Chapter 7
Bilbo was able to keep his secret for three months, before he first felt the baby kicking and decided it was time to see Oin. He was bigger than he had been with Rose, but he wasn't half starved now, so he thought things were progressing nicely. Not only would Thorin and Ris be able to feel the baby, but also Bilbo's mood swings were going to flare up any day now. He chuckled at the memory of how glad Gandalf had been when Rose had finally been born. "I have faced many creatures on middle earth, but I have found none half so dangerous and befuddling as a pregnant hobbit." He had told Bilbo who had laughed and told him to come round for tea any time he wished.
He missed that old wizard, he thought and burst into tears, great it was starting. "Bilbo what's wrong?"
"Na, nothing, just ga-going to see Oin."
"Why do you need to see Oin?" Thorin asked but Bilbo dissolved into sobs. "Its alright my honey thief, we'll see Oin." Bilbo sniffled and smiled wetly at the nickname.
"Can Ris come too?"
"Of course, she's with Varlis today, I think she'll be glad of the excuse to be with her Papa for a while." Thorin said and Bilbo started laughing, once he started he couldn't stop and Thorin was staring at him like he had grown three heads.
"What you looking at?" Bilbo demanded angrily.
"Nothing." THorin said hastily glancing at anything but Bilbo. "So have you been imbibing any strange substances I should know of?" Bilbo felt highly offended.
"Perhaps it would be better if you refrained from talking." Bilbo said and Thorin stared at his husband before wisely falling silent. Bilbo went to the table and sat down, glad that he could still eat what he liked unlike some races, which turned pale at some food during pregnancy. He took eggs and sausage and smiled at Ris. "How would you like to go with Papa to see Oin today?"
"Can I skip today's lesson?" Ris asked and Bilbo laughed.
"Ah so there is something dwarven, you don't like." Bilbo said and tickled her. "Yes Rissy Rose, you can skip your lesson."
"I'm not a baby." Ris said and Bilbo held back tears.
"I know you aren't, but you will always be my baby." Bilbo told her and she smiled at him, before hugging him.
"Love you Papa, love you Daddy." She said and Thorin chuckled.
"Oh I'm not sure how much longer she'll need these lessons Varlis, she's quite the little charmer already."
"You mean that I can get my way, if I continue the lessons?" Ris asked interested and Bilbo started a laughing fit. "What's wrong with Papa."
"I think its something he ate."
"More like something you fed me." Bilbo said, before coming down with an incurable case of the giggles. "Well I don't think I'll be able to last until we get to the medical hall. Oin in about four months, I'm going to need your help in delivering Ris' little brother or sister." Forks and mouths dropped all down the table and it took Bilbo a moment to realize that Thorin had fainted. "Thorin?" Bilbo asked and shook his lover. "Thorin?" He demanded again, before spilling a water glass over him.
"I had the strangest dream, you said you were going to have a child in four months." Thorin said and Bilbo started laughing again, unable to stop he nodded and pressed Thorin's hand to his stomach. "I felt that." Thorin's eyes filled with wonder and Bilbo suddenly wanted to have sex with him.
"Chambers now." Bilbo said and Thorin stared at him.
"Is that good for the baby?"
"Its fine for the baby, if we erm play together."
"You mean the noisy game, that I can't go into your quarters and play with you? Why would that be bad for the baby?" Ris asked and all thoughts of amorous action went out of Bilbo's head, as he turned the color of a strawberry and helped himself to half a jar of jam, toast and sausage on top, before busying himself with chewing.
"Precisely, you can't play very rough with Papa right now."
"Oh okay." Ris said and smiled. "Papa did you make a quilt for the baby?"
"I have it back in our rooms." Bilbo said, he'd moved in with Thorin after two months of Thorin asking him and convincing him to in delicious ways.
"Are you going to get married?"
"Would you like us to, Ris?" Bilbo asked and Ris nodded.
"Then I could be the flower gold girl." Ris said and Bilbo felt utterly confused.
"Flower gold girl?" Bilbo asked.
"I'll toss flowers and gold at the wedding. Can I get my first set of beads then, when you give Papa his?"
"There won't be gold at our wedding, but you can toss some flat stones if you like." Thorin said and smiled at Bilbo. "Do you want to marry me?"
