i've never actually written the whole gang together before… which is probably why this chapter is wordy.
"Right," Ted says. "That's stupid." It's a little while later. Ted and Robin have arrived at McClaren's, and the literal jar is still the centrepiece of their booth. Lily and Marshall have just finished recapping the purpose of the literal jar, vis-à-vis Barney's complaints about Robin being contagious.
"I don't know," Robin says. Barney has wandered off to hit on his usual type of girl; she spots him at the bar and looks back at the table. "He has a point. It's not just Barney. You guys have picked up some stuff from me too. Marshall's totally into hockey now, and Lily, you were all over him after we came back from the Bruin's game with black eyes. And you all totally copied me and got the flu after I did." She leans forward and raises her eyebrows. "You're welcome."
"For the last time, Robin, that stomach bug last month wasn't a 'bonding experience for the gang!'" Marshall says.
"Hang on," says Lily, pointing. "You didn't have one for Ted."
"Because I am an individual, not a mindless drone relying on the masses for direction," says Ted smugly-slash-happily, tapping his fingertips on the surface of the table.
"You've been copying me and Lily for years," Marshall says.
"Huh, then maybe he's just allergic to cool," Robin muses, taking a drink of her beer.
"Ted? Definitely," says Barney, reappearing out of nowhere and pulling a chair to the booth. "It's taken years and all my wiles to keep him from falling to ruin."
"I'm not sure your so-called 'wiles' really helped," Lily says, taking a drink.
"Okay, ha ha," Ted says dryly. "Back to the point. People aren't contagious. Stomach bugs are contagious," he looks pointedly at Robin, "and Barney's VDs are contagious," ("vocabulary disorder," Barney interrupts loudly), "but personality quirks and misuse of grammar? Not contagious."
"Actually," Marshall says, "I read this interesting magazine article a while ago. When you're close to someone, you naturally start picking up on their speech patterns and dialect. It's a social creature thing; humans have an instinct to try and fit into a group."
"So, Barney copying Robin's speech patterns is some sign that he has empathy for other human beings?" Lily asks skeptically.
Everyone has an uncomfortable realisation except for Barney, who is checking out a blonde at the bar, and except for Robin, who tilts her head and patiently explains, "No, it's because I'm cool. Hockey, fighting, the flu…" she shrugs modestly. "I'm just really imitable."
"Speech patterns are different from interests, and giving us the flu is not an interest. It's normal to pick up hobbies and likes and dislikes by spending time with your friends," Ted argues. "Marshall and I have the same tastes in movie and TV. Marshall and Lily are basically the same person at this point."
"True," Lily says. "And Marshall's right, you copy us shamelessly."
"Name one thing," Ted starts —
"I can name twenty!" Lily straightens herself up. "One: I heard you singing to yourself while you were making a sandwich the other night."
"Two: You have an Indigo Girls CD," Marshall adds.
"Three: You took Zoey to the restaurant Marshall and I went to on our anniversary."
"Smorgas Chef has always been one of my favourite restaurants," Ted says with a scoff, rolling his eyes. "Scandinavian fare has always —"
"You hate lutefisk!" Lily raises her voice. "The only reason you went is because Marshall said he loved it and you wanted to impress Zoey with something 'unusual,' and now it's 'one of your favourites!' If that's not copying other people's tastes, I don't know what is."
"Eight is enough," Barney says dreamily.
"That wasn't eight," Robin says, confused.
"Eighties sitcom starring Dick van Patten," Marshall clarifies.
"Okay," Ted says, "But need I point out, it goes both ways! You all copy me, too! Lily, you borrowed my Airborne Toxic Event CD. Marshall, you love the Globetrotters and we watch all the same shows! And Robin and I…" Ted trails off. "Huh."
Everyone looks expectantly at Ted and then at Robin, except for Barney, who says, "Gimmie a break."
"Starring Nell Carter," Marshall says in an undertone.
"No, Ted's right," Robin says awkwardly, waving her hand. "There's a lot of stuff I've started to like because of him. Like, um… Like…"
"Come on, we dated, there must be something," Ted says, wracking his brain.
"Ooh, I know! I saw you reading Guns and Ammo one time," Robin says eagerly. "Admit it, it grows on you."
"I hated every page," Ted admits. "We used to watch Lost together!"
"Yeah, that was lame, I only watched it because you did."
They keep brainstorming. Ted comes up looking triumphant. "Hey, we both love dogs!"
Everyone winces loudly. Including Ted.
"I've got it," Barney says, paying attention again. "You both share a deep, all-encompassing, overwhelming love… of me."
"Nope," says Ted, taking a drink.
"No, that's not it," says Robin vaguely. "Wow, this is really depressing though. I literally can't think of anything."
"Ten dollars!" Lily says, snapping her fingers. "Ten US dollars! Lay 'em on me!"
"Actually, that was the correct use," Ted says, interrupting Robin's glower. "A depressing use, but correct."
"Dammit," says Lily, settling back down.
"It's also obviously not contagious," Ted can't resist adding.
"Just like your and Robin's interests," Lily adds. Four of the five people at the booth snort into their drinks.
Barney taps his fingers on the tabletop, his expression thoughtful. "So Robin's said it because English is her second language," ("Canada speaks English," she points out.) "and Marshall and I have said it because Robin is contagious as I've been saying all along." His voice lowers dramatically. "That just leaves Lily and Ted."
"You wish," Lily says.
"Come on," Ted says. "If you guys think I would ever misuse the English language like that," he laughs, "you have another thing coming."
"Hey, it'd give us something in common," Robin says, grinning at him.
Ted wavers, but: "No. Nope, not going to happen. There is no way I would ever make such an elementary mistake." Even if it's to share something with Robin. Maybe they can just give Lost another shot.
"Wait for it…" Marshall mutters into his drink. Lily laughs under her breath.
Barney shoots upright, almost knocking his chair over in the process. "Challenge accepted!"