Brian's Play: An Alternate Universe Retelling

by LDEJRuff

Chapter 3 - Interview and Another Play

A few days later, back at the Griffin house, Stewie was sitting on the couch with his dolls and some pieces of paper piled up into a book. New Brian approached his friend with his laptop.

"Hey, Stewie," New Brian greeted. "What are you doing?"

"Oh," Stewie began, "I'm rehearsing my new play, New Brian. Want to hear it?"

"Oh," New Brian replied, "you actually wrote a little play, like you said you would the other day. Sure, I'll listen while I start writing a new song for my upcoming concert."

"Really, you have a concert?" asked Stewie.

New Brian answered, "Of course. As I said to Brian on opening night for A Passing Fancy, this new song is inspired from my watching the play. It could be even greater than I Like Farts."

"The song you wrote about what you like?"

"Yeah," New Brian replied. "Maybe tonight, if you like, you can show Brian that new play of yours after his interview at the Drunken Clam."

"Really?" Stewie began. "Brian has an interview tonight? Well, maybe there's another way to show it to him if he's too busy. I guess it wouldn't hurt if you took me there just in case."

Later that night, at the Clam, Brian, all dressed up, was having a Disaronno with his fans, including Seamus and a blonde woman named Allison.

"The American play was dying," Brian began. "Have-have we brought it back to life here? I can't say that, but it has a pulse."

"You're such an amazing writer, Brian," said Allison. "How do you do it? What's your process?"

"Oh, God, Allison, how do I even answer that?" Brian began. "Uh, I mean, what's a rainbow's process? Two parts rain, one part sun, one part childlike wonder. What we do know, though, is that the end result in both cases is joy."

Brian's fans applauded him as he took a sip of the remains of his Disaronno.

"Wow," Seamus said to himself. "Wow, are you glad you left the lighthouse now, Seamus? Oh, I think so, Seamus!"

At another table, Stewie and New Brian looked at Brian's table.

"Hmmm," Stewie began. "I think he is a little too busy, New Brian. I mean those fans of his are squeezing every last drop they can out of him, like a ketchup bottle."

Cutaway: At a restaurant, a woman was busy trying to get ketchup out of a bottle for her burger.

"Listen, we've been at this for fifteen minutes," the bottle said. "I don't think anything's coming out."

"I'm fine," the woman replied. "I can keep going."

"I'm just really tired."

"What if I stick my finger in your hole?"

"Eh, that only works when I'm already close."

Back to the table.

"Well," New Brian began, martini in hand, "I think it's best to go ahead with Plan B."

Stewie sighed. "I guess you're right, New Brian."

As soon as Brian got back to the apartment, Vinny greeted him.

"Hey, Brian."

"Hey, Vinny," Brian greeted back.

"While you were gone," Vinny began, "your laptop dinged. I think you got an email from someone."

Brian pulled up his laptop and read the e-mail. It was a link to a play written by someone named Tony Dovolani. This play was called An American Marriage. Brian clicked the link and began reading it. As he did, his smile slowly changed to shock and complete nervousness. As soon as he finished, he appeared to shout in grief, but actually didn't, and closed his laptop.

"My God," Brian whispered. "It's miraculous." Second-long silence. "****!"

"Hmmm," Vinny began, wondering. "I can tell that you may be a bit jealous."

"How can you tell, Vin?" Brian asked.

"Oh, just some animal instincts."