"Oh no you've got to do this properly and so have I." Bilbo said and grinned. "So what are the traditions for dwarven courtship?"
"You ask and your beloved answers, then there's a seven day celebration for the newly weds and their closest kin."
"You dwarves and your courting rituals, very well I consent to be courted."
"What does this courting entail?" Thorin said.
"I've been carrying your child in the middle of winter I might add, be a wise dwarf and do whatever I says it entails." Bilbo snapped.
"How long are you gonna be moody Papa? Is my little baby sibling making you moody?" Ris asked and Bilbo smiled.
"Just four more months Rissy Roo."
"That's like forever." Ris said echoing what everyone in the hall was thinking at that moment.
"It feels like forever for me too Ris." Bilbo said and Ris smiled.
"You gonna name the baby like me, cause I don't think it will like being called a flower either."
"I can name the baby however I want, considering I'm the one carrying it for seven months, any objections? No? Smart move, however I am open to suggestions." Bilbo said.
"How about Kili the second?"
"No one living, I have five cousins with similar names." Bilbo replied. "And who knows I might get another little girl."
"There's a dwarfish saying that having one girl is a blessing, two a miracle and three a travesty."
"Why is three a travesty, when two is a miracle?"
"Think of when they want to meet a likely looking fellow." Thorin said and Bilbo laughed, already the company was incredibly protective of their little Princess, he couldn't imagine what they would be like with two more.
"But what if I want three."
"Have as many as you can if you like, the more children the better." Thorin said and Bilbo smiled and the baby gave a kick.
"I think someone agrees with you, I think they are going to be a handful."
"Why do you say that?"
"Rissy didn't move this much as a baby."
"Can I feel Papa?" Ris asked and Bilbo nodded, putting her hand to his stomach and smiling as her eyes widened. "It kicked me!"
"It likes its big sister." Bilbo said and stroked his daughters hair.
"I want it to come out now!"
"Its too little to come out now Ris, it needs to get nice and big where its safe and warm."
"Oh Alright."
"You don't need to go to the healers quarters, I can check on you and the baby in your own bed."
"Alright." Bilbo said and smiled at Oin. "My thanks for saving me the flight of stairs, my feet are swelling pretty bad."
"So that's where my shoes went off to, I wondered." Dwalin said and Bilbo blushed.
"Yours were the only ones that fit me."
"We'll have a cobbler come out and fit you with new ones." Thorin said and Bilbo smiled. "I'm also quite good at foot rubs, so what precisely does hobbit courting entail?"
"Well will the company, Dis and Ris be willing to act as my negotiators?" Bilbo asked and his friends all nodded. "Don't worry Thorin, I'm going to make it easy on you."
"Not twenty tasks like Aunty Prim set Uncle Drogo?"
"Not at all, lets see there were fourteen of us, its a good dwarven number, or at least you lot seem quite fond of it."
"Fourteen tasks, you do want to get married some time before the baby is born?" Thorin said and Bilbo laughed.
"I'm not going to have your negotiators make you do fourteen tasks, how about seven?" Bilbo asked and Thorin looked relieved. "Now I want you to form teams of two or three people and each can come up with a task for Thorin. My only stipulation is that my husband to be will suffer no lasting damage."
"That sounds fair, so should we go easy on him?"
"That's for you to decide, I have no stake in this part of the proceedings save my own agreement."
"Then why is it necessary?"
"In the old days the tasks were to prove to those that cared for who you were marrying, that you were able to care for your husband. Actually both couples do it lately and the tasks have evolved into a fun tradition for all. Taking the Task is a viable excuse to get out of any jail house in the Shire." Bilbo said and the company laughed
"And will you be taking the task as well?" Oin asked and Bilbo nodded.
"I'd hate to miss out on my chance to do something I've been looking forward too, since I was knee high to a grasshopper." Bilbo said and smiled. "Though I'd appreciate it if you accounted for the baby, no marathons please." He added and everyone laughed. "You have seven days to determine your tasks."
"Alright Ris, Ki and I will be a team." Fili said and Ris cheered, she idolized her older cousins and they her.
"I'll team up with Gera." So it progressed until the teams were all sorted.
AN: I decided to break this chapter up into three or four chapters, as the tasks make it over 10,000 words