28. Love Hurts
She was having a mental debate with herself about what she was going to do. The fact that Lexa and her entourage was coming closer and closer to the camp brought Clarke unease as she perfectly remembered what kind of person she was going to have to deal with. Anya was easier to deal with as she knew what kind of person she was and knew what to expect from her. Lexa, on the other hand, was the exact opposite of that. Although the Commander was reasonable and merciful, she was also too logic and unemotionally detached from the living world and could no longer really understand the emotions she was going to stir up by showing up again and demand her to help out again.
She sighed deeply and ran both of her hands through her tangled hair. She really-really didn't want to see Lexa again, not after what happened last time, but she knew that she had to because there was no way she was going to let Bellamy or the other kids talk to her and be influenced to do something they were definitely going to regret. With that said, the whole situation brought forth a different issue she had to deal with as well. What was she going to tell Bellamy?
Even though they agreed about the wellbeing of the 100, that didn't mean that he was going to sit there quietly and allow her to handle it, especially since she had yet to tell him about the old relationship she had with Lexa. She was for once happy and content with her life after the year she had with the Grounders and the Mountain Men and she knew that telling him about Lexa would upset him, which was understandable considering what happened, but she knew that no matter how much she wished she could brush it under the table the issue wouldn't disappear. That is why she finally decided to go and approach Bellamy about the matter before Lexa and her entourage got there. There was no way she was going to let Lexa come here and destroy her relationship with Bellamy by bringing up unpleasant memories and use it against them.
So she left the medical bay, leaving Octavia in charge, and went around the camp in search for her co-leader and boyfriend. However every time she went to the place where the kids last saw him they would lead her in different directions, so in the end she went around the whole camp searching for the camp. It annoyed her to no end how things were already not going her way, especially when she had not even talked to him yet, maybe it was a sign that the conversation would lead her to their doom? As she thought this, she finally found Bellamy standing with Miller close to the gate entrance in deep conversation about increasing the hunting parties when she shouted out his name.
"Clarke?" Bellamy said surprised. He had obviously not expected her to find him and call out on him out of the blue. Normally she would walk up to him and bluntly talk about whatever was so important, but she didn't do that since she didn't want an audience when she told Bellamy her news.
"I need to talk to you," Clarke said straightforwardly, but with a more distressed tone in her voice.
Bellamy tilted his head slightly to the left in a questioning manner, wondering what was going on before he asked, "What is it? Is everything okay, Princess?"
She shook her head sadly; her gaze was facing the ground and began nervously twirling a lock of her hair around her fingers.
"No, everything is not okay," Clarke replied. "I need to talk to you in private. This is important."
Bellamy looked at her suspiciously for a moment before he asked Miller to keep everything in line while they talked and they were only to be disturbed if something of importance came up. Miller left shortly after that, leaving them by themselves before they decided to have their private chat in Bellamy's tent. That way the kids could retrieve them should they need them as well they got the chance to talk privately, even though it wouldn't be very private if things escalated and turned into a huge fight between them. Hopefully things didn't turn out to be her worst-case scenario of the conversation, where the outcome would be them breaking up in a upset rage, but she prayed with her entire heart that it would come to that and quietly prepared the dreaded conversation.
Bellamy didn't like it whatever was going on with Clarke. Her body language expressed tension and dread over something and was worried about what could cause whatever was on her mind so much distress. When they came into the tent she had asked him politely to take a seat and asked not to be interrupted till she was done talking. Now his worry had gone up a few notches and knew that whatever the conversation was about he wasn't going to like it. That is why he wanted nothing more to object and force her to be straight with him, but he held his tongue and nodded his head and patiently waited for her to continue.
"Lincoln informed me about some unpleasant news," Clarke began explaining. She sat down across of him in order to have his full attention before she continued the conversation. "Anya have apparently updated Lexa about us and the whole situation with the peace treaty, but it seems she managed to bring the woman out of her shell and now the Commander and her entourage is on their way to the camp in order to convince us to change our minds about the involvement in the war."
"What!" Bellamy roared. He stood up from his seat and was more than ready to grab his rifle. However Clarke quickly stopped him from doing so when she took a hold of him and placed both of her hands on his shoulders in order from him to move out of the tent.
"Calm down, will you?" Clarke hissed, obviously not in the mood for him to being his usual hothead attitude. "I'm not done talking, so will you please refrain yourself from grabbing your rifle and prepare the camp from an attack? Besides that is not what I needed to talk with you in private about."
He glared at her, not wanting to submit to her demands, but he realized that she had a point and he needed all of the facts before he could make any decisions. Rash decisions would only lead to sloppiness and their own demise, which is why it was essential that Clarke gave them as much information as she could.
"Fine," His gaze was turned slightly and his reluctance was apparent in his voice, but he sat down on his seat. "Proceed with what you were saying."
Clarke sighed heavily, like the heaviness on her shoulders weren't even lifted the slightest. It became apparent to him that this wasn't the bad news she was worried to tell him about and that there was expected worse to come.
