her, so he took the opportunity and barreled him to the ground, losing the gun in the process. As they fist fight for short while with Dax getting the upper hand, Bellamy noticed the forgotten bullet from Dax's rifle, but at some point Dax managed to retrieve his rifle and placed the rifle on his neck in order to choke him with it. Clarke tried to help by trying to throw Dax of him. However Dax thrust the end of his rifle into Clarke's stomach, knocking her to the ground. Her distraction luckily allowed him enough time to grab the forgotten bullet and lodged it into Dax's neck, leading to Dax dying quickly after that.

"You're okay," Clarke said relieved. She took a place next to him and watched him carefully in order to see any serious injury. However at that point he was too tired and emotionally exhausted, so he answered heavily, "No, I'm not."

"I'm a monster," Bellamy leaned up against the tree and he simply breaks down. "My mother taught be to be better, to be good. If she knew what I have done, who I…I'm really a monster."

"Hey, that's not true," Clarke consoled. "I need you, everyone back at the camp need you. If you want forgiveness, then fine, I give it to you. You are forgiven, but you can't run away. You need to come back to the camp with me and face it."

"Like you faced your mom?" Bellamy asked, knowing far to well the answer to that question.

"You're right. I don't want to talk to my mom and I don't want to face any of it," Clarke admitted. "All I think about is to keep everyone alive because we don't have a choice."

Bellamy nodded and told her that he still thinks Jaha will kill him when he lands on Earth.

"We will figure something out," Clarke reassured him.

"Can we do it later?" Bellamy asked wearily. Clarke leaned back on the tree and carefully tangled her hand into his, which he responded by locking it inside his hand.

"Whenever you're ready."

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Thanks again for the amazing response. The Day Trip episode is one of my favorite episodes and I wanted to write it in my story since you get to see Bellamy's more vulnerable sides, which also establish the whole trust between Clarke and Bellamy. I hope you guys like it.

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