"It isn't the fact that Lexa and her people are coming that we should be worried about. We will be able to handle it somehow without having weapons drawn at each other, but what I'm about to tell you is important and I have been reluctant to tell you about it because I know that it will hurt you," Clarke said heavily. "But seeing how Lexa and the others are approaching as we speak, I need to be fully honest with you about my relationship with Lexa."
"Your relationship?" Bellamy asked with wonder and surprise. "What are you trying to tell me, Clarke?"
"The things I told you about my past with the Grounders and Lexa was true," Clarke admitted. "But what I left out was the part about the closeness she and I had back then. Please understand that at the time I was so alone and was desperate for someone to love and care about me in other ways than what Lincoln could offer me. That was why when she leaned and kissed me, I didn't move away from her."
"Kissed you," Bellamy's eyes were dilated and several feelings were piercing through him, and he was not sure what he should feel as he has never encountered something like this before. "You two were involved with each other?"
Clarke shook her head to deny his question, but her gaze was on the floor instead of facing him.
"No, we never came as far as becoming a couple," Clarke said heartbroken. "That kiss were the only thing we ever did, but it had stirred up my feelings enough to have given me hope that I could find happiness and love here even though Wells and my dad were dead and my mother was back in space. But then she betrayed me by leaving me alone and left be tortured to the Mountain Men."
Bellamy was too shocked and stunned to utter a word, needless to say whatever would have gotten out would most likely have hurt her or him or simply both of them. She had lied and kept this to herself, even after they had gained each others trust and established their new relationship, she had continued to keep this fact hidden and had never intended for him to find out about it. The only reason she was telling him now was because Lexa was coming and just for that fact he felt the anger, jealously and betrayal work up and exploded. However he tried to keep his demeanor calm and collected on the outside, but while on the inside he was feeling like he was being stabbed multiple times.
"Is she the reason you couldn't be with me at first?" Bellamy asked strained. He stood up from his seat. He needed to get away from her, since he was unprepared and not ready to deal with her and the whole issue right now. "Why you couldn't allow yourself to be in love? She ruined you."
Clarke looked up at him for the first time since she told him the horrible truth and tears were streaming down her face quietly as she looked as heartbroken and ashamed as he felt. She didn't say it, but her entire expression only confirmed his questions which brought him even more sadness than what he could handle right then. So he left the tent, leaving her alone inside. He didn't want to think or feel anything, his heart was already starting to shatter and he wasn't even sure what exactly was causing it to do so, but he knew that Clarke's confession had changed things between them. She could deal with Lexa and her Grounders as she pleased, he didn't care anymore because they have already done enough to ruin their lives here on the ground.
For the next two days the relationship between her and Bellamy have become estranged as he tried to avoid and ignore her as much as possible. It broke her heart even more than what Lexa had done to her, but she couldn't honestly blame him for being confused and hurt over hearing about her connection with Lexa. When Octavia heard about the fall-out and the reason behind it she blamed them both for ruining their relationship, although she placed most of the blame on Clarke than her brother because she had been the one to hurt him and kept it a secret from all of them including her. The whole thing ended up with that the Blake siblings stayed away from her and refused to talk to her at all, while the other campers excluding Miller, Raven, Jasper, Monty and Lincoln were still unaware what was going on with their co-leaders and what had caused the relationship to become so sour in such a short time. So she had spend the last two days with only Lincoln and Raven as company and both had tried to reassure her that things were going to be fine, but Clarke wasn't as sure anymore. Her tears had long dried up, but her heart was still hurting and felt even more alone than before now that her boyfriend and her best friend didn't want anything to do with her.
She had been preparing the fire and was making arrangement for supper when the guards signaled that intruders were approaching. All the kids got all nervous and quickly began preparing themselves for an attack while she remained perfectly still, knowing full and well who it was, but wasn't willing to acknowledge that fact just yet. So she had her back turned and unfocused continued her work, waiting for the crowd to die down. Murmuring roamed until it all suddenly became quiet. That was when she knew that the Commander and her entourage was inside the camp, but her assumption was confirmed when the strong familiar voice called out, "Clarke?"
She sighed deeply before she turned around to find Lexa standing a few feet away from her, meanwhile Lexa's people and the kids including the Blake siblings were staring to see what was going on.
"Commander," Clarke stated with an air of politeness and pure coldness towards the woman. "What do I owe the pleasure of seeing you again? Especially considering the last time I saw you I frankly told you that I no longer wished to see you again and our friendship is over."
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Thanks again for the response. And I'm sorry for being so late updating on this, but I was kind of stuck how to proceed from this point. And don't worry Bellarke is not broken up, but they are currently going through a hard time and has to work hard in order to make their relationship work. Love is funny that way, no matter how much you feel for one another it takes hard work in order for the relationship to survive in the first place, but another thing that is important in a relationship is the loyalty and trust for each other. Anyways hopefully you like what I have given you and that you will continue loving this story.
Frankly, I'm guessing that this story wouldn't be continuing for that much longer. I hope that the story will be completed with under 50 chapters, but we will have to see how things are going to turn out. If it do becomes longer than what I assume than more updates for you and more writing for me.
Please continue giving me reviews (don't be afraid I don't bite), favorite and/or followings, and the next chapter will be out as soon as possible for me at least.